Bullying: Stop the complaining.

[Loonyyy]

Violence, Violence, and more Violence.

I should know. As a former bully victim, every time I snapped and responded with physical violence (effective or not), I was never tormented again by that individual. I know I shouldn't be advocating this, but all the talking and the pleading and the telling teachers/adults/counsellors in the world didn't do crap. A good solid right hook did wonders.

As a former victim, I can tell you that it didn't work when the guy was a psycho who didn't care if I hurt him.

It didn't work on the guy who came back with two mates.

It didn't work on the girl who brought her crew of fuck-buddies along (Who were 3 years older than me), at which point, my attempt to fight back resulted in being pinned by 4 people much bigger than me (I hadn't had my growth spurt).

It works for some people. One little turd started trying to harrass me verbally. I was having a terrible day, and I pummeled him. He never spoke with anything but respect to me afterwards.

I almost broke a guys orbital bone once. He still wanted to fight me one on one.

Violence is an inconsistent solution at best, and if it's your only suggestion, then those who can't physically fight off any combination of attackers are left with only the option of using weapons. We really don't need to see kids killing bullies with guns simply because people refuse to consider solutions beyond the victim dealing with it themselves.

As a previous bully victim, I'll freely admit: I wanted my tormentors dead. I never considered suicide much back then, because the moment I did, I got angry, and told myself "Fuck it. It's not my problem here, these people enjoy hurting me, and I'm damn well not giving them the satisfaction of winning. It shouldn't be me who dies, it should be them."

 

[chocolate pickles]

At both my primary and high school, we got told if we retaliated against a bully, we would be deemed in the wrong, and that we should have told a teacher instead. Personally, this wasnt and still isn't an ineffective way of dealing with bullying in my opinion, as in some cases it simply didn't work (bully wouldn't care and would just keep doing it)or you would be called a 'grass' by the other kids for going to the teacher. I think that it would be best if kids were taught how to stand up for themselves: Perhaps not violently, but at least have the confidence to face the bully.

Also, schools should stop punishing people who retaliate. I think students should be well within their rights to try and protect themselves.

 

[Loonyyy]

Is your name by any chance a reference to this song? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXZpqORcuFM

Why yes it is I think you're the first person whose ever noticed that.

When I used to play a certain MMO, they came up with a system at one point that let you change your username, and since I had grown out of my current username I tried to find a better one. I was looking for one that sounded cool and kind of witty, and was also a reference to something I liked, and I came upon that song, and it was perfect. Even though the song itself is kind of meh, the title is awesome and I use it for everything now

Awesome. I'm a massive fan of RA, they came down to Australia on tour last year, so I flew over to the mainland to see them. Was awesome. I'm trying to start my own band, mostly inspired by them.

 

[I-Protest-I]

Punch your bully, if they're much stronger get a bat.

Worked wonders when I was a lad.

 

[Fappy]

-Snip-

You got expelled for doodling a gun? Christ. Fuck Columbine. The paranoia that was left in it's wake has caused irreparable damage to our education system. Definitely not the media's finest hour.

 

[370999]

I think, as others have pointed out, there is a difference between bullying (a continous directed assualt on some) and being a dick. Likewise some people just don't get on, which is nobodies fault. And often there is an attitude of screaming bullying over James not inviting Henry to his Birth day party, which is silly.

I do think it is important to teach kids that sometimes the system will fail. Sometimes bad people will not only escape punishment but be rewarded. And the good will sometimes go unrewarded and even, in some cases, punished. There is a responsibility on parents to make this clear to their kids. The world can be a grim place and it's much better to learn that when you are young then when you are older.

Schools quite often do pay a lot of lip service to the idea of anti-bullying measures. Isn't really that effective in my view, often it's more designed to make kids behav e a tad nicer to each other then actually solve bullying issues. And I do accept how hard it is for teachers to combat something which is very hard to see at times, especially when you know that there are a lot of legal restricitons on how you can act.

I don't think shrugging your shoulders and saying "cest le vie" over bullying is a constructive approach. Yes it will always be around but measures should be taken to reduce it. It is unfair to expect children to be able to deal with this, especially during their formative years when self-confidence and image are very important.

How to combat it, I'm not sure

 

[JaceArveduin]

it might be easy as an adult on the outside to "ignore the trolls" but in highschool that insignificant BS such as friends, social stuff, and the social hierarchy is THE ENTIRE WORLD, being told thease things they believe it

its the kind of thing where people say people should just get over their depression

Well, from what I've seen, people with a superiority complex take non-physical bullying rather well. It personally made me not give a flying fuck about being social by any stretch. *shrug*

As for the depression thing, the bad ones tend to be caused by chronic imbalances. Sadly, a lot of people don't realize that and won't shut up.

 

[icythepenguin]

I think the problem is that there is a disconnect between what students went through ten years ago and what students are going through now when it comes to bullies. Bullies will always exist in every facet of life, there are just people who need to feel superior by making others feel inferior. Most of the time you can just walk away, find a quiet place to rest and zone out.

The problem students have today is being able to leave that torment at school. Students have integrated social media into their lives, they're never more than five feet from their cell phones or a computer. The bullies continue harass their victims through social media and through texting. The added benefit of anonymity on the internet only increases the likely of others joining in the bullying.

Case in point, the girl who recently committed suicide in Canada. She made a mistake providing a topless photo to some creeper on the internet. The photo was passed around to her school. She left one school but the bullying followed her, with people harassing her on facebook and spreading the photo to her new school. She got beaten up and left in a ditch because she went to spend time with a friend and his girlfriend took offense to that. She told her parents and they did everything they could to help, the school was powerless, hell the cops even knew about the picture did nothing. Even after the girl killed herself, her bullies continued to deride her on websites dedicated to her memory.

It took her death for something to be done about it with the asshole who circulated the picture being outed by Anonymous and the RCMP arresting and charging the people who posted comments that they were glad she was dead.

There have always been those kids who can't escape the bullying. It followed them home because they had no friends, nothing to distract them or make them feel better about themselves away from the bullying. Now it follows every bullied kid home as they go on facebook or twitter and find messages ridiculing them or distorted pictures or pictures that should have been private spread all over the internet. It no longer stays in the school or the community, it goes worldwide and will haunt them forever. That's why bullying has become such a major issue now. Its impacting not only their current lives but possibly their futures as well.

 

[Termagent]

To all the people who are saying I had this happen to me, so I did this and then they left me alone and everything turned out fine.

Wouldn't you rather of not had to have dealt with it in the first place?
What would you have done if they didn't suddenly back down and they came back with even more force?
Wouldn't it be better that this sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable in society?

There is absolutely no circumstance that any form of bullying should be occurring at any school to anyone. If you're forced to go to school you should be in a safe environment and not have to deal with harassment for little reason other then there being some assholes who want to try to ruin your life. The idea that it's something that's just going to happen anyway is the completely wrong attitude when dealing with this and we should be looking at ways of not only allowing the victim to get help, but to stop people from bullying others to begin with.

I have seen and dealt with a lot of bullying over my schooling life and a lot of it has had lasting impressions on not only myself but on other people as well. For some people they become stronger with it, other people it can completely and utterly destroy them and the fact that this is allowed to occur in society is completely and utterly disgusting.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Unfortunately there are a number of counterarguments to "just deal with it":

If you are outnumbered. This sort of person travels in packs. You can lift weights and train in karate for three years straight and you still will not win a fight against four guys who are your size or larger. Calling them out is just giving them another chance to hurt you.

If you are small, weak, or have a debilitating medical condition. A kid in my elementary school had leukemia. He was hairless from chemo, always weak and sick from treatments. The shitheads used to snatch his hat so he'd have to walk around bald. That kid wasn't going to beat anyone up. (In his case, every time the shitheads came near this kid the faculty used to fall on them like thunderbolts, but this wasn't a solution as he was still victimized regularly.)

If the abuse takes the form of ceaseless verbal harassment. There is no escape as your schedule is chosen for you. The shitheads are not breaking any rules, so there is nothing you can do within the rules to make it stop. Ignoring them isn't really a possibility when they're in close proximity to you for several hours a day. Telling them to stop just encourages them. If you make it clear you're not going to take it, i.e. knock them down and kick their teeth in, YOU have now crossed the line. YOU are going to take 100% of the flak. It won't matter what they did to deserve it, YOU are going to be blamed, because "hitting people is always wrong." Two years later YOU will be rejected from that college you want to go to because you have a history of violence. The shitheads, on the other hand, will get Band-Aids and a cookie.

I'm not saying there is no solution, I'm just saying "bring them to the yard for fisticuffs" won't work all the time. Congratulations OP on being big and strong enough to make it work, and having enemies who didn't turn you in. Not everyone is so lucky.

 

[Geeky Anomaly]

I'm with you. I'm not entirely comfortable with what we're raising our children to expect out of life these days. In my freshman and sophomore years of school, I was:

punched
beaten
kicked
spat on
choked
had my car vandalized
my family's house vandalized
my mother assaulted by my fellow students
death threats
verbally abused by students AND teachers
and told daily that the world would be a better place if I just killed myself

So, forgive me if I sound like I'm blaming the victims...but here's the thing. I endured all of this, and I DIDN'T kill myself. Because I knew it wasn't the answer. I am here today because I CHOOSE to be, not because someone saw to it. So the way I see it, people who commit suicide do so because they CHOOSE it, no one MAKES them kill themselves, just as no one MAKES me NOT kill myself.

In the end, is bullying right? No, of course not, it just is. It's a part of life. We can't coddle our children in a safety bubble of happiness for 20 years...then what's going to happen to them when they get into the REAL world?

I overcame my problems on my own. The summer of my junior year, I hit the gym and the weight room...hard. I came back to school and punched the first guy in the face who tried to grab me in way that I knew was going to lead to trouble. No one ever messed with me again at that school; and I had way more friends the last two years. It's not about the violence, yes violence is ALWAYS bad, but it's about confidence and self-worth. I didn't gain social status because I punched a guy in the face, I gained social status because I valued myself enough to not let anyone else harm me. When you value yourself, you attract people. Kids who get bullied NONSTOP get treated like that BECAUSE they just lie there and accept it, they don't stand up for themselves. Yes, parents, teachers, and even the police should get involved if shit gets bad, but there is no reason to kill yourself because people call you names.

I know this response could quite possibly make me look like a giant douchebag, but instead of focusing on these WASP sub-urban kids who get called names and do nothing but cry about it; let's turn our attention to kids in inner-city schools who GET SHOT AT just for being from a different neighborhood.

 

[Gregory McMillan]

The irony is that you say we coddle too much, but you're also thankful that you had friends and family that supported you. You are lucky by comparison to the ones who don't have that support.

Yea but I sure as hell wasn't coddled. No one was beating on my tormentors. Hell there was hardly an intervention because it was pointless. No I was taken aside and TAUGHT how to deal with it. To take insults with flinching, and to move when fists started flying. I was taught, in fact had my ass whooped, learning how to actually fight. And man did I get my ass whooped a few times, by people that loved me but I became stronger for it. I learn better techniques, how to keep my head up, yet protected. In fact I was pretty decent boxer when it was through. Believe me, that took a lot of pain, a lot of effort, and it built a shit load of character.
There is very big difference but I can see that a lot "hurt feelings" here linger and many haven't learn to deal with it.

Maybe its my libertarian side coming out, but I hate relying on authority to solve my problems. I'd sooner kill a thief in my home to protect my family then run and lock the bed room and call 911.

First cops don't really respond fast in my neighbourhood Second, I'd rather make one less thief in the world then let the penal system turn out another more well equip criminal.

Sometimes Parents, teachers, and the media aren't going to be there in time. Or they only care after it's too late.

Again no one coddled me, I got a shit load of tough love. I got told what I did wrong, and why hurting myself was wrong. And I couldn't blame bullies for the rest of my life. I was responsible for myself, and I was responsible for letting petty shit get to me. I wasn't responsible for what Bullies did, and they were wrong, but what I did to myself, and thus really did to my loved ones, wasn't the fault of a bully, even it was part of the cause.

For some reason, everyone that is against original poster, equates everything said as some type of macho do it yourself bullshit... which isn't true. But I guess in the perfect world, we make all play grounds out of nerf, and make sure the kids only play on the black top cause grass as germs.

Its why we have some many supposed "men" who complain about walking a mile, or that the weather is a little chilly so they can't to work. Whatever, I work my ass off, I've walked all across my city, in places that most people would be "afraid" of in the winter. I'm tough now, I've worked 15 hour days in kitchens unbelievably hot, just for a mere 8 bucks an hour. I've done some dirty, hard, nasty shit to provide for my family. I got those values, those abilities not by being coddled, but being encouraged, supported, and taught to survive when others. Well others just give up and die.

Do I think it's right? No, but I sure as hell believe for the most part in America, most of these kids need to MAN up because that was the very thing that turned my life around.

But you know, first world problems. Seriously, I hate to be dick, but I see a bunch of wusses arguing that their First World problems are o so hard and we all need to learn to play nice. Guess what, the world ain't nice, and it isn't getting nicer.

Understand I can be a super liberal guy. I would stand up for some one being bullied, but after it's said and done. Me and the victim, of that bully, well I'm going to show them, what I was shown. A whole lot of Love of a very tough nature. Like me, I will imbue and temper them into something stronger. I explain to them, if you ever want your independence, you will have to learn to stand, when even the wind is trying to knock you down.

I'm up for people dealing with their own problems. Believe me, I'd be the first one to say "stand up to them". However, each person and situation has its limits. There are variables between each instance of bullying: bully/victim physical capability, bully/victim mental capabilities, victim punishment threshold, bully/victim psychological stability, bully motive, victim's personality, motives for not telling, types of fear, peer pressure, home environment, school environment, outlets, the list goes on forever. Each situation is not the same.

Believe me when I say that I'm glad you made it out of your situation. It's great to see an example of one, who've stood up for themselves and made it out in the end. But the fact of the matter is, this should not exist in the first place. No one should be placed into a defensive position without reason. The repercussions of bullying have led to extreme situations in which the bullied decided they want to end their life or the lives of others. That is the point in which the mind is gone from reality and is searching for release any way it can.

It sickens me to see the victims of suicide caused by bullying so belittled by this "man up" mentality. Yeah the world isn't nice, and yes people need to stand up for themselves from time to time. But everyone's mind, will, and body are not equal. The authorities are there for the purpose of protecting the people. Those people were under circumstances that you don't understand because you do not know what thoughts were running through their mind and what their perspective of the situation was. They needed help and they did not get it. Now they are dead. We've been preaching this "man up" philosophy for so long and it's helped some, but you cannot ignore the rising number of suicides/homicides due to bullying.

 

[Geeky Anomaly]

Honestly...I think the BIGGEST problem is that most of the time, the teachers are NOT ALLOWED to physically intervene. If a kid is being accosted by 2 or 3 other kids, in my father's time, the male teachers would haul the offenders away by their shirt collars. Now, they have to stand there and let it happen because if they even TOUCH a student, they can get sued, fired, and arrested. That's the problem. The students are ALLOWED to beat up other students, but teachers are NOT ALLOWED to even grab or restrain students to PREVENT or STOP the physical bullying. When you have serious problems, you need to use serious measures to deter, prevent, or stop them.

The teachers need the AUTHORITY to intervene, and right now, they don't have it. There would be less bullying if the bullies knew that the teachers had the authorization to kick their ass if the need arose. And I would say that a student getting beaten up by a bunch of bigger kids just for the lulz, is a student in need.

 

[Zen Bard]

Why should we flame you? You have given good advice.

Thanks, man. I appreciate that.

While no one's flamed me, I have gotten a few matches thrown my way...

I'm a big believer that if you're powerless to stop an adverse situation, the least you can do is learn from it and either use that knowledge next time or pass it on.

 

[Comocat]

Punch your bully, if they're much stronger get a bat.

Worked wonders when I was a lad.

Are you my dad? Everytime a bullying store pops up on the news, he tells me an anecdote about how he was bullied as a kid. It ends with him saying "if you dont stop, someday you'll be all alone and I'll be there with a 2x4." I must have heard this story 500 times in my life and everytime I hear this, I know exactly why he was bullied.

But seriously, my brother has a friend who is 6 foot something 300+ lbs, you arent going to hit the gym for a summer and kick that guys ass (Even though he is nice guy). We become parents and pay teachers money because supposedly adults are smarter than kids. Some kids need to "man up" and deal with their shit, others need help. If an adult can't tell the difference, they probably should not be working with kids. A good tip for dealing with life for anyone, is if someone tells you there is one way to deal with a problem, they are probably the source of the problem.

 

[Ethan Bewley]

I think it should be noted that a boy at my school committed suicide roughly 24 hours ago due to the large amount bullying he received for no apparent reason. Though I didn't know him well a lot of my friends did.

I know I may get flamed for what I'm about to say but I do not support anti bullying, however, I am not pro bullying. I just feel like the argument is futile, you cant stop hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. That is only my opinion.

R.I.P Thomas.

 

[Judas_Iscariot]

Bullying is good. It encourages people who are behaving strangely or failing to develop social skills to do so. It's social Darwinism, being bullied because you are fat? Lose weight. Being bullied because you creep girls out? Start learning to pick girls who are actually interested in you. Bullied for being a slut? Stop spreading your legs for anyone who takes you out once. Bullied for being gay? Stop being so flamboyant.

And if you'd rather not change who you are, then fight back and earn your right to be different.

Society is not responsible for protecting you from mean people. Someone who is abnormal, bases their opinion of themselves on what other people think, is to weak to mount a defense, to stubborn to change, to unlikeable to get others to help, and to unintelligent to strike back verbally or with some sort of clever scheme deserves what they get: they were never going to contribute anything meaningful to society anyways.

Adapt or die.

 

[Saviordd1]

I agree mostly Fox, but there does need to be avenues for betterment that aren't ignored (Our school system just loves to ignore bullying).

That said I think that methods to deal with it should be taught, otherwise its learned the hard way

Actually...

Its

snip

There is a difference between a mild teasing and bullying. Look calling someone fat is ok as long as its in good fun and you are not doing it repeatedly. If you get called fat every day for 4 years straight your going to be affected as a person. Thats bullying. Thats what the big deal is.

Yeah, been there, done that, EXACTLY that (except even better because I have the wonderful "disability" of being Bi).

Maybe I'm a jackass but I'm almost glad I went through it, sure, it fucked me up in areas, but on the other side it teaches you things you don't learn when everything is perfect or well protected.

All I know is that I am way more prepared for the world than the thin guys in my school.

Meh the fat thing was an example, my issues were more standard "He's a know it all dork with glasses and dresses like shit, lets get him." type of deal. Though I am bi too and never had a problem with it. Though I still lean towards the opposite sex than same sex so its easier to hide.

It depends where you are I guess

My home town is a very conservative "cummins diesel engines rawr" town and gays were frowned upon (unless your a hot chick because yay for double standards)