"...but we're just friends"

[Ham_authority95]

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

They "pull the friend card" because they actually didn't like you.

Would YOU "give a chance" to anyone you didn't have feelings for in the first place? Of course not.

My advice to you: Whenever you find out a girl doesn't like you more than a friend, get to know her female friends and start hanging out with them. After a bit, ask one out to do something with just the two of you. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, you will find one that will like you in return.

 

[Azaraxzealot]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

 

[Azaraxzealot]

If you quote me, don't cut off my quote half way. I said that this is not always the case, merely that it has been observed that it is a trend.

I'll quote whatever I feel like quoting, when I feel it's relevant to the point I want to make.

Then your post has little to no validation. You cut what I said in half, then proceeded to say that I was wrong, where I explained what I was saying was not always the case later in the the post. Don't bother contradicting something already that has already been explained. You're just wasting time.

plus, taking quotes out of context makes you as bad as FOX news

 

[The_Blue_Rider]

So in essence, yes, guys will go out with anyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in them?

Desperate guys will go out with anything that moves, yeah, because they can't know when it'll be the next time they'll be lucky and get pussy again. They have a scarcity mentality, so they take what passes by easy.

Those of us who aren't and have an abundance mentality will show a bit more selection than that, at least for longer-term relationship material, though we do not have lists in the back of our mind. I have a few traits that I know would make me attracted and interested for something more meaningful, and I screen out women according to my needs and preferences. Of course, if my aim is just to get laid, I screen way larger.

That said, we are instinctively and biologically wired to see, under three seconds, whether we want to get laid with a woman and render her pregnant or not. Attraction is that strong in us males.

You dont have to be desperate, for instance if a girl asked me out i would probably say yes, unless i had a problem with them, Its only fair really it takes courage usually to ask someone out and the least i could do is give them a chance.

 

[Garquille]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

textbook example of where so many guys go wrong
I'M APPEALING
LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Some of you need a little heads up.
Don't assume you know why a girl does not like you. Perhaps unlike you, they may have a brain in their head where they feel and/or think what is desirable to them. Girls tend to focus around this a lot. Confidence, courage, and outgoingness tend to be one of the popular mixes that are attractive. Know who often have these characteristics? Girls don't like jerks, they like these qualities about them because they are commonly regarded as attractive qualities.

Know what isn't attractive? Thinking a girl should like you because you're a 'man', they're a girl, and you "act" nice.

Boys/men generally keep most girls they know "open" for potential tomfoolery or romantic progression or think that because the girl shares similar interests with them that they are compatible mates. The prior can be a problem because you seem to be more after a "girl" than a significant other that falls within your desires (much more specific than the possession of boobs). The latter is a problem because those qualities are what makes a friendship, not a romantic companionship. Just because they have a vagina doesn't mean you need to turn friendship into romance.

What makes a romantic companionship is the unique interaction between the two of you. The ability to push each others' buttons without going too far, to be both understanding allies and rivals to varying degrees to create a tug between the two of you instead of you just being super nice and expecting her to melt because it's still the 40's where eccentric personalities didn't exist and gentlemen in shining tuxedos roamed the land. If none of this is happening between the two of you, then all it is is a friendship, with you wishing for more. Similar interests are only bonuses to the unique connection that develops between the two of you, which usually starts immediately after meeting them.

In general, guys are way too broad with who they'd keep open for consideration, too shallow in what they define as a significant other, and too shortsighted to differentiate what type of relationship is ideal for any specific girl. On the other hand, girls can sometimes be too preconceiving as they actually follow various specific characteristics they find romantically attractive. This can go wrong when not weighting what is unnattractive and/or giving too much weight to certain characteristics they like or want.

Do you have a 3.8+ GPA in a 4 year degree college pursuing a respectable career with good pay, treat woman very nicely, avoid destructive tendencies, and want to start a family?
NONE
OF
THAT
MATTERS

If you want to stop gambling until you find a girl who starts off on the right foot with you, you need to step up your personality and realize that the quality of "nice guy with bright future" is boring as shit when there's no unique tug between the two of you. Romance isn't Cat & Mouse. It's war; exchanging blow for blow and getting into each others' groove.

 

[Azaraxzealot]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

textbook example of where so many guys go wrong
I'M APPEALING
LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Some of you need a little heads up.
Don't assume you know why a girl does not like you. Perhaps unlike you, they may have a brain in their head where they feel and/or think what is desirable to them. Girls tend to focus around this a lot. Confidence, courage, and outgoingness tend to be one of the popular mixes that are attractive. Know who often have these characteristics? Girls don't like jerks, they like these qualities about them because they are commonly regarded as attractive qualities.

Know what isn't attractive? Thinking a girl should like you because you're a 'man', they're a girl, and you "act" nice.

Boys/men generally keep most girls they know "open" for potential tomfoolery or romantic progression or think that because the girl shares similar interests with them that they are compatible mates. The prior can be a problem because you seem to be more after a "girl" than a significant other that falls within your desires (much more specific than the possession of boobs). The latter is a problem because those qualities are what makes a friendship, not a romantic companionship. Just because they have a vagina doesn't mean you need to turn friendship into romance.

What makes a romantic companionship is the unique interaction between the two of you. The ability to push each others' buttons without going too far, to be both understanding allies and rivals to varying degrees to create a tug between the two of you instead of you just being super nice and expecting her to melt because it's still the 40's where eccentric personalities didn't exist and gentlemen in shining tuxedos roamed the land. If none of this is happening between the two of you, then all it is is a friendship, with you wishing for more. Similar interests are only bonuses to the unique connection that develops between the two of you, which usually starts immediately after meeting them.

In general, guys are way too broad with who they'd keep open for consideration, too shallow in what they define as a significant other, and too shortsighted to differentiate what type of relationship is ideal for any specific girl. On the other hand, girls can sometimes be too preconceiving as they actually follow various specific characteristics they find romantically attractive. This can go wrong when not weighting what is unnattractive and/or giving too much weight to certain characteristics they like or want.

Do you have a 3.8+ GPA in a 4 year degree college pursuing a respectable career with good pay, treat woman very nicely, avoid destructive tendencies, and want to start a family?
NONE
OF
THAT
MATTERS

If you want to stop gambling until you find a girl who starts off on the right foot with you, you need to step up your personality and realize that the quality of "nice guy with bright future" is boring as shit when there's no unique tug between the two of you. Romance isn't Cat & Mouse. It's war; exchanging blow for blow and getting into each others' groove.

well i already am well on my way to being married... so i think im doing just fine and dont need to be preached to.

believe me, i HAVE the confidence, in the end i think it all comes down to "i want a guy with muscles", which caused me to go into a state of near-anorexic thinness because i just wanted to be fucking attractive in high school

the girls are just smarter in college (duh) because they actually fucking know what they want. high school girls dont know jack shit about their futures (most of them anyways), and no amount of charisma, charm, wit, and even decent level of attractiveness will get you anywhere because its more based on luck than on skill in that madhouse.

and yes. i believe i know about "love is war" since i stole my future wife from her current jerk for a boyfriend. (actually, how we got together is like something straight out of a romance book. pretty sweet with plenty of "AWW" factor, but i think ive already made my point)

 

[HyperionToASatyr]

I hate to sound like a misogynist here, but it is at least sometimes true what they say--girls kinda like douchebaggy guys. Not because they're sensitive or intelligent (obviously) but because, on some primal level, there's an urge towards dominant male figures that are viewed as better able to "protect the hearth," so to speak. It's kinda reason guys are generally attracted to curvy, voluptuous women--they're viewed as being more fertile.
Now, I'm not saying you completely change yourself and act super assertive and treat all women like dirt, but sometimes, in my experience, girls like to have the onus taken off of them to take the lead or even keep pace with a guy. So introduce yourself not as a friend, but as a would-be lover, maybe? Just a starting point.

 

[Azure Sky]

The things I am hearing here sound awfully familiar...
Kinda glad I have never really been overly interested in others.

I have plenty of male friends (nerds included) who I see having the best personalities, but nothing that attracts me to them past the point of being their friend. I can think about it, try to convince myself to see more but it just doesn't happen. Also, being that I have not long come out of a relationship with a gamer, I'm just not attracted to anyone who might value their console more than a relationship.

Agreed, through and through.
I suspect that the thought of coming second to an inanimate object, or anything else for that matter to be highly off-puting.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

Spoiler: quoted from Bash.org, no idea where it came from before landing on that site

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Christ I get this situation all the time. What is in the spoiler tag sums it up quite nicely.

Probably the only Bash quote that ever said anything true.

 

[MelziGurl]

The things I am hearing here sound awfully familiar...
Kinda glad I have never really been overly interested in others.

I have plenty of male friends (nerds included) who I see having the best personalities, but nothing that attracts me to them past the point of being their friend. I can think about it, try to convince myself to see more but it just doesn't happen. Also, being that I have not long come out of a relationship with a gamer, I'm just not attracted to anyone who might value their console more than a relationship.

Agreed, through and through.
I suspect that the thought of coming second to an inanimate object, or anything else for that matter to be highly off-puting.

Well considering I've already been there...yes, it's highly off-putting.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

I'm completely fine with it when a girl tells me she just wants to be friends.

Although, that may be due to the fact that I, myself am female, and not a lesbian.

EDIT: If it's any consolation, however, this isn't a male specific issue. For me, it's when I get told I'm just "one of the guys."

 

[bak00777]

every fucking time i put myself out there and actually build up the guts to ask a girl i get, "I dont see it working out" or "I just want to be friends"

Losing hope here.

 

[game-lover]

I basically agree with all the responses that say she's not attracted or interested in you.

You're funny and kind and sweet but sadly, you don't get her hormones awake enough. That's pretty much my motivation if I say that to somebody. And I have. With at least one guy.

Granted, I like to think that if I was even the slightest bit attracted to you, I'd say yes. Within a heartbeat.

 

[SkyeNeko]

sometimes 'i just want to be friends' means 'i dont want to date you because youre [insult]'. isnt that better than her taking a chance and then deciding she doesnt like you? i dunno...

 

[Daveman]

Well it's usually more like "You'd be attractive if you were like 3 inches taller."

That's from girls who are friends though, not girls I've asked out. I'm like the Charlie Brown of talking to women.

I'm going to die alone.

edit: I'm not usually this depressed sounding, I just haven't been sleeping well lately and I just watched Donnie Darko. Although I am definitely going to die alone.

 

[Ickorus]

Yes I have had this situation, it sucked on the one occation it mattered to me but I managed to overcome it.

I've had perhaps one other girl besides the one who I ended up dating say it to me.

I know what it's like to be 'just friends' with girls too being the one delivering the sometimes crushing statement so I know both ends of the situation well.

Just for reference I ended up dating the girl who had once said we were just friends for about 2 years but in the end we both realised we really were better off being just friends albeit friends who cared about one another deeply.

 

[theguitarhero6]

I feel you, bro.
As it turns out, I'm a better friend than significant other(at least thats what the girl says)
I'm convinced that being a nice guy will get you fucking nowhere in this world.
Nowhere.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Nice answer: Because the woman in question probably values you as a true friend, and realizes that while relationships rise and fall, a good friend can last a life time. I mean, maybe you should consider how lucky you are; you already know her so well, and she respects and trusts you enough not to see you as "some dude I could date"

Not so nice answer: Because women are psychotic cold hearted bitches who don't know what the fuck they want and what the fuck is good for them, so they take the fucking douche bags over the nice guys, and then ***** and moan that all guys are dicks. No honey, you are just fucking stupid

Realistic answer: Because people want what they can't have. She probably has feelings for a guy who only sees her as a friend

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

I have plenty of male friends (nerds included) who I see having the best personalities, but nothing that attracts me to them past the point of being their friend. I can think about it, try to convince myself to see more but it just doesn't happen. Also, being that I have not long come out of a relationship with a gamer, I'm just not attracted to anyone who might value their console more than a relationship.

You are dating the wrong type of gamer then. Owning a console does not make you less of a dick

 

[DougNotDougie]

In my experience you just gotta do something really cute that shows the girl your more than what they think you are... In my case I wrote a song for the girl...