Dead Whale Threatens Coastal Town With Possible Explosion

[BeerTent]

Wait, we're worried about a dead whale in Newfoundland? As in NEWFOUNDLAND?!

Fuck removing the carcass, call X-COM before the town is overrun with Chryssalids.

No point. Run. Just RUN!

I have lost so many rookies to that one mission - these days I heavily consider phoning up the Council when it comes up and just saying "Yeah, XCOM is calling in sick today. Yup, all of us. We all got the flu. Blame one of the science guys."

(This is partly because it often comes up annoyingly early for me. On the occasion that I had an entire team of Colonels to take care of business, I'm not sure anyone even took a scratch...)

ANYWAY... On topic: I guess they'll at least have a decent whale skeleton to sell to a museum when this is all over? (Assuming, of course, that it ISN'T filled with Chryssalids.)

Yeah, that mission started off well for me (4 of 6 team members were snipers, so most of the Chryssalids died before they could get close on the approach), until I triggered the whale. Getting back to the Sky Ranger was the worst part of that mission, and it literally ended with one of my last 2 units (a heavy), killing himself with a rocket to kill the only chryssalid in range of my last sniper, who was then able to dash to the Sky Ranger to escape. I shudder to think of what kind of PTSD you get from that kind of mission...

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. I'm sorry, but in my games, half of that province is gone. X-com ain't coming.

I did that mission once and had a survivor. (That's the amazing part.) Everyone else became zombies, but he was still by the boat when one snuck up from behind and incapacitated him. Bleeding out. Right next to the boat... And he survived. Figure that one out!!

 

[TheDoctor455]

Andy? Did you ask Neonbob if you could use his avatar for this?

(just kidding)

 

[ExtraDebit]

Once it's already bloated it's already too late, it WILL explode if they tried to puncture the carcass and it will explode if they wait. So in a way, the whale exploding is inevitable.

Edit: http://www.snotr.com/video/12349/Sperm_Whale_Explodes this is what happens when you poke it.

and http://www.snotr.com/video/1483/How_NOT_to_get_rid_of_a_whale this is what happens when you try something else.

 

[Neonbob]

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

Neonbob, Canada needs you.

This is just the beginning of a war instigated by those monsters of the deep. Biological weaponry, they're heinous!

Apparently I've been away for too goddamn long.
Now they've started thinking they can kamikaze themselves. This cannot stand!
For the sake of all coastal towns, I shall resume my vendetta!

Quick, someone get @Neonbob: he's our only hope to stop these evil whales once and for all! >
Although, I think he's busy raising his child right now, so let's form a backup plan just in case.

It is entirely possible I will take my child to the beach some time this coming year. So a backup plan will not be necessary!

EDIT:
I also love the picture you chose for the article.

 

[Fdzzaigl]

Can't they either tow it to more open waters with a boat (possibly putting cushion under it to make sure it doesn't rip on the rocks) and make it explode there?

Or make a hole on the right end, so the guts spill out into the bay otherwise?

 

[Lightknight]

Would putting some holes in the whale to let the gasses escape work?

Yeah, surely someone in the town owns a stick. Problem solved. If doing it up close is a problem then I hear we have a device that propels small metal objects at rapid rates of speed out of a cylinder via expanding gases...

Couldn't they just use acid as a solution (teehee)? Go breaking bad on body disposal?

 

[Mahha]

What about harvesting the whale for oil, bone and other whale stuff?
It's dead already so I don't think anyone will mind.

 

[porous_shield]

Would putting some holes in the whale to let the gasses escape work?

Yeah, surely someone in the town owns a stick. Problem solved. If doing it up close is a problem then I hear we have a device that propels small metal objects at rapid rates of speed out of a cylinder via expanding gases...

Couldn't they just use acid as a solution (teehee)? Go breaking bad on body disposal?

The whale is 80 feet long and weighs who knows how much so that would be a lot of acid. Plus, bodies are usually put in a barrel or something so that the acid can eat away at the body over time so you need something very big for that size of a body.

 

[Lilani]

I realize this is a genuine health and sanitation concern...but every time I think about the situation I can't help but laugh. To a resident of a landlocked state this is absolutely hysterical! God the worst we have here in Missouri is skunks, or maybe some easter eggs the kids never found.

 

[Gennadios]

Wait, we're worried about a dead whale in Newfoundland? As in NEWFOUNDLAND?!

Fuck removing the carcass, call X-COM before the town is overrun with Chryssalids.

Why is it that every time I go to the comments of an article just to make a smartass reference, it ends up stealthed?

Hat's off to you, sir.

 

[lunavixen]

Whale, they're certainly in trouble

If it were me, i'd cut it up now before it bloats, that way the gases can't build up to explosion point, a chainsaw should do it.

 

[Samael Barghest]

Is there something wrong with a massive cookout?

 

[martyrdrebel27]

As president, I would fund a special branch of FEMA for responding to this exact thing. They would fly in and immediately harvest all meat and ambergris and all parts of value, then transport the picked over carcass to the ocean where it would be dropped, as whale carcasses are essential parts of the ocean ecology, as seen here...

 

[Dwarfman]

Wait, we're worried about a dead whale in Newfoundland? As in NEWFOUNDLAND?!

Fuck removing the carcass, call X-COM before the town is overrun with Chryssalids.

As soon as I read the article I thought exactly the same thing!

 

[scorptatious]

If they don't get rid of that thing soon, everyone near the blast radius will whale in anguish.

Eh?

EEEEEEEHHHH???

...

 

[Signa]

yea a whale blowing up is a bad idea

If no one posted that, I was going to. Nothing gets me more than that line about blasting it again before they realized how bad of an idea the whole thing was.

 

[pejhmon]

They should have just eaten it when it was still fresh.

 

[FalloutJack]

I suggest everyone hold back a fair distance from it...and then take bets for when it will explode naturally. Make a spectacle of it, not a problem. It could be fun! Just...don't go NEAR it.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

"Good morning Mr Phelps. Earlier today, a whale carcass washed up on a public beach, rapid decomposition will eventually lead to the whale blowing up causing significant contamination of the surrounding area. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to prevent the explosion and see that the remains are safely disposed of. As always, should you or any of your I.M force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge. This message will self destruct in 10 seconds. Good luck Jim."

 

[Namehere]

As president, I would fund a special branch of FEMA for responding to this exact thing. They would fly in and immediately harvest all meat and ambergris and all parts of value, then transport the picked over carcass to the ocean where it would be dropped, as whale carcasses are essential parts of the ocean ecology, as seen here...

Often the American's have a hard enough time getting FEMA funding for US disasters, this is a foreign whale washed ashore in Canada - a foreign land. Admittedly the American's love a good war, but whales don't make for good wars. I think we - here in Canada - will have to take care of it ourselves. You'd think we'd have a history with this problem and accordingly some sort of standard solution. Apparently not though...

By the way, I'm sick of Americans thinking they can go wherever they want just to steal other peoples rotting whales. Enough with the imperialism already. That there is a Canadian dead whale!