Confessions of the Soul

[DeathChairOfHell]

I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend of one year and four months. The only real reason I am staying with her is that she is on the brink of depression and I don't want to ruin her Christmas.

It makes me a horrible person, but it's extremely hard.

 

[Lieju]

I think most people who commit suicide are weak.

This is correct. Most people are weak.
And some people are weak for not killing themselves.

 

[maxben]

Some days, I wake up and think that this, this is the day where I plaster the back of my head over the wallpapers. I do not know what makes me reconsider, but I am infinetly grateful for it, and once the broader perspective is returned, each new day feels like a new victory. It is a confession in the way that I am petrified that someone will find out. I do not want to be reduced to a failure, or some dangerous element to be avoided. I am a rather convincing liar, and I have kept the image fairly well so far. I am simply afraid of being shut out entirely if people understand there is something wrong with me.
I just don't recieve many opportunities to talk, as it is. I do not want them to disappear entirely, which is what being mentally unwell is going to do.
But then again, I keep myself going. There is a glimmer of hope, and I like to think that there would not be any, if there were nothing to continue towards. Every day is a victory.

Hey buddy, I just want you to know that you're not alone so I'll confess something that I've never mentioned. I don't think I've managed to fall asleep at any time over the last 6 years (possibly more) without thinking of suicide or hurting others. I can't really explain where it comes from, but how I feel about it is opposite to you. I mean, I don't feel successful that I've chosen not to, rather it gives me a feeling of control and comfort to know that I could do it if I decided to. It lowers my stress and anxiety to a more manageable level to know that I am not actually bound by any rules but that I bind myself so I am not really trapped. Though I've got to say that its been getting worse lately and I'm beginning to worry that its a terrible coping mechanism. I hate doctors and psychologists though, so either I'll make it on my own or I won't.

I am not a good liar, but I just think that people are wrapped up in their own crap so you don't need to be. That's not to say that its just "other people", I do include myself in that. We are all in our own little worlds.

To move on to video games: I often cheat in single player games and I cant remember the last time I beat a game without cheating. I just prefer it that way as I don't play games for the challenge. I play for the setting, characters, story, and dialogue, and also, again, for that feeling of power and control that I don't often feel.

 

[PromethianSpark]

I have increasingly become so disillusioned with geek culture that I no longer identify with it all. But, I still despise amd feel superior too the hipsters and pseudo-geeks that have emerged in the wake of the Big Bang Theory. On that note, I also think that not just being a terrible show, the Big Bang Theory is a horribly offensive show to geeks, with Leanord serving as the protagonist that we as 'geek' should relate to, and he is a pitiful, jealous and possessive man.

Oh, and for the real punch. I think yugioh is better than MTG!!! Maybe my picture made that clear though.

 

[Palademon]

I consider all Ghibli films meh.
I think it's only reasonable to like Akira if you've read the manga, which I assume explains something.
I think the original Ghost in the Shell is boring, but Stand Alone Complex is great.
I follow Everyday Monster Girls.
I recently figured out why I shall be single forever, and it's entirely my fault. I don't care about most people, and don't bother with people until I start to care about them. And I don't go after people unless I have feelings for them, so from the start I want to be with them way more than they want to be with me. So I mess it up by caring too much about succeeding, and I don't see this changing. My best relationship with a woman currently is one where I had tons in common with her and naturally get along, where I forced myself to not ask her out, unless I got feelings for her. It's weird that I didn't, but if I did have, the rejection would've probably soiled the whole thing for me.
The only reason I'm going to a con next year is to find women so that I can check over each one to assure myself of this fact.
I will never find someone on a dating website because it allows me to be picky and fickle.
I am still under the naive delusion that being in a relationship with someone I want will magically fix everything.
I've recently tried to make another female friend and am sure that my continuous attempt to do so has driven her off because I think she assumes I'm interested in her.
I have done very little work outside of my schedule this semester.
My dad has cancer and I don't care.
I've never masturbated.
I probably doubt myself too much to ever succeed at anything, due to me wanting to punish myself for my mistakes so others don't feel the need to.
I always have the urge to give up because the absolute knowledge of failure is more comfortable than working hard just to be told I'm not good enough.
If a person ever confessed feelings to me I'd probably think they're either misinformed about me, or crazy.
If I fail my course I will probably consider myself to have failed at life since I have no interest in anything else.
All I've ever wanted is to be someone's favourite, and to have a job I am proud of.
That last line was a lie because I'd only accept being the favourite of my favourite person.
My self worth is defined by how much people like me, yet I am too proud to ever pretend to be something I'm not.
I would rather fail doing things my way than succeed doing them someone else's way.
I don't do good things so much as I simply don't do bad things.
I usually behave not because I know what being good is, but because I learned to stop doing things people get upset at me over.
Secretly I feel like I deserve things that I don't. Such as people recognising skills I don't have.
I feel the need to fit in, but places like forums prove that I don't fit in anywhere, and feeling lonely around people with common interest only makes you feel lonelier.
I would like to fit in whilst simultaneously being acknowledged by others as better.
I enjoy arguing atheism because I find it so easy and it feels like accomplishing something.
I generally consider myself an awful person who is capable of doing good things, and yet I still like who I am.
In Left 4 Dead games, I am that guy who gets to the safehouse first, leaving my allies, and continually opens and closes the door to laugh at their death.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

Fable 2 was my favorite of the series and I thought the ending was funny (what with Reaver doing that thing he did).

I absolutely hate Attack on Titan...especially when compared with the surprisingly good (my opinion) AKB48 anime

I have never beaten Super Mario Bros 3

I have only ever beaten Super Castlevania IV and, Symphony of the Night despite owning several other Castlevania titles (Simon's Quest, Curse of Dracula, Curse of Darkness, Lords of Shadow and, Mirror of Fate)

I can't beat the first level of Super Ghouls n' Ghosts

The only Ghibli film I liked was My Neighbor Totoro. Nothing else appealed to me especially...

...Ni No Kuni, which I hated. Though I am tempted to import the DS version which might have turn based combat...speaking of...

I strongly prefer Turn-Based combat in JRPGs. Final Fantasy XII and, XIII can suck it.

The only actual sin...My biggest regret about breaking up with my High School GF is that I could no longer hang out with her best friend...Who I think I may still have a crush on...

 

[Weaver]

Well this thread is alright, I can't really see much I overly dislike or disagree wi-

Attack on Titan was eh at best. (To some people this would be like me saying I murdering a baby)

...

The FUCK did you just say?! I will have you know that Attack on Titan was easily the best new anime i've seen in years, how DARE you deny its brilliance!? I bet you were one of those people who said the first opening was "overrated" or "not as good as people say" hmm?! You clearly have no sense of good taste. Put that baby down, you don't know what you're doing.

Right, with that out of the way let me get back to picking out a smartphone case for Christmas.

Now is there a version of the Wings of Freedom in green...

It started off strong, but quickly dropped in quality after the first big battle. By the time they reached the forest I no longer cared for any of the characters anymore. Also, the first OP is one of my all time favorite anime OPs so .

I agree, it wasn't that good at all. The pacing was dreadful for a weekly show and the ending with that FF13 like crystal thing was more convenient plot bullshit that pissed me off than something I found interesting. What a surprise we resolve the only interesting thing in the series with a zero sum of nothing.

I can see people liking it if it was their first Shonen anime or something, but it's just not that good.

 

[Coakle]

If CoC was rated T or M, it would go from my bottom 20 to my top 20 favorite games.

Spoiler: PG-13 Explanation

Say you fall in battle and were stabbed in the abdomen by a giant stinger. Most games would have the colors washout and put up 'game over'. Not CoC, you wake up at your camp knowing you now have giant wasp eggs in your stomach. Deal with it.

It's the only game I know where instead of the player changing the world, the world changes the player. It makes losing a tranformative process that will make you stronger, but at the cost of your humanity. I love the concept, unfortunately it has too much horrific baggage to deal with. I can't stress this enough, it is not a misunderstood game. It uses an idea I'd like to see put into future, better games. Do not play this game.

Also playing chaste is a goldmine for unintentional humor, since everything is played straight.

Girl: Hey babe, wanna go?
Protagonist: Miss. I am trying to quest here.
Girl: That's a bummer, I'm really into guys with small d**ks.
Protagonist: ...

 

[username sucks]

I've almost completely given up on most of my dreams, even though I know I have amazing potential. I can work out how things work in biology before they are explained. I can notice patterns in physics and chemistry to make an equation before it is taught, and even longer before the first other students begin to understand it. I have a near perfect memory and can read faster than anyone I know. All of this is in comparison to honor students who spend nearly every moment of their free time on their studies. I know I could easily blame my failures on my family problems or my lack of even a single person to support me, but I know that's not it.

I just can't find motivation anymore. I used to want to be a doctor, maybe a chemical engineer or a theoretical physicist. I wanted to change the world for the better, and I was getting there with about half an hour of work out of school while my classmates worked all the time, and I still topped the test scores in every class. But why should I need to do any work? Why should I have to achieve greatness just because I have the ability to reach it easier than others?

I enjoy playing games, reading, going on forums, and sometimes just relaxing with only the company of my thoughts. I am completely willing to get a low workload job and live in a cheap apartment where I can enjoy these simple pleasures. People tell me I am letting my abilities go to waste, and I am perfectly content with that.

 

[FPLOON]

If CoC was rated T or M, it would go from my bottom 20 to my top 20 favorite games.

Spoiler: PG-13 Explanation

Say you fall in battle and were stabbed in the abdomen by a giant stinger. Most games would have the colors washout and put up 'game over'. Not CoC, you wake up at your camp knowing you now have giant wasp eggs in your stomach. Deal with it.

It's the only game I know where instead of the player changing the world, the world changes the player. It makes losing a tranformative process that will make you stronger, but at the cost of your humanity. I love the concept, unfortunately it has too much horrific baggage to deal with. I can't stress this enough, it is not a misunderstood game. It uses an idea I'd like to see put into future, better games. Do not play this game.

Also playing chaste is a goldmine for unintentional humor, since everything is played straight.

Girl: Hey babe, wanna go?
Protagonist: Miss. I am trying to quest here.
Girl: That's a bummer, I'm really into guys with small d**ks.
Protagonist: ...

Spoiler: CoC response

If CoC was ever a full-fleshed animated game, then I wish there were two versions of it... and I would still play the more "AO" version, despite the fact that there are certain sequences I just cannot muster through sometimes... even though the more I play it, the more I become used to it, so I guess the game is succeeding in "corrupting" what I can and can't stand...

And, yes, I do wish there were more games where you "die" and just deal with it afterwards instead of the "soft reset" approach... The only games I can think of that kind of do that (at the moment of typing this) are Heavy Rain (to an extent) and Rogue Legacy (where you have to die to proceed further), but other than that I want games where you loose and have to just continue with that lost's consequences afterwards...

Now, on a more not-so-secretive confession, despite all of the stuff than ends up on DVD/Blu-Ray, I only buy the ones I would watch more than once in my lifetime for the extra features like commentary or behind-the-scenes footage...In fact, that's the first thing I watch with any DVD/Blu-Ray I receive for the first time...

 

[Generalissimo]

you want sins? ho ho ho MAAAN do i have some sins for you...

1. if you're part of an abrahamic religion, my opinion of you hits the rocks
2. i don't see the point of half the holidays we celibrate
3. i lack the ability to be interested in christmas...at all.
4. if you're vegitarian or vegan, my opinion of you hits the rocks
5. gods help you if you're a catholic vegan

NOW THOSE RIGHT THERE ARE SINS, Y'ALL

 

[IndomitableSam]

I don't like people. At all. I know everyone says this, but honestly, truly, I wish almost all people would simply die. I can't stand most people and think the world (and those few left) would be much better off if we cut the world's population down to at least a quarter of what it is.

I also believe in Eugenics and wish most people were not allowed to give birth.

I'm not a good person.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

I am not sure if I am the dickhead or if everyone else is the dickhead.

Therefore I act as if both are true at the same time.

I also hate the stare people give when you say something, you know, that blank, incredibly judgemental one that might not be judgemental but actually is.

I feel that I subconsciously manipulate people by making them feel sorry for me.

I feel that people ignore me constantly and just don't want to listen to me, or it could be that I mumble a lot(but I can only alternate between "mumbling" and talking loudly).

I don't know if I am being unfair at times or if I am not being unfair enough.

I feel that I am not allowed to feel depressed because my family has gone through shit 10 times worse than I have so any problems I have seem irrelevant.

I hate my french class because I am not good at it and also because I have no friends in it, everyone there feels fake.

I don't know if I act deliberately non-sensical because I want to or if it is a subconscious seeking of attention.

I don't know if I am rightly angry at a lot of things or if I lack a general positive outlook on life.

I feel that I will never get a girlfriend because any request for a date will be undoubtedly rejected and if it isn't there's no way in hell that I will be able to maintain a relationship because I lack confidence and initiative. Could also be in part due because I don't believe in quick flings because if they are just there for occasional bursts of happiness then they are meaningless.