Can we talk about the "friend zone" and "nice guys" for a moment?

Jimbo1212

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Freechoice said:
Jimbo1212 said:
Actually everyone of my posts has addressed OP if you cared to have read the replies, you however are utterly off topic due to your inability to understand analogies.
You also like to read into trends as mortality increases for every age group after 10-14, so are 50 year olds partying like mad every night......or is it that life is simply a dangerous ? Either way, don't bother replying as I would not like to see you get a warning for derailing the thread.
Original post by: museofdoom
Who you have been replying to: tobyornottoby

And no, the increased probability of dying is not because 50 year olds are "partying." Rather, the probability of dying increases over time because of weakening immune systems, poor health habits (that take time to accrue) and exposure to dangerous work, things teens are largely unaffected by.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6572283.stm

A third of road fatalities in the UK are under 25. Road accidents are the number 1 killers of teens. Not AIDS, not tuberculosis, not cancer. Pick any older demographic and it's going to be a disease.

And if you look into that post I had with the link to the sexual expenditure, you'll notice that I biologically explained the PoV of males in the friend zone. It's scientific!
.....you can't follow analogies and now you don't understand sarcasm. I think the issue here is communication on your end.

Again, you don't address the actual topic and are going off on some bizarre and irrelevant tangent.
What on earth does an increase in fatalities have to do with " Friend zone and nice guys"?
 

Freechoice

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Jimbo1212 said:
Freechoice said:
Jimbo1212 said:
Actually everyone of my posts has addressed OP if you cared to have read the replies, you however are utterly off topic due to your inability to understand analogies.
You also like to read into trends as mortality increases for every age group after 10-14, so are 50 year olds partying like mad every night......or is it that life is simply a dangerous ? Either way, don't bother replying as I would not like to see you get a warning for derailing the thread.
Original post by: museofdoom
Who you have been replying to: tobyornottoby

And no, the increased probability of dying is not because 50 year olds are "partying." Rather, the probability of dying increases over time because of weakening immune systems, poor health habits (that take time to accrue) and exposure to dangerous work, things teens are largely unaffected by.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6572283.stm

A third of road fatalities in the UK are under 25. Road accidents are the number 1 killers of teens. Not AIDS, not tuberculosis, not cancer. Pick any older demographic and it's going to be a disease.

And if you look into that post I had with the link to the sexual expenditure, you'll notice that I biologically explained the PoV of males in the friend zone. It's scientific!
.....you can't follow analogies and now you don't understand sarcasm. I think the issue here is communication on your end.

Again, you don't address the actual topic and are going off on some bizarre and irrelevant tangent.
What on earth does an increase in fatalities have to do with " Friend zone and nice guys"?
Not fatalities. The paper on sexual expenditures. Did you not read that? I'm guessing no.

Biologically, warm-blooded males often go out of their way to make nice with a female in hopes for an opportunity. According to some theory (the name of which escapes me), male animals that engage in courtship (like the peacock) will often jeopardize itself by making itself a bigger target for predators or, more importantly, spending resources in something superfluous just to attract a female. It's supposed to be a demonstration of biological fitness, but the supposed benefits can be simultaneously considered massive wastes of time and energy.

Basically, a male is wasting his own time and resources trying to court a female. What does that sound like?

As well, you weren't demonstrating purposeful sarcasm. The point of sarcasm, by wiki definition is:

"Insincerely saying something which is the opposite of one's intended meaning, often to emphasize how unbelievable or unlikely it sounds if taken literally, thereby illustrating the obvious nature of one's intended meaning."

Sarcasm doesn't work where you wanted it to because there are clear explanations as to the continued decrease in survivability. Your statement is trying to mock the credibility of the source (Oxford no less) in order to favor your own point. Your ignorance in the matter is underscored by your need for "sarcasm". The data shows how human mortality skyrockets once a person is in adolescence. Yeah, the world is dangerous, but why is it that auto accidents are not the highest killer for people 50+ like it is for 15-24? Why is it that people at the peak of immune and physical health experience the sharpest drop in survivability?

And what is with you and "my experience"? You cite that for a LOT of things. If anything, my experience with American teens is far greater than yours because I see them daily. They're not arrogant. They're stupid and they're boring. That's why they smoke pot and get drunk. In my search for citations and sources (which you curiously have yet to bring into the argument) I found accounts of European kids acting quite stupid. Not as stupid as American kids, but still. I read one account of French kids flocking to a British/American shop that sold root beer... because they thought it was beer. Or there was this one where some Russian kids would buy this hemp based drink because they thought it would make them high. It didn't. Many lulz were had by the adults there.

And since those are "experiences" by other people, they kind of negate your own point about it "just being Americans", non?

I'd retract my statement if you found out the UK's number one killer of teens was foamy diarrhea caused by tap water and it was professionally studied... but you haven't. You haven't found anything to prove your points. Even the ones you had against Toby, you fail to provide a link to validate what you were saying.
 

Lilani

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imahobbit4062 said:
I'd agree with the whole "Just because you're nice doesn't entitle you to a relationship with them"
However, the friend I had feelings for, hooked up with me (while she was completely sober mind you) months after we became friends, then when I confessed my feelings for her I was instantly friend zoned.
Now that was bullshit.
I wouldn't really call that bullshit, just a one night stand. Or well, she thought it was a one-night stand. Obviously you disagree, which means things were unclear from the beginning. I do wonder how you got that far without establishing SOME sort of relationship, though :-\

Captcha: beg the question. Heh. Ironic.
 

gorfias

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A warning for some:


Some observations from studies:
1) Sometimes, a girl can be just as superficial as a man when it comes to looks for hooking up. Studies suggest different for actual partnering (mating/marriage). And why shouldn't they? It's just a hook up.
2) Women are attracted to some things that may seem odd. For just a hook up, studies suggest they like scars and men that don't smile. And actually, a little meat around the middle. A LITTLE! I'm guessing on a biological level, it helps them differentiate a thick man from a little boy or a woman EDIT: For straight women.
 

WOPR

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Mortai Gravesend said:
*snips because he's burning dinner and skimmed over it with only one real part to focus on at this moment*
The "she lacks common sense" isn't the "because she won't date me" it's because "she dates guys that she knows are abusive" and if you think getting the crap beaten out of you by someone who'd never really love you is a "healthy relationship" then you're just plain stupid.*

EDIT: (-removed using retarded as an adjective, I'm better than that-)
I just don't understand the logic in that, it's like going to a kennel looking for a dog, having gotten lots of agressive dogs in your past (history of crap boyfriends), being wounded and scarred by them all(abused), then while looking for this new dog because all the others left after she wouldn't feed them treats (have sex), one jumps out and bites her hand off (finds another abusive one) and she falls in love with it, takes it home, repeat...

and I have to deal with all the crap of "I LOVE HIM AND HE'S GOOD FOR ME!" one moment
then a few months later have her call me and listen to her cry about how he beat her and left her because she wouldn't sleep with him, how she needs a good guy in her life, how she's done with bad boys, then turns around and does the same freaking thing again, and drags me through it again...

It's so out of hand to the point where I feel if one of them eventually murders her (not that I EVER hope that will happen, that would be a terrible thing) it would be more like an assisted suicide and be better for her.

Is there a disability about this kind of behavior? I mean, most would call it "being emo" in some way but she's not at all.

(what really gets me is about half the girls I know act this way, maybe it's just that people in humboldt suck?)
 

Insanely Asinine

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Gorfias said:
A warning for some:


Some observations from studies:
1) Sometimes, a girl can be just as superficial as a man when it comes to looks for hooking up. Studies suggest different for actual partnering (mating/marriage). And why shouldn't they? It's just a hook up.
2) Women are attracted to some things that may seem odd. For just a hook up, studies suggest they like scars and men that don't smile. And actually, a little meat around the middle. A LITTLE! I'm guessing on a biological level, it helps them differentiate a thick man from a little boy or a woman EDIT: For straight women.
And the studies say I'm screwed. If that is true, then well I'll just nerd it up. And stay a nerd. An insane one but better then a sobbing one.
 

gorfias

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Ace Verret said:
Gorfias said:
A warning for some:

Some observations from studies:
1) Sometimes, a girl can be just as superficial as a man when it comes to looks for hooking up. Studies suggest different for actual partnering (mating/marriage). And why shouldn't they? It's just a hook up.
2) Women are attracted to some things that may seem odd. For just a hook up, studies suggest they like scars and men that don't smile. And actually, a little meat around the middle. A LITTLE! I'm guessing on a biological level, it helps them differentiate a thick man from a little boy or a woman EDIT: For straight women.
And the studies say I'm screwed. If that is true, then well I'll just nerd it up. And stay a nerd. An insane one but better then a sobbing one.
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
 

Phasmal

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Gorfias said:
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
I'd rather date a buff McDonald's employee than a fugly lawyer, no matter what any study says. Looks matter on dudes too.
Maybe people should focus less on what studies say and more on meeting real people.
I don't think I've heard of any studies about what `women are like` that relate to what I am actually like.
 

gorfias

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Phasmal said:
Gorfias said:
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
I'd rather date a buff McDonald's employee than a fugly lawyer, no matter what any study says. Looks matter on dudes too.
Maybe people should focus less on what studies say and more on meeting real people.
I don't think I've heard of any studies about what `women are like` that relate to what I am actually like.
You write "date" rather than "mate" or marry. Buff McDonald's dude asks for your hand in marriage. So does this guy
OK, imagine the suit is nicer. Your thoughts?
 

Phasmal

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Gorfias said:
Phasmal said:
Gorfias said:
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
I'd rather date a buff McDonald's employee than a fugly lawyer, no matter what any study says. Looks matter on dudes too.
Maybe people should focus less on what studies say and more on meeting real people.
I don't think I've heard of any studies about what `women are like` that relate to what I am actually like.
You write "date" rather than "mate" or marry. Buff McDonald's dude asks for your hand in marriage. So does this guy
OK, imagine the suit is nicer. Your thoughts?
My thoughts? I'd rather cut of my arm with a rusty spoon than marry that ugly guy. Bleugh.
Do you seriously think the guys JOB is all that matters? I'm sad.

My boyfriend doesn't earn very much, but it's enough to get by. Money isn't everything, in fact it's pretty much nothing to me. I once knew a guy who was due for a big inheritance and was into me. I was not into him. End of. (Bizarre but true).
 

gorfias

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Phasmal said:
Gorfias said:
Phasmal said:
Gorfias said:
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
I'd rather date a buff McDonald's employee than a fugly lawyer, no matter what any study says. Looks matter on dudes too.
Maybe people should focus less on what studies say and more on meeting real people.
I don't think I've heard of any studies about what `women are like` that relate to what I am actually like.
You write "date" rather than "mate" or marry. Buff McDonald's dude asks for your hand in marriage. So does this guy
OK, imagine the suit is nicer. Your thoughts?
My thoughts? I'd rather cut of my arm with a rusty spoon than marry that ugly guy. Bleugh.
Do you seriously think the guys JOB is all that matters? I'm sad.

My boyfriend doesn't earn very much, but it's enough to get by. Money isn't everything, in fact it's pretty much nothing to me. I once knew a guy who was due for a big inheritance and was into me. I was not into him. End of. (Bizarre but true).
Of course money isn't everything! I saw it in a Julia Robert's movie! "Sleeping with the Enemy". Kidding, but it came out at an interesting time: right around the time "Dream Lover" came out: kinda twin nightmare scenarios dramatizing how bizzare it is that people choose mates the way they do.

Curious: are you at an age or point in your life where you would seriously consider marriage? Do you have an idea of a life plan? Maybe these things don't factor because, you aren't ready, so they don't matter.
 

Helmholtz Watson

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Gorfias said:
Thanks for the advice, but

Seriously, people just need to be confident and more direct. If you wait to long, you only have yourself to blame.
 

gorfias

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Volf said:
Gorfias said:
Thanks for the advice, but

Seriously, people just need to be confident and more direct. If you wait to long, you only have yourself to blame.
Funny and sweet. Thanks for that!
 

Phasmal

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Gorfias said:
Of course money isn't everything! I saw it in a Julia Robert's movie! "Sleeping with the Enemy". Kidding, but it came out at an interesting time: right around the time "Dream Lover" came out: kinda twin nightmare scenarios dramatizing how bizzare it is that people choose mates the way they do.

Curious: are you at an age or point in your life where you would seriously consider marriage? Do you have an idea of a life plan? Maybe these things don't factor because, you aren't ready, so they don't matter.
Wow, I wrote a reply to this hours ago before I went out but it looks like it didn't post. Will try and remember what I said earlier.

I've never had a lot of money, so I'm not bothered about other people not having money. I'm not looking for my potential husband to be my `Daddy` and flash cash to make me happy. I don't know anybody like that, either.

My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship, been 3 years next week. We're planning to get engaged in a few years. I have seriously thought about it and I'm seriously serious that I know more about what I want in a dude than some study does.

Thinking you know what other people want because you read a study on their genders behaviour is silly.
 

gorfias

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Phasmal said:
Gorfias said:
Thinking you know what other people want because you read a study on their genders behaviour is silly.
I get so beat up in these forums for stating that I think you have to take such studies with a grain of salt. I really do.

That written, you haven't responded: do you have a life plan of any sort? Is marriage and kids a part of it?

I'm not tyring to pick on you: so it is established: My hope is that a typical woman wants to socialize a man, give him purpose, be served by him and in extension. improve his quality of life. Hopefully, their efforts will culminate in children, families, communities and nations.
 

Phasmal

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Gorfias said:
Phasmal said:
Thinking you know what other people want because you read a study on their genders behaviour is silly.
I get so beat up in these forums for stating that I think you have to take such studies with a grain of salt. I really do.

That written, you haven't responded: do you have a life plan of any sort? Is marriage and kids a part of it?

I'm not tyring to pick on you: so it is established: My hope is that a typical woman wants to socialize a man, give him purpose, be served by him and in extension. improve his quality of life. Hopefully, their efforts will culminate in children, families, communities and nations.
Ah, I wrote more in my first reply.
But yeah, marriage, kids, all that. It's in the plan.
Thinking about having kids when I am about 25/6/7 I'm not sure yet.
Though childbirth is freaky to me so I will be freaking out.

I don't wanna socialise my boyfriend though, he's not a monkey. Lol.
 

gorfias

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Phasmal said:
Ah, I wrote more in my first reply.
But yeah, marriage, kids, all that. It's in the plan.
Thinking about having kids when I am about 25/6/7 I'm not sure yet.
Though childbirth is freaky to me so I will be freaking out.

I don't wanna socialise my boyfriend though, he's not a monkey. Lol.
Child birth is a messy miracle. They put me in the catcher's position for most my first's, birth and he's been a headache ever since :) But they give me a reason to get my butt to work.

I use the term socialise very loosely. It can mean simply such things as, motivating a man to do more and be more. I'd love to have been a parking lot attendent, especially now that there are hand held video game systems.. heck, on our cell phones. Wife keeps a flame under my butt. If your guy is anything like me, you'll likely to do the same for him.
 

Phasmal

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Gorfias said:
Child birth is a messy miracle. They put me in the catcher's position for most my first's, birth and he's been a headache ever since :) But they give me a reason to get my butt to work.

I use the term socialise very loosely. It can mean simply such things as, motivating a man to do more and be more. I'd love to have been a parking lot attendent, especially now that there are hand held video game systems.. heck, on our cell phones. Wife keeps a flame under my butt. If your guy is anything like me, you'll likely to do the same for him.
It's the position of `pusher` that I'm worried about, lol. My sister tells me its not a huge deal (except she hemmoraged like crazy on her first so theres that), and she's done it 3 times.

Oh, thats more... motivation. Yeah I do that for boyfriend, and he does it for me too.
We're both gamers so we would probably spend all day playing games if we could get away with it.
 

wkim564

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Its funny seeing this thread on the front page. I wouldnt have noticed had this exact thing happened to me. I asked a female friend out to prom a couple days ago and she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me. Ya it sucks, but I don't think being upset is worth losing a friend over. I know it seems rather cold of me, but even though I got rejected, I decided I would get over (and I already have) as there is no use in being depressed about it. On a semi relate note, guess I'm not going to prom unless I can get a date.

Edit: I see that the topic completely shifted, well moving on
 

Insanely Asinine

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Gorfias said:
Ace Verret said:
Gorfias said:
A warning for some:

Some observations from studies:
1) Sometimes, a girl can be just as superficial as a man when it comes to looks for hooking up. Studies suggest different for actual partnering (mating/marriage). And why shouldn't they? It's just a hook up.
2) Women are attracted to some things that may seem odd. For just a hook up, studies suggest they like scars and men that don't smile. And actually, a little meat around the middle. A LITTLE! I'm guessing on a biological level, it helps them differentiate a thick man from a little boy or a woman EDIT: For straight women.
And the studies say I'm screwed. If that is true, then well I'll just nerd it up. And stay a nerd. An insane one but better then a sobbing one.
Not if you are serious about a woman. Another fun study: they showed men and women series of pictures of men and women. For the men, it didn't matter what the woman was wearing but if she was young and pretty. For the women, they were paying attention to what the man was wearing, regardless of looks when asked if the person was a suitable mate. If the male was wearing a McDonald's uniform, regardless of being "nerdy" or "buff", he was unsuitable. Suit, holding a briefcase? Suitable, even if he looked like Wally Shawn.
I'm not going to be serious with anyone other then business associates.