Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[EeveeElectro]

The fact they only asked attractive women says something...
I do sometimes think people of the opposite gender befriend each other because one fancies the other, in hopes of a relationship. Not all of course, I've got casually chatting to a few guys and formed good friendships and I know for a fact none of them have ever had any feelings for me.
There was one time I befriended a lad who eventually got feelings for me though, but I don't think he feels that way now. We're still good mates.
I have heard several guys say ugly women make the best friends~ You don't end up fancying them, you can go to them for women advice and your girlfriend won't be jealous. It's not a nice thing to say, but I do think that's why I have a lot of male friends.

 

[Queen Michael]

Of course they can be just friends. Gays and lesbians, anyone?

 

[scw55]

Basically what this shows is that men are more blunt/horny.
Women are more considerate.


I agree, it is possible to be mates with a girl and not want to fuck her brains out. In times of desperation you may *consider* but ultimately you wouldn't. Nothing to do with how attractive they are.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

Yes, anyone who says otherwise are talking out of their ass.

 

[Nyaliva]

A few points:

1. They definately can, most guys are just too horny to keep it that way, especially all the guys in the movie.
2. Just because a guy wants to have sex with a girl doesn't mean he can't be just friends with her. I'm sure there'd be a number of guys in a great relationship who has a lot of girls as friends and still wouldn't mind banging every one. But he doesn't because that would be rude.
3. The guy in this video ticks me off because he makes the mistake with point 2 above, does this study on college students, none of which I'm sure are in serious relationships, goes into the study with a subjective opinion and editting his video according to his views. I'd like to see how many guys said yes and girls said no, the results are unjustified until then.

In case it wasn't obvious, I have a ton of girl friends, probably as many as I do guy friends, I'm not in a relationship and I have no intention to have one with any of my girl friends...at least not now and it certainly wouldn't be to just have sex with them.

 

[winginson]

Most of my friends are female. I find the occasional fantasy normal, but it remains a fantasy and doesn't affect anything. It's probally easier if you are both taken, and with people who know you aren't going to cheat on them though.

 

[Angie7F]

I have a friend of 10 years who hangs out at my house, got drunk silly together gazillions of times, and we are just friends.
There just some people you meet that immediately becomes like a brother or sister to you and even thinking of sex with that person is gross in a incest kind of way.
So, yes, guys and girls can be friends.

 

[aquariusmediaaseo]

Interesting I like the video. I like the views of the peoples. Its all depend on trust and thinking.

 

[Saltyk]

Think of it this way. How many times have you met a person of the opposite sex that you never though of hooking up with? Why did you feel this way? Were they ugly? In a relationship? Were you in a relationship? How did they fell? Exactly how close were you? Look in your heart. You know it to be true. Men and women can not be friends without some kind of huge obstacle. And even then, it's dicey.

False.

I assume that when you write opposite sex, you are really meaning sexually compatible, correct?

My closest friends can be summed into two girls and six guys. Out of those there are only two that I've felt really attracted to and actually wanted to sleep with. That would be two straight men. The two not-that-close-but still-good-friends bisexual guys I know? No such feelings and one is pretty good looking to boot. Bisexual, good looking guy, no relationship. I don't see any major obstacle and I'm still not jumping into his pants. Sadly I can't prove any of this but don't take shit for granted.

I looked into my heart, I know that it is in fact NOT true.

Well, yes and no. I don't see any reason it wouldn't be applied to gay and lesbians, but that is a very different situation, at the same time.
So, I'm assuming that you are gay. Correct?

If so, look at your female friends. No issue there, right? But you're established as off limits. Proving part of my point.

As for the men, are you saying that the two straight men are the ones you have ever really felt attracted to? That's how I'm reading it. And that proves the point. There IS an obstacle there. The fact that they are only attracted to women. I'm sure that as a person in your situation, you can just kind of accept that. I accept it all the time when girls I know are in relationships, or lesbians, or whatever. In fact, I can be friends with them with no strings attached. I might think to myself that they are cute, but have no issue being friends (no guarantee that is a mutual understanding I have found a few times, fueling my belief). I'm certain this is a similar feeling/situation.

As for the bisexual friends. You say you're not that close. And that can be a part of it right there. The last girl I dated we actually started as friends. Pretty good friends, too. Hell, we went out together as friends and it became a date. To be fair, I think we both knew it might happen that way and were lying to ourselves and each other that we were just going out as friends.

Here's the thing. I must admit, that I am not really sure about bisexual men. I've heard that bisexual women tend to be of the thought that they like to have fun with women, but want to marry men. As such, lesbians don't really like bisexual women too much. Is there a similar issue with bisexual men? If so, there's your obstacle. You obviously see it subconsciously if nothing else. On the same frame of mind, you might (even subconsciously) think that he prefers women, causing the same issue.

Otherwise, I'm at a loss. But I'm not prone to dismissing something I've seen with my own eyes countless times. It could just be a man and woman issue, in that case.

Note: I was trying to write this in a respectful manner. If anything I said offended you, that was not the intention. Not sure why it would, but I like to cover all my bases when I feel there MIGHT be an issue. Honestly, I have very little personal experience with gay men. Actually, the last time I talked to one, he was trying to pick me up... Apparently, the people I was with (both male and female) were so desperate for alcohol that we walked into a gay bar without knowing it. Long story.

Hm, I'm a bit confused now. I understood your first post as "if you don't have feelings for them, it is because of a huge obstacle." Here I was explaining a situation where I did have feelings for someone, even though there is an obstacle. At the same time there is two people who are readily available but I still have no feelings. Don't dismiss the women though since I am bisexual. I just kinda forgot writing out the part about them. That's what you get for being sleep deprived!

Don't worry about me being offended. You didn't write anything that I'd consider offensive so you are being overly cautious. Maybe there's a bit of an "I am 100% right" tone, but offensive? Hell no.
(I'd love to hear that story. Sounds hilarious. But maybe not derail the thread.)

Yes, that pretty much sums up my point. Honestly, the problem with your situation is that it isn't in the "normal" dynamic of sexual relationships. I'm honestly talking about a largely alien concept here. Especially since you are bisexual. However, in my experience, in a strictly male/female relationship, my statement is 100% true. I've never known men and women to be just friends unless they just weren't attracted to each other. Any male/female relationship, given enough time, will run into this obstacle. In my own experience, even when I'm not the person trying to instigate such a relationship, the issue comes up. I've seen it from the outside, too. I can't think of one situation where a man and woman have been just friends (not just acquaintances) without them having some huge reason, like marriage, preventing further action.

Good to know, I didn't offend you. I knew I was probably being overly cautious, but sometimes you can't be too careful. When you live in a world where women claim sexual harassment just because you told them they "look nice today", it can pay to be overly cautious.

As for coming off as "I'm 100% right", that's because I am.
Okay, maybe I'm not, but would you want your lawyer to argue your case in court as, "Well, I might be wrong..."? Why should I argue for my statement as anything other than the gospel truth? In my experience, it is, mind you. Your mileage may vary.

As for that story, some of the details might derail the thread. If you want to hear it, I'll happily PM it to ya.

 

[FamoFunk]

That video was dumb. How did those Women know the Man would date them?

Of course Males and Females can be friends. I'm pretty 50/50 with the amount of M&F friends I have.
Never once has there been some sort of sexual tension or awkwardness because of it. They discuss with me who they like and come to me when Women fuck them around like a friend does.

Life would be boring if you could only have same sex friends.

 

[ZeroMachine]

It's possible.

But it can be damn hard. (See? I even made a boner joke already!)

Example: I met a girl and became good friends with her earlier this year. I had feelings for her, which I wasn't to happy about (she had just graduated high school, so she's 18 and just moving out into the world, and I'm turning 23 in January -_-'). But I figured, in many ways, she's more mature than her age would make you assume, she's very pretty, she's amazingly talented, so it wasn't some terrible thing. But I held back. Then she ended up with one of my friends, so I kinda gave up out of respect for him even though he got on my nerves sometimes. Then I became very close friends with one of her exes, who I knew still had feelings for her (and who she admitted she still had feelings for). So I put my feelings aside and basically voted myself into the friend zone. And I was totally OK with it. Didn't even find her attractive anymore. Useful skill I picked up over the years.

... But then, for the first time ever, I fell back into those old feelings for her over the past month. We got to know each other a LOT more, and I feel like she's actually egging my on to try something. And it SUCKS.

So, it is possible to be just friends, but there's a big chance you'll eventually wonder why you aren't more so, or what would happen if you guys got down and gigity.

And there isn't anything wrong with that. Just remember that there can be dire consequences.

 

[The Almighty Grigard]

Yes, that pretty much sums up my point. Honestly, the problem with your situation is that it isn't in the "normal" dynamic of sexual relationships. I'm honestly talking about a largely alien concept here. Especially since you are bisexual. However, in my experience, in a strictly male/female relationship, my statement is 100% true. I've never known men and women to be just friends unless they just weren't attracted to each other. Any male/female relationship, given enough time, will run into this obstacle. In my own experience, even when I'm not the person trying to instigate such a relationship, the issue comes up. I've seen it from the outside, too. I can't think of one situation where a man and woman have been just friends (not just acquaintances) without them having some huge reason, like marriage, preventing further action.

Good to know, I didn't offend you. I knew I was probably being overly cautious, but sometimes you can't be too careful. When you live in a world where women claim sexual harassment just because you told them they "look nice today", it can pay to be overly cautious.

As for coming off as "I'm 100% right", that's because I am.
Okay, maybe I'm not, but would you want your lawyer to argue your case in court as, "Well, I might be wrong..."? Why should I argue for my statement as anything other than the gospel truth? In my experience, it is, mind you. Your mileage may vary.

As for that story, some of the details might derail the thread. If you want to hear it, I'll happily PM it to ya.

There's your problem right there. Straight woman, bisexual man. That fits "Any male/female relationship." Sure we have only been this close for 6 years, but there is no indication what so ever that we are going to run into this obstacle. I don't know if she is attracted to me. I do know that she is very good looking. But the thought have never crossed my mind to go to bed with her in any sexual manner. I've slept next to her in the same bed, cause the house were out of surfaces to sleep on when me and others slept at her place.

We could argue like this forever. Because I too know I am 100% right.

 

[minarri]

Donaghy and Lemon. That is all.

 

[Saltyk]

Yes, that pretty much sums up my point. Honestly, the problem with your situation is that it isn't in the "normal" dynamic of sexual relationships. I'm honestly talking about a largely alien concept here. Especially since you are bisexual. However, in my experience, in a strictly male/female relationship, my statement is 100% true. I've never known men and women to be just friends unless they just weren't attracted to each other. Any male/female relationship, given enough time, will run into this obstacle. In my own experience, even when I'm not the person trying to instigate such a relationship, the issue comes up. I've seen it from the outside, too. I can't think of one situation where a man and woman have been just friends (not just acquaintances) without them having some huge reason, like marriage, preventing further action.

Good to know, I didn't offend you. I knew I was probably being overly cautious, but sometimes you can't be too careful. When you live in a world where women claim sexual harassment just because you told them they "look nice today", it can pay to be overly cautious.

As for coming off as "I'm 100% right", that's because I am.
Okay, maybe I'm not, but would you want your lawyer to argue your case in court as, "Well, I might be wrong..."? Why should I argue for my statement as anything other than the gospel truth? In my experience, it is, mind you. Your mileage may vary.

As for that story, some of the details might derail the thread. If you want to hear it, I'll happily PM it to ya.

There's your problem right there. Straight woman, bisexual man. That fits "Any male/female relationship." Sure we have only been this close for 6 years, but there is no indication what so ever that we are going to run into this obstacle. I don't know if she is attracted to me. I do know that she is very good looking. But the thought have never crossed my mind to go to bed with her in any sexual manner. I've slept next to her in the same bed, cause the house were out of surfaces to sleep on when me and others slept at her place.

We could argue like this forever. Because I too know I am 100% right.

Well, as a bisexual, everyone is potentially a mate for you. So that situation is fairly unique. According to my statement, you couldn't be friends with anyone. So, how can you be friends with anyone? Obviously, you are some kind of mutant. It all makes sense.

Seriously, though, your situation is unique. So you could be an exception. What I'm suggesting works in most scenarios.

I've enjoyed this debate of ours. Happy to find someone on the internet that can discuss things without flaming the other person.

 

[sifffffff]

I'd I agree with this video. Also this video really made me miss college. It was like a buffet of babes. A babe buffet. "I want to me a chick today... Oh there's 12 right here!"

 

[ChaoticKraus]

Yes, anyone who says otherwise are talking out of their ass.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

When my GF Kisha and I broke up we still hung out. It went ok till one day she dropped me of at my apartment and I immediately kissed her on the cheek. My brain still thought we were together that it was just automatic.

I don't think x-girl friends or x-boy friends can ever truly be friends. Too much jeliousy when they find someone else, too much risk of getting back together for the wrong reasons, and eventually you grow apart and then its like breaking up all over again.

Now just being friends with the sex your attracted to, why not? I have a few friends who are girls we get along fine. Life isn't just about sex.

 

[milna64]

Men and women can be just friends. Like, if shes ugly an thaa. innit.

This is a weird question. On one hand, I don't think that the point is valid because most men would have sex with any girl they meet, especially those of a similar age, whether they are friends or not. On the other hand, that IS the point. Men can't be just friends with a woman because they will ALWAYS(and by that I mean usually) want to bone them.

I do not think that sexual attraction is the only reason men make friends with women. I do think it's always going to be there. I also thing that it doesn't have to get in the way of the relationship. I had a female friend once that, although I would have had sex with if offered, I never actively persued it.

 

[lord.jeff]

I once read a small exert of an article in Reader's Digest (in a doctor's office) that asked various questions of psychologists. This was one of the questions. The psychologists said-drum roll please-no. That's right, psychologists said no. They said that men and women are just hard wired to look at everyone of the opposite sex as a potential mate. The only exceptions are when both people are completely unattracted to each other for one reason or another.

End of thread basically.

The minute SEX enters your mind it's not "just friends" and thus not a real friendship.

A friendship between men and women can occur in situations when there is ZERO CHEMISTRY, for various reasons like gayness, woman being unattractive(or moderately attractive but not his type) and so on. As the pros said, we are hardwired to seek beauty in the opposite sex(for the heterosexuals among us) and if we do see a beautiful woman(I'm speaking as a guy) the last thing I want to do is be "just friends" with her, I want to eventually have sex after knowing her a bit. Hell, even if I don't have anything in common with her, I'd still like to have sex to her just based on her appearance.

Attraction needs to be absolute zero for a true friendship to exist.

Look at how you behave around a friend and the way you behave around a girl you want to get with.

Thinking of sex does not change a relationship anymore then thinking about murdering your friend when they do something stupid. I can look at a girl think she's attractive, and the idea of sex may cross my mind but I don't act on it and I continue about my day. And if I cared to look I'm sure I could find a psychologist who says yes instead I'll just remind you of all the psychologists that thought video games would turn us into murderous psychopaths.