Can we please stop it with the Tumblr hate?

[SonOfVoorhees]

So is tumbler like reddit? Random things posted by random people? Never used either of them though my brother enjoys reddit. Hate is what it is, just ignore it. If you enjoy tumbler then enjoy it, why would the hatred from a bunch of strangers mean anything.

 

[Zontar]

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

Then you're sexual. End of story.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

The problem is this: that halfway does not exist, there is no in between. Once you reach sexual maturity, you are either sexual or asexual. It's a black and white thing due to the definitions of the terms. You are either one, or the other, end of story.

 

[ayvee]

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

Then you're sexual. End of story.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

The problem is this: that halfway does not exist, there is no in between. Once you reach sexual maturity, you are either sexual or asexual. It's a black and white thing due to the definitions of the terms. You are either one, or the other, end of story.

I never said I wasn't sexual? Demisexual is still sexual, it's just a label for a particular kind of attraction.

Would it help if you looked at it like kink or something? Some people are into BDSM, some people aren't. Some people have visual based sexual attraction, some people don't.

 

[EternallyBored]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

Zontar is arguing the wrong way by comparing it to asexuality, although it might be that you keep stating that it's "asexuality, but" that's confusing him.

I think the greater point is that people don't understand why such subsets need their own names and terms, demisexuality is just sexuality with some preferences thrown on top, other people see it like coming up with a name for being attracted to red haired people, or a specific term to denote attraction to a specific quality or trait.

In my experience with the LGBT community, words like that tend to receive opposition because they are seen as complicating a concept to the point that it becomes less valuable as a whole. While I don't necessarily agree with that argument, I do see where the criticism comes from about it making the concept of sexuality murkier.

 

[Piorn]

I just don't understand how people prefer to be lumped together in LGBTABCDEFG and whatever.
All it does is group anything that isn't "vanilla" together, creating a divide between "normal" people and a "group of exceptions".
You don't fight racism by dividing into white and not white, either. All you do is generalize, and remind people of a past where there was a divide between the two.

Just bothers me because recently someone complained about Gone Home having LGBT themes. What?
It's just two people in love, get over yourself.

 

[ayvee]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Oh trust me, I have a very active sex drive.

And asexuality has nothing to do with demisexuality. When asked about it, the given definition for demisexuality may be something like "halfway between asexual and sexual" but that's for the sake of convenience.

Zontar is arguing the wrong way by comparing it to asexuality, although it might be that you keep stating that it's "asexuality, but" that's confusing him.

I think the greater point is that people don't understand why such subsets need their own names and terms, demisexuality is just sexuality with some preferences thrown on top, other people see it like coming up with a name for being attracted to red haired people, or a specific term to denote attraction to a specific quality or trait.

In my experience with the LGBT community, words like that tend to receive opposition because they are seen as complicating a concept to the point that it becomes less valuable as a whole. While I don't necessarily agree with that argument, I do see where the criticism comes from about it making the concept of sexuality murkier.

I wasn't actually trying to say "it's like asexuality, but." In my story I initially considered myself asexual because I was in middle school and that was my understanding of terms, but I was confused because I had a sex drive and I didn't think that was supposed to happen if you were asexual. And in my second post I was loosely quoting the oft-given sort of laymans definition of demisexual, which obviously doesn't work if you try to look at it literally. Apologies if I didn't make that clear.

While I'm inclined to agree that we get bogged down in labels and fragmentation, with something like demisexuality it can have a considerable effect on how you interact with people sexually or romantically. And it certainly helped me to realize there wasn't anything "wrong" with me for not really fitting into what I understood the established categories to be. At least when I was younger and thought that actually mattered.

 

[EternallyBored]

I just don't understand how people prefer to be lumped together in LGBTABCDEFG and whatever.
All it does is group anything that isn't "vanilla" together, creating a divide between "normal" people and a "group of exceptions".
You don't fight racism by dividing into white and not white, either. All you do is generalize, and remind people of a past where there was a divide between the two.

Just bothers me because recently someone complained about Gone Home having LGBT themes. What?
It's just two people in love, get over yourself.

While it's a nice sentiment, and many people would like to work towards a world where labels are not necessary, we do not currently live in that world, so people label temselves in order to find others like them.

The LGBT label and others like it were formed because those who were part of it were part of a distinct minority group, one that is often actively ostracized, belittled, or even demonized and physically attacked or killed by the majority group in power. The minority groups band together because it allows them to pool power and influence in ways that they previously couldn't, as well as allowing their issues to reach a wider audience.

While it is detrimental to form your entire identity around the concept of minority vs. majority group (as some followers of the patriarchy theory can demonstrate), the benefits of identification are far greater to groups that may only make up less than 1% of a population yet still be actively ostracized from wider society.

Telling people not to label themselves because we should all just love each other is a cold comfort to minority groups who already receive derogatory labels from wider society.

 

[geK0]

I've been somewhat active on tumblr for quite some time and honestly I've never stumbled on one of "those" blogs without specifically looking for them. Most of the stuff that appears on my dashboard is videogame or technology related, because why would I want to follow some self annoying, righteous, preachy, condescending, neo-liberal blog? : \
It's only a really terrible website when you're not looking for things you actually want to see.

 

[Saetha]

God, does it really matter? I see so many complaining about the stereotype Tumblr has, but I've seen very, very few complain about, say, how 4chan is defined by /b/, or how Facebook is defined as bland and mainstream. Pretty much all the major websites have got some sort of shorthand to them. Maybe it's a flaw about the format that's blown out of proportion, maybe it's a subculture on the site that in no way encompasses everyone, but it ends up defining the site because that's the most unique thing it offers. 4chan offers trollish assholes, Twitter offers self-obsessed nuts, 9gag offers unoriginal content thieves, Tumlbr offers militant SJWs. They might not make up any significant majority, but they exist in that format in greater numbers than they do on any other. That's why those platforms become associated with them. But the only ones I commonly see complain about getting that treatment are the tumblrettes. Why? Why should Tumblr be exempt at all?

And it should be noted that I frequent Tumblr, and have for a little over a year now. I know that SJWs don't make up anywhere near the majority of the site - that dubious honor goes to crazy, obsessive "fans" and unoriginal bloggers who always seem to respond to things with "I CAN'T EVEN" or "OMG CRYING." And if it weren't for the SJWs, those subcultures are the ones that would be generalized as making up the entire site. And then everywhere would make fun of them because of it. Because that's what they do. People make fun of 4chan for being made up of assholes, people make fun of Reddit for being a bunch of dudebros, people make of Tumblr for having whatever people feel they've got the most of. It's the same sort of tribal mentality that fuel sports team feuds or college rivalries.

You can try to ask people to look past that, but they're just going to find some new stereotype to associate with Tumblr, and use that to make fun of it. Just as Tumlbr users would find a way to make fun of 4chan and Facebook and Reddit, because we've all got that little tribal mind in one way or another.

 

[Erttheking]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

 

[Zontar]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

Simple: He's using a made up term to describe something which falls well within the perimeters of of the two categories on the matter. It's like saying you're not European because you're Italian. You're not European, you're half way between European and North African (which is admittedly a poor example, seeing as unlike being sexual or asexual THAT debate actually has credence in the Balkans and Iberia).

 

[Erttheking]

Snip

You're not demisexual, you just don't have a highly active or over-active sex drive. Asexuality is an absolute, there are no degrees. You either are, or are not, you aren't partly. Your situation isn't anything special, it's a normal form which sexuality takes, but it very much is not in any way, shape or form asexuality.

That's one thing that continually annoys me, inventing terms for things that don't exist. Demisexuality is, by its own definition, something which is impossible.

Please tell me how you know so much about how the sex drive of the person you're talking to. Please tell me how you understand his sexual desires so much more than he does.

Simple: He's using a made up term to describe something which falls well within the perimeters of of the two categories on the matter. It's like saying you're not European because you're Italian. You're not European, you're half way between European and North African (which is admittedly a poor example, seeing as unlike being sexual or asexual THAT debate actually has credence in the Balkans and Iberia).

Except he didn't claim that he wasn't sexual. He said that he was demi-sexual Which is only slightly sexual. It's a specifier. There are varying degrees of being sexual and we have different words to describe them. You don't get upset when people use a different term for blue.

http://m5.paperblog.com/i/43/432276/list-of-colors-and-name-of-their-shades-L-85LGTe.jpeg

What's wrong with a different word for sexual?

And the word is made up? You know what other words are made up? Literally every single one in existence. We made them and gave them meaning. This word has been given a meaning. It doesn't have less of a meaning just because you don't like it.

 

[Zontar]

What's wrong with a different word for sexual?

And the word is made up? You know what other words are made up? Literally every single one in existence. We made them and gave them meaning.

The problem is, demisexual both in its origin and common usage on the internet ISN'T a form of sexual (and a dame pointless one at that as EtternalyBoard pointed out), the actual meaning is for someone who is between being sexual or asexual. Which does not exist by definition. When he used the term I was under the impression he was using it like everyone else (including the girl who made it up) did. For such a young word, the definition changed pretty dame fast.

 

[Vault101]

First we have all the shipping, which in at least 87% of cases focuses on treating two hot male characters as gay sex objects.
.

is that really any different to straight guys obsession with lesbains?

EDIT: sorry "lesbains"

 

[Erttheking]

What's wrong with a different word for sexual?

And the word is made up? You know what other words are made up? Literally every single one in existence. We made them and gave them meaning.

The problem is, demisexual both in its origin and common usage on the internet ISN'T a form of sexual (and a dame pointless one at that as EtternalyBoard pointed out), the actual meaning is for someone who is between being sexual or asexual. Which does not exist by definition. When he used the term I was under the impression he was using it like everyone else (including the girl who made it up) did. For such a young word, the definition changed pretty dame fast.

Odd, because the person who identified as demi-sexual, the one you were talking to, said that he was indeed sexual, just barely sexual. Also, I can't really comment on the changing of the word. I googled it and all I got was the "not interested in sex unless there's an emotional connection." Eternally also said that the term helps people form an identity. Ergo he DIDN'T call it pointless. He flat out said he didn't agree with the opposition to it, just that he understood where they were coming from.

Also you ignored my blue comment.

 

[Queen Michael]

First we have all the shipping, which in at least 87% of cases focuses on treating two hot male characters as gay sex objects.
.

is that really any different to straight guys obsession with lesbains?

EDIT: sorry "lesbains"

Yep; straight guys like yours truly don't pretend that there's anything socially acceptable about it, while the people who ship two canonically straight guys don't seem to understand why sex fantasies are a private thing, or why it's actually anti-gay to reduce them to fantasy objects.

 

[Erttheking]

First we have all the shipping, which in at least 87% of cases focuses on treating two hot male characters as gay sex objects.
.

is that really any different to straight guys obsession with lesbains?

EDIT: sorry "lesbains"

Do straight guys try to aggressively ship female characters together even though they're shown to not be lesbians? I don't think I've ever seen this happen before.

You just need to spend some time on the Mass Effect kink meme then.

 

[ayvee]

The problem with demisexuality is that it's a frivolous label used to make people feel "special", not to mention the origins of it.

http://factualwiley.tumblr.com/post/46405111996

Demisexuality was literally made for an RP board so a person's character could fall in love with everyone's character. What annoys me is the very concept of how demisexuality works. It basically just means you have to build a relationship and feel an emotional connection with someone before you can feel a sexual attraction. That's basically how the vast majority of people build relationships, it's not a special kind of sexuality. Despite what you think, most people aren't sexual animals that feel sexual attraction to every stranger they come across. Sexualities have nothing to do with how you form a relationship, it purely has to deal with what you are attracted to. You can call yourself whatever you want, but the second you try to say your made up special snowflake thing is serious or as legitimate as any other sexuality that's when I take issue.

It's pretty much the same thing as the nan0boy/girl thing. It was a gender identity made up as a joke to make fun of people that come up with frivolous gender identities and some people actually took it seriously and started using it (it's basically taking the concepts of a tomboy or an effeminate male and making them gender identities).

The origins of the word are dubious (and more complicated than just the forum thing, as it ties into words like semi-sexual and gray-asexual which go back further) but it's still commonly used now. I'm sure we could all find lists of typical words in the English language with stupid origins if we wanted to.

But I didn't adopt the term to make myself stand out or anything. I don't even usually bring it up to people, I just wanted to offer some insight. I spent my adolescence thinking I was "basically" asexual but being confused. Later I found out that there was a term that perfectly described my experience, and that made me feel better about all of it. That's all there is to it.

 

[Zontar]

Odd, because the person who identified as demi-sexual, the one you were talking to, said that he was indeed sexual, just barely sexual. Also, I can't really comment on the changing of the word. I googled it and all I got was the "not interested in sex unless there's an emotional connection." Eternally also said that the term helps people form an identity. Ergo he DIDN'T call it pointless. He flat out said he didn't agree with the opposition to it, just that he understood where they were coming from.

Also you ignored my blue comment.

They only claimed to be sexual after the argument had already started, and it's only now, after it, that we see it's due to the mix up of the term not having a (apparent) universal definition. Hour blue comment is redundant since it's something we all agree on (though weather or not some "shades" of this argument even merit a name. I have a much stronger sexual attraction to East and Central European as well as East Asian women then I do to South Asian or Arabic or Sub-Saharan women, is there a name for THAT? Does there even need to be one for that?)

The problem this whole argument stems from is a by-product of how internet culture has formed: the decentralized subcultures have started to use terms which have not solidified themselves yet in different ways, so this leads to problems such as this where people from two different subcultures meet and use the same terms and get into an argument about it simply due to the fact that the spheres both come from use the term differently.

 

[Queen Michael]

First we have all the shipping, which in at least 87% of cases focuses on treating two hot male characters as gay sex objects.
.

is that really any different to straight guys obsession with lesbains?

EDIT: sorry "lesbains"

Do straight guys try to aggressively ship female characters together even though they're shown to not be lesbians? I don't think I've ever seen this happen before.

You just need to spend some time on the Mass Effect kink meme then.

Heh. Still, let's just agree that we never see straight guys who ship Kim Possible with Shego, write detailed and explicit sex scenes with them, and then insist that you're a homophobe if you don't like it.