Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[William Ossiss]

my advice?
buck up. your a dad now. its not just her fault, its yours as well. "dont be silly... wrap your willy..."

my other advice? "trust no one. expect the worst." ~OSSISS

 

[Ishadus]

I can't believe people still have unprotected sex in this day and age. What's it going to take before people realize that a brief flight of passion isn't worth potentially screwing your life up? My theory is a new STD appears that makes your dick spontaneously combust the second you put it in. If that doesn't get teenagers to wrap it, nothing will.

If there's a lot of chemistry and everything feels right with a girl but there's no condom on hand, the chemistry will still be there next time after you've made a quick trip to a pharmacy or convenience store. And if you're one of those people whose brain doesn't work properly once the blood has been re-allocated elsewhere, at LEAST settle for oral that one time. A little gonorrhea of the throat is preferable to some of the alternatives.

I'll get off my soapbox now. What's done is done. Only thing left to do is make sure the child isn't the one who has to pay for the mistakes of the parents.

 

[shadowstriker86]

all you have to do is use the "SECRET ABORTION PUNCH ATTACK!" and everything will be fine

j/k, cause that would hurt like hell.

 

[-Drifter-]

cool story bro

I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw that. That's cold, my friend.

 

[warprincenataku]

1) Accidentally punch her in the stomach.

2) Push her down a flight of stairs.

3) Move and change you name.

4) Do all three just to make sure.

 

[Mr Cwtchy]

Were I in your position, I would tell her that if she decides to keep the baby, she'll have to raise it without my help.

Might sounds selfish but I don't care, I hate children. >_>

Also, that she REALLY needs to see a psychiatrist.

 

[Kouen]

Ouch, Well my advice is dude is if she is really pregnant stand by her, I Hear being a dad can be a wonderful thing even though its very unexpected. hell everything may work out.

 

[largeclassicpoop]

I will say this much though: the real pain in making mistakes isn't that the mistakes "ruin your life". It's that they ruin your plans. But life is more than those plans, more than your preconceived notions of what reality is. You can either keep looking out the red-stained glass, or break through and grab your life an make something of it. One things for sure - this is what my life is a testament to - it's never too late for redemption. Hope always remains.

I agree with Mims here; there's still hope. Your life doesn't have to be ruined, unless you let it. First off, I know almost everyone else said this, but get a paternity test. Also, there was some discussion about bleeding and her period, timing, etc., so I just have to ask; has she seen a doctor, been confirmed pregnant and healthy? I'm just curious.

As far as dealing with her goes, I would say you should make as clean a break from her as possible. Make it clear that you will not get back together with her, regardless of the child. After that, no texting, no phone calls, no emails unless she contacts you regarding the baby. If she starts talking about the two of you, cut her off. It seems pretty clear that she's trying to trap you into a marriage or similar situation here, so put a stop to it now. Anytime you two talk about relationships, you just give her that much more hope that this will work. Maybe she'll leave you alone if you stick to this. Also, you should stick to your college plans, either way. It won't be easy, especially if you have to support a child, but it may help you in the end with a better job (hopefully you're going into a good field). In addition to that, it gives you something to look forward to and when the day comes, it'll feel good to get out of town and away from the gossips.

And about your depression, do you work out at all? I find a little light running every other morning or so helps me immensely.

 

[Flight]

My advice is to wear a condom next time or get a vasectomy if you're not planning on having any more kids. Also, if she deceived you, it's hardly a good basis for a relationship. Tell her how you feel about it, and don't mince words - but don't be too harsh, either. I'd stay far, far away from her. Yes, you'll have to pay child support, but you shouldn't have to be a part of her life, or the child's (every child should be a wanted one, and children are sensitive; chances are, it'll pick up on the fact that it's not wanted by you) aside from that.

Your life is not necessarily ruined, just very drastically changed. You can still go to college and so on; and if you can, you might want to see if you can make a case for being tricked (which will most likely be pretty hard, since you chose not to wear a condom).

 

[GuideBot]

I will say this much though: the real pain in making mistakes isn't that the mistakes "ruin your life". It's that they ruin your plans. But life is more than those plans, more than your preconceived notions of what reality is. You can either keep looking out the red-stained glass, or break through and grab your life an make something of it. One things for sure - this is what my life is a testament to - it's never too late for redemption. Hope always remains.

I agree with Mims here; there's still hope. Your life doesn't have to be ruined, unless you let it. First off, I know almost everyone else said this, but get a paternity test. Also, there was some discussion about bleeding and her period, timing, etc., so I just have to ask; has she seen a doctor, been confirmed pregnant and healthy? I'm just curious.

As far as dealing with her goes, I would say you should make as clean a break from her as possible. Make it clear that you will not get back together with her, regardless of the child. After that, no texting, no phone calls, no emails unless she contacts you regarding the baby. If she starts talking about the two of you, cut her off. It seems pretty clear that she's trying to trap you into a marriage or similar situation here, so put a stop to it now. Anytime you two talk about relationships, you just give her that much more hope that this will work. Maybe she'll leave you alone if you stick to this. Also, you should stick to your college plans, either way. It won't be easy, especially if you have to support a child, but it may help you in the end with a better job (hopefully you're going into a good field). In addition to that, it gives you something to look forward to and when the day comes, it'll feel good to get out of town and away from the gossips.

And about your depression, do you work out at all? I find a little light running every other morning or so helps me immensely.

This has to be one of the most refreshing and gosh-darned glowingly optimistic boxes of text I've read in a good while. Life is fine, gentlemen, live it up.

 

[VivaciousDeimos]

[
Well while its true women can get pregnant in most months, the likely hood is so low in those months, you might as well not even count them, in specific months (its different for every woman) the chance is amplified greatly in this month, if you do have sex during this month, there's probably a 90% chance you just got her pregnant. When you count in all probabilities of the months, its a 1/12 chance, however, there are several other factors (hormone dips etc) that effect whether or not you will get pregnant, and thus will make that chance even lower. This is the reason why you will have couples trying for a very long time in order to make a baby, while others only have to go for a month or so before they see they are going to have a baby.

Look it up if you want, also I got this from the Web MD.

OK, I'm still doubtful, but interested. Can you link it?

Um...no. A woman can get pregnant whenever she is ovulating and most women ovulate once a month...it's why we also have periods once a month. There's also the fact that many women time their pregnancies so their baby will be born in a specific season, or so they're not heavily pregnant in certain seasons like winter or summer (not that all women can do this, it's pretty tricky).

This is what WebMD has to say about conception: http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/understanding-conception
The odds of getting pregnant in any given month are about 15-25%. It doesn't dramatically rise one month out of the rest.

The reason it takes some couples longer and others a shorter amount of time is that everyone's fertility is different: some women have less eggs, some men a low sperm count. Sometimes taking contraception's for a long time, or skipping your periods can have bad effects. Everyone's different.

To the Original Poster: If she stopped taking her pills mid-cycle that could explain the bleeding and she could have confused it, but she shouldn't have forgotten in the first place. It becomes routine, you don't forget. It's already been said, but: paternity test. Be absolutely sure. Also, do not stay with her for the sake of the child if you don't want to. You will resent her for it and it will do more harm than good. Be a father, or don't, and just pay child support, but don't let her trap you or make you feel cornered. You said that she's not interested in being a single mother? Too bad. She shouldn't have stopped taking her pills, or had sex if you didn't have a condom. You're not the only one to blame in this, you were both irresponsible. You can raise the child together, if that's your choice, but you don't have to be together.

 

[Wintermoot]

its not your problem SHE sgould have taken the pill on the other hand you could have worn a condom

 

[GuideBot]

This is a bad situation to be in. If it were me I would move to Russia call myself Vladimir and live guilt free.

I know this isn't perfect but it's the only thing I can suggest. Oh if your American come England. If your English go Russia.

What is it with russia? The place must full of fugitive fathers.

 

[Nanaki316]

It's probably been posted a million times but I'll break it down for you.

There's nothing wrong with you having posted here amongst a community you trust. If it makes you feel better to let off some steam then do it.

First of all, you need to find out if she's really pregnant. She may be reluctant to take a test in front of you so start demanding scan pictures. If she's 12 weeks she has to have had at least one by now.

If she's not pregnant, don't go near her again.

If she IS pregnant it's your choice whether you stick by her in the pregnancy or not.
When the kid is born you need to get a DNA test, as you said she could be trapping you - perhaps you were the best candidate but she's really not sure.
About Child Support - you can't be forced to pay anything unless you're sure that kid is yours. So don't, and don't get attached until you know for sure.

I know you said you want nothing to do with the kid. If it is yours, pay to support.
You could walk away and refuse to be a father, other than paying money that's your right but you have to realise that one day this kid could turn up on your doorstep and demand answers about where the fuck you've been.
That or you could decide too late that you do wanna be a part of its life, which will be another lesson learnt.

But just so you know, having kids young isn't the worst thing in the world. I found out I was pregnant at 16 - using two forms of contraception. I had her when I was 17 and she was the best thing to happen to me. I'm now a mum of 2 at 22.
Don't damn this into being the end of your life, you'd be surprised.

 

[Nerdygamer89]

I was in a pretty similar situation once (except for the pregnancy, thank god), so I can definitely sympathize.

If you want some advice, make sure she's telling the truth about being pregnant. If she isn't, cut your losses and break all contact with her. That strategy worked for me. You just don't want to end up with a psycho chick, believe me. Now here's the tricky part: if she is telling the truth, and it's your kid, then that kid is now your responsibility whether you stay with the girl or not, full stop.

Short version: if she's lying, run the fuck away as fast as you can.
Long version: if she isn't lying, man up and take responsibility for the child.

 

[acj540]

Allow me to take your mind off of this heavy topic for a minute with this completely unrelated and ridiculous video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0-2lzA7_Cg

Dont ask just buy it okay? lol

Edit: Sorry, I should have included that I do really feel sorry for you, and I hope that you can get this issue figured out. In the mean time however, I offer you this video to get your mind off of it. cheers!

 

[Thisshouldsay2K]

Man up dude. No matter what if that is your kid, then its yours forever. Grow a pair and take responsibilty. No one forced your dick in this girl and you knew the risks of unprotected sex going in (no pun intended).

Edit: Before you think I'm taking her side I just want to say what she did was fucked up, but if she refuses to give the kid up then there's nothing you can do. I'm not saying to be a happy couple again, but don't shun the kid.

This, plus condoms exist for a reason. Maybe you don't feel as much, but better safe than sorry.

But I guess it's too late for that. It might suck for you, but you've gotta do everything you can for your kid, man. Regardless of how you feel for her or how you feel about having a kid or how you feel about the kid(when s/he is born) you're obligated to take care of it as best you can and give him/her every opportunity you can.