You know when you look throught your history and you see a really bad post..... this was a really bad post
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You know when you look throught your history and you see a really bad post..... this was a really bad post
Not another frie-
Wait, you're ok with being friends? You're not being childishly bitter that the other person/s didn't feel obliged to go out with you?
Yeah, I don't think you are in the friendzone there.
Wait, you're ok with being friends? You're not being childishly bitter that the other person/s didn't feel obliged to go out with you?
Yeah, I don't think you are in the friendzone there.
You're fundamentally looking at the whole issue completely wrong. You keep using the word "gamer" like it actually means something. You said it yourself, none of them actually knew you liked video games, so why the hell would that have anything to do with this so-called "friend zone"?
What you're describing is something experienced by males and females all around. Those girls are not interested in being involved with you for whatever reason, but being a gamer isn't it.
Do you really think that liking video games inherently changes your position in the dating arena to any great extent? Liking video games is the same as liking a particular art or a particular sport. It doesn't play any kind of fundamental role in a date...unless you want it to of course.
What you're describing is something experienced by males and females all around. Those girls are not interested in being involved with you for whatever reason, but being a gamer isn't it.
Do you really think that liking video games inherently changes your position in the dating arena to any great extent? Liking video games is the same as liking a particular art or a particular sport. It doesn't play any kind of fundamental role in a date...unless you want it to of course.
Depends how you define it, I don't particularly like the fact we are just friends, but I'm not going to hold it against them. I like hanging out with these people, I have a great time with them so apart from a little bit on the side, Im not missing out on anything. I can't hate someone for not being attracted to me in that sort of way, and frankly if I knew I was going to hate being around them I wouldn't of asked them outthaluikhain said:
It sucks but hey I ain't the end of the world, I will find someone eventually
You hit the nail on the head, there.HoneyVision said:
Gamers aren't a special breed of people; gaming is a hobby. It doesn't define who you are, or what you do.
If someone doesn't want to date you, chances are it's because they're either not attracted to you, or they doubt your long-term compatibility. Neither of those things are likely to be influenced by a hobby.
If they are strongly swayed by the fact that you are/not a gamer, then are they really the type of person you want to be dating anyway?
Its not the fact that liking a video game instantly means your going to be friend zoned for the rest of you life, its just that I see people who are part of a gaming community get side lined more then anyone else. I probably could of explained it better but I was wondering more about how such a massive group of people struggle with dating more than liking a game instantly means you will get the cold shoulder.HoneyVision said:
Your right though "It doesn't play any kind of fundamental role in a date"
Yeah maybe, but it'd be more worthwhile to find out why exactly they get sidelined more than anyone else. Because let's face it, gamers aren't usually the most social people out there. And whether people want to accept it or not that stereotype is still very much alive.AidoZonkey said:
I would leave the gaming aspect out of it entirely if you want to find out why people are friend zoned.AidoZonkey said:
1) first they had to have had some interest in you prior to accepting the date.
2) something happened on the date/dates that changed their interest.
3) think about what you talked about on the date itself, mannerisms, personality, possibly even something you might do when you are nervous, or something that might make them uncomfortable. This is what usually gets people friend zoned faster than anything else. There is usually some " quirk" that is off putting that if you resolved it could increase your chances.
4) being socially awkward is often a common denominator among many gamers, thus would increase their likelihood of having difficulty with relationships.
That said, as I have said before" I hate dating gamers and I don't date gamers anymore". LOL
It is a " different" kind of social though. That is the thing, what is normal among other gamers often isn't normal around non gamers. Often some of the " quirks" that are accepted among gamers are found to be annoying as hell by others. LOLHoneyVision said:
The whole 'friendzone' thing aside, have you figured out why exactly these women aren't interested in you the way you hoped they would be? Have you spoken with them about their reasons (not advocating you grill them, but finding out why someone is or isn't interested in you can help when it comes to self examination)?
Five women in a row could just be a coincidence, but it also may indicate there is something about you that women don't associate with 'romantic relationship'.
Five women in a row could just be a coincidence, but it also may indicate there is something about you that women don't associate with 'romantic relationship'.
It's good you've not gone the bitter route with these women. I've made my opinion on the friend-zone clear before, so I won't go into that, you believe in it, fine.
I've apparently friend-zoned someone before, but I disagree. I just wasn't interested, and I don't think I ever indicated I was interested. We just did friend stuff and then out of nowhere he's not talking to me because I have a boyfriend. So that kind of sucked. Bunch of creepy mess after that.
Other than that, I don't think being a gamer has much to do with it. I mean, there are some trends that gamers are said to generally share (obviously a generalisation) such as being shy or passive with the opposite sex which I guess could lead to things like that.
Personally I couldn't date a guy who didn't game.
I always joke if me and the boyfriend break up I'll have to be trolling the gameshops for another one.
I've apparently friend-zoned someone before, but I disagree. I just wasn't interested, and I don't think I ever indicated I was interested. We just did friend stuff and then out of nowhere he's not talking to me because I have a boyfriend. So that kind of sucked. Bunch of creepy mess after that.
Other than that, I don't think being a gamer has much to do with it. I mean, there are some trends that gamers are said to generally share (obviously a generalisation) such as being shy or passive with the opposite sex which I guess could lead to things like that.
Personally I couldn't date a guy who didn't game.
I always joke if me and the boyfriend break up I'll have to be trolling the gameshops for another one.
I've never been friendzoned. I've been rejected outright plenty, though. And put down rather nastily by potential love interests. Is that better/worse?
Used to be worse when I was younger, and generally awkward, nervous and nerdy. I'm still those things, but now I can drink and grow facial hair, which tends to cover up all three!
Convenience.
I don't think there's any dominant opinion on dating gamers in my social circle. Some will be more comfortable with it, for sure. I know I would, since I am myself a gamer. Most women generally, like I said, shy away from the nervous, jittery types though. That tends to be a gamer stereotype. No idea of the accuracy on that one. Doesn't seem to be a trend between charisma and gaming ability in my social circle, so. Yeah. Probably not hugely accurate any more, if it ever was.
Anyway, well done to OP for not being bitter about the whole thing. Those women are missing out OP. You sexy devil.
Edit: There's an advert in the bottom right of my screen offering me Asian women. Thank you, Escapist. Thank you.
Used to be worse when I was younger, and generally awkward, nervous and nerdy. I'm still those things, but now I can drink and grow facial hair, which tends to cover up all three!
Convenience.
I don't think there's any dominant opinion on dating gamers in my social circle. Some will be more comfortable with it, for sure. I know I would, since I am myself a gamer. Most women generally, like I said, shy away from the nervous, jittery types though. That tends to be a gamer stereotype. No idea of the accuracy on that one. Doesn't seem to be a trend between charisma and gaming ability in my social circle, so. Yeah. Probably not hugely accurate any more, if it ever was.
Anyway, well done to OP for not being bitter about the whole thing. Those women are missing out OP. You sexy devil.
Edit: There's an advert in the bottom right of my screen offering me Asian women. Thank you, Escapist. Thank you.
I wouldn't define myself as a Gamer, neither would I base my social interactions around that concept. It's just something I do. A lot. But then I don't go around introducing myself as a Reader, or a Watcher, just because I read a lot and watch a lot of movies. And you're only giving us half the picture. 5 dates with 6 women, friend zoned all over. Fair enough. What was the context for each date? How did you agree on those dates? How long had you known each other, and from where? Etc. Dating is fun and healthy anyway and you're doing great by not being bitter about it.
Now for your questions.
Have I ever been friend zoned? Well, I did try and have a romantic thing with people who would only consider me as a friend.
Do you have any gamer dating stories? No. I've played videogames with a girlfriend before, but none of them fit the definition of "gamer".
Did you find it happening more often to you then with other people? Not really, no.
If your with someone now, what is there opinion on dating a gamer? She likes it and she likes to play a lot, even if she's not very good at it. It's just fun to watch her play and get better.
Now for your questions.
Have I ever been friend zoned? Well, I did try and have a romantic thing with people who would only consider me as a friend.
Do you have any gamer dating stories? No. I've played videogames with a girlfriend before, but none of them fit the definition of "gamer".
Did you find it happening more often to you then with other people? Not really, no.
If your with someone now, what is there opinion on dating a gamer? She likes it and she likes to play a lot, even if she's not very good at it. It's just fun to watch her play and get better.
I'm sorry, I'm confused. What the fuck does playing video games have to do with dating? I play games. Occasionally. If I feel like it. But there are plenty of other things I do, with no label required. Dude, I'm trying not to sound too harsh here, but stop defining yourself by one activity. It's silly and makes you look monotone as a person.
I have no bloody clue, we both knew this was a date and we were having greats amount of fun, then she says that. Oh well, what can you do. The full quote was "Your so funny, I feel so relaxed, its not like I'm talking to someone I just met. Your just like a big brother to me".Dryk said:
Hmm. I've gotten the "You're just like a brother" before from a girl I was interested in. So I responded by turning the flirting up a notch. Nothing dispells the "siblings" notion like putting your sexual interest for her out in the open. After we hooked up, I teased her about calling me her brother before. She didn't think it was as funny as I did.AidoZonkey said:
I don't think you being a gamer has anything to do with it. Are you fairly young, OP? If so, I think I have an idea of what the problem is.AidoZonkey said:
I might only be a junior in high school, but something I've noticed is that many teenagers and young adults crave a certain amount of drama, at least when it comes to romantic relationships. They want to feel like they're in a romantic movie, where their relationship has some grandiose importance. To the women you're dating (assuming that both you and they are fairly young), it's possible that drama = an important romantic relationship. If you're easy to casually talk to and hang out with, then you might not be providing the drama that many young people tend to crave. If their minds equivocate drama with relationships, then that's why they see you as a friend, rather than a potential romantic partner.
This is all just a theory on my part, and I could easily be dead wrong about all of it. I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this.
So, your milage will vary based on how old you are. Being a gamer CAN matter if you date people who this matters to. What I mean: You want to date someone, but they heard gamers make poor partners, because all gamers are basement dwelling dweebs who will devote all of their time to gaming. Your potential mate heard this from magazines, TV shows, and her friends/sisters who have seen it (so, anecdotal evidence). If the person you're interested in is younger, this can happen (I have seen it and facepalmed appropriately). But, as people get older, they can lose their previously held beliefs in stereotypes, leading to them being more accepting. If you're younger, you may just need to wait until you're out of "I learned everything I know from TV and Twilight!"-land.
If you're older, maybe it's how you present yourself? If you're getting "You're like a brother to me!", maybe you need to show more interest in the physical aspects. You don't want to force yourself on her, but don't make her make all the moves, either (or ignore the moves she makes).
OT: I've been friendzoned a couple times. Once when I was really little and shouldn't have worried about anything anyway, and another time when I was in college. I waited around for that guy (super bad plan, do NOT do this thing), and he eventually liked me back. Pretty sure that was the perfect storm of luck on my part.
I've also friendzoned dudes. One when I wasn't interested in dating at all, and another when I was already dating someone else (he even knew I was dating someone and dialed up the flirting to 11 anyway. Can't say that one was well timed, but I made sure he knew I was not interested. This did not stop him from resenting me, but you can't win all of them, I guess).
If you're older, maybe it's how you present yourself? If you're getting "You're like a brother to me!", maybe you need to show more interest in the physical aspects. You don't want to force yourself on her, but don't make her make all the moves, either (or ignore the moves she makes).
OT: I've been friendzoned a couple times. Once when I was really little and shouldn't have worried about anything anyway, and another time when I was in college. I waited around for that guy (super bad plan, do NOT do this thing), and he eventually liked me back. Pretty sure that was the perfect storm of luck on my part.
I've also friendzoned dudes. One when I wasn't interested in dating at all, and another when I was already dating someone else (he even knew I was dating someone and dialed up the flirting to 11 anyway. Can't say that one was well timed, but I made sure he knew I was not interested. This did not stop him from resenting me, but you can't win all of them, I guess).
As interesting as this theory is, im afraid it just doesn't hold water, at least with me anyway. Im actually going into my second year of uni, and im finding more and more around this age that people start to not want drama. I mean there will always be people who always want their relationships to be nothing but drama but after the first year of uni and the second and third year starts people usually just want more out of a relationship.Jolly Co-operator said:
Also I am not saying that being a gamer will "Not get you a relationship"