Dead Whale Threatens Coastal Town With Possible Explosion

[otakon17]

Wait, we're worried about a dead whale in Newfoundland? As in NEWFOUNDLAND?!

Fuck removing the carcass, call X-COM before the town is overrun with Chryssalids.

OH GOD! It's happening! It's actually happening!

OT: Lure in as many bears as you can find and let them have at it.

 

[otakon17]

As president, I would fund a special branch of FEMA for responding to this exact thing. They would fly in and immediately harvest all meat and ambergris and all parts of value, then transport the picked over carcass to the ocean where it would be dropped, as whale carcasses are essential parts of the ocean ecology, as seen here...

Often the American's have a hard enough time getting FEMA funding for US disasters, this is a foreign whale washed ashore in Canada - a foreign land. Admittedly the American's love a good war, but whales don't make for good wars. I think we - here in Canada - will have to take care of it ourselves. You'd think we'd have a history with this problem and accordingly some sort of standard solution. Apparently not though...

By the way, I'm sick of Americans thinking they can go wherever they want just to steal other peoples rotting whales. Enough with the imperialism already. That there is a Canadian dead whale!

Then YOU guys harvest the bones and ambergris and the like! Simple as that.

 

[martyrdrebel27]

As president, I would fund a special branch of FEMA for responding to this exact thing. They would fly in and immediately harvest all meat and ambergris and all parts of value, then transport the picked over carcass to the ocean where it would be dropped, as whale carcasses are essential parts of the ocean ecology, as seen here...

Often the American's have a hard enough time getting FEMA funding for US disasters, this is a foreign whale washed ashore in Canada - a foreign land. Admittedly the American's love a good war, but whales don't make for good wars. I think we - here in Canada - will have to take care of it ourselves. You'd think we'd have a history with this problem and accordingly some sort of standard solution. Apparently not though...

By the way, I'm sick of Americans thinking they can go wherever they want just to steal other peoples rotting whales. Enough with the imperialism already. That there is a Canadian dead whale!

and so began the Great Whale Carcass and Maple Syrup war of 2014. who knows who even fired the first shot, we've been fighting this war as long as i can remember. our motives, long decayed in the Canadian "summer" sun, leaving only in its stead war for the sake of war. i remember seeing whole platoons swallowed up in the Syrup pits, fighting for air... their screams still haunt me with every pancake. One second, I'm enjoying a stack of flapjacks, next minute, i'm back in the Tundras, ripping round "bacon" from the corpses of mounties. I see Tom shouting out, a moment to late to save his own life "Jacques in the bushes!" Damn Snowbacks had us outnumbered 3 to 1. we couldn't see them but we knew we were surrounded, they were beating their hockey sticks against the ground, taunting us. last thing i saw, a mortar-fire of pucks raining in on us. I saw half my men go down before i took a puck to the head.

I woke up 2 days later in a Canadian POW camp. the food they gave us was barely edible. no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't straighten out the bacon... i just wasn't strong enough... I'M SORRY SARGE, I COULDN'T FIX THEIR BACON... I COULDN'T... spent all winter in that POW camp, which in Canada is 11 months long, before Uncle Sam finally came through and set us free. I came home the following week, but part of me died out there, left behind in the Canadian Wastes.