Broken heart, any suggestions on what to do?
- Thread starter White_Lama
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I'd recommend against "trying to stay friends" first of all.
That'll just make it impossible to get over her. Trust me here.
Just cut her out of your life, and keep yourself busy.
Why would you want to "stay friends" with someone who fucked you over like that anyways?
Yeah I know it can be hard to let go - you have feelings for her, otherwise you wouldn't have been with her for so long, but those same feelings are why you can't stay friends. Cut your losses and move on with your life. The sooner you do the sooner those wounds'll start healing.
That'll just make it impossible to get over her. Trust me here.
Just cut her out of your life, and keep yourself busy.
Why would you want to "stay friends" with someone who fucked you over like that anyways?
Yeah I know it can be hard to let go - you have feelings for her, otherwise you wouldn't have been with her for so long, but those same feelings are why you can't stay friends. Cut your losses and move on with your life. The sooner you do the sooner those wounds'll start healing.
*cleans screen with toilet paper*
Ahem.
Don't fall for the common fallacy that "all chicks go for the muscle men". This is wrong. If you are having this problem repeatedly, you are looking for women in the wrong place.
Time heals all. Nothing beats letting it slide. Nothing. Carry on with your life and things will improve.
Protip: don't love anyone more than you love yourself. This little advice will save you untold amounts of grief.
Ahem.
Don't fall for the common fallacy that "all chicks go for the muscle men". This is wrong. If you are having this problem repeatedly, you are looking for women in the wrong place.
Time heals all. Nothing beats letting it slide. Nothing. Carry on with your life and things will improve.
Protip: don't love anyone more than you love yourself. This little advice will save you untold amounts of grief.
This.Woodsey said:
There really isn't a way out of the pain of it. If you really feel like she's betrayed you(which you should), slice all contact with her. Never speak to her again, and when she comes back to you crying that this dipshit dumped her, tell her to leave you alone.
Someone else posted about the joy of being alone. Take his advice - fuck relationships.
On the other hand, she might be having a fling, a little bit of stupid fun after pent-up frustrations about the distance between you, and will eventually come back looking for forgiveness.
Personally I'd still tell her to get fucked, but it's up to you how to proceed. If you feel like your future together will be worth it, work through it. But if you think she's going to end up with this guy and - THINK ABOUT THIS, DO NOT LET EMOTIONS BLOCK YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS ON THIS - is over you, forget she exists and move right along.
If you want to hold onto her, here's my advice: make it clear ONCE that you love her and want to get back together, then don't mention it again. Don't specifically mention that you're waiting for her - in fact go and have a fling of your own and casually mention it, or don't and say you did.
Just play it cool, son, use your head and not your heart. You're hurting, and there's really no way out of that. Just try to be cool about it - think about everything you say before you say it.
I think this guy has it right, go and live your life for a bit 
So its not just girls im sorry to say.
Ironically there is a guy who wants to date me but he acts like Gaston out of beauty and the beast...ugh. Of course the first guy says 'Oh you can't date him he's no good for you!'
I hate my life did I mention that...lol -.-
And well, if it makes you feel any better my male friend, who everyone assumes is my boyfriend becuase of how we act together, (and by god does it hurt when people say 'Oh I thought he was your boyfriend') >< Likes beautiful, cruel, slutty women (and no im not just being bitter I wish I was) who have absolutely nothing in common with him... It's fair enough that he's not attracted to me but jesus dude at least go for women with an ounce of decency or kindness.TheRightToArmBears said:
So its not just girls im sorry to say.
Ironically there is a guy who wants to date me but he acts like Gaston out of beauty and the beast...ugh. Of course the first guy says 'Oh you can't date him he's no good for you!'
I hate my life did I mention that...lol -.-
Beer, video games, hanging out with friends who you haven't had a relationship with. Emphasis on the haven't part. No offence, but I do doubt that, no matter what happened between you two when her relatives died, remaining friends is far from certain. Especially if you're using that as the rationale for why she'll keep talking to you; that's a pretty douche move in itself...
Not all girls go for muscle-y douches. Most of my boyfriends have been tall skinny gamer boys. Mind you most of them have turned out to be asses but that's besides the point. I would love a nice guy presuming he fits all my other requirements. But that is neither here nor there.
Don't try and stay friends. Best advice ever. She's done with you and I can pretty much almost as a fact tell you that the fact she is already in a new relationship, she has been looking for an excuse to start dating this guy and she was already done with you before the break up. Yes it is hard. Involve yourself in studies/work/books/music/games/best mates and forget about her. It is the only thing to do.
Speaking from experience of the past 4 years of my life.
Don't try and stay friends. Best advice ever. She's done with you and I can pretty much almost as a fact tell you that the fact she is already in a new relationship, she has been looking for an excuse to start dating this guy and she was already done with you before the break up. Yes it is hard. Involve yourself in studies/work/books/music/games/best mates and forget about her. It is the only thing to do.
Speaking from experience of the past 4 years of my life.
I'll cut the shit with you, I'm a nice guy, I get fucked over A LOT, your best bet? Forget her, forget relationships, don't even bother, flirt to your hearts content, but, if, IF (like the 1/10000000000000) you meet the girl who sees you as good without the muscles and shit, be as close as possible, and if the feeling's mutual, go for it. BUT (fuck me, lot of bolds today) if she rejects you, don't spend your life hanging yourself up about it, just move along and have fucking fun with your life. Only YOU can make yourself feel like how you feel. No one else, so if ***** fucks you over, just pick yourself up and leave her to deal with her problems.
Oh and masturbate, that always helps.
Oh and masturbate, that always helps.
That song helped me through a fair bit. Might help you out. Also, feel free to get angry. Being angry is much better than being sad.
Edit:
Seriously though, don't attempt the staying friends thing. Burn the shit out of that bridge. Took me two years to learn and I probably should have done it at first. Its annoying, every time I got close to someone she'd saunter back into my life and complicate everything. You don't need that.
Cry it all out, beat the shit out of your pillow, listen to some sad songs, go out with your friends and wait for it to stop hurting.
Flirting with other girls in the meantime will help, but best not to get invovled with someone else until you're over your ex.
It will suck for a really, really, really long time, but it does get better.
Flirting with other girls in the meantime will help, but best not to get invovled with someone else until you're over your ex.
It will suck for a really, really, really long time, but it does get better.
You need to face a few truths about any of this before you move on.
1.) If she broke up with you for a muscular douchy guy, she didn't have much invested in your relationship. You mentioned it was a long distance or at least semi-long distance, I wouldn't be surprised if this was not her first tryst with another man, but she probably finally got the balls to break it off with you.
2.) You needn't cut yourself off from anyone but her. I read the response about replacing one pain with the pain of solitude, but all that would really do is prevent yourself from moving on. One night stands can be fun, but there is no reason that a one night stand with someone you really really like and are attracted to can't turn into a relationship with that person. I met my current girlfriend of over a year from an ad on craigslist (you must look in the strictly platonic section). We met up, we clicked, and it became a lot more, she is possibly the best girl I have ever been with even, and she tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to her. But, from going through what you have gone through, I can safely say that you need to stop talking to her. I know it seems mean, but if she is still contacting you it's because you are an emotional crutch for her, but she is just using you if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. You are most likely fulfilling an emotional hole that the big muscular douchy guy isn't/can't.
3.) Spend time with friends when you need to, but don't be afraid to spend time by yourself, either occupying yourself or even with self reflection. Those are the toughest times, but also the most cathartic. There is most likely emotions you need to get out and it will help you to experience them (Dane Cook had an extremely funny little skit about guys needing to cry, I laughed so hard I cried... Which brings me to my next point).
4.) Laughter is your best friend. You will be able to deal with quite a lot if you have some really great times that you can laugh at. When I went through an extremely emotional breakup, I would drown myself in funny things (movies, stand up comedy, reminiscing about funny things in my past with friends). These also may be the only time you can escape thoughts of her or your situation with her.
5.) She doesn't care about you. That is going to be the hardest thing to face. Sure, she will say she still loves you, just not the same, and similar things. And she may even believe them, but she ultimately doesn't. She cares only about herself in this situation. So you should try a little selfishness for yourself. If she calls, don't call her back. If she emails, don't email her back. If she posts something on facebook, don't respond. And if you do, make the response completely platonic and betray no anger or emotional hurt to her. Believe it or not, the hardest thing she will face is the idea that you have moved on from her, especially after all you have been through with her, and if your smart, you will move on.
These are just some of the things I learned from breakups with women. They do this really weird thing where they want to let you down easy, so they try to be friends with you as if they are doing you a favor, but they aren't doing you any favor, they are simply stringing you along. They don't mean to do it (most of the time, I'm quite sure), and they think they are helping you out, but they aren't. Good luck.
1.) If she broke up with you for a muscular douchy guy, she didn't have much invested in your relationship. You mentioned it was a long distance or at least semi-long distance, I wouldn't be surprised if this was not her first tryst with another man, but she probably finally got the balls to break it off with you.
2.) You needn't cut yourself off from anyone but her. I read the response about replacing one pain with the pain of solitude, but all that would really do is prevent yourself from moving on. One night stands can be fun, but there is no reason that a one night stand with someone you really really like and are attracted to can't turn into a relationship with that person. I met my current girlfriend of over a year from an ad on craigslist (you must look in the strictly platonic section). We met up, we clicked, and it became a lot more, she is possibly the best girl I have ever been with even, and she tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to her. But, from going through what you have gone through, I can safely say that you need to stop talking to her. I know it seems mean, but if she is still contacting you it's because you are an emotional crutch for her, but she is just using you if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. You are most likely fulfilling an emotional hole that the big muscular douchy guy isn't/can't.
3.) Spend time with friends when you need to, but don't be afraid to spend time by yourself, either occupying yourself or even with self reflection. Those are the toughest times, but also the most cathartic. There is most likely emotions you need to get out and it will help you to experience them (Dane Cook had an extremely funny little skit about guys needing to cry, I laughed so hard I cried... Which brings me to my next point).
4.) Laughter is your best friend. You will be able to deal with quite a lot if you have some really great times that you can laugh at. When I went through an extremely emotional breakup, I would drown myself in funny things (movies, stand up comedy, reminiscing about funny things in my past with friends). These also may be the only time you can escape thoughts of her or your situation with her.
5.) She doesn't care about you. That is going to be the hardest thing to face. Sure, she will say she still loves you, just not the same, and similar things. And she may even believe them, but she ultimately doesn't. She cares only about herself in this situation. So you should try a little selfishness for yourself. If she calls, don't call her back. If she emails, don't email her back. If she posts something on facebook, don't respond. And if you do, make the response completely platonic and betray no anger or emotional hurt to her. Believe it or not, the hardest thing she will face is the idea that you have moved on from her, especially after all you have been through with her, and if your smart, you will move on.
These are just some of the things I learned from breakups with women. They do this really weird thing where they want to let you down easy, so they try to be friends with you as if they are doing you a favor, but they aren't doing you any favor, they are simply stringing you along. They don't mean to do it (most of the time, I'm quite sure), and they think they are helping you out, but they aren't. Good luck.
Well, I'll tell you how I handle these things: whenever I get into a relationship, I make it quite clear that if we ever break up, it's over. No "let's stay friends" crap, no photos, souvenirs, nothing. It saved me a lot of pain in the past, and it saves you dwelling on what can't be helped (it takes two to tango).
So that's all the advice I can give. Learn from it, and move on.
So that's all the advice I can give. Learn from it, and move on.
Time is the only thing that can repair a broken heart blah, blah, blah, but spend a week drinking heavily, listening to nostalgic and romantic songs and non stop crying, sometimes in rage and sometimes in pain and love, with some trips to the gym to beat out any rage you may be carying towards her. After said week, you will feel much better, you will have vented a lot of your emotional pain, and it will make you feel less burdened. If it dosen't help, then get some mates round for some Halo nights, have lots of booze, and talk to your mates about it. Its what I did, and it's what I made a mate do, and it helps, it wont solve the problem, but it will really help vent.
Well duct tape and pritt stick pretty obviously represent one night stands and alcoholism. Pritt stick, in its circular nature, representing a cyle of drinking to solve problems and problems caused by drinking, duct tape in its flimsy covering over cracks symbolic of temporary papering over your emotional problems.SirBryghtside said:Broken heart... hmmm, maybe you could try duct tape? Although if it's not that bad, maybe Pritt Stick? Or just buy a new one, whatever.
This post may or may not be a meaningful metaphor
Uhm.
Hmm.
Thinking it might not be a metaphor after all.