Breaking Up

[Flare Phoenix]

Oh, and by the way, this IS going to hurt her. It doesn't matter what you say or how honest you are, she is going to be hurt and she is probably going to cry. Honestly may sting more for her at first, but trust me it will be better for her in the long run.

Also, don't expect you two will be able to remain friends afterwards. Trust me, I see it all the time: a couple breaks up, promise they'll remain friends, and 9 times out of 10 they see each other a couple of times and then lose contact because it is too awkward.

 

[PrimoThePro]

Stop being a douche. Love is rare in society. If she loves you like she does and you Say shes perfect you must love her. Stay with her. Breaking up and walking away is easy. Real men sill face this and stay. If she leaves you in the end so be it but the way you talk about her is saying you feel for her.

Dude, what are you expecting to feel? Love is not tangeable. You said it yourself , she is awesome , it appears you have a great time with her, what else do you want at your age? A fairytale love story ?
I'll tell you from personal experience that if you'll do this , in a couple of months you will be banging your head against the wall because only after you lose her will you realise what you had.
So if you think you thought about it long and hard , think longer and harder because you don't seem to have a good reason.
If you'll still want to do it, good luck, just be honest and get it over with.

I understand that my words were a bit confusing. I said what I said because she's a nice girl, and I didn't want to hurt her. Im a mess right now, so it was probobly a mistake to write that. Ive been in such turmoil since my grandpa died, and it was only clear when she made a joke about it one month ago. see, i did have a good time, because she is fun, but its too much and too soon when you make a joke like that.

Are you serious? Seriously, matters of love are about what one feels, not what one deserves. If he doesn't love her anymore, there's no point in staying to try and regain that feeling, that's what broken marriages are made of.

To OP, tell her in person and be honest, but not nasty or mean, and try to at least remain friends. But, think about it before you go through with it, because once it's done it's finished, but with your descriptions of her as "perfect", it seems like you're a little uncertain. Still, best of luck to ya.

I agree, I would much rather both of us part ways, find other people more suited to us, then be stuck together where one or both of us is miserable. Thinking about it now, if i were to keep on going with her, eventually my misery would spread to her. That would just be... bad.
Thanks dude, I think you gave me the final bit of confidence for this.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

If she made a joke about your dead Grandfather, then that is a bit insensitive, but if you think you're going to find someone who never says the wrong thing, you'll be looking for a long long time.

Have you tried talking to her about to joke? She may not realize how much it hurt you.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Anyway, in the end, you need to do what you feel is right. Just make sure you won't have any regrets later down the track.

 

[sneakypenguin]

Just call her and do it, heck if someone broke up with me I'd prefer a text. If your breaking up I would just as soon not be around said person.

 

[Keepitclean]

I understand that my words were a bit confusing. I said what I said because she's a nice girl, and I didn't want to hurt her. Im a mess right now, so it was probobly a mistake to write that. Ive been in such turmoil since my grandpa died, and it was only clear when she made a joke about it one month ago. see, i did have a good time, because she is fun, but its too much and too soon when you make a joke like that.

You're braking up with her over a joke? Or because of the way seh handled the situation.
Maybe she made the joke because she saw you hurting and didn't quite understand your situation and wanted to help.
Instead of breaking up with her you could try to maek her understand, she may be able to help you a bit better if she understands. If she is perfect like you said she will understand.

I'm not trying to talk you out of breaking up with her, I just thought you might appreciate more options than just stay ot go.

 

[sumanoskae]

Go somewhere or say or do something that will give her a hint, the less shock the better

 

[vampirekid.13]

Hey guys.
Jeez. It's a longish story, I'm not gonna bore you with details, but I've been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now. She's still in love with me, but I just don't feel it any more. Which sucks, cause she is awesome. She listens, shes smart, funny, pretty. Pretty much a perfect girlfriend. I just don't think I can connect with her anymore.
I refuse to break up over the phone or IM, I will only do it in person. She deserves that much. But I'm at a loss of what to say. She still really likes me and I have no idea what to do. If you guys have any advice, that would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT: Thanks for all the suggestions. My new problem is where do I do this? should i... take her out? make this a private affair? any suggestions?
EDIT2:Let me fill in the "Longish Story" part, alot of people dont understand, which is... understandable. Shes fun. Fun as in, nothing is reality. this was amazing before, because we had alot of fun times together, but when conversations got serious, I dont know, I guess she couldnt deal, and made jokes. thats why its hard to tell her feelings sometimes. the one time she was serious was when she spoke about marriage, just once. this lack of seriousness in some of my troubled times (my Grandpa dieing) is something that I cant understand. Her cat died, and I was there for her, but she was never there for me when my grandpa died. I have thought about this. In fact, I've been thinking this for a month now. How will i know when she is serious?

give me your girlfriend, she'll be in good hands, i promise, i broke up with my last one because she took shit too serious, when in all reality life sucks enough as it is without someone else making it all serious.


i used to joke about everything and she'd get annoyed at it. like seriously? only time i was serious was one time we talked about marriage...its like im ur gf. just in a male body, i think me and her would have a banging relationship.

 

[Plurralbles]

Be a complete douchebag to her for a couple of weeks. Then tell her it's not working for you. She won't care by that point.

You'll have spared her a lot of pain in the long run.

But be sure there is no salvaging the relationship, as I think you may regret breaking up with this girl years down the line.

Have break up sex. Anyway for the actual break up say that your both young and there is much to experience in the world (or some shit like that). Also if you can get her semi-liquored before hand that would help.

If you listen to these two... I can't say anything of the chance of you going home with your balls intact. Or nose. Or face. Or your car.

 

[Infinite Betsy]

Stop being a douche. Love is rare in society. If she loves you like she does and you Say shes perfect you must love her. Stay with her. Breaking up and walking away is easy. Real men sill face this and stay. If she leaves you in the end so be it but the way you talk about her is saying you feel for her.

Dude, what are you expecting to feel? Love is not tangeable. You said it yourself , she is awesome , it appears you have a great time with her, what else do you want at your age? A fairytale love story ?
I'll tell you from personal experience that if you'll do this , in a couple of months you will be banging your head against the wall because only after you lose her will you realise what you had.
So if you think you thought about it long and hard , think longer and harder because you don't seem to have a good reason.
If you'll still want to do it, good luck, just be honest and get it over with.

I understand that my words were a bit confusing. I said what I said because she's a nice girl, and I didn't want to hurt her. Im a mess right now, so it was probobly a mistake to write that. Ive been in such turmoil since my grandpa died, and it was only clear when she made a joke about it one month ago. see, i did have a good time, because she is fun, but its too much and too soon when you make a joke like that.

Are you serious? Seriously, matters of love are about what one feels, not what one deserves. If he doesn't love her anymore, there's no point in staying to try and regain that feeling, that's what broken marriages are made of.

To OP, tell her in person and be honest, but not nasty or mean, and try to at least remain friends. But, think about it before you go through with it, because once it's done it's finished, but with your descriptions of her as "perfect", it seems like you're a little uncertain. Still, best of luck to ya.

I agree, I would much rather both of us part ways, find other people more suited to us, then be stuck together where one or both of us is miserable. Thinking about it now, if i were to keep on going with her, eventually my misery would spread to her. That would just be... bad.
Thanks dude, I think you gave me the final bit of confidence for this.

Have you told her that you were hurt because she wasn't there for you when your grandfather dies? Have you told her that you need to know she can be serious when the situation calls for it? If you have a talk with her about it and let her know that you have serious concerns about the relationship, it could completely turn the relationship around. Maybe you would start to feel connected with her again.

I am not trying to talk you out of it though. If you simply aren't feeling it anymore and don't think that will change, then you should break up with her. It's the only fair thing for you and for her. Expect her to a wreck, but she will get over it. It'll just take a while. I saw someone post earlier that you should break up with her at her house. That is not a bad idea. It's good that she wouldn't have to drive anywhere in case she gets really upset. Just be honest and as nice as possible. Even though you are frustrated with how she has been acting, try not to accuse her or blame anything on her. That will just make her feel worse.

That's just my suggestions. Good luck. I hope it goes alright.

 

[vampirekid.13]

if you break up with her anywhere other than her place you should get hit by a truck. she's gonna be crying her eyes out, do her the favor of not letting it happen in public.

 

[teutonicman]

Pro Tip: Make sure she's not on her period when you do it.

 

[Outright Villainy]

Don't listen to people telling you to keep it going for one thing, you're the only one who can decide whether you still have feelings, because you've been with her for 8 months, they haven't. Be sure about it is all I'll say, because you can't turn around later and change your mind. If you are sure though, then listen to Furbert and Bonsaik: At her house, be honest but not mean, expect her to be very upset (and for the love of god don't say "don't be upset", she has every right to be) and give her a LOT of space before you try and be friends with her, she won't want to see you for a long time.

 

[snide_cake]

Hey man, been watching the thread and noticed you put up your second edit.

Seems to me like you've left bits and pieces out, and now trying to find justification for letting her go.

You know in yourself what you feel, so you should just go with that.

If you think it can be salvaged and that what you have is great, then put the effort in to making it even better.

Love and relationships are about communication, so maybe you need to communicate that you felt she hasn't been there to support you as much in your grief with your grandpa. You might find that maybe she does care, and is concerned, and just doesn't know how to show that... Some people aren't as good at being there for others in times of grief, because it's very confronting. She might be reminded too much of the fragility of life.

If things seem a bit too real for her though and she keeps on avoiding reality (ie being 'fun' all the time like you say), then maybe you need to talk to her about that and make sure you're both heading in the right direction. If you want to be with her forever then you gotta make sure you're both reading the same map the same way.

 

[Kushan101]

I would urge you to speak to her about why you don't feel the same anymore. Tell her about your Grandad dying and her not being there for you like you expected.
I went through the same thing once and I ended it, much like your considering doing because I didn't feel "it" anymore. I saw her a few months ago and I told her why it was I didn't feel the same. She explained why she had been like she was, I'm sure if I had that chat with her instead of ending it I'd still be with her now.

She may not have been serious when you needed her to be because she felt you needed a escape from reality, to have fun and lark about - when you wanted to talk about it and have someone to listen to you. Neither of you are mind-readers.

Talk it through with her, tell her why you don't feel the same anymore. The worst that could happen is you do break up, but at least she will know why. The best that could happen? You both talking rekindles what you once felt.

Go to a bar, somewhere neutral.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Best way to break up with someone: Wait until he/she is sitting with his/her group of friends, walk up to them, and say "Who here has a boyfriend/girlfriend?". When he/she puts his/her hand up, say "Honey, you can put your hand down".

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Oh, prewarning, if in a couple of weeks we see a thread titled "I regret breaking up with my girlfriend. How do I get her back?" prepare for a lot of "I told you so's".