Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[silversnake4133]

I don't understand why there's a problem here. We are all psychologically capable to be friends. We live in a very vibrant culture and there are plenty of men who have female friends and vice versa. Heck I have more dude friends than female friends, but that's because I'm a true-blue tomboy and I feel a lot more comfortable hanging out with guys than I do with girls. Besides, every guy has that one (or more) female friend whom acts as their "dating encyclopedia" whenever they need advice. And the same goes for girls.

Society isn't black and white, no matter how strongly those who were interviewed see it. Being a Psych major, I knew the guys were going to say "no" while the girls were going to say "yes". It's hard to explain to a "T", but sociability is a very ingrained instinctual behavior that women have more so than dudes do. Mostly because females have the task of taking care of others in their family as well as their offspring, so naturally, females are more likely to be social and make friends than males are. There's also a hormone called "oxytocin" that is otherwise known to trigger the "tend and befriend" response which is usually caused from contact with others (most predominantly to a mother and child). Guys naturally produce oxytocin as well, but it isn't as strong as a reaction because they don't have large amounts of estrogen to intensify the effect.

This is just biologically speaking though. It isn't uncommon for guys to be social on the level of females, but depending on their genetic make-up, they would rather see females as possible mates than "just friends".

 

[shrimpcel]

Well of course it depends on your definition of "friend". If any thoughts of a sexual nature invalid your notion of friendship, then it might be hard. But then again, not all girls are that pretty. Nobody seems to have thought about that in that video! So I think we can definitely say it is possible. Might not be easy to keep your... manliness... in check in certain cases though, but I think it's ridiculous to assert that there is "no such thing" as friendship between men and women.

 

[duowolf]

Seeing as I only have close male friends I would hope it's possable otherwise somthing is very wrong.

 

[New Frontiersman]

I have plenty of friends who are girls all of whom have plenty of friends who are guys. So yeah, I do think men and women can be friends without romantic or sexual undertones.

 

[Darkstorm13]

I'm a 16 year old guy, and I have quite a few female friends that I wouldn't even consider going out with. They're just friends. Of course it does help that I have a girlfriend already, but even if I didn't a lot of my female friends would still be just friends

 

[IzisviAziria]

So i was wandering the web today and i found this.


What do you make of these results? What do you think of friendships between men and women now. Before you quote experience of them, be aware that unless you can literally read that persons mind (or you were friends before the age of 5 during which reverse sexual imprinting takes place making friends/sister/brother relationships very possible) you can never know for sure how "one sided" a friendship can be.

I get on with my EX just fine, we are friends to a degree, definately not best friends, but we get on. Im not sure if that qualifies but ive never been best friends with a girl i didnt end up dating. It just happens, maybe its just me but i unintentionally fall for my best girl friends, and they do the same. Again my story means nothing on a global scale but it makes you think.

Equality and instant "OF COURSES" aside, ask yourself. Do these results show something? Is it just horny college students? Would adults be more willing to be just friends?

EDIT: fixed link

Dude. Hi-5!

I saw the title of this thread, immediately went back to where I knew this video existed, copied the link so that I could post it in this thread as my answer. Lo and behold, your provided proof was the same video I was going to post as my answer!

Totally right though. Seriously, anyone that says otherwise is delusional, lying to themselves, or asexual.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Romantic Love = friendship + sexual attraction.

While guys may not ALWAYS think about sex (come on, that's preposterous) it's fairly easy to get them thinking about it. If a straight guy has a female friend, it pretty much goes without saying that he is attracted to her. This doesn't make them not friends, but it does make it not the same type of friendship as two dudes being friends. It is friendship, but of a different dynamic. At least in the guy's eyes.

Hell, I'm probably the most not-caring-about-having-a-girlfriend-or-having-sex guy I know and every time I meet a similar aged girl my first thought, even if it isn't a surface thought (the vocal thoughts you make in your head), is whether or not I'd do her if given the chance. Animal instincts... man, they suck sometimes. And that reaction isn't just men, either; women size men up as potential mates too.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Men and women can be just friends. The video proves only that a percentage of the guys interviewed don't think they can be and that the men referenced probably think sexually of the girls interviewed. I have a few male friends who have never thought sexually of me. Hell one of them I see as my brother(then again knowing each other since we were both 3 probably doesn't help with that). I KNOW most of my male friends have at one point or another thought sexually about me. Half the time its because of me. Because of something sexual I said, or a sexually suggestive way I was dressed, or hell for my Haunt family, me and my obsession with blo pops and my oral fixation in general and throwing that out there to everyone......Nonetheless I do still have male friends who we have very clearly set the boundaries of "we're just friends, you can fantasize all you want but we both know nothing will happen between us".

 

[Blemontea]

Dear Sweet God I wish we could... I have only one regret in my life as of right now. Which is letting one of my greatest female friends be my girlfriend. Yes i loved her and loved talking with her, but after going out... things happened... were back to being friends now, but there are still wounds, she doesn't know or care, but i have troubles now just saying hello to her without feeling angry. The woman that before we dated i could openly talk about masturbation with while driving home from a great day at drama club. All of that is ruined because we went out and im an asshole who decided to break his vow of not dating.

 

[TheDooD]

So, some twat with a faux-hawk and guided questions is considered results, now? Well, hot damn, science just got easier! Anecdotal evidence is accepted! BTW, guys--Superpowers exist! I have them! But I'm not gonna show you. You just gotta take my word for it, okay?

Anyways, blatant disregard for the acquisition of acceptable results aside, yes, it's certainly possible. When you're not dealing with almost obviously testosterone driven men discussing the girls that friend zoned them, your results will change. If a single sexual thought, or non-amicable thought, ever crossed your mind about someone you consider a friend, this does not automatically mean if you don't bang them the friendship is over. That's similar to saying that if you've ever had a single thought about politics, you should run for government. "Oh man, I really like her, but she won't do me, so I can't ever be around her again!" is the disparaging cry of the emotionally immature.

Of course that thought will happen. It's freaking biological. Friendship is in part about accepting that fact, and acknowledging the other person for attributes beyond 'boinkable'. Attributes like sense of humor, or intelligence, or a similar history. Hell, your relationship grows when you share such things in common, but just because you refrain from jumping into bed with someone doesn't mean all that just hangs around as sexual tension between you. You incorporate those things into the friendship instead of into a loving desire.

I hope he fails whatever project that was for. I hope his professor pans the report and the process, explaining in great depth why he failed it, and how data needs to be objective, rather than subjective, and that destroying validity by suggesting meaning to the people you're asking meaning of results only in wasted time. Universe, make this happen, please.

The funny thing is for me it's pretty much reversed. I can hang out with girls no problem and strike up conversations and what not. It's when I get to really know'em is when the sexual attraction, tension and all that start to rise up. Pun not intended....

In high school I knew this girl that I had in art class for 2 years in a row we were close the first year we shared a class together. The year after there was quite a bit of tension between us especially since her boyfriend for a few years left her and pretty much confessed my feelings for her like a week before her break up.

After a two weeks she told me that is did like me back yet because she just got out of a relationship she didn't really know what to do at the moment. I respected that her and I didn't want to pressure her yet it didn't ruin are friendship in fact it strengthen it for the time we were together.

 

[Astoria]

Well I have plenty of guy friends who I have never been interested in and have never been interested in me. People aren't attracted to absolutely everyone of the opposite gender so of course they can just be friends.

 

[Viral_Lola]

Most of my friends are guys and we?re doing just fine. I?m good friends with one of my exes. It really depends on the people in the situation.

 

[Phalene]

You're not really considering the functional possibility that you don't have to have sex/relationships with everyone you find attractive (or that having sex precludes not being anything other than friends) AND that beyond hetro-normative expectations, there's plenty of people who lean bi or gay. Hell the "no psychic!" argument holds true even for same gendered friends, since you have no idea whether your same sex friends have the hots for you without the ability to read minds.

Just mentally estimate the stats. Think about how common at least vestigial bisexuality is, now run the odds through the number of same sex people you know. Chances are at least one of them has the potential to find you hot. Then ask yourself how absurd questioning male/female friendships

Besides, friends can be a great starting place for sex or a relationship, because we tend to hang out with people we like, and the inverse is true, that we tend to want to be friends with the sort of people we find attractive. But if I actively went after every male friend who tickled my passing fancy I'd never have time to get stuff done.

 

[Blow_Pop]

-snip-

In all honesty, I do have a few male friends who have never once thought of that. One of them being my best friend who I've known since we were 3. As I said we're close enough that we're like brother and sister....He also came out a few years ago that he was gay(which we all suspected even though he kept dating girls)......

 

[IronicBeet]

Of course men and women can just be friends.

If the girl is ugly or the guy is gay, that is.

 

[Lilani]

A girl can be friends with a guy, however it is very rare (unless he is homosexual) for a man to be friends with a girl just because she is a nice person. Guys tend to delude themselves by saying that the "friend zone" is good enough. Thats just the plain truth. How many men have you seen with girls that are "below their league" just hanging out. Most men become friends with girls simply because they are too afraid to ask the girl out and/or she is dating someone else.

-Again, girls can be friends
-Men cannot be "just" friends with girls

Psh, I'm calling bullshit on that. I'm quite overweight myself, and I have plenty of guy friends who I'd say are above my league. Quite above my league, really. And quite a few of them are already in steady relationships (as in long-term dating or married). But they're just friends. We hang out and have a good time. Really, I think you must be quite emotionally and romantically insecure if you haven't figured out how to separate friends from relationships yet (or even do what we girls do and switch between them).

 

[Treefingers]

How is this even a question? Obviously. I have quite a few close female friends. This thread is weird.