Conspiracy Theories You Find Kind Of...Funny?

Chimpzy_v1legacy

Warning! Contains bananas!
Jun 21, 2009
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Silentpony said:
The signs that humans are on Earth are irreparably clear. If aliens were even more advanced than us they'd be a beacon for half the galaxy. Dyson spheres, mining of asteroids, planet-to-planet transmissions, inevitable cosmic wars, signs of system wide colonization. They'd have seen it in the 50s with the first radio telescopes.
To be fair, it's is not impossible there is such a civilization out there, but we haven't been able to observe them yet because they are so far away no signals or other evidence of their exploits has reached us in the short time we've had the ability to detect them. Or, it is also possible their signals have actually reached us ... a million years ago and they have gone extinct in the time it took those signals to reach us or perhaps they started communicating through means we can't detect (yet).

I'm not saying there are alien civilizations out there, just that our inability to find any in the very short time we've been able to observe a tiny amount of the universe does not mean the possibility of them existing (or having existed) is zero. The universe is very big and very old. Plenty of time and space for civilizations to have risen and fallen beyond our ken.
 

t850terminator

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Nov 21, 2013
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My favorite one is the Jade Helm one.
Where people thought Obama was going to invade Texas.

I believe most events are due to human nature, incompetence, and idiocy (or maybe I'm just irrationally cynical), and that people find comfort in believing that there was a plan when it was an accident. Something about reality being stranger than fiction.
If you think about it, a sandwich was a deciding factor to the start of World War 1.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

Queen of the Edit
Feb 4, 2009
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Silentpony said:
Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Then totally going Mobile Infantry.
I dare you to tell me what's wrong with this!


In all seriousnessness ... if we find intelligent alien life we should seriously consider a fuck-you sized military that comprises all nations of Earth and all of her colonies ...
 

t850terminator

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Nov 21, 2013
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Chimpzy said:
Silentpony said:
The signs that humans are on Earth are irreparably clear. If aliens were even more advanced than us they'd be a beacon for half the galaxy. Dyson spheres, mining of asteroids, planet-to-planet transmissions, inevitable cosmic wars, signs of system wide colonization. They'd have seen it in the 50s with the first radio telescopes.
To be fair, it's is not impossible there is such a civilization out there, but we haven't been able to observe them yet because they are so far away no signals or other evidence of their exploits has reached us in the short time we've had the ability to detect them. Or, it is also possible their signals have actually reached us ... a million years ago and they have gone extinct in the time it took those signals to reach us or perhaps they started communicating through means we can't detect (yet).

I'm not saying there are alien civilizations out there, just that our inability to find any in the very short time we've been able to observe a tiny amount of the universe does not mean the possibility of them existing (or having existed) is zero. The universe is very big and very old. Plenty of time and space for civilizations to have risen and fallen beyond our ken.
Or maybe its like that Calvin & Hobbes quote, ?Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.?

If I was an alien lifeform scouting Earth, I'd probably blacklist it as a no fly zone after seeing us as a species argue over whether a dress was gold & white or black & blue. XD
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

Alleged Feather-Rustler
Jun 5, 2013
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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Silentpony said:
Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Then totally going Mobile Infantry.
I dare you to tell me what's wrong with this!


In all seriousnessness ... if we find intelligent alien life we should seriously consider a fuck-you sized military that comprises all of humanity ...
Oh if i know us, once its no longer Nationalism but Planetary-ism you'll get everyone and their dog signing up to do their part. And robots wouldn't go amiss either.
I mean who doesn't want to fight giant alien spiders that destroyed Buenos Aires?! That sounds like everything I've ever wanted!
 

Thaluikhain

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Jan 16, 2010
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t850terminator said:
My favorite one is the Jade Helm one.
Where people thought Obama was going to invade Texas.
You laugh, but when the dust settled, Texas was part of the US, and that isn't going to change anytime soon.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

Queen of the Edit
Feb 4, 2009
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Silentpony said:
Oh if i know us, once its no longer Nationalism but Planetary-ism you'll get everyone and their dog signing up to do their part. And robots wouldn't go amiss either.
I mean who doesn't want to fight giant alien spiders that destroyed Buenos Aires?! That sounds like everything I've ever wanted!
Have you ever tried to discuss diplomacy, trade, and border restrictions with a hivemind?

Militarization prior direct contact is preferable to after if shit hits the fan.
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

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Jun 5, 2013
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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Silentpony said:
Oh if i know us, once its no longer Nationalism but Planetary-ism you'll get everyone and their dog signing up to do their part. And robots wouldn't go amiss either.
I mean who doesn't want to fight giant alien spiders that destroyed Buenos Aires?! That sounds like everything I've ever wanted!
Have you ever tried to discuss diplomacy, trade, and border restrictions with a hivemind?

Militarization prior direct contact is preferable to after if shit hits the fan.
Fair enough. But I still have faith humanity will come together to do their part in the Mobile Infantry to fight the Arachnids.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Feb 4, 2009
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Silentpony said:
Fair enough. But I still have faith humanity will come together to do their part in the Mobile Infantry to fight the Arachnids.
Damn straight it would. As much as we like to hate ourselves, I'm pretty sure we could harnass that xenophobia, and all other phobias, into an effective weapon of incredible slaughter as a single species. It's been a longterm social theory that peace between humanity will only be achieved when we have something else we can point to as 'other' that will put up a suitably distracting fight.
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

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Jun 5, 2013
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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Silentpony said:
Fair enough. But I still have faith humanity will come together to do their part in the Mobile Infantry to fight the Arachnids.
Damn straight it would. As much as we like to hate ourselves, I'm pretty sure we could harnass that xenophobia, and all other phobias, into an effective weapon of incredible slaughter as a single species.

It's been a longterm social theory that peace between humanity will only be achieved when we have something else we can point to as 'other' that will put up a suitably distracting fight.
With a rousing battle hymn!

P.S. I love how we've totally hijacked this thread. Instead of fun conspiracy theories, its now 'Its Starship Troopers great?!'
 

Thaluikhain

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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Damn straight it would. As much as we like to hate ourselves, I'm pretty sure we could harnass that xenophobia, and all other phobias, into an effective weapon of incredible slaughter as a single species. It's been a longterm social theory that peace between humanity will only be achieved when we have something else we can point to as 'other' that will put up a suitably distracting fight.
Eh, doesn't work that well on a smaller scale. Racism didn't go away with fighting the Nazis, sexism was around while fighting the communists, homophobia exists amongst groups fighting to end both of those.
 

iwinatlife

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Aug 21, 2008
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Thaluikhain said:
Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Damn straight it would. As much as we like to hate ourselves, I'm pretty sure we could harnass that xenophobia, and all other phobias, into an effective weapon of incredible slaughter as a single species. It's been a longterm social theory that peace between humanity will only be achieved when we have something else we can point to as 'other' that will put up a suitably distracting fight.
Eh, doesn't work that well on a smaller scale. Racism didn't go away with fighting the Nazis, sexism was around while fighting the communists, homophobia exists amongst groups fighting to end both of those.
See I feel It would depend on how much of a clear and present danger the hypothetical invaders presented. If they were here and ddevoured say a small african or central american nation the outrage would likely be high enough to get get us to put aside some diffrences. If the attacked on a global scale every major city I think we would unite as a Global military. Or we would break down ala World War Z ( the book not the movie) then enventually most countries would gather and fight but some would not. Not to mention You know there would be all kinds of Alien Rights Activists decrying our war, and religious fanatics claiming this is our judgement and we should lay down and accept our extermination.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

Queen of the Edit
Feb 4, 2009
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Thaluikhain said:
Eh, doesn't work that well on a smaller scale. Racism didn't go away with fighting the Nazis, sexism was around while fighting the communists, homophobia exists amongst groups fighting to end both of those.
This is true, but to put it into perspective you're talking about human and the infinitely inhuman. As much as the U.S. army talked up about the evils of communists, most U.S. soldiers still didn't take effective action with their weapons in most engagements. Compare that to something that makes our individual differences of self pale in comparison to something truly alien.

The thing is we as people can rationalize the idea of humans being treated as equals amidst their peers. And you're talking about an instance occasioning in fluid mobility of social change to a more equitable situation. But barring the idea of the posthuman revolution (still working on that ^_^) ... there is going to be something infinitely complex between the social barriers between human and the alien.

As I've written before, the posthuman condition is about as close to alien that we will meet. Well, not me personally. I'd sign up to be a test subject of an attempt to create the first human hivemind ... completely shareable sense data, removal of the chasm of difference between self and other, real time interrogation that removes the spatiotemporal prison of our lonely existences.

That will be plenty alien enough, I imagine.

Silentpony said:
With a rousing battle hymn!

P.S. I love how we've totally hijacked this thread. Instead of fun conspiracy theories, its now 'Its Starship Troopers great?!'
Truly it shall link conspiracy theorist and non-conspiracy theorist alike, as well! Believe in alien visitation or not, I think we can all agree it needs a good stomping! Actually, I really like the movies and the animated series ... not so much the book.
 

Thaluikhain

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iwinatlife said:
See I feel It would depend on how much of a clear and present danger the hypothetical invaders presented.
True.

iwinatlife said:
If they were here and ddevoured say a small african or central american nation the outrage would likely be high enough to get get us to put aside some diffrences.
Dunno, on the one hand they are aliens, on the other hand genocides in Africa happen all the time. If the aliens made it clear they were just attacking third world nations the West doesn't care about, they might get a nice foothold without having to fight everyone at once.

Addendum_Forthcoming said:
This is true, but to put it into perspective you're talking about human and the infinitely inhuman. As much as the U.S. army talked up about the evils of communists, most U.S. soldiers still didn't take effective action with their weapons in most engagements. Compare that to something that makes our individual differences of self pale in comparison to something truly alien.

The thing is we as people can rationalize the idea of humans being treated as equals amidst their peers. And you're talking about an instance occasioning in fluid mobility of social change to a more equitable situation. But barring the idea of the posthuman revolution (still working on that ^_^) ... there is going to be something infinitely complex between the social barriers between human and the alien.
For the man on the ground, yeah, something inhuman looking as the target would be helpful. For the people back home who support the war, but still hate their neighbours, might not make a difference.

Also, what if the aliens are really cute?
 

iwinatlife

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Thaluikhain said:
For the man on the ground, yeah, something inhuman looking as the target would be helpful. For the people back home who support the war, but still hate their neighbours, might not make a difference.

Also, what if the aliens are really cute?
Cute, but deadly aliens would be the swift and inevitable doom of the human race clearly
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

Queen of the Edit
Feb 4, 2009
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Thaluikhain said:
For the man on the ground, yeah, something inhuman looking as the target would be helpful. For the people back home who support the war, but still hate their neighbours, might not make a difference.

Also, what if the aliens are really cute?
Possibly! As I've written elsewhere on the forum, I'm utterly enamoured with the idea of ending the individual. Ending the tyranny of a spatiotemporal isolation that occasions nothing but loneliness and human misery that is incomprehensible to another. So to me, the human hive, with directly shareable sense data, will be the most blissful utopia we could hope for. Whereby the self dies left only with the desire of preoccupation.

Some other people found that terrifying.

And when push comes to shove, the human hivemind and ending the idea of the spatiotemporal uniqueness of the human condition is about as alien an existence as humans will ever come to know. But in the same way that existence enamours me, others will find it terrifying and I would be suprised if this didn't occasion in terrorism and militant hostility.

One person's hot, green, alien woman ... is another's security threat to humanity.

So I could also see a many sided argument.
 

Guffe

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Jul 12, 2009
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pookie101 said:
lionsprey said:
That Finland doesn't exist and all Finish citys are actually just on the east part of Sweden
i only found out about that the other day and it still makes me scratch my head
The WHAT now!!!
*google*
Holy shitfuck my life is a lie!
I... just... what...
This one just became my new favorite one! I'm part of it :D

Another one is the flat earth one.
The funny thing about that is, that flat earth supporters excist all around the globe.
 

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
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Funny 'Hah-hah' or funny 'tragic'? Because alot of these are just tragic. However, for funny 'hah-hah', please watch and/or read Welcome to the NHK.

WHY am I the first one to mention this?