Demonic (Story)

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lwm3398

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silver scribbler said:
Going for a bit of an Indiana Jones crossed with a priest feel with our heroic rescuer? .
More like Alucard crossed with an average cloak wearing cultist.

Which makes the bad-assness necessary.


Nevermind.

He's the experienced- wait, lemme give a little thing that will be common when Jaden is still new and not used to any Un-Holy's, as they'll be called.

"Oh my god, it's a fire-breathing [insert whatever you want]!" Cried Jaden, nearly having a heart attack. Mike handed him a cross-bullet loaded gun and said,
"Right in the mouth, down the throat if you can. This thing drinks blood, so it's throat leads to it's heart." replied Mike, in bored but stern tones.
"You think I'm going near that thing? Seeing it nearly made me jump through the roof!"
"Yet you stayed grounded. Just kill it."

As you can see, Mike is kind of a Yahtzee cowboy. He eats danger for all three meals and a midnight snack, and shits badass.

Now I've gotta go, almost 9:30 here in Rochester. Goodbye, all. Expect new chapters tomorrow.
 

Silver Scribbler

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Oh and to be on topic, the new section is interesting but a little confusing. The cloaked figure (Mike?) says that satan doesn't exist, but then Jaden contradicts that? A lot of information for such a short exchange, but it does keep the action moving along I suppose.
 

Sethzard

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I see from your avatar that you're also a hellsing fan, Really good story so far, I'm enthralled
 

lwm3398

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silver scribbler said:
Oh and to be on topic, the new section is interesting but a little confusing. The cloaked figure (Mike?) says that satan doesn't exist, but then Jaden contradicts that? A lot of information for such a short exchange, but it does keep the action moving along I suppose.
With the three triangles thing?

He just said the top one is Satan because that's what this cult says it is. just repeating what he knows.

Oh, and with the chapters, I know they're short, but on another story-sharing site I have read things on those were called chapters.

Ooooh... you mean the way he says he knows he exists...

I was unclear, Mike (Cloaked guy) does not believe they are summoning Satan with they eye-layers, but that they're summoning or creating some kind of doomsday bringer. Some concentration of pure energy, something to kill those who won't believe what they believe.

I'll edit some stuff.

Again, leaving now, be back around 3-4 o'clock for another blurb.

Hopefully, not having a party at 5 like today, I can make it a little longer. Goodbyes all around.
 

myogaman

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Nice story. I have my own demon story I started back in 06. I'm always looking for feedback too. See, I made a website where people who have unpublished stories can post 'em. All stories still belong to their authors, they are just used with permission on the website.

My friend hosts the site and won't put IIS on so I can't make it dynamic with C# (my preferred language) so its all just HTML. Check out my site sometime and if you want, I can post your story up there :D

http://myoga.thefeckless.com/
 

cloudywolf13

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Constructive criticism from me normally makes stories worse, so I'll just say that it seems interesting so far.
 

lwm3398

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cloudywolf13 said:
Constructive criticism from me normally makes stories worse, so I'll just say that it seems interesting so far.
No, no, If it's bad I won't follow it, but say what you please.

G'night all.
 

Mr. Purple

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Check your spelling and make things a little more clear. At the same time you might want to find more clever way to describe simple things. Such as the "Asylum" floor.
Other than that, Keep writing man! I like it. If you ever write any more of this, I want to know what happens next. :D
 

lwm3398

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Chapter 4

They sat in the meadow, doing absolutely nothing. No one said a thing. For a while, you would have believed Jaden to be dead, his eyes closed, body limp. The only thing that moved was the slow pulsating of his chest with each labored breath. Mike stood, and looked down at Jaden as he laid here.
"We need to get the drug out of your system."
Jaden opened his eyes to see Mike's looming figure.
"What?"
"The sooner you can move, the sooner we can put some distance between us and the cult's hideout."
Jaden sat up, wincing. He could move, Mike knew this was a good sign.
"And how do I get this 'drug' out of my system?"
"You've already sweated a bit out, the wires made you do that. But if you wanna get it all out, you're gonna need to do some more."
"Like what?" Said Jaden, the truth dawning on him.
"Wait. You mean..."
"You can cry, piss, or sweat. What can you readily do?" said Mike.
"..."
"Speak up."
"... How long was I in there?"
"Been tracking you doing what you do for two days, but you were in there for at least 15 hours," Mike replied.
"Why?"
"... Are there any trees near here?"
Mike smirked, before going stone faced again.
"... I, uh... Well I was drinking the night I was drugged... so..."
A slight breeze came by, almost the sound of water. Jaden fidgeted.
"Look, got any Tylenol?"
Mike reached in his cloak, and threw him a small bottle.
"Ibuprofen." Said Mike.
"Works for me." Said Jaden, downing two small red pills.
"So..." Said Jaden.
He extended his hand. Mike grabbed it, pulling Jaden to his feet.
"I can stand, move my arms, buut I couldn't walk for my life."
Without saying a word, Mike put Jaden's arm around his neck and helped him down the hill to a small grove.
"Come back up." Said Mike, walking back up the hill to the meadow.

*​

Jaden stood for what felt like an hour down in the grove. The longer he stood, the more his limbs felt like limbs and less like huge blocks of metal. When he regained felling in his legs and balance, he walked up the hill to Mike.
"Where to?" He said, smiling.
"Just follow me." Replied Mike.
"Follow you where?"
"Into any remotely scary house, black forest, or where I walk."
"Where am I following you now?"
"The church in the city. I personally thought we should have done it in the old warehouse, but everyone said it was too stereotypical."
"Well, if 'it' is what I'm thinking it is, then it would be."
"Ah, whatever, at least any Un-Holies that find it can't enter."
"Un-Holies?"
"Demons."
"Oh." Said Jaden, hitting his forehead lightly with his hand.
Mike's phone rang in his pocket. Mike clicked a button, and it stopped.
"They'll leave a message." He said.
Little did either of them know, miles away, someone was looking for them.

*​

We go now to the bustling city. Cars flying down the street, going quite a bit faster than the speed limits, people walked around in coats and fleeces. It was a particularly grey day. The type of day one does nothing but sit inside and pray for sun. Even on this particularly bad day, with particularly everyone busy as bees, one place stood without lights and little activity inside. But that little activity wasn't anything without large rewards.

This place was the old Church, scheduled to be knocked down, yet mysteriously delayed. Inside, through a door behind the crucifix, sat a man. Black hair, rounded on his head. His bangs were like short, fat, black icicles down his forehead. His nose had a thin bridge, two large nostrils, and a small bump at the bridge's bottom. He had on a black cloak with vines of silver crawling up the bottom. His eyes were a dark blue, but only blue in the light of the sun. On this particularly un-sunny day, his eyes remained the darkest blue, lightest black that they were normally. He sat in an office chair, whittling some just blessed wood in to a point. Intricate ivy-like vine carvings were etched into it, and in the center were words. Carved in the neatest and most beautiful of calligraphy, they said,

"The light of our Lord denies thee, so the fires of hell, you are condemned too."

As he finished the point, he set the spike on the table. He walked to the phone. He dialed the number of an expected friends. It rang once... Twice... It stopped ringing.

Just like Mike to not answer the phone at a time like this, he thought.

His name was Stan, a preacher at the church he was sitting in right then. He sat down, alone, in the musty little darkish room. He decided he would take a nap, hopefully Mike and that kid would arrive soon.
 

lwm3398

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Probably not going to be a new chapter today, I'm busy.

I'll see how it goes tonight.
 

lwm3398

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Sorry! Didn't feel like it last night, busy most of today, but here you go.

Chapter 5.

The strange pair of a cloaked man and another in dirty casual clothes. They trekked through the forest to the bustling road on this particularly bad day. Mike walked up to the door to the church.
"An atheist going to church. Ironic." Said Jaden, smiling.
Mike didn't reply. He held open the door and Jaden walked through.
"Why are we even here?"
"Because I led you here."
"That isn't a r-"
"Come on."
Mike walked to the crucifix and grabbed Jesus' toe. He pulled it toward him, tugged, and the crucifix opened like a t shaped door. A man stood behind the the opening.
"Think of the devil." Said the man.
"We have to every day. How are ya, Stan?"
Stan, thought Jaden. So Mike and I aren't the only insane ones.
"Please, come in. We have Kevin's robes in here." Said Stan.
"Kevin?"
"Kid who was with us. Your age. Succubus. Didn't end up pretty." Said Mike.
"You mean succubi exist?"
"Incubi too." Added Stan.
"... Am I gonna like this job?"
"We have guns, demons, cloaks, and divine help," Replied Mike.
"Is there much people like us couldn't like?"
"Good point." Said Jaden.
"When do I start?"
Mike picked up Kevin's long empty cloak and put it on Jaden. Jaden zipped up the front with a slight zzt, and smoothed down his frizzled hair.
"I think this is gonna be fun."

I know it's short, but I'm kind of strapped for time. Goodbye.
 

lwm3398

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...

Okay, maybe a chapter in the extremely near feature. Maybe even tonight.