Bullying: Stop the complaining.

[OneOfTheMichael's]

Well its hard for some people to defend themselves/ beat up the bully when it comes in other forms like cyberbulling, or when you are being made fun of by the whole school. You can't just punch everyone in the face. Sure that may help your image as a stand up for yourself kid, but there are quite a few people i know personally who can't fight back because:
A:They don't have the guts to
Bon't want to get into trouble
C:They're to busy blaming themselves/ being depressed about it to do anything.

Though When i used to get bullied I wasn't afraid to punch the sucker right in the jaw but that just doesn't work for everyone.

 

[Pandalisk]

Phoebe Prince couldn't "Deal with it" but she didn't tell anyone and took her own life.
Why should anyone being hard done have to just "deal with it" and the people who are described as "Just dealing with it" are often the ones who commit suicide.

Telling a teacher is standing up for yourself, just not in a way your familiar with, in fact actually telling someone about it is a bravery in its self because its a very sensitive issue. So much bullying goes on because most students are under the impression that nobody cares, that it doesn't matter, or that they should "just deal with it" especially males which is why Irish males between 18-24 Have the highest suicide rate in the country

If the media does anything with its huge pumping out of bullying material i hope its at least the students become more open with telling someone about their problems and people, especially teachers, become more sensitive to the issue rather than sweeping it under the rug.

This whole concept of machismo in the face of a bulling is outdated and when the idea is shared by the elders who the young rely on it the concept perpetuates

You really think thats the reason why males have the highest suicide rate, because I am Irish and I don't think so. And perhaps dealing with it yourself is an ''outdated'' but it works better and faster than anything else.

Not The reason its certainly a large factor due to variety of reasons one of such is the perception of "manliness"
And there is too many factors involved for you to claim that it works "better" and "faster". There wouldn't be so many anti-bullying campaigns in the world today if this was the case.

 

[Frankster]

snip

Can relate to a lot of things you said and yeh my relationship with food is equally yoyoesque, i never was one for hurtung myself in a way that leaved physical marks so instead id torture myself by not eating and enjoying the sensation of being hungry (as fucked up as that would be to most people in 3rd world countries) and feeling i deserved it. Even now i usually skip breakfast and just have 1 big meal a day.

Weight wise ive fluctuated quite a bit as a kid but in boarding school became healthier, however once i started getting depressed in uni i went on a self destructive binge to make myself as ugly as possible with...mixed success, im not overweight but im certainly not fit anymore and my body aint be winning sexy awards any time soon.

I reckon we have had similar bullying experiences from the sounds of it, right down to "fighting back" the bullies in violent ways and being punished for it then getting equally annoyed when we see threads like there where the advice is to "man it up" and "face the bullies" cos yeh, that totally worked for us didnt it? ¬¬

Anyways hang in there bro, youre a few years younger then me and from what you describe physically you in good shape even if you dont feel that way. You're trainning for a career and stuff so yeh, you need to stay the course and write over the scars with new positive experiences ^^

Will try and remember your advice for pasting what one wrote onto notepad.

 

[elvor0]

Bullying is never okay. And it's better that we are now projecting the "Tell a Teacher" view onto others. Ignoring bullying is hard, speaking from experience here, but it's harder to deal with it in an aggresive manner. Some would disagree, but trying to solve your problems with Violence will NEVER fix anything. It'll only make things worse.

Just out of interest, how did you deal with your bullying if you state that violence NEVER fixes anything? Not trying to be snide, but the general sentiment is that telling a teacher is pretty much useless. Speaking from experience, teachers did (or wern't allowed to do)fuck all, brick to the head, worked quite well.

Obviously if you're being set on by 3 or more guys, you can't feasibly fight back unless you're bruce lee or armed with a gun, but if it's one on one (two at a stretch if I've got a weapon of some description), I'll personally take my chances. (I've already discusssed that this can't or isn't the case for everyone to have that "fight" in them in my post above so I won't repeat myself)

 

[Yopaz]

I survived bullying and I just think it shaped me and made me a better person for the experience.

This is the kind of thing I hate hearing. Using personal experiences as proof is not a degree in sociology or psychology. Now I was bullied almost every day from grade 2 to 9 (I skipped grade 1) and I have lived through it. It has however made dealings with people hard and I have issues trusting people. How would my life have turned out if it wasn't for bullying? Impossible to say. I could have been a better person, then again I could have been unable to deal with stress or pressure.

We are all different. We all react different to pain and stress. You simplify human psychology by using your own experiences and ignoring all the rest.

Now I have had my teeth almost ruined and I got several scars in my face as a result and telling me when I was on the ground with blood spraying out from a a ruined blood vessel I should just suck it up seems a little stupid. I was unable to eat for several days after that happened. Yes, I made it through and I wont say that my past haunts me, but some just can't deal with it. Some end up committing suicide, some will never be able to survive on their own and become a burden on society.

Just because survived being bullied that doesn't mean it's not an actual problem.

 

[FEichinger]

but it's going to happen.

Only as long as we let it.

Of course, saying it's going to happen is kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy, innit?

I don't agree. In fact, I'd say it's plain old Social Darwinism. But if anyone has an idea on how to stop it, I'm all in.

Planting the seeds of tolerance and brotherhood is a huge step. But even that's going to take some time to take root in some people

I'm sorry, but what? The mere word Darwinism implies it was actually desirable by nature. Being a bully is desirable? We're headed straight for a society of assholes, idiots and egotists with that mindset.

 

[Zen Bard]

but it's going to happen.

Only as long as we let it.

Of course, saying it's going to happen is kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy, innit?

I don't agree. In fact, I'd say it's plain old Social Darwinism. But if anyone has an idea on how to stop it, I'm all in.

Planting the seeds of tolerance and brotherhood is a huge step. But even that's going to take some time to take root in some people

I'm sorry, but what? The mere word Darwinism implies it was actually desirable by nature. Being a bully is desirable? We're headed straight for a society of assholes, idiots and egotists with that mindset.

Yes, I would say developing strong social survival and conflict resolution skills through adversity ARE desirable. Otherwise, I'll counter, we'd be a society of whiny, incapable wusses who expect everyone else to absolve us of any hardship.

Once again, no one on this board (that I've read so far) is advocating bullying. The issue isn't even how do we stop bullying. Which actually would be a great thread...because I'd really like to know.

The topic at hand is how should we be teaching kids how better to cope with bullies. And I'm a big believer that we as a society are currently not doing a good job of that.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

Snip about defending others

And what you say here is pretty close to what I was coming here to say. In elementary and middle school I was bullied like crazy, I hated waking up and having to go to school. I kept my head down that whole time and let it just torment me. Cue in the therapy and all that jazz. I wondered more than anything how I was supposed to be able to learn anything when this was the daily atmosphere.

When high school started, it was like enacting ultimate revenge on people who to me looked like the same people just wearing different masks. I hit a major growth spurt going into high school and ended up 6'4 and 200-some pounds. If anyone tried just once starting the shit I went through before, I hurt them. Very badly. In retrospect what happened before caused some major anger issues, but at the time it was extremely gratifying.

After Junior year being my 3rd school from suspensions and expulsions (thanks to zero tolerance that Owyn mentioned), I ended up in a school in the middle of a cornfield in Indiana. Reeeal backwards place. I became best friends with the one gay kid there, we hung out every day and it didn't take long for me to discover the world of hell he lived in. Everyone tortured him for it, his dad beat the hell out of him when he got home, and I snapped. It took about a week before people didn't pick on him at school. Someone on the basketball team winged a basketball at his head and screamed "******!" and I hospitalized that kid. People didn't understand it. People who were "tolerant" didn't dare come to the defense of gay people. It was then the go-to idea that I was gay, and we were gay together, but I couldn't give any less of a shit about that. I has a hero to the downtrodden and it went that way for the 4 years and 5 different schools I attended in High school. Obviously, it wasn't just my best friend but anyone who looked like they were on the brink of following the story we saw with Amanda Todd.

Despite all that, the one thing I'll never understand is how these were supposed to be places of learning. It's so damn difficult to focus 100% of your attention to your teachers and your studies when there's this crazy atmosphere of torment, nevermind the physical and emotional changes everyone is forced to deal with. If the teachers did their job and actually helped me years before, I probably wouldn't feel that I had to fight back and get tough later on. I was always a "tattle" for telling the teachers, who did nothing, and made it far worse. I shouldn't have had to even worry about that, though.

Sorry for the long post, but something does have to give. I was fortunate enough to become physically able to take care of business, but I can't sympathize enough with those who couldn't, and did what I could to help. I'm sure I carry scars of the time before then. I shouldn't have had to, and nobody should have to. The goal should be to learn, become learned, and to enter the adult world with life experience outside the realm of "half the people you see want you to suffer and it's fight-or-flight, get used to it".

 

[Ragsnstitches]

How hard is it to not be a dick and stand up for others? Seriously?

No wait, fuck this noise:

Yea, it sucks, I get that. But in life, bullies will always be around. In fact, you can still find them in the grown up world. They just usually come from the back with a knife instead of a punch in the face.

Wouldn't a more apt solution to the bullying problem be to teach kids to stand up for themselves and others?

2 things:

A: Did you just infer that bullies offer something beneficial to society? If so, that's pretty fucked up man.

B: How will being able to stand up for yourself help you if someone pulls a gun or a knife? I'm not fucking superman.

You know OP, a highly cherished attribute in society is the ability to stand up for others. Plenty of iconic figures have done it in history usually bringing about huge change. This people are paragons of humanity and we revere them. But so few people are willing to emulate them. Why is that?

I mean if your toting yourself as being some sort of social bulwark, capable of withstanding the harshness of the real world, then stop being a fucking selfishly arrogant dick and protect those who can't. Is something stopping you? Are you afraid?

I mean, if you can stand up to bullies cause your so fucking awesome, WHY NOT STAND UP TO ALL BULLIES!? Rather then giving them a free pass and telling the victim to man up and stop whining.

Oh wait... but that would mean you are not completely broken as an individual. You see, it's far easier to tell the kid with no confidence to grow a pair, then it is to tell off a bully isn't it? I mean, the bully might actually confront you and things might go sour as a result, but the victim... well he's just a whimp so you can berate him about being ballless or being a coward.

But... that sounds a little like bullying to me.

Fuck that. Victim blamers make me sick.

 

[Valen_Starwalker]

There's a difference between teasing, and bullying.

If someone called you a *****, or a sissy. (Whatever insult) you really should just shrug it off, but the thing is that's no longer the problem. Bullying has become much more than just teasing someone, and sometimes it results in physical violence. That's the issue here.

I was bullied ever since grade school. The kids pushed me into the mud, and I had to call my parents for another pair of clothes. Is that acceptable? Should I suck it up, and deal with being pushed into the mud? The answer is No.
I was basically shunned in all my schools for being different.

When in middle school I got my first girlfriend, and people were harassing her. "Ew, why would you go out with him?!" and, they were telling her made up stories about me, and trying to ruin my relationship with her. Is that acceptable? Now you're just going out of your way to ruin someones love life. Is that acceptable? Lucky for me, she stood up for me, because took the time to know me.

I suffer from severe depression. (It runs in the family, something I can't help) Between that, and getting bullied at school to the point I skipped school for 4 months towards the end of the year, because I had literally no friends left. Due to me standing up for myself, and socking some freshman in the face for making fun of me first thing in the morning, and yet I am the bad guy? Ha. Nice friends I had. They are turned their backs on, and made fun of me as well.

So the entire school was against me, and made not want to go to school. I was A student, but the constant bullying made me left. I couldn't even open my mouth in class without people insulting me. The school doesn't care, and my father was emotional abusive towards me. So between school, and my home. I didn't have any where to go.

So yay for me.

I can see your point, and in some ways I agree with the OP. Kids should just really shrug off the name calling, but it isn't just name calling anymore. Some kids are going out of the way just to hurt you, and make fun of you. Bullying has become a bigger issue due to people becoming more desensitized. That's why it's a big problem in our country now, because it has become so much worse than just teasing someone.

Like I said above they want as so far as to harass my girlfriend at the time not just in school, but also on facebook. Saying things like. "How could you ever date that freak? He's so ugly!" and crap. They pushed in the mud during grade school, and tried to beat me up. (Tried but never won. I was strong as a kid, but over the years the depression made me not want to exercise anymore)

So it's just not name calling anymore it's turning into harassment.

I can see your point, and some degree I agree with you, but when it turns into harassment that's where the line should be drawn. Bullying is part of life, and it should be. It teaches you to stand up for yourself, and teaches you that people are going to make fun of you where ever you go in life. That not everyone is going to be your friend, and hold your hand. This I agree with, but it's turning into harassment now, and not just "teasing"

 

[The White Hunter]

snip

Can relate to a lot of things you said and yeh my relationship with food is equally yoyoesque, i never was one for hurtung myself in a way that leaved physical marks so instead id torture myself by not eating and enjoying the sensation of being hungry (as fucked up as that would be to most people in 3rd world countries) and feeling i deserved it. Even now i usually skip breakfast and just have 1 big meal a day.

Weight wise ive fluctuated quite a bit as a kid but in boarding school became healthier, however once i started getting depressed in uni i went on a self destructive binge to make myself as ugly as possible with...mixed success, im not overweight but im certainly not fit anymore and my body aint be winning sexy awards any time soon.

I reckon we have had similar bullying experiences from the sounds of it, right down to "fighting back" the bullies in violent ways and being punished for it then getting equally annoyed when we see threads like there where the advice is to "man it up" and "face the bullies" cos yeh, that totally worked for us didnt it? ¬¬

Anyways hang in there bro, youre a few years younger then me and from what you describe physically you in good shape even if you dont feel that way. You're trainning for a career and stuff so yeh, you need to stay the course and write over the scars with new positive experiences ^^

Will try and remember your advice for pasting what one wrote onto notepad.

Eh I could do with more tone still if I ask myself but I'm a lot healthier than I ever was before. I cut myself a hell of alot around the hips and thighs and calves, so that people wouldn't see the marks. Did it to prove to myself I existed and it felt good to bleed when I felt I deserved it.

I'm changing careers, the trainee-teacher thing is a massive drag and I had no time for myself and I thought i was going mental doing it, my last placement plunged me straight back into a rather unpleasant depression, which I experience all too frequently.

Facing bullies worked once or twice but the vast majority would just bring more of their dickhead friends with them the next time. The funny thing is when I did the horrific violence thing, I was never red hot angry, more ice cold fury, perfectly calm and out to cause as much damage as possible.

But oh well, trying to get by day by day.

 

[doomspore98]

It seems that every few months or so we get this thread. Yeah no, bullying is a problem and telling kids to stand up for themselves is not going to solve it. zero tolerance obliterated any chance of that ever happening. Not everyone can grow a pair and fight bullies, some are physically weaker, some have been so mentally screwed up that they can't actually fight back. Saying that you're old school doesn't help. Dealing with your own problems doesn't always help, what if you fight back and the next time the bully comes to play, he brings three or four friends with him.
Bullying is a plague that will not go away if you tell the people being bullied to just deal with it. As another person here said, it's like telling a suicidal depressive to cheer up. and besides, not all bullying is physical, cyber bullying is a real thing and you can't fight back physically.

 

[Gregory McMillan]

Phoebe Prince couldn't "Deal with it" but she didn't tell anyone and took her own life.
Why should anyone being hard done have to just "deal with it" and the people who are described as "Just dealing with it" are often the ones who commit suicide.

Telling a teacher is standing up for yourself, just not in a way your familiar with, in fact actually telling someone about it is a bravery in its self because its a very sensitive issue. So much bullying goes on because most students are under the impression that nobody cares, that it doesn't matter, or that they should "just deal with it" especially males which is why Irish males between 18-24 Have the highest suicide rate in the country

If the media does anything with its huge pumping out of bullying material i hope its at least the students become more open with telling someone about their problems and people, especially teachers, become more sensitive to the issue rather than sweeping it under the rug.

This whole concept of machismo in the face of a bulling is outdated and when the idea is shared by the elders who the young rely on it the concept perpetuates

I should probably say that when I mean "dealing with it" I don't mean just let it happen or not take action.

It seems that in media, emphasis is put on the idea that it is the SCHOOL's responsibility to fix the problem. This seems odd seeing as how parents SHOULD be the ones teaching their children about the the ways to solve bullying.

It IS the school's responsibility because every case of bullying you hear about in the media happens between classmates, at school, around school. It's the school's environment, it's the school's responsibility. It's the parent's responsibility to make sure their child is safe, but children are at school, around their friends for more waking hours than they are with their parents. Most of these suicides are due to the school system's complacency and irresponsibility in dealing with these issues.

 

[Nikolaz72]

It seems that every few months or so we get this thread.

I imagine its the same reason we get threads about people who hate kids, and people who wants society to think hitting kids is alright. And threads about how annoying people think kids are.

 

[Ishal]

snip.

somtimes when people use thease issues to start spewing darwinist bullshit it makes me want to punch somthing

Right?

It's not even Darwinism. It's that ugly pseudo-scientific insult "social darwinism" and it's absolutely revolting.

I've found the best way to deal with bullying in the experiences i've had in my life (worst kind of bullying in my life was physical) is with fear. That is to say, scaring the absolute eff out of the bully. Perhaps I'll say what I did later in this thread after I fully read through it. But I would advise finding a more diplomatic solution. Telling a Teacher or talking to a councilor if you have a good one (good luck with that). Best way to do it is with as little harm to you as possible.

 

[EHKOS]

Yeah, it would be fine if you could settle things with fisticuffs, but you can't nowadays. Teachers intervene and you get suspended. Also, I've been bullied very hard before and no matter what I did, it still hurt. So excuse me, but fuck you.

 

[Rewdalf]

There's far too much to this for anyone to just generalize it in one post.

[HEADING=2]Here's what I keep getting, though...[/HEADING]

The bullying we keep hearing about, to me, isn't bullying. It's usually harassment, assault, malicious intentions, and things like that.
That is a problem, and that is when you need to seek additional help.

The bulling we keep seeing, like in commercials and ads, isn't bullying either. It's people being people. You're going to get singled out a few times in your life. True, some will experience it far more than others, but telling yourself there's no way to stop it won't help. Obviously, giving up that quickly is going to lead to you being targeted far more often.

With basic schoolyard bullying, standing up for yourself is sometimes the best option. Notice how I'm saying sometimes though. It isn't always the option, but you need to grow up and learn the time and place to hold firm. That's what children are doing right now anyway, growing up.

The malicious bullying we keep hearing about in the news is where the line is crossed. Physical violence, malicious name calling, harassing, stalking, spreading rumors, lies, and making one's life hell. That's where third parties need to be involved to either stop or control this.

Lets face it, there are plenty of "old school" people out there who are going to tell their kids to fight. I tell my brother that sometimes too. But remember, these days with things like Facebook and picture phones, and whatnot, it's far easier to make someone feel like complete shit than it used to be. Widespread hate targeted at one person is dangerous and it is a problem.

That's what we should be fighting. Not schoolyard bullies. You can't stop that. Kids are kids. It's a learning experience. And don't quote me out of context, because I've made myself clear with what I think the real issue is.

 

[ShaqLevick]

Well, this world is a bit over populated so I'm all for bullies weeding out the weak, not to mention if a bully gets what's coming to them then that's a double bonus...

Listen I'm not all that vile, but I have to agree with the OP because telling someone usually just shirks responsibility and certainly wouldn't be a permanent solution. However, if you wish to get into the habit of this I advise staying in familiar areas and keeping within shrieking distance of police officers for the rest of your adult life. Honestly I'm all for talking about the issue of bullying, or venting your feelings if you are being subjected to abuse. It's just that if your only action is to tell somebody about the problem at hand, I'm guessing people will only see your weakness. I know this isn't the humanitarian take on the issue, but it is a dog eat dog world and if you're not even willing to fight back, then you're probably going to get eaten.

I guess I kind of am a jerk, but I'm just going back to the over population thing... and I guess my overall stance is Fuck a single solitary human life.

 

[VanTesla]

I believe bullying will always exist when humans are invloved for it's a flaw in us like everything else... I do believe bullying can be culled by family, teachers, and friends. Family and friends are the two main things I believe that can stop people from becoming bullies or create bully. If you have a bad family and or friends you will have a higher chance of being a bully and in most cases I know one of these always seems to be the case for the average bully.

I believe we must prevent bullying by teaching people of all ages not just the possible harm to the bullied, but to the bully and all affected by it. It is destructive behavior that needs to be taken care of without needing to add more flame to the fuel. I must admit my view comes from when I was bullied in school for more than a decade and running away did not help me, telling the teachers did not help me, and my parent could do nothing... The bully that got in trouble with me would just retaliate more in descretely and thus the teachers could do nothing they said and just made my parent pissed at the teachers and etc...

I finally had enough and beat the living shit out of one of them and they never bullied me again, became friends with one after learning and helping him with his family issues, beat the heck out of another for no way of reasoning with him, and the last time I was bullied I nearly choked the guy to death... All of my instances came out well for me in the end, but they could have turned drasticly for the worse for me and the bully. How I rid myself of bullying will not work in every case and it could backfire horribly... Please don't do any of the things I did except for helping one stop being a bully. I know a person like me that was kicked out of school for fighting back and his life has gone nowhere since...

 

[Gormech]

I was bullied for years but luckily I was able to defend myself from the physical side of it due to my size. It was a pain and yea, I hated the system for making me choose between pain and expulsion. To anyone under something like that, let me tell you, lawsuits make things a lot easier, especially with all those cameras that the schools are starting to set up now days. Trust me.