1. Most of the time, for me, the girl makes the first moveRiku said:
2. For me, not often, but has happened
3. Usually, we pay for our own
4. You got me there, but if I really wanted to, I can be the one to push away and wait, even if she starts it
Dating norms need to change
- Thread starter Riku'sTwilight
- Start date
2. For me, not often, but has happened
3. Usually, we pay for our own
4. You got me there, but if I really wanted to, I can be the one to push away and wait, even if she starts it
Well to be honest I can't see this system every changing, or at least not soon. Think about it the other way. Imagine you're a girl imagining how dificult it can be to date as a guy. Why would you want to change that so that you're in their position? Haha. Hell if it weren't expected that I be the one to initiate a date I certainly wouldn't do it by choice (most of the time).Riku said:
Forget the "dating" scene and just hang out with your friends, I've never once been on a date like you have described, its always been:
1: Hang out with mutual friends.
2: Establish a bit of a connection
3: Start talking to them without the others being involved.
4: Tell them you find them attractive but make it as indirect as possible (important)
5: ????
6: Profit
7: Go from hopeless with girls nerd to utter man-whore
8: Regret your whoreish ways
9: Start looking for someone you are genuinely happy with.
This is sort of turning into my life story... but for the record the vast majority of the girls I have been *ahem* involved with have come on to me and honestly most of them deserve better.
1: Hang out with mutual friends.
2: Establish a bit of a connection
3: Start talking to them without the others being involved.
4: Tell them you find them attractive but make it as indirect as possible (important)
5: ????
6: Profit
7: Go from hopeless with girls nerd to utter man-whore
8: Regret your whoreish ways
9: Start looking for someone you are genuinely happy with.
This is sort of turning into my life story... but for the record the vast majority of the girls I have been *ahem* involved with have come on to me and honestly most of them deserve better.
Well then... Allow me to retort. My good sir, I believe that you are mistaken in your ideas that dating a girl is just the same as ordering a prostitute, unless of course, you do things that you dislike. For instance, if you took a girl to a restaurant that you hated, or went to a movie that you hated just to get sex, then you are in fact a sad sad person, and I completely stand by my statement. The trick is to do things you enjoy doing. Then it won't feel so much like you're paying a prostitute, as much as you are enjoying the company of a person. Try doing things you like, and maybe you won't be such a sourpuss about the whole idea of dating.Shark Wrangler said:
That's really my argument in a nutshell. Quit being a misogynist asshole, and maybe you'll have better luck.
Oh, and also
these sweeping generalizations you make are not even the majority case anymore. We in fact DO live in the 21st century, and if dating for you is still like in the 1950's then you are either doing it wrong, or you live in Mayberry.
How often does a girl make the first move? Constantly
How often does a girl ask a guy out on a date? When I was in college, most of the time.
How often does a girl pay solely for the date? Never.
How often does a guy get to decide whether a girl kisses him or not? Never. The girl will pounce on you if you do it right.
Control is an illusion. If you have good social skills, you can control a situation while making the girl think she is in control. Case in point, if you want to kiss a girl, you have to make her want to kiss you first. If you succeed in this, why not wait for her to kiss you? When girls get aroused it builds and builds until they cant stand it anymore, which is why they will eventually pounce on you like a tiger. Its not as simple as siting back and doing nothing though. Its a delicate balance, and Im not saying its easy.
Im not sure what it is about me that gets girls to open up. Im not particularly attractive or glib. Maybe I just have a disarming personality. Every girl I have talked to tells me that they cant handle dry spells. They go completely crazy. Guys on the other hand, can go years without. And dont try to tell me girls dont masturbate.
How often does a girl make the first move? Constantly
How often does a girl ask a guy out on a date? When I was in college, most of the time.
How often does a girl pay solely for the date? Never.
How often does a guy get to decide whether a girl kisses him or not? Never. The girl will pounce on you if you do it right.
Control is an illusion. If you have good social skills, you can control a situation while making the girl think she is in control. Case in point, if you want to kiss a girl, you have to make her want to kiss you first. If you succeed in this, why not wait for her to kiss you? When girls get aroused it builds and builds until they cant stand it anymore, which is why they will eventually pounce on you like a tiger. Its not as simple as siting back and doing nothing though. Its a delicate balance, and Im not saying its easy.
This is so entirely not true. There is empirical and physiological evidence to support the fact that girls want it more. The idea that guys have to pursue and pay for the "courtship" process is just the social norm, and something the OP has a very valid point to ***** about. It pisses me off too.esperandote said:
Im not sure what it is about me that gets girls to open up. Im not particularly attractive or glib. Maybe I just have a disarming personality. Every girl I have talked to tells me that they cant handle dry spells. They go completely crazy. Guys on the other hand, can go years without. And dont try to tell me girls dont masturbate.
Oh, tradition. Tossed that junk out the window long, long ago. I don't think there's much left that stands in the "traditional" category for my girlfriend and I. I've always wondered by people put so much time, effort into these things and treat relationships as such a mind-blowingly difficult task. It really isn't... *shrugs*
The "system" is that the guy pays for the date. But not all girls follow that. If a woman wants you to pay for everything on the date and is not fine with a low-budget date, then she isn't your type. There are more fish in the sea.
And just as the man doesn't have to pay a large sum for a date, a woman certainly doesn't have to "put out" on a date.
To put it simply, if you're a man and you want a girlfriend for physical "more-than-friendliness", or if you're a woman and you want a boyfriend for free meals at various restaurants and theaters, you're doing it wrong. (relationships, that is)
And just as the man doesn't have to pay a large sum for a date, a woman certainly doesn't have to "put out" on a date.
To put it simply, if you're a man and you want a girlfriend for physical "more-than-friendliness", or if you're a woman and you want a boyfriend for free meals at various restaurants and theaters, you're doing it wrong. (relationships, that is)
I dunno, if a guy was an excellent curator and was presenting a show around the theme of "blue," that would be a definite plus for their potential as a potential future mate.Jimmy Sylvers said:
OP, it really sounds like you don't seem to quite think of women in the same way you think of men. And I just have to put it out there: the mind of women work just like men, except they have to navigate through life with a few different organs.
We're people. We're not some sort of strange creatures, inherently programmed with moon logic meant to confound the males of the species. And here's the mind-blowing conclusion to what I have to say here:
If you want a different experience when dating women, you don't have to try to change the entirety of society because we are individuals, and if you want a different experience than what you've had in the past, just find someone else who thinks more like you do!
We're not stuck in this supposed 1950's mindset, you are putting yourself in relationships you don't like and then are blaming women, society, everyone but yourself.
No, stop. Everyone, stop doing this, please. This goes to all the threads where people are asking for society to change to fix their relationship. It bugs the hell out of me to be generalized so completely on the basis of my two X chromosomes, especially on matters of relationships. If you don't like what's happening in relationships, you're in the wrong ones, and chances are, you got there by your own actions.
My girlfriend asked me out, she generally pays for most of our dates too. (She's fairly affluent, I'm broke)
She also kissed me first. I was a very shy guy, and she wasn't gonna wait around.
She also kissed me first. I was a very shy guy, and she wasn't gonna wait around.
At least Half the fun of going on a date is getting the other person to lose their control and give it to you, to trust you with it.
I have a lot of fun with little social experiments and messing with people. I think I'm going to take a walk through campus tomorrow and see if I can't stir up some fun, or trouble, either way is good.
I have a lot of fun with little social experiments and messing with people. I think I'm going to take a walk through campus tomorrow and see if I can't stir up some fun, or trouble, either way is good.
I couldn't have put it better myself.SuccessAndBiscuts said:
I don't know why I'v even had a modicum of success at this; it just works. It doesn't really make sense. Women dont make sense for the most part. All I know is that as soon as you establish yourself as a non-tool, you at least have your foot in the door. If a girl does think you are a tool, they will have no sympathy and no mercy. Also, 9 out of 10 tools dont realize they are being a tool.
Just learn from your mistakes, and dont give up. Im not calling anyone here a tool, but if you suspect you might be one, try going after desperate girls and settling.
Well, there's statistical evidence that support the fact that more guys want it enough to ask the other out.Gamblerjoe said:
The biggest problem with the dating scene is sad lonely dudes trying way too hard and spending way too much money making honest casual efforts look bad.
They run up the bid so high on taking girls out casually by leaving themselves wide open for abuse.
Not really my problem, though, I get by on looks rather than money.
They run up the bid so high on taking girls out casually by leaving themselves wide open for abuse.
Not really my problem, though, I get by on looks rather than money.
makes sense to me. all of the guys who cant get girls to open up to them irl should put a lot of value on posts like this. its the closest your're going to get. Im lucky. Iv gotten a lot of bad info and a lot of good info; and Im intelligent enough to sort them out. I was raised by a single mother who gave me a lot of bad info. I also had an older sister who along with her friends gave me a lot of good info. I'v also had a lot of women open up to me in my adult life and lay the real deal on me. Not to mention the fact that Im good at reading people and figuring out whats up.Erana said:
And yes, women are an extremely mixed bag. They are people, not animals that think they're people.