Crash Course Graffiti: It's Funny 'Cause It's True

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Crash Course Graffiti: It's Funny 'Cause It's True


You might think that the end of the world would bring out the best in those few who survive but as Crash Course [http://www.valvesoftware.com/] safe house wall, not even the walking dead can save us from anonymous trolls.

You have to give credit to Valve for knowing its audience and for having a pretty good insight into the human psyche, too. It's nice to think that people are generally good-hearted and compassionate toward one another, and that when the chips are down they'll pull together to triumph over adversity and all that good stuff. The latter is often true but it's obvious that the guys behind Left 4 Dead [http://www.l4d.com] aren't completely convinced about the former.

Case in point: Graffiti on the wall of a safe house in the Crash Course DLC. On it, a woman named Alison has written a heartfelt poem to Jonathan, a fellow survivor (and probable lover) who has fallen in the flight from the undead. "You taught all that knew you what courage meant and have shown us an example in death as you did in life," she wrote. "God give me strength in my life without you and I shall thank him. I can only hope our souls shall entwine again in that place where there is only love." Not great, perhaps, but certainly a touching memorial to one who was loved and lost.

But sometime between Alison's departure and your arrival, the internet showed up and plastered the wall with other, less pleasant (but infinitely more amusing) messages. Directly underneath her signature, for example, is the message, "PS IM FAT." Other pearls of wisdom include, "Roses are Red, Violents are Blue, You Suck," "QQ," and my personal favorite, "Jesus, lady, I'm hiding from zombies and reading this was the most terrible thing to happen to me today."

Not that this is the first time the internet has intruded upon the apocalypse: As Shamus Young pointed out [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/comics/stolen-pixels/5925-Stolen-Pixels-78-Stuff-2-Read], no matter where you go, human nature will follow. Who would've thought that in the midst of a zombie holocaust, you'd have to watch out for trolls, too?

Source: Destructoid [http://www.destructoid.com/left-4-dead-s-survivors-evidently-visit-4chan-a-lot-150406.phtml]


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300lb. Samoan

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Mar 25, 2009
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that is mighty fucking hilarious!

"Alison, reading your poem ruined heaven. Thanks alot - Jonathan's Ghost"
BRUTAL
 

Kollega

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Jun 5, 2009
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Oh, the horror. Humans may not be bastards in general, but most of the Internet users certainly are.
 

T-Bone24

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Dec 29, 2008
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"NO ZOMBIES"

"You should hit a zombie with your Thesaurus."

Infinitely more amusing indeed.
 

Feralbreed

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May 20, 2009
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With much luck I might be able to actually read this thing myself with the inaccurate textures in the xbox-version, haha!

Still, I can't wait to get crash course! Could it be downloadable on XBL already?
 

Feralbreed

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May 20, 2009
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Kollega said:
Oh, the horror. Humans may not be bastards in general, but most of the Internet users certainly are.
This kind of malicious humour steps in when people can write and do stuff anonymously. It often shows what people really feel. But more often they just want to unload their own frustrations or anger and make mean observations about the subject.
 

IrrelevantTangent

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Oct 4, 2008
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Hah. Good to see Valve's still got that knack for clever dialogue. I just hope we'll end up getting Crash Course for L4D2. A player can dream, can't he?
 

Kollega

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Feralbreed said:
Kollega said:
Oh, the horror. Humans may not be bastards in general, but most of the Internet users certainly are.
This kind of malicious humour steps in when people can write and do stuff anonymously. It often shows what people really feel. But more often they just want to unload their own frustrations or anger and make mean observations about the subject.
[grizzled badass voice]Yeah,yeah,i know. Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory. Been there,done that.[/grizzled badass voice]
 

SharPhoe

The Nice-talgia Kerrick
Feb 28, 2009
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Oh, man, they even threw in the "Cool story, bro!" one...
Valve knows EXACTLY what they're doing. Almost too well, in fact...
 

HardRockSamurai

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May 28, 2008
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I remember seeing this while I was playing. I couldn't make out the poem (bloody low-res TV), but what I could read was hilarious. It just goes to show that Valve has one hell of a sense of humor.
 

Fniff

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Apr 15, 2009
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CanadianWolverine said:
The real fun will begin when the new survivor weapon comes out: The Felt Marker.
Quick! Make a fake site and maybe Valve will put the marker in the new updates!
 

Optimus Hagrid

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Feb 14, 2009
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Feralbreed said:
With much luck I might be able to actually read this thing myself with the inaccurate textures in the xbox-version, haha!

Still, I can't wait to get crash course! Could it be downloadable on XBL already?
Nothing is more frightening than the sight of Scottish five years old spending a full 10 minutes observing the walls in EVERY safe room.

The frightening thing is they continue to do this when it's an eight month old game.
 

Legion

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Oct 2, 2008
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
I've just read that and it reminds me a lot of "My Immortal"

(If you have any taste, don't go looking for it.)
I'm assuming you don't mean the Evanescence song.