"I don't want to be a murderer."
The Old Man's serene gaze found Selena, and looked right through her.
"I remember a similar sentiment that I felt when I first answered the call. I may have forgotten much in my life, but I will never forget that day. The concept of killing anyone, even those who I would have said were evil, was so alien to me that it sounded like madness. Since then, I may well have filled more graves than any other living being in history. Armed with that knowledge, I look back across the long years in which I have worked my blade in the name of Mylaviss, and I see how truly negligible the effect of my actions have been. I can't tell you exactly how old I am, because, truthfully, I have forgotten. However, I was here before the Chantry, and I lived through the great war between brothers Juiniss and Northos, fought on battlegrounds mortal and immortal alike, that preceded its formation. I have been here since the Old City was the New City, and have seen Kragenau sacked and rebuilt three times now. That's more than long enough a life to start seeing clearly the patterns of mortal civilization.
As I speak, dozens are dying above us. Dozens died yesterday, and tomorrow will be much the same. I have not lived a day where this has not been true. The healthy refuse to aid the sick, the gluttonous won't spare a morsel for those who starve, and the morally upright condemn the depraved and the simply desperate alike to the hangman's noose. More die in wars (and there is always one war or another) Over who's flag should fly on what hill, or which God, or which interpretation of a God, deserves worship. Every so often, a city is raised to the ground, and thousands are put to the sword in a single night, and when even that force of change has passed, the survivors pick them selves up, and continue to live much the same lives... and take much the same lives.
I recent years, things seem worse than ever. The Drowned District festers as corpses clog the wound; and the followers of Gilliajlia have now taken to butchering and burning those who they believe make the world ugly. I have killed men and women, young and old, rich and poor, and so on and so forth. The one denominator they all shared, was that tey had all been deemed unfit to live by someone, and in the strongest terms too. People do not go to the trouble of seeking us out for petty squabbles or crimes of passion. Does this mean they all deserved death? I long ago stopped asking myself that question. Perhaps the executioner should not also be the judge... but more to the point, for all that I have killed, I have never taken a life in the name of greed, or lust, nor have I ever tortured or caused undue anguish or humiliation to those I've despatched. There are many more horrible ways to die than the ends my targets met, and in my lifetime I believe I have witnessed most of them. In a world so defined by death, a fate that binds us all, what is a murderer truly, other than just another soul in time?"
The Old Man's serene gaze found Selena, and looked right through her.
"I remember a similar sentiment that I felt when I first answered the call. I may have forgotten much in my life, but I will never forget that day. The concept of killing anyone, even those who I would have said were evil, was so alien to me that it sounded like madness. Since then, I may well have filled more graves than any other living being in history. Armed with that knowledge, I look back across the long years in which I have worked my blade in the name of Mylaviss, and I see how truly negligible the effect of my actions have been. I can't tell you exactly how old I am, because, truthfully, I have forgotten. However, I was here before the Chantry, and I lived through the great war between brothers Juiniss and Northos, fought on battlegrounds mortal and immortal alike, that preceded its formation. I have been here since the Old City was the New City, and have seen Kragenau sacked and rebuilt three times now. That's more than long enough a life to start seeing clearly the patterns of mortal civilization.
As I speak, dozens are dying above us. Dozens died yesterday, and tomorrow will be much the same. I have not lived a day where this has not been true. The healthy refuse to aid the sick, the gluttonous won't spare a morsel for those who starve, and the morally upright condemn the depraved and the simply desperate alike to the hangman's noose. More die in wars (and there is always one war or another) Over who's flag should fly on what hill, or which God, or which interpretation of a God, deserves worship. Every so often, a city is raised to the ground, and thousands are put to the sword in a single night, and when even that force of change has passed, the survivors pick them selves up, and continue to live much the same lives... and take much the same lives.
I recent years, things seem worse than ever. The Drowned District festers as corpses clog the wound; and the followers of Gilliajlia have now taken to butchering and burning those who they believe make the world ugly. I have killed men and women, young and old, rich and poor, and so on and so forth. The one denominator they all shared, was that tey had all been deemed unfit to live by someone, and in the strongest terms too. People do not go to the trouble of seeking us out for petty squabbles or crimes of passion. Does this mean they all deserved death? I long ago stopped asking myself that question. Perhaps the executioner should not also be the judge... but more to the point, for all that I have killed, I have never taken a life in the name of greed, or lust, nor have I ever tortured or caused undue anguish or humiliation to those I've despatched. There are many more horrible ways to die than the ends my targets met, and in my lifetime I believe I have witnessed most of them. In a world so defined by death, a fate that binds us all, what is a murderer truly, other than just another soul in time?"