Darkly funny quotes

[KageUsagi]

"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is it's heading straight for the World Trade Center."

"Watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy made me think if I made gay friends they'd give me fashion tips. Actually, they fucked me"

-Frankie Boyle

Just look him up and you'll find loads of these.

 

[AMMO Kid]

Earlier this week friend 1 said something at random about eating a baby, so friend 2 yelled "IMAGINE IT! NOW YOU HAVE TO IMAGINE IT!" It was funny and dark at the same time.

 

[Lunatic High]

"There are no brakes on the rape train" - not sure where I heard/read this but I chuckle everytime I hear it

"Frecklesnatch" (in reference to "ginger" girls) thought this one up myself. I love ginger girls they're almost exotic, like a snowfox or something

 

[mental_looney]

"They say there is safety in numbers..
... tell that to six million Jews."
Jimmy Carr

Saw it on one of his comedy shows once it's so bad with just wordplay.

 

[JokerCrowe]

"Smile, because everyone you despise will die, so smile"
- Some Dude on a Morning show

"Madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little PUSH"
<-------

 

[masher]

"Charm is a learned art."
-"So is murder."

"We will not be caught by surprise."
-"Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words."
--"Then I am glad once again that you are on my side."
-"They've often said that too."

The funny bits by Artemis Entreri from The Sellswords trilogy by R.A. Salvatore.

 

[Kapri]

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a graveyard people would stop dying."

 

[D-Class 198482]

This one line from the Game Grumps:
"If you get in the way again, I will fucking murder you."
"I am murder."
"..."

 

[Fractral]

?My dear girl, in Culture history alone it has been about nine thousand years since a human, marvellous though they are in so many other ways, could do anything useful in a serious, big-guns space battle other than admire the pretty explosions ? or in some cases contribute to them.?
?Contribute??
?Chemicals; colours. You know.?

Oh god, Demiesen really cracks me up. He is possibly the sole reason why I rate Surface Detail as one of my all time favourite books. Its stuff like;
'Oh, where are my manners? Doll, this is your murderer and rapist. Veppers, this is Lededje Y'breq, back from the dead'
That makes him such an amazing character.

 

[(sic) humor]

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep -
not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

-- Will Rogers

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

My favorite quote is from a little game called Team Fortress 2 that is spoken by the Spy when he kills a Soldier.

"Oh, Soldier. Who will they ever find to replace you? ANYONE!"

No disrespect to our men and women in the infantry. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you guys.