Breaking up, and how to deal with it.

[mshcherbatskaya]

That is what I did when my wife left me for a 30 year old man... Money grubbing whore...

Oh yeah, and I became misogynistic... But my new girlfriend has done quite a bit to help me re-establish an intimate level of trust in her... Not 100%, but enough that I don't think she is just going to hurt me like she did last time... But I do still find some women to be disgusting whores, and probably always will...

I hope not, if only because that's a lot of processor cycles being spent on something with almost no real payoff in the end. I realize that marriage is different, especially when you have a kid and can't just shake the dust off your feet and walk away, but dwelling on something like that...I don't know. It takes a lot of emotional energy and I'm not sure you get anything worthwhile in return. Hate and distrust for 51% of the human race can't be easy to sustain.

Wouldn't be saying this if I didn't care. You know that, right?

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

When it's really bad, bad enough that you start seriously thinking about doing something... final... focus all the energy you've got on getting through the day, because there are going to be times when that's all you can manage.

Make sure your friends know you're not okay. If they're true friends, they'll keep an eye on you and try to get you out of your home once in a while. The rest of the time, just do what you have to do to get through the day. Do your shopping, cook your meals, try to keep a semi-normal sleep schedule, even if you can't sleep.

You must endure. That is the only thing that is required of you. Only passing time (and plenty of it) will make you feel better without dangerous side-effects. When all else fails, cleave to this mantra:

"My short term goal is to get through the day. My long-term goal is to string together a series of short-term goals."

I discovered these things after my last breakup, which nearly turned me into a corpse. They helped me. Maybe they can help you too.

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

Somewhere on the Internet, someone is telling a story about their crazy ex-girlfriend, and that girlfriend is me.

Someone with a meth addiction or severe-acute antisocial personality disorder. Seriously, you've got to get yourself a better class of girlfriend. There's plenty of crazy people who aren't viciously self-destructive. Try a chaos magician, or someone who sees faeries, or Angelina Jolie or something.

 

[jim_doki]

I could tell you all about my crazy girlfriends. one dumped me after 9 months, three of which she spent in a mental home while i was the supportive boyfreind, because i was too depressing. anyway, to deal with girl issues there are only three real strategies, these are all based on purging the memories and running away from your sadness. I can't help you with the actual "DEALING" of these issues as i am far too immature and not really into that whole thing:
1, Drink. drown your sorrows with depressants. dont do it alone at home, go out and have a good time getting drunk. dont pick anyone up tho, you will project and just bring yourself down
2, Ice Cream. Now i swear this works. all you have to do is eat your favorite brand of ice cream till you either feel so fat your body can no longer sustain sadness or you have such a massive brain freeze all your memories dissapear
3, Drowning things. boot up sonic the hedgehog 2, take him to the chemical plant and just sit and watch...

EDIT: THESE ARE NOT HEALTHY PRACTICES AND ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE OPINION OF THE ESCAPIST

 

[Ultrajoe]

Dang, this server already has a dark humoured funny guy

i get a title, this may be my peak

Solution to breakup: realize that break-up is only a term, you still know where she lives.

Ahem, I think he may have been referring to me.

I'm sure you do, i'm quite sure you do.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I could tell you all about my crazy girlfriends. one dumped me after 9 months, three of which she spent in a mental home while i was the supportive boyfreind, because i was too depressing.

Heh I know what thats like. My problem is that sure I can talk to girls and get them to like me and thus get them into bed but I have yet to find a woman who actually cares. Well there is one exception but that is because we have stayed only friends. We know that a "relationship" would ruin the balance.
Too many women that I have met just use a guy as a emotional crutch for a while then because you know them too well and because (even tho they say they dont) they do infact owe you they decide to go for someone random who doesn't know how fucked up they are and who they dont feel guilty because they treat them like shit after all the guy has done for them.

Friend-zone much?

ONTOPIC: realize that if you broke-up, it was not the perfect relationship... by default, the perfect relationship would not break up.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

Somewhere on the Internet, someone is telling a story about their crazy ex-girlfriend, and that girlfriend is me.

Someone with a meth addiction or severe-acute antisocial personality disorder. Seriously, you've got to get yourself a better class of girlfriend. There's plenty of crazy people who aren't viciously self-destructive. Try a chaos magician, or someone who sees faeries, or Angelina Jolie or something.

I did have a shot at one or two good ones who promptly and wisely skedaddled when they realized that I went nuts on a regular schedule. Believe me, I am someone's crazy ex-girlfriend and I earned the title, but that's OK. Amazing what half a blue pill every morning will do. If I make it through August I will have gone an entire year without a manic episode. First time in my entire adult life, and probably my entire juvenile life too. I should throw a party on September 1st or something.

And I'm very glad you didn't corpsify after than break-up. I would have missed knowing you. You are right about the short term goal - just make it through the day, one foot in front of the other. I used to joke that I procrastinated myself out of the red zone. Like every other messy tiresome task, I just kept putting it off until tomorrow, until eventually I was just standing on the bridge to watch the boats.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

That is what I did when my wife left me for a 30 year old man... Money grubbing whore...

Oh yeah, and I became misogynistic... But my new girlfriend has done quite a bit to help me re-establish an intimate level of trust in her... Not 100%, but enough that I don't think she is just going to hurt me like she did last time... But I do still find some women to be disgusting whores, and probably always will...

I hope not, if only because that's a lot of processor cycles being spent on something with almost no real payoff in the end. I realize that marriage is different, especially when you have a kid and can't just shake the dust off your feet and walk away, but dwelling on something like that...I don't know. It takes a lot of emotional energy and I'm not sure you get anything worthwhile in return. Hate and distrust for 51% of the human race can't be easy to sustain.

Wouldn't be saying this if I didn't care. You know that, right?

Mshcherbatskaya, I want to thank you. I was being a little gloomy that day, and I needed to lighten up... I don't hate or mistrust 51% of the population. I just, well, on most days, I find more examples of women who are slutty whores... I was at work and this one girl was talking about how she had to choose between two guys, one of whom was great in bed but sucked at everything else in life, and another guy who she had a lot in common with and got along well with, but she had never slept with him... I just got disgusted because she was SERIOUSLY having a problem choosing between a douche bag with no ambition and a Kind, Sweet, Caring, and Supportive guy with a job and a future... Plus my supervisor is a stuck-up ***** who goes out of her way to make my day worse... So women have been the cause of most of my problems in life for the last week.... Luckily my supervisor is transferring tomorrow, and I have had a few great days when I didn't work with her, so I know it is all my problem with her...

This is just an observation, not a criticism: you seem to spend a lot of time paying attention to women, you seem to be very woman-focused. I think that if you'd had good experiences with women rather than bad ones, you'd still be woman-focused, you'd just be one of those guys who has tons of female friends. Here's my hypothesis: if you are looking through a lens of bitter experience and you are a person who focuses on women, you are going to see a lot more to hate in women than in men, just like if you'd had good experiences with women, you'd find more to admire in them than in men. I wonder if broadening your vision to encompassed bastards as well as bitches might not give you more balance, if not more happiness. I mean, there's Jallil's ex-husband (do I have that right?) who sounds like a total abusive asshole, and then there's the thirty year-old shitbag who sleeps with girls who are barely legal and screws other men's wives. There's plenty to hate about guys, if you have a mind to.

Or you could do the opposite, and just decided that people, not men, not women, just people, are fucked up and hurt each other and get hurt and are stupid and malicious and gullible, and that people lie and people are selfish and people on the whole are a sorry lot.

I don't know why, but it seems to be easier to forgive the entire human race than just part of it. Maybe you could just decide to forgive everyone for being human, including yourself, since you seem just as pissed at yourself, really. Then you could set down this burden of anger and resentment and get back to being happy, or as happy as any person, male or female, can be in this world.

It may surprise you, but I know lesbians who basically have the same attitudes you do, and for the same reason. Being a woman does not make a person immune to misogyny. There are women who sleep with women who do not trust women. Ditto gay guys. Sad. And very human.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

I'm right there with you, man. Not with the hating everyone, but with the self-distrust. I'm pretty convinced at this point that I am supposed to be alone, because my string of fuck-ups has been so unbroken, and I don't really know why it is that everything I like about myself seems to vaporize on close contact.

Who knows, maybe with my new batshit reduction regimen, I might be able to keep a job for more than a year. (It's funny, you can totally see my mood cycle in my resume--I go nuts in April, August, and December, and the end dates in most of my jobs are May, September, and January-February.) And then if I can do that, maybe I could actually go out to dinner with someone and not make a complete and utter ass of myself. Or even spend several evenings with them without acting like a freak. That would sure be nice.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

Yay! And you've Gone Gonzo to boot! I think I'll get the job thing nailed down first and then set about doing my best impression of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Not that I'm a without, er, experience, you understand, but I've been out of action long enough that I think my virginity might have grown back.

In summary: How to deal with breaking up? Find out whatever I did and do the opposite. There you go. That's my best advice.

 

[jim_doki]

In summary: How to deal with breaking up? Find out whatever I did and do the opposite. There you go. That's my best advice.

what if you were just yourself?

 

[Melaisis]

You guys actually have some genially fascinating stories to tell; some which hit disturbingly close to home regarding my own experiences. I won't divulge, as any advice I could have given out has already been superbly put into this thread, so keep it at it, guys.

 

[Hey Joe]

Burn everything.

 

[jamiemac]

Drink too much, spend every hour possible with friends (many of whom i'd neglected a bit previously as being overly wrapped up in whatever break up i was in at the time) eventually calm down, meet another 'nice' girl be on top of the world again for a while until said 'nice' girl screws you over and then start the whole process again, rinse and repeat.

Bloody hell I am getting old and cynical.

Except for the drinking, that sounds like me... Yep, you must be about... 23 maturity wise, because that is how old I am and you said everything I was thinking.

Really? I'm just 18 and I dealt with my recent breakup pretty much the exact same way...

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

I did have a shot at one or two good ones who promptly and wisely skedaddled when they realized that I went nuts on a regular schedule. Believe me, I am someone's crazy ex-girlfriend and I earned the title, but that's OK. Amazing what half a blue pill every morning will do. If I make it through August I will have gone an entire year without a manic episode. First time in my entire adult life, and probably my entire juvenile life too. I should throw a party on September 1st or something.

Great idea. Call it the "raising my standards" party. Let it mark the official beginning of the tightening your girlfriend criteria so as to include the fun crazies and exclude the unfun ones. Should dovetail nicely with your own integration into the set of good plus crazy.

And I'm very glad you didn't corpsify after than break-up.

That makes two of us. It's one reason why I posted that stuff. Maybe someone else will end up equally glad as a result.