Can we please stop it with the Tumblr hate?

[Guitarmasterx7]

Oh look, someone from tumblr whining again hurrhurrhurr.

There's definitely a culture of obnoxious patience draining people that's found its place to fester on tumblr. It's just waaaaaaaaay too easy to make jokes out of, for one. Also its very common to trip over people with philosophies that are violently opposed to the idea of acting like a well rounded mentally adaptive human being that are willing to lash out at normal people and harmless behavior. (For example, there are people that would be "triggered" by the fact that I just used the phrase "normal people." Yes, seriously.)

That said, tumblr itself is like a blog for images that I guess has a fairly varied set of features so there's nothing wrong with the actual formatting of the website that would stop well adjusted people from using it, but I think that could be part of the problem too.

Rather than congregating on independent sites and forums where they're easy to ignore, the weirdos are using tumblr and exposing humans with actual grasps of reality to their ridiculous shit. Not that I doubt there aren't other sites for this, but tumblr is really the only place I know of where I can read about how a demigendered octosexual wolf spirits dad calls hir a "he" and it triggers hirs headmate into a state of self instated post traumatic stress, and I've never felt compelled to actively look for such a thing.

 

[ayvee]

Not to mention the way the sidebars on people's profiles often mention their sexuality, because apparently people are defined by that.

Bonus points when it's a sexuality which doesn't actually exist like "demisexual", or impossible by definition like those who claim to be (term I forgot that is used for those who are not sexually active to any degree) but also claim it's possible to be sexually active some of the time.

Demisexuality actually illustrates my main beef really well. It's supposed to be people who only feel sexual desire to pople they've got an emotional connection to, or something like that. Now, I'm not denying that there could be people like that. After all, if there are people who want to have sex with horses then it's not that outlandish to imagine that there might be people like this as well. What bugs me is that they need a special term to describe every part of their sexuality. Like this one person who was a self-described "sapiosexual." Because just saying "I'm into smart people" doesn't sound special enough.

Sexuality as a fashion statement. Jeez.

Demisexual was created as a term in the asexual community to describe people who did not feel sexual attraction for others except in really rare and exceptional circumstances; what other term would they have? They're not asexual, and simply labeling them gay or straight wouldn't reflect their experiences. So a new term was made for them.

It bewilders me that people take issue with this, why do you care?

It was coined by a 14 year old girl who wanted a term to describe someone who was asexual but sometimes wasn't.

It's something which is impossible by definition. If you are at times sexually attracted to people, then you aren't asexual.

Speaking as someone who is demisexual, ahem.

I used to consider myself asexual as a teenager, because while I had a sex drive it wasn't really directed at anything. I never looked at people and registered them as "attractive" or "unattractive." I actually had some weird juvenile moments of panic when I thought that people would ask me to rate someone on that 1-10 scale and I wouldn't be able to because I legitimately did not know the difference between a 7 or a 9 or whatever. It's funny in retrospect. I just wasn't sexually attracted to people based on looks.

I was, however, sexually attracted to my first crush. Who was someone I met over the internet and the first person I'd really been able to talk to who shared common interests with me (small town). This was the first time I ever actually wanted to have sexual relations with another human being, and it was on the basis of the relationship and emotional connection that we had (we never actually got to meet in person).

At that point I just considered myself "practically asexual," because I wasn't really sure what else to do. But I eventually discovered the term demisexual.

Demisexuality is definitely a thing, but it's kind of like an asterisk or a footnote to where you would fall elsewhere on the spectrum. You can be bisexual and demisexual, straight and demisexual. It simply means that your sexual attraction (not your sex drive) is based on an emotional connection rather than physical attraction (or rather than a combination of the two, which is how I assume it works for most people).

To put it another way, I'm someone who can only date my friends. There has to be some kind of established connection there, otherwise my romantic or sexual interests just do not happen.

 

[LobsterFeng]

4chan isn't a singular entity either but horrible things still brew there.

 

[Zontar]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

 

[ayvee]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

 

[higgs20]

you're right of course, tumblr doesn't get mad at stupid things, tumblr isn't a massive ****. unfortunately a lot of the people it attracts do and are. i'll stop hating tumblr when it stops being a sounding board for the sort of people who really should be sterilized for the sake of humankind.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

So is tumbler like reddit? Random things posted by random people? Never used either of them though my brother enjoys reddit. Hate is what it is, just ignore it. If you enjoy tumbler then enjoy it, why would the hatred from a bunch of strangers mean anything.

 

[Zontar]

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

Then you're sexual. End of story.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

The problem is this: that halfway does not exist, there is no in between. Once you reach sexual maturity, you are either sexual or asexual. It's a black and white thing due to the definitions of the terms. You are either one, or the other, end of story.

 

[ayvee]

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

Then you're sexual. End of story.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

The problem is this: that halfway does not exist, there is no in between. Once you reach sexual maturity, you are either sexual or asexual. It's a black and white thing due to the definitions of the terms. You are either one, or the other, end of story.

I never said I wasn't sexual? Demisexual is still sexual, it's just a label for a particular kind of attraction.

Would it help if you looked at it like kink or something? Some people are into BDSM, some people aren't. Some people have visual based sexual attraction, some people don't.

 

[EternallyBored]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

Zontar is arguing the wrong way by comparing it to asexuality, although it might be that you keep stating that it's "asexuality, but" that's confusing him.

I think the greater point is that people don't understand why such subsets need their own names and terms, demisexuality is just sexuality with some preferences thrown on top, other people see it like coming up with a name for being attracted to red haired people, or a specific term to denote attraction to a specific quality or trait.

In my experience with the LGBT community, words like that tend to receive opposition because they are seen as complicating a concept to the point that it becomes less valuable as a whole. While I don't necessarily agree with that argument, I do see where the criticism comes from about it making the concept of sexuality murkier.

 

[Piorn]

I just don't understand how people prefer to be lumped together in LGBTABCDEFG and whatever.
All it does is group anything that isn't "vanilla" together, creating a divide between "normal" people and a "group of exceptions".
You don't fight racism by dividing into white and not white, either. All you do is generalize, and remind people of a past where there was a divide between the two.

Just bothers me because recently someone complained about Gone Home having LGBT themes. What?
It's just two people in love, get over yourself.

 

[ayvee]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

Zontar is arguing the wrong way by comparing it to asexuality, although it might be that you keep stating that it's "asexuality, but" that's confusing him.

I think the greater point is that people don't understand why such subsets need their own names and terms, demisexuality is just sexuality with some preferences thrown on top, other people see it like coming up with a name for being attracted to red haired people, or a specific term to denote attraction to a specific quality or trait.

In my experience with the LGBT community, words like that tend to receive opposition because they are seen as complicating a concept to the point that it becomes less valuable as a whole. While I don't necessarily agree with that argument, I do see where the criticism comes from about it making the concept of sexuality murkier.

I wasn't actually trying to say "it's like asexuality, but." In my story I initially considered myself asexual because I was in middle school and that was my understanding of terms, but I was confused because I had a sex drive and I didn't think that was supposed to happen if you were asexual. And in my second post I was loosely quoting the oft-given sort of laymans definition of demisexual, which obviously doesn't work if you try to look at it literally. Apologies if I didn't make that clear.

While I'm inclined to agree that we get bogged down in labels and fragmentation, with something like demisexuality it can have a considerable effect on how you interact with people sexually or romantically. And it certainly helped me to realize there wasn't anything "wrong" with me for not really fitting into what I understood the established categories to be. At least when I was younger and thought that actually mattered.

 

[EternallyBored]

I just don't understand how people prefer to be lumped together in LGBTABCDEFG and whatever.
All it does is group anything that isn't "vanilla" together, creating a divide between "normal" people and a "group of exceptions".
You don't fight racism by dividing into white and not white, either. All you do is generalize, and remind people of a past where there was a divide between the two.

Just bothers me because recently someone complained about Gone Home having LGBT themes. What?
It's just two people in love, get over yourself.

While it's a nice sentiment, and many people would like to work towards a world where labels are not necessary, we do not currently live in that world, so people label temselves in order to find others like them.

The LGBT label and others like it were formed because those who were part of it were part of a distinct minority group, one that is often actively ostracized, belittled, or even demonized and physically attacked or killed by the majority group in power. The minority groups band together because it allows them to pool power and influence in ways that they previously couldn't, as well as allowing their issues to reach a wider audience.

While it is detrimental to form your entire identity around the concept of minority vs. majority group (as some followers of the patriarchy theory can demonstrate), the benefits of identification are far greater to groups that may only make up less than 1% of a population yet still be actively ostracized from wider society.

Telling people not to label themselves because we should all just love each other is a cold comfort to minority groups who already receive derogatory labels from wider society.

 

[geK0]

I've been somewhat active on tumblr for quite some time and honestly I've never stumbled on one of "those" blogs without specifically looking for them. Most of the stuff that appears on my dashboard is videogame or technology related, because why would I want to follow some self annoying, righteous, preachy, condescending, neo-liberal blog? : \
It's only a really terrible website when you're not looking for things you actually want to see.

 

[Saetha]

God, does it really matter? I see so many complaining about the stereotype Tumblr has, but I've seen very, very few complain about, say, how 4chan is defined by /b/, or how Facebook is defined as bland and mainstream. Pretty much all the major websites have got some sort of shorthand to them. Maybe it's a flaw about the format that's blown out of proportion, maybe it's a subculture on the site that in no way encompasses everyone, but it ends up defining the site because that's the most unique thing it offers. 4chan offers trollish assholes, Twitter offers self-obsessed nuts, 9gag offers unoriginal content thieves, Tumlbr offers militant SJWs. They might not make up any significant majority, but they exist in that format in greater numbers than they do on any other. That's why those platforms become associated with them. But the only ones I commonly see complain about getting that treatment are the tumblrettes. Why? Why should Tumblr be exempt at all?

And it should be noted that I frequent Tumblr, and have for a little over a year now. I know that SJWs don't make up anywhere near the majority of the site - that dubious honor goes to crazy, obsessive "fans" and unoriginal bloggers who always seem to respond to things with "I CAN'T EVEN" or "OMG CRYING." And if it weren't for the SJWs, those subcultures are the ones that would be generalized as making up the entire site. And then everywhere would make fun of them because of it. Because that's what they do. People make fun of 4chan for being made up of assholes, people make fun of Reddit for being a bunch of dudebros, people make of Tumblr for having whatever people feel they've got the most of. It's the same sort of tribal mentality that fuel sports team feuds or college rivalries.

You can try to ask people to look past that, but they're just going to find some new stereotype to associate with Tumblr, and use that to make fun of it. Just as Tumlbr users would find a way to make fun of 4chan and Facebook and Reddit, because we've all got that little tribal mind in one way or another.

 

[Erttheking]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

 

[Zontar]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

Simple: He's using a made up term to describe something which falls well within the perimeters of of the two categories on the matter. It's like saying you're not European because you're Italian. You're not European, you're half way between European and North African (which is admittedly a poor example, seeing as unlike being sexual or asexual THAT debate actually has credence in the Balkans and Iberia).

 

[Erttheking]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

Simple: He's using a made up term to describe something which falls well within the perimeters of of the two categories on the matter. It's like saying you're not European because you're Italian. You're not European, you're half way between European and North African (which is admittedly a poor example, seeing as unlike being sexual or asexual THAT debate actually has credence in the Balkans and Iberia).

Except he didn't claim that he wasn't sexual. He said that he was demi-sexual Which is only slightly sexual. It's a specifier. There are varying degrees of being sexual and we have different words to describe them. You don't get upset when people use a different term for blue.

http://m5.paperblog.com/i/43/432276/list-of-colors-and-name-of-their-shades-L-85LGTe.jpeg

What's wrong with a different word for sexual?

And the word is made up? You know what other words are made up? Literally every single one in existence. We made them and gave them meaning. This word has been given a meaning. It doesn't have less of a meaning just because you don't like it.

 

[Zontar]

What's wrong with a different word for sexual?

And the word is made up? You know what other words are made up? Literally every single one in existence. We made them and gave them meaning.

The problem is, demisexual both in its origin and common usage on the internet ISN'T a form of sexual (and a dame pointless one at that as EtternalyBoard pointed out), the actual meaning is for someone who is between being sexual or asexual. Which does not exist by definition. When he used the term I was under the impression he was using it like everyone else (including the girl who made it up) did. For such a young word, the definition changed pretty dame fast.