"...but we're just friends"

[Sebenko]

Meh, I never get that, because I seem to only hang around with girls with boyfriends already.

Of course, being shot down when you're not even flying is a bit confusing... "Nah, that's not happening" "Wait, what isn't?"

And since I very rarely find myself looking at a girl in any way other than "friend I'd probably sleep with given the chance", it's not much of a problem.

 

[rutger5000]

No I've never been there. Seriously I haven't and I never will. But through common sense, and not being an asshole logic I think I can give a valid point on this.
I already said this in another post but: If you like a girl ask her out! No bullshitting around.
Now of course it's possible that you start to feel attracted to a girl after you've became friends. Then the same rule applies just ask her out! If you're really friends you'll stay friends even if she rejects you. Otherwise either she doesn't really trust you, or you are just an asshole that set up a friendship to get in someones pants.
There's one girl I'm in the friends-zone with, but I put us there and I like it. First she had too little confidence to feel appealing to me. By the time I got over that I noticed that she was like family to me. Going out would be really weird. This is also something I told her when she needed another boost of confidence.

I must admit though that it's easy for me to talk though. I've noticed that I'm popular with girls, the hell how did that happen? So yeah I can afford the friends zone. It's a good thing though having girls as friends that you can ask for advice about other girls.

 

[gibboss28]

It's always nice to have something to chuckle at in the morning

 

[supermariner]

it's a clever girl device of saying:
"yeah i'm really not interested in you"
designed not to hurt your feelings too much
she probably doesn't think we cant be boyfriend material because we're TOO nice
maybe she even likes that. we can't be boyfriend material for other reasons
which would be hurtful to us to mention

 

[Aulleas123]

...Just wondering
Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

Sure, tell them to get a dog and then stop answering their calls.

No, in all seriousness I have had this happen all the time. It sucks every single time. I also think it's hilarious when women say "oh, I'm not into assholes" or "I just want to date a nice guy." Kinda like a politician, they'll tell you a complete lie to look socially acceptable.

What they are interested in is confidence. I have seen some of the most grotesque dudes land some very good looking women, all because they come off as confident. Now I'm not saying being modest and humble is a bad thing, I'm just saying that the 'shy, cuddly' folks that we are need to learn how to put on a different face around women. A face that says "I don't really care what you think because you are here at this moment and will be gone in an hour, so I will do and say whatever I want because you will not even exist after tonight" allows you to do whatever you want. So why not act as such?

 

[Bohemian Waltz]

The obviously horrible brilliant solutions to these unfortunate situations: (A social experiment)

Reply to the following with:

."I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"

"You're sweet, intelligent, and beautiful and I'd be lucky to have you."
"Can you be anyone?"
"Sounds like a good start to the application I'm submitting to fill the position of being with you"

"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"

"Okay, but you do know that good friends make excellent boy-friends"
"Okay, but could we be just friends that happen to fall in love with one another?"
"Okay, but could we be just friends that make-out, hold hands, go out together, and cuddle during movies & cold nights with each other exclusively?"
"Okay, but I'd like to upgrade my service from friend zone to romantic interest"

"You're like a brother to me..."

"We could have a marvelous incestuous affair."
"So don't think of me like a brother, think of me as a person who's interested in you."

*Extra credit for daring if you use the word "Gurrl, babycakes, or muffin" at any point in the above responses.

If you're going to get the *****-out cliche response; then you might as well go out with a little bit of flair and zaz. Unless you're committed to being a pussy nice-guy.

 

[Phoenixlight]

Well if you are a nerd then it's very likely that girls aren't going to find you the slightest bit attractive so they'll say "just friends" so that they don't hurt your feelings.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

But, what if these other concerns are actually important? Things that have nothing to do with self doubt, but rather with yourself as a person. For example, working overtime to pay rent, a sudden illness in the family, a major exam in a few days, and so on. In that case, what takes priority?

Also, I'm not sure one's self doubt would seemingly invent some arbitrary bullshit just so that you wouldn't ask that girl out.

For some, Self Doubt provides a function, a rationalization to not do something out of fear of what might or might not happen. This can take many forms; random thought generation, the sudden urge to empty one's bladder and so forth. With the ultimate goal of distracting you from whatever it is you are thinking of doing.

As for the real concerns, they may in fact be legitimate pre-existing circumstances. But you have to ask yourself; Yes I have to work overtime to pay the rent, it's happening so accept it. With a family illness, they are the ones who are sick*. With school/exams, if you know the material and have prepared for it then you will pass.

*It might be somewhat shallow or self centred thinking that, but worrying about things you can't change has never solved anything.

When all the stress is pushing down on you, remember that old Chineese proverb;
"One joy can shatter a hundred griefs." One of the greatest joys is meeting a new girl.

 

[smithy_2045]

Two things.

If she doesn't want to enter a relationship, she probably wouldn't have wanted to when you first met her either.
You should still maintain your friendship with that person even if they're not interested romantically.

 

[OmegaAlucard777]

Hey brah, not to be rude or insensitive, but you really gotta stop making friends, If you want a relationship, go for it and see what happens...
More importantly, don't let them use you with the excuse of being friends.

Sure, if you honestly want to remain friends and be the shoulder to cry on, go right ahead, as long as you don't cling to the hope that this is the key to their hearts, yeah?

To be honest, it's a very manipulative move

While I laugh at this guys use of 'brah' I agree, if you want them as friends thats great, girls can be good company. However if you want a relationship with a girl then MAN UP and ask her before she gets attached. Worst she can do is say no, which is not the end of the world. Some might even say it builds character

I agree with you all. I just pose a hypothetical situation.

Say a guy enters into a friendship with no feelings for the girl. Then finds out later how great she is and all that stuff and suddenly begins to have romantic feelings for the girl. Does that mean that the guy is essentially screwed for life?

I only ask because everyone is basically saying the same thing.

 

[Yoshisummons]

With all the views to a thread this new I think it answered your own question. Social awkwardness forever!

 

[squintzepalladoris]

Yes. Pretty much all except for one of my relationships with girls have ended this way. I say ended because I see no point in being friends with a girl who i have a romantic interest in, when I know that the relationship will never be anything more than "just friends". The only girl that has gone on an actual date with me was a girl that I only knew in passing, until one day I asked her to the movies and she said yes. That didn't go any further than a first date though (just too damn shy). So i would have to agree, that you don't want to become "friends" before you ask them out.

 

[GiantRaven]

Gah I hate this general attitude! It implies that it is impossible for people of two different genders to just be goddamn friends.

I had an incredibly good friend in college who was female. She thought my being single sucked and even went out of her way to try and find someone for me (this failed hilariously). She also wasn't the slightest bit interested in having a relationship with me just as I was not interested in pursuing one with her.

Why is this strange? Where is the logic in suggesting that if a girl thinks you would make someone a good boyfriend it should be her?

edit: Also there appears to be the implication that only girls will 'friendzone' someone. Does that mean guys will go out with anyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in them?

 

[Macgyvercas]

XCKD seems slightly appropriate here.

Spoiler

 

[ThreeWords]

The tactic I am about to prose assumes you, as I am, a teenager, and not looking for a long, meaningful relationship to last for decades. This hinges on the assumption that you'll only last so long anyway.

Basically, have a core circle of friends, and aim outside that for your love interest. Friends of friends, random people from parties, whatever, but don't go for your friends.

I wonder if this thread is what caused the female rant next door...

What rant? Link?

 

[Smooth Operator]

I agree with you all. I just pose a hypothetical situation.

Say a guy enters into a friendship with no feelings for the girl. Then finds out later how great she is and all that stuff and suddenly begins to have romantic feelings for the girl. Does that mean that the guy is essentially screwed for life?

I only ask because everyone is basically saying the same thing.

Not for life no, just until she is ready for family and needs someone safe and reliable, you simply become the last resort.
Question is if you are prepared to stick around and see her with all those other guys, and if she didn't already find a preferable candidate amongst those.

You probably have better chances winning the lottery then getting that girl, no matter how close she appear to be.

 

[dorkette1990]

Nerdy guys are amazing! Well, not so much for the cuddling, but if both of us were aloof, that ruins the magic, yeah? So, I don't mind if they cuddle me, I'm just not so much a curl up sorta girl. I like nerdy boys, except the lack of romance part (maybe it's just mine, though... he keeps telling me I'm "not girly enough to like the romantic stuff).

Well you definitely must be of the female species, since that made absolutely no sense and does not appear to be connected to the topic.

But hey that is the reason why we like your kind, the wackyness.

The thread is about girls' tendencies to "friendzone" nerdy guys. I was just saying that I don't trend toward that, and explained why. True, the last sentence is a tangent, but I don't think it deserved a back handed compliment.
But I don't come here for tact, and I am most definitely considered "wacky", so oh well.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

It's just their way of saying,"I like you, but I'm scared to be alone with you." I feel your pain man.

 

[USSR]

I wonder if this thread is what caused the female rant next door...

I was just wondering the same thing.

 

[TriggerOnly]

don't be friends ask them out after you start to get the know then a bit then miss/hit if hit see were it goes man