We are really starting to descend to the bottom of the barrel with this review. I'm not usually one to review a bad game just for the sake of a review, but this time I couldn't help but let my curiosity run wild when I decided to check out Bullet Witch for the Xbox 360. All I can say is...
"What have I gotten myself into this time?"
The story of Bullet Witch goes like this...
The year is 2013 and mankind is at the brink of destruction at the hands of natural disasters and a demonik force. Alicia, a powerful witch, wanders into the fray unexpectedly and is approached by the leader of the human survivors, Maxwell Cougar, who asks Alicia to help them save the last of humanity.
Bullet Witch is not a very strong game when it comes to story. All I can say is that you've heard this story far too many times and the characters chosen for Bullet Witch don't make things any better. I don't think i've encountered a game in the past 5 years that had worse characters than Bullet Witch. For one thing, the protagonist is not a very strong character. Secondly, every other character is the same way. It really just seemed like the developers just plopped down a few stock characters here and there to try and give the game the least bit of substance. When you really think about it, there are only really THREE characters in the entire game; Alicia, Maxwell Cougar and the Demons.
It's easy to get past a boring story, but it's very difficult to get past a boring story with some of the worst writting ever. This is where our pal, Maxwell Cougar, comes into play because he delivers some of the corniest dialog in the entire game. Alicia is no better either. You'll have a terrible time trying to keep a straight face will Cougar and Alicia have their banter back and forth. I know I did...
"Bullet Witch revolves around Alicia, a witch who couldn't be any less gothic"
Sound wise, Bullet Witch is about as stock as they come. Honestly, there isn't really anything wrong with the sound design, it's just that you've heard these sounds before. The guns sound like they did the last time you heard them in that Steven Segal movie you watched on television last night. The explosions sound like someone ripped them directly from the Street Fighter movie. The worst part of the sound design is that you'll be hearing the same sounds over and over and over and over...
I will say that the voice acting is bad, not horrible, just bad. Everyone in the game sounds like they are bored out of their mind.
The overall presentation is actually not that bad, it's actually kinda good. The environments, as stock as they are, look sharp and somewhat appealing. The characters also have some style to them as well. I will say that Alicia doesn't really look like that much of a witch. She can come off as somewhat of a whore in terms of style, but i'm sure any guy could get past that. The demons you fight also look pretty cool, atleast until they open their mouths and actually speak.
The presentation may be "kinda good", but everything is just uninspired with the same environments used over and over. When you get up close to certain objects, things begin to break down and the flaws start to show themselves. There isn't much in the way of texture and there is a little too much lens flare in certain parts of the game, like the first level.
"Bullet Witch isn't a bad looking game, it's just bland and uninspired"
Gameplay wise is where Bullet Witch unravels completely. Through out the ENTIRE game, players will be shooting bad guys to disable magic walls to progress in the very linear levels. Alicia comes equipped with a weird magical broom that turns out to be a large gun that transforms into different guns like a gattling gun, shotgun, bazooka, etc. Players need to dispense some bullets the enemies way in order to progress.
My first problem with the gameplay comes into play here. The enemies you fight are the same enemies you'll fight the entire game, the same weird, skinless, pink monsters. The real problem with that is the enemies can take WAY to many bullets. You can empty an entire clip of bullets into some enemies and they STILL won't die. When you see how large Alicia's bullet clip is, you'll understand.
Alicia's arsenal is pretty much all you might need in Bullet Witch, but she does have a nice array of magic she can use throughout the game. You can get by with only the use of your broom gun, but there are some areas that you absolutely need to use magic, like when fighting the cheapest enemy in the game, the brains.
My second problem is the brain enemies themselves. Frankly, they are just way too powerful. The first level alone has about 5 of these guys in them. The first time I started playing Bullet Witch, I seriously thought that the brains did absolutely nothing. The first 4 brains did absolutely nothing when I shot them up with my broom gun. The last brain, that stands between you and the end of the first level, is completely different because it actually fights back. At this point, almost every brain you encounter during the rest of the game WILL fight back. The brains use their telepathy to attack you, not with psychic blasts, but by picking up cars and hurling them at you. The worst part about this is that the brains throw SO MANY cars at you, it makes it almost impossible to dodge them. When grappling with these brains, you'll have to be able to master the dodge move, which is pretty clunky alone. If only ONE polygon of any part of Alicia's body touches these cars, you instantly DIE, which is complete bullshit seeing how big your health bar is.
"The brain creatures are your worst enemies in Bullet Witch because they are WAY too powerful"
Alicia has a lot of different kinds of magic, but most of the magic you'll never use, like the thorn spikes and the ravens. The way you access this magic is through a weird circular menu that takes up the entire screen. You hit a button to call the menu and then you have to hit another specific button to cast the magic. Having this menu take up the entire screen is not good. The fact that the menu stays there until you either cancel the action or cast the magic is stupid as well. Trying to cast magic in the middle of a firefight is clunky and awkward, sometimes causing death.
Through out the game, Alicia will need to save injured humans. The way she does that is she slits her wrists (no joke) and pours the blood onto the human, which somehow rejuvinates them and they run away. I don't know why that is, it just is.
Overall, my biggest complaint with Bullet Witch is that it's boring and repetative. Bullet Witch may be the most monotenous game to be released since Dynasty Warriors 10. All you do is kill enemies over and over again with nothing to mix up the gameplay. All the boring features come together into one horribly frustrating package that will discourage anyone who plays it.
Bullet Witch isn't the WORST game i've ever played, but it's still pretty damn bad. The entire game is only about 6 levels long so the frustration won't last more than 8 hours. If you can actually make it through this game, you deserve a medal.
Unfortunately for me, my xbox live account will forever be tarnished by this bad game.
Bullet Witch gets a 5 out of 10...
"Not even Alicia can bear to look at this bad game"
"What have I gotten myself into this time?"
The story of Bullet Witch goes like this...
The year is 2013 and mankind is at the brink of destruction at the hands of natural disasters and a demonik force. Alicia, a powerful witch, wanders into the fray unexpectedly and is approached by the leader of the human survivors, Maxwell Cougar, who asks Alicia to help them save the last of humanity.
Bullet Witch is not a very strong game when it comes to story. All I can say is that you've heard this story far too many times and the characters chosen for Bullet Witch don't make things any better. I don't think i've encountered a game in the past 5 years that had worse characters than Bullet Witch. For one thing, the protagonist is not a very strong character. Secondly, every other character is the same way. It really just seemed like the developers just plopped down a few stock characters here and there to try and give the game the least bit of substance. When you really think about it, there are only really THREE characters in the entire game; Alicia, Maxwell Cougar and the Demons.
It's easy to get past a boring story, but it's very difficult to get past a boring story with some of the worst writting ever. This is where our pal, Maxwell Cougar, comes into play because he delivers some of the corniest dialog in the entire game. Alicia is no better either. You'll have a terrible time trying to keep a straight face will Cougar and Alicia have their banter back and forth. I know I did...
"Bullet Witch revolves around Alicia, a witch who couldn't be any less gothic"
Sound wise, Bullet Witch is about as stock as they come. Honestly, there isn't really anything wrong with the sound design, it's just that you've heard these sounds before. The guns sound like they did the last time you heard them in that Steven Segal movie you watched on television last night. The explosions sound like someone ripped them directly from the Street Fighter movie. The worst part of the sound design is that you'll be hearing the same sounds over and over and over and over...
I will say that the voice acting is bad, not horrible, just bad. Everyone in the game sounds like they are bored out of their mind.
The overall presentation is actually not that bad, it's actually kinda good. The environments, as stock as they are, look sharp and somewhat appealing. The characters also have some style to them as well. I will say that Alicia doesn't really look like that much of a witch. She can come off as somewhat of a whore in terms of style, but i'm sure any guy could get past that. The demons you fight also look pretty cool, atleast until they open their mouths and actually speak.
The presentation may be "kinda good", but everything is just uninspired with the same environments used over and over. When you get up close to certain objects, things begin to break down and the flaws start to show themselves. There isn't much in the way of texture and there is a little too much lens flare in certain parts of the game, like the first level.
"Bullet Witch isn't a bad looking game, it's just bland and uninspired"
Gameplay wise is where Bullet Witch unravels completely. Through out the ENTIRE game, players will be shooting bad guys to disable magic walls to progress in the very linear levels. Alicia comes equipped with a weird magical broom that turns out to be a large gun that transforms into different guns like a gattling gun, shotgun, bazooka, etc. Players need to dispense some bullets the enemies way in order to progress.
My first problem with the gameplay comes into play here. The enemies you fight are the same enemies you'll fight the entire game, the same weird, skinless, pink monsters. The real problem with that is the enemies can take WAY to many bullets. You can empty an entire clip of bullets into some enemies and they STILL won't die. When you see how large Alicia's bullet clip is, you'll understand.
Alicia's arsenal is pretty much all you might need in Bullet Witch, but she does have a nice array of magic she can use throughout the game. You can get by with only the use of your broom gun, but there are some areas that you absolutely need to use magic, like when fighting the cheapest enemy in the game, the brains.
My second problem is the brain enemies themselves. Frankly, they are just way too powerful. The first level alone has about 5 of these guys in them. The first time I started playing Bullet Witch, I seriously thought that the brains did absolutely nothing. The first 4 brains did absolutely nothing when I shot them up with my broom gun. The last brain, that stands between you and the end of the first level, is completely different because it actually fights back. At this point, almost every brain you encounter during the rest of the game WILL fight back. The brains use their telepathy to attack you, not with psychic blasts, but by picking up cars and hurling them at you. The worst part about this is that the brains throw SO MANY cars at you, it makes it almost impossible to dodge them. When grappling with these brains, you'll have to be able to master the dodge move, which is pretty clunky alone. If only ONE polygon of any part of Alicia's body touches these cars, you instantly DIE, which is complete bullshit seeing how big your health bar is.
"The brain creatures are your worst enemies in Bullet Witch because they are WAY too powerful"
Alicia has a lot of different kinds of magic, but most of the magic you'll never use, like the thorn spikes and the ravens. The way you access this magic is through a weird circular menu that takes up the entire screen. You hit a button to call the menu and then you have to hit another specific button to cast the magic. Having this menu take up the entire screen is not good. The fact that the menu stays there until you either cancel the action or cast the magic is stupid as well. Trying to cast magic in the middle of a firefight is clunky and awkward, sometimes causing death.
Through out the game, Alicia will need to save injured humans. The way she does that is she slits her wrists (no joke) and pours the blood onto the human, which somehow rejuvinates them and they run away. I don't know why that is, it just is.
Overall, my biggest complaint with Bullet Witch is that it's boring and repetative. Bullet Witch may be the most monotenous game to be released since Dynasty Warriors 10. All you do is kill enemies over and over again with nothing to mix up the gameplay. All the boring features come together into one horribly frustrating package that will discourage anyone who plays it.
Bullet Witch isn't the WORST game i've ever played, but it's still pretty damn bad. The entire game is only about 6 levels long so the frustration won't last more than 8 hours. If you can actually make it through this game, you deserve a medal.
Unfortunately for me, my xbox live account will forever be tarnished by this bad game.
Bullet Witch gets a 5 out of 10...
"Not even Alicia can bear to look at this bad game"
