I am a spineless coward. When my math test gets graded, I fear picking it up because I fear the possibly crappy grade (for example). Does anyone have any general tips on how to become less of a spineless wimp?
Coward's dilemma
- Thread starter DarklordKyo
- Start date
Recommended Videos
It's not a matter of not being afraid, it's about dealing with your fear. You can be afraid to pick up your paper (and lots of people are), but so long as you do, it's not really an issue.
Don't most people fear the grades when they come up? For example, one of my friends always fears it and thinks he failed, but he rarely gets below an 80% anyways. I also fear it, but with more reason than my friend because I don't study as hard (at all actually).
I guess maybe if you study then you won't be afraid?
I guess maybe if you study then you won't be afraid?
I also agree with this. As long as you do it then it is no problem.thaluikhain said:
I'd suggest doing something in a positive, group orientated activity. Perhaps joining a local church and participating in charity events or an amateur sports team of some description.
Alternatively, if you're looking to gain dark side points, you could try beating up someone that is smaller and weaker than you. If you go after someone younger, then you can bring your mates along and then bully them and all of their mates as a group.
Alternatively, if you're looking to gain dark side points, you could try beating up someone that is smaller and weaker than you. If you go after someone younger, then you can bring your mates along and then bully them and all of their mates as a group.
Oh, make sure you don't run into one of those psychic things that kills you with your own fears.
Not sure how bad marks would kill you, though, and it'd make for a weird autopsy.
Not sure how bad marks would kill you, though, and it'd make for a weird autopsy.
You just gave me the tingly stomach-droppy fear I always had whenever I'd get marks back in school.
Even now, when I work for the government and am so entrenched in my job everyone jokes that in order to be fired you'd have to kill someone, whenever my boss calls me or emails me and says "can we talk for a minute", I get that little pit in my stomach.
It's always there. Fear takes time to learn to handle - your brain is still developing and mucking itself up well into your 20's. The fear of failure is ever present, you just need to learn to tell yourself "well, I know I did this and this right, I could have worked harder on that, I know I got that wrong, but I also know why I got it wrong so I won't in the future..." and then you can work through that fear. I do the same at work - usually it's my boss telling me I"ve done a good job or giving me something new to work on because he thinks I can handle it.
It might be just me, but I always try to apply logic to fears. Like being alone in the dark at night and you hear noises. I tell myself: It's nothing, just the neighbour next door who keeps odd hours. Maybe my sister's in the bathroom. Could be a car outside. It's not someone breaking into the house to kill me - I once accidentally left the front door literally sitting open overnight, and you can look in the door and see the flatscreen, Xbox, tablets, computer, laptop, etc even if you don't even enter the house. I've left the door unlocked countless times and nothing has happened. No one's coming to kill me - if anything, they'll just steal the stuff downstairs and leave. ... And then I get up in the morning and all is good. Also, I keep a backup portable hard drive hidden away with my important files and if someone stals my stuff, I'd probably be able to get new stuff with the insurance rebates anyway.
Anyway... try applying logic next time you're afraid of something. I find it helps me keep a clear head in emergencies, as well. I always run through what I would do if an accident happened or the like just to prepare myself. I might be weird, though, daydreaming about how I'd handle a fire, earthquake, heart attack, etc. But I think I"m prepared for them to happen as I've run through the scenarios in my mind and figured out what I'd do step by step.
... I am odd, I know.
Even now, when I work for the government and am so entrenched in my job everyone jokes that in order to be fired you'd have to kill someone, whenever my boss calls me or emails me and says "can we talk for a minute", I get that little pit in my stomach.
It's always there. Fear takes time to learn to handle - your brain is still developing and mucking itself up well into your 20's. The fear of failure is ever present, you just need to learn to tell yourself "well, I know I did this and this right, I could have worked harder on that, I know I got that wrong, but I also know why I got it wrong so I won't in the future..." and then you can work through that fear. I do the same at work - usually it's my boss telling me I"ve done a good job or giving me something new to work on because he thinks I can handle it.
It might be just me, but I always try to apply logic to fears. Like being alone in the dark at night and you hear noises. I tell myself: It's nothing, just the neighbour next door who keeps odd hours. Maybe my sister's in the bathroom. Could be a car outside. It's not someone breaking into the house to kill me - I once accidentally left the front door literally sitting open overnight, and you can look in the door and see the flatscreen, Xbox, tablets, computer, laptop, etc even if you don't even enter the house. I've left the door unlocked countless times and nothing has happened. No one's coming to kill me - if anything, they'll just steal the stuff downstairs and leave. ... And then I get up in the morning and all is good. Also, I keep a backup portable hard drive hidden away with my important files and if someone stals my stuff, I'd probably be able to get new stuff with the insurance rebates anyway.
Anyway... try applying logic next time you're afraid of something. I find it helps me keep a clear head in emergencies, as well. I always run through what I would do if an accident happened or the like just to prepare myself. I might be weird, though, daydreaming about how I'd handle a fire, earthquake, heart attack, etc. But I think I"m prepared for them to happen as I've run through the scenarios in my mind and figured out what I'd do step by step.
... I am odd, I know.
Do you know what it means to have courage? Courage is what you have when you fear something so greatly that facing it is the hardest thing you could imagine doing but you face it anyway. Did you ever watch Courage the Cowardly Dog? That dog was a spineless shrimp that feared everything that went bump in the night. But he stood up to all of it to protect his home. That's what courage is.
As long as you show courage, it doesn't matter how cowardly or spineless you are because you have a virtue that overcomes both of your failings.
As long as you show courage, it doesn't matter how cowardly or spineless you are because you have a virtue that overcomes both of your failings.
Holy crap, I sound like some preacher.
Actually, I'm 21, I only chose the Goku avatar because I like Dragonball & my Emmet Nervend pic won't work anymore.Zeel said:
This guy's got the truth of it. It might also help to remember that the only time one can be brave is when feeling fear, if you never feel any fear that is probably some kind of chemical issue in the brain that you should get checked out.thaluikhain said:
I think an important question is why you feel fear. Bad news sucks, but by itself, it's usually not enough to dissuade you from facing it. Are you worried about how you'll react when you see the grade? Sit back and ask yourself what could happen when you do look at it. One technique is to imagine the worst thing that could happen and then go forth with low expectations so that you don't have to fear disappointment.
I was once at an award ceremony in Outward Bound, worried that I would be one of the few people who wouldn't get an award. As awards were handed out, one by one, and speeches were made about how each award was earned, I kept guessing who the next person would be, rather than hoping that it would be me. That made it much easier to deal with, and much better when I got my award.
I was once at an award ceremony in Outward Bound, worried that I would be one of the few people who wouldn't get an award. As awards were handed out, one by one, and speeches were made about how each award was earned, I kept guessing who the next person would be, rather than hoping that it would be me. That made it much easier to deal with, and much better when I got my award.
Drinking.. you don't need to change anything about yourself, as long as you're good and sauced anything is possible.
Go pick up your grades. The more often you try to do something bold, or in this case completely average, the easier it'll become to do it in the future. And by the way, calling and thinking of yourself as a "spineless coward" will make you always believe and give up preemptively, stop doing that.DarklordKyo said:
*Slap*DarklordKyo said:
Get some fucking perspective.
Nothing you do matters nor ever will matter. Even the greatest and most famous of men are dust in the end. Their legacies fade and are superseded. Their lives are forgotten in all ways but their results, at best. Engineers, scientists, politicians, warriors, whole nations: even the greatest are footsteps in the sand.
Nothing matters: that is the most liberating revelation.
It's an absurdity that we all struggle against every day. We try to assign and apply meanings which are all, in the end, arbitrary. Nations are narratives, hope is desire, and the past- your past- is a story. At times, these things can consume us, and seem real, or to define us. We can take these narratives and these values and attempt to spread them, or satisfy them- it never lasts. Embrace the absurdity, and you'll be a far happier and audacious individual. I like to think I am.
I mean, Christ, your degree is just someone else's promise that you're smart. What the fuck is that?
If they don't think you're smart enough, what's stopping you from going out into the world and just doing? What? no-one will hire you where you are without it? Go somewhere else, or prove your worth by your own work. If you can't be hired, hire yourself. Degrees are nearly useless after you've got experience anyway, and the only thing restraining your achievement of experience is yourself.
I am of the belief that my degree will not be a qualification so much as a trophy for my victory over my vices. Proof to me that I can do these things and that I possess this knowledge. It is a memorial of a noble endeavour of self-improvement. I care less about what I want to do than who I want to be.
Although it's all meaningless, that is the meaning I assign, and who is anyone else to say otherwise?
Motivational music helps too.
<spoiler=Well, this could always help><youtube=QZXr3ddAqYE>
though seriously, I dont know. I honestly just put it out of my mind if its bad after the fact. Sounds like you have anxiety issues, so I would always just have the best outcome in mind and if its the worst put a silver lining on it.
though seriously, I dont know. I honestly just put it out of my mind if its bad after the fact. Sounds like you have anxiety issues, so I would always just have the best outcome in mind and if its the worst put a silver lining on it.
"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne
Fear can be fought. The more you fight it, the better you get at it. It's just a matter of pushing (sometimes shoving) yourself.
Fear can be fought. The more you fight it, the better you get at it. It's just a matter of pushing (sometimes shoving) yourself.
Are you still in high school?
Unless it's your final year and you're being assessed for college admissions, you should sleep easy knowing that school test results mean a grand total of jack + shit. Bad grades have zero negative effects - they just serve to illustrate areas where your skills/knowledge are lacking (and likewise, good grades show you where you're already competent), which allows you to devote more of your learning time to those weak areas if you want to. You should already have a good idea going into (and if not, certainly during) the test where your strengths and weaknesses lie, so you shouldn't even be looking at grades as an evaluation (I know a lot of people get anxious about being evaluated). Grades reinforce/dispell your own evaluation - if you're expecting a bad grade you shouldn't be scared about getting one, as that would just reinforce what you already know. If you're expecting a good grade it's highly unlikely you'll get one significantly below your expectations, because that would mean you'd have to develop a solid and stable understanding of something (to be confident in your answer) yet still be completely wrong. It happens occasionally, but rarely in school - unless you have a terrible teacher.
In cases like grades it helps to apply some reason. What exactly is it that's so scary?
Unless it's your final year and you're being assessed for college admissions, you should sleep easy knowing that school test results mean a grand total of jack + shit. Bad grades have zero negative effects - they just serve to illustrate areas where your skills/knowledge are lacking (and likewise, good grades show you where you're already competent), which allows you to devote more of your learning time to those weak areas if you want to. You should already have a good idea going into (and if not, certainly during) the test where your strengths and weaknesses lie, so you shouldn't even be looking at grades as an evaluation (I know a lot of people get anxious about being evaluated). Grades reinforce/dispell your own evaluation - if you're expecting a bad grade you shouldn't be scared about getting one, as that would just reinforce what you already know. If you're expecting a good grade it's highly unlikely you'll get one significantly below your expectations, because that would mean you'd have to develop a solid and stable understanding of something (to be confident in your answer) yet still be completely wrong. It happens occasionally, but rarely in school - unless you have a terrible teacher.
In cases like grades it helps to apply some reason. What exactly is it that's so scary?
How you conquer fear is to find the things that scare you most and bludgeon them to death (metaphorically). If you fear heights, go abseiling, if you are afraid of dogs, go pat a Doberman. Take the thing that scares you most and do it, after that you can work your way down your second worst fear and third etc etc. you can do this, because you have already done the worst.
How can you go through on beating your worst fear? Look at it, let's use grades. Consider are they better than you are? because by letting them control you you are throwing up your hands and letting them make you their dog. I don't know about you, but I don't like people, things, animals or abstract concepts beating me down.
Look at yourself, tell yourself, 'I am better than this' I don't give a fuck if it is true or not, know that you are better than the situation trying to beat you and reality will bend to follow.
(note that this is for willpower only, do not attempt to use this for skills or training.)
How can you go through on beating your worst fear? Look at it, let's use grades. Consider are they better than you are? because by letting them control you you are throwing up your hands and letting them make you their dog. I don't know about you, but I don't like people, things, animals or abstract concepts beating me down.
Look at yourself, tell yourself, 'I am better than this' I don't give a fuck if it is true or not, know that you are better than the situation trying to beat you and reality will bend to follow.
(note that this is for willpower only, do not attempt to use this for skills or training.)