Dating: Age Gaps and You

[Glongpre]

My comfort zone is plus/minus 5 years (I am 23). So atm, I fit snuggly in the 18-28 range. I would rather be with someone 1-2 years apart, ideally. It just makes more sense to be with someone who has a similar amount of time on this earth.

Honestly, I probably couldn't date someone who was under 20 right now though. It would feel like dating someones kid, rather than dating another adult. Like, they just got out of high school.

I find that when you get to 10+ years difference, it is super strange. At one time, that person was 20, while you were ten or less. Then imagine ahead and they might have had 2 divorces, 3 failed businesses, and 3 kids, but you are just coming out of a 4 year university program. It would be like dating a friend of your parents.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

In regard to other people, as long as it's age of consent or over, whatever that might be. Past that, I don't really care what other people choose to do. If they want to date someone half their age, have at it.

As for my personal tastes, my SO is seven years older than I am, so I don't have much room to talk, I think ten would be my limit. I'm trying to match maturity level more than anything else. I'm at a stage in my life where I think about settling down in a few years (and am trying to prepare myself accordingly), but want to take my time with it. I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who's already been through one marriage and has a few kids.

 

[CrystalShadow]

I have no hard rules on this.

I seem to be a little less mature than people my own age, so I do have trouble relating to some of them.
But then again, I would feel pretty uncomfortable with someone that was a massively different age to me.

I believe at the moment I am 5 years older.

Of course, age differences become less significant over time.

10 together with 20 is unspeakably wrong.

20 with 30 is a bit weird and awkward.

30 with 40 is still awkward, but perhaps not in such an extreme way

40 with 50 ... Eh. a tiny bit, still.

50 with 60? Does anyone really care?

Still, appearances are also a thing.

I said I'm less mature than people my age, and I meant in terms of personality and how I live and so on...
But based on random comments it seems to apply to my physical appearance too.

Surprisingly often people seem surprised if I tell them my real age.
I mean, not hugely surprised (not like they think I'm half my actual age or something), but if I had to guess at the reactions, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find people are underestimating my age by 5 to 10 years.
And that's based on my appearance...

Online, people seem to misjudge my age by an even bigger margin. There's that personality thing again, I suppose. XD

 

[thewatergamer]

20 years old, and never dated, as for me? eh 3-4 year age gap in either direction would probably be fine by me, also I don't get what is so "horribly controversial" about a 20-21 year old dating a 17 year old, its a 3 year age gap, would anyone bat an eye if a 24 year old was dating a 21 year old? 30 year old dating someone under 20, yeah I can understand that getting weird looks, but seriously? Stupid and oversensitive people are stupid and put way too much emphasis on arbitrary age numbers

 

[ThatOtherGirl]

For people in general, any two adults of any age is fine with me. One could be 70 and the other 21 and who cares.

For me personally, I wouldn't consider a major relationship with anyone younger than 25 (I am 30) unless they were an exceptionally mature individual, because they would be at a different stage of life. I probably would not go older than 40 for the same reason. My wife is 3 years older than me, for reference.

For a one night stand, friends with benefits, or similar scenario, any adult I find hot enough to sleep with would be fine with me.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

Working with kids and people half a decade younger than me has pretty much cemented that I can't stand to be with anyone that is 4 to 5 years younger than.

My friend says that it's the first time that we (speaking to the mid to late 20's) have experience a generation gap, so while some might be forever cruisin' the mainstream, people like him and myself will have our generational identity and harbor very specific likes and dislikes.

Music is probably the biggest deciding factor, as people who only enjoy the newest and most popular music, not necessary the best, are not going to resonate with my taste in music, which consist of several different genres from different time periods.

I can certainly be attracted to women in their early 20's, but unless we share common interests (which I haven't found one that does so far), it'll never go any further than a casual acquaintance or close friend.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

I'm kind of baffled by this-

Current_Age/2 + 7 < Acceptable_Age < 2(Current_Age - 7)

-rule that's getting thrown around. I'm aware that there can be problems concerning the two parties being at different stages of life and thus potentially seeking different things out of a relationship, but even as a guideline this relationship seems to imply far more mathematical rigor than actually exists. It seems like it's an approximation of some common sense idea of the acceptable age range, but if you ever find yourself having to do the math to figure out if someone's in your acceptable age range then it seems like you've put far too much faith in the rule.

These sorts of things vary so much from case by case basis that there's no need to apply any mathematical rule; if the pairing seems like it won't work, don't go for it, if not, this heuristic isn't going to help.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Other people? As long as it's legal, go for it.

Me personally? Same age, maybe a little older, like no more than three years older. Not younger than me though, that's usually a disaster in my book. That's if I felt like dating though.

 

[Conner42]

I'm 22 and, honestly, I (usually) find women in their 30s easier to talk to. Nicer(usually), more relaxed(usually), and less air headed(usually). Of course, they'd have to deal with an air head like me if they decide to actually date me, haha!

As long as it's past the age of consent, I think it's fine. I really don't give a shit about other people's relationships anyway(unless someone is dating a girl I like). I usually see people making decisions that I really don't agree with in their relationships, but these are people who I really don't care about anyway. If an 18 year old dates or marries a 60 year old because they happen to be rich...well, I can actually respect that, I just don't like seeing people graduating high school and seeing a kid appear in their lives a couple of months later. Those are the kinds of things I have problems with.

But, these are people who I don't care about or want in my life anyway. I never have to see them in real life and it'd be pointless to let it bother me.

 

[Yopaz]

I don't really consider age that seriously, but I would prefer someone who was at most 2 years younger than me and within 7 years older. So 23 years is my goal. That said I want to judge the person based on personality before I rule her out so I have been on a date with an 18 year old. I didn't really feel comfortable as I didn't want to be the old guy taking advantage of a younger, less experienced girl, but she was charming and fun and I enjoyed talking to her. I have also had a fling with a woman who was 42. Both ended badly, but age wasn't the (direct) reason.

I actually looked up the statistics and it's a weird situation. Guys tend to want slightly younger girls for relationships, while girls want significantly older guys. So the average girl want a guy who's older than the guys who want them and guys are generally too young for the girls they are attracted to. I am not sure if this statisic is valid, but I thought it was quite interesting. I haven't done any statistics myself, but most of the girls who appear interested in me are younger, mostly in the range 18-21 with only a few being older.

Also for those following the half your age + 7 rule consider this. If you wait a few years they might be old enough. You're 23 and you are attracted to an 18 year old (then you should not be older than 22), wait for her to turn 19 and even if you turn 24 before she turns 19 she's old enough. If you're 24 and she's 18 you need to wait 2 years and she's old enough. The age gap is increasing every year so sure it might be fine as a guideline, but it should not be given the weight some people give it. Talk to people, check whether or not you're compatible.

 

[EeveeElectro]

24yo here. I won't date someone younger than 21 after my ex who was 20. I worked and he was at uni, and like most uni people he didn't have the slightest grip on reality. I can't stand that and I want someone with their shit together.
My boyfriend is 22, there's something like a year and 11 months between us. I used to be against dating people younger but as I've got older I don't care as much. It's not a massive age gap and I can't feel it between us anyway. He's mature, has his head sorted and has a similar mentality to me.
From an outsiders point of view, I don't really care what other people do. I find it slightly creepy when people wait around until someone turns 18 before they make a move though. :/

 

[DanielBrown]

I'm with the side that thinks half your age plus seven is a great guideline for what's socially acceptable, but in general I feel like you shouldn't go far beyond five years plus or minus(unless you're like old old). Got a few friends who are together with someone close to twice their age and it feels very sickening. As for myself I'm turning 27 this year. Could imagine dating someone up to 30-32 years old, but I'm not interested in girls below 24 for anything serious.

 

[Libra]

Honestly, I probably wouldn't date a guy much younger than me, but I'd be cool with dating a guy 10 years older than me easily. Then again, I tend to be a bit more career-oriented than many of my fellow 20-somethings.

Also, I feel large age gaps might be more common in gay dating. Possibly because your dating pool is much smaller right from the get-go.

 

[FPLOON]

Well, one side of me says...

I don't know... and, honestly, I wouldn't care in the slightest...

It was never the age that would bother me, but the clashing personalities that would bound to happen in the long run... I may not be the judgmental, close-minded type... But, I really think my first girlfriend would totally be the opposite of me by being pretty judgmental and a little close-minded, especially after she gets to know me better...

But, then again... I'm not much of a dating person, so that's already strike one on my part... I still say it's not the age, but the personalities that follow... (Although, now that I think about it, those people need to at least be 18 or something if they really want to go for those that are in their 40's and up... Just saying...)

And the other side says...

It's only too big if you're dating someone who died years before you were born... Then again, I've never dated, so there's that...

OT: I don't know... If they're both at an age of consent, then everything else becomes subjective... (Although, I've never heard about the whole "half your age plus seven" equation, so there's that...)

For me, I don't care as long as it's legal when it comes to going passed the dating phase, let alone be at the beginnings of the [first] sex phase...

Other than that, if you can't connect, then just fucking eject... At least you gave it a change before the final dance...

 

[Odbarc]

The rule has and will always be as follows: Older party's age/2 (Rounded down) + 7 as minimum age for the younger party. It starts applying at 14, and goes for the rest of your life.

So a 14 year old cannot date a 13 year old in the same class?

 

[sageoftruth]

Hard for me to say. I'm 32, and I'd still feel comfortable dating anyone old enough to be legal. The older you get, the less the gap seems to matter as far as I can tell. I was friends with a couple ten years older than me and spent months thinking we were the same age.

 

[Zen Bard]

When I was 30, my general rule of thumbs was a plus or minus 10 year age gap.

But that range narrowed with each passing year as I found women in their 20's excruciatingly annoying. And women in their 40's just wanted a Boy Toy they could mold and shape into whatever they wanted.

Eventually, I stopped giving a crap when I turned 38.

That's when I met my wife.

Boy, did SHE kill my single life!

(And she's six years younger)

 

[Thaluikhain]

Hmmm...does it make a difference depending on what involved in "dating"? I mean, if the couple is having sex, is that different to not having sex, does an engagement change thing?

 

[happyninja42]

As long as it's a legal age gap, I don't really care, or have an issue with it. I personally am more attracted to older women than younger women, so I would go more for the Cougar department than the Bubbly Teen/20's department if I was single and dating, but I wouldn't turn down an offer if I found them attractive, and genuinely enjoyed hanging out with them.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

There's a few general guidelines if you're worried about transgressing social norms or being "that person"...the creepy cradle-robbing kind of person. There's the old half your age +7 rule, which is a fairly reasonable guideline, although it becomes less and less broadly applicable as you age (people tend to go through "puberties" or major sea changes in life goals, outlooks and expectations rapidly when younger, less so when older). There's the "campsite" rule, which stipulates if you date/fuck someone dramatically younger than yourself you have a moral obligation to leave them in better condition than you found them. And then there's the obvious state/provincial laws consideration...even if your age ranges are close, don't be breaking any statutory rape laws or you're going to wish you'd made better choices.

I'm 7 years older than my girlfriend, and it's basically okay. When I was 30 and she was 23, it was a bit trying at times. Now that I'm pushing 41 and she's in her early-mid thirties, we're a lot closer in terms of outlooks, shared interests and shared experiences...although part of that is growing together over the better part of a decade. I have a 43 year old friend with a near 60 year old husband, and they get on just fine (doesn't hurt that the guy is a fitness fanatic and looks as young and healthy as the average 35 year old).

There's no hard and fast rule outside of laws, everyone is different. If you go too May-December, though, you're going to need to accept a certain number of raised eyebrows.