Corrupt a Wish game

[Robert632]

Granted. You were raped by Antarctica.

I wish I were a Chicken egg.

 

[Stone Wera]

Granted. You wait on a shelf in a cold, dark fridge all you're life and watch your friends get plucked away one by one. Until one day, it's your turn. You get cracked on the side of a burning hot frying pan and tossed in to burn to a crisp.

I wish I wasn't on fire.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are put at the bottom of the ocean to get any fire off you, and prevent any other fire from starting.

I wish I was a giant fish.

 

[Stone Wera]

Granted. You get harpooned by whalers who mistook you for a whale.

I wish I was a morbidly obese highschooler.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

Granted, you're now a morbidly obese high school freshman. Nevermind then...

I wish headbutts were a socially acceptable greeting.

 

[Stone Wera]

Granted. Now handshakes aren't... Not that bad actually.

I wish I was a wish to be granted by a fish.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are used to wish for a sack of shit.

I wish that I had a bag of chips.

 

[SPCF]

The chips were no longer crispy.
I wish that the person corrupting my wish is awesome.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You, however, are not.

I wish that the penguin army would rise under my leadership.

 

[SPCF]

Granted. But the penguin army fell to the power of my coolness.
I wish that the cat would stop dancing.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. It starts jumping on your head instead.

I wish I had a straw for a toe.

 

[SPCF]

Granted. But the straw is connected to your mouth and you are forced to suck all the puss out.
I wish that the manga I'm reading loaded faster.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. It loads faster, but Causes 300 and a half viruses into your computer everytime you click something.

I wish I had some peach juice.

 

[SPCF]

Granted. But the peaches it was made from were rotten.
I wish I had a sock.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

Granted, unfortunately, it's a Sockhop.

I wish I wasn't so old for my age.

 

[superbatranger]

Granted, you are no longer old for your age. Now get out there and buy yourself some diapers.

I wish I was on summer break.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. However, during this break you drive into the red sea.

I wish I could drive.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

Granted, but now all cars have been obsoleted.

I wish I had x-ray vision.

 

[Rasputin1]

Granted, but it only works when you're looking at guys.

I was for pizza.

 

[Zacharine]

Granted, but it's a moldy and rotten one and made with all the ingredients you hate.

I wish all humans were bald.