Development Begins on Asteroids Movie
- Thread starter Andy Chalk
- Start date
Are none of my childhood memories safe?
Surely if this is the level they have dropped to for movie ideas, we will see film versions of every game that we know and love.
Imagine a movie based on the E.T game.
My god, it would be the WORST.FILM.EVER.
[small]Wait a minute...[/small]
Surely if this is the level they have dropped to for movie ideas, we will see film versions of every game that we know and love.
Imagine a movie based on the E.T game.
My god, it would be the WORST.FILM.EVER.
[small]Wait a minute...[/small]
Sadly, the plot will be like this:
Rugged Ex-Space Marine with a chip on his shoulder has something to prove. Lost his family on a 'safe and secure' Space Marine evacuation vessel. He quit the Space Marines and goes from space station to station selling salvaged ship parts for money. He's scared of Asteroid fields.
Love interest that knows there's something good in the Space Marines heart. She's a thief.
Have the Space Marine meet this woman, who just stole food because she's hungry, and he gets her out of there. They float in space for a bit and eventually get chased by some space cops. They speed off and run in to an ASTEROID FIELD! OH GOD!
They enter, the cops stop chasing (queue Star Wars reference of the chance to live while going through an A.F. (that they will call asteroid fields), and the space marine and thief have to make it through the asteroid field alive!
And that's the entire movie.
Rugged Ex-Space Marine with a chip on his shoulder has something to prove. Lost his family on a 'safe and secure' Space Marine evacuation vessel. He quit the Space Marines and goes from space station to station selling salvaged ship parts for money. He's scared of Asteroid fields.
Love interest that knows there's something good in the Space Marines heart. She's a thief.
Have the Space Marine meet this woman, who just stole food because she's hungry, and he gets her out of there. They float in space for a bit and eventually get chased by some space cops. They speed off and run in to an ASTEROID FIELD! OH GOD!
They enter, the cops stop chasing (queue Star Wars reference of the chance to live while going through an A.F. (that they will call asteroid fields), and the space marine and thief have to make it through the asteroid field alive!
And that's the entire movie.
I just wonder what the trailer's going to be like. And why do I have the feeling Michael Bay's going to direct it?
Now this sounds like a film worth seeing. Maybe you should write the script?AmrasCalmacil said:
It could totally work as a tongue in cheek action comedy... Something like Snakes on a Plane. In fact now that I've said that, if it had Samuel L Jackson in it it would have no choice but to ROCK HARD.
I'm not going to worry about Universal destroying my childhood memories since the video game and any movie made have to be separate from each other and there's no way that the latter can really tarnish the former.
On the other hand I'm not sure why Universal bothered to secure the rights. The only people who are going to recognize the video game reference are people who know that the movie can't really have too much to do with it.
On the other hand I'm not sure why Universal bothered to secure the rights. The only people who are going to recognize the video game reference are people who know that the movie can't really have too much to do with it.
There's three ways this can go.
1. Michael Bay redoes Armegeddon only with a soundtrack by The Jonas Brothers and Shia LeBouef as the male lead (who screams "nononononononononononono" just before the USS Triangle does a header into a jagged rock), and the ship's bullets all have the american flag engraved on the side and are rendered in lovely slo-mo. Also the first half of the movie is spent on a montage about a United States in trouble yet despite taking place in the modern day is represented as an idyllic USA that looks more like the America from the 1950s. Oh, and the Spaceship is controlled by an XBox 360 joypad and fueled by Mountain Dew and Burger King Whoppers. It will make roughly 200 million dollars because the moviegoing public are idiots and will harp about the critics hating it going "it has rocks exploding in space what more do you want?"
2. Samuel L. Jackson and BRIAN BLESSED head up a multinational crew of an experimental ship to blow up aliens and the asteroid field they hide in. Possibly also inspired by The Last Starfighter in that the crew is selected from people who, 25 years prior, set high score records on the game. Is presented as pure parody and satire. Will not do well financially but gets a cult following because again, the theatergoing public are idiots.
3. Uwe Boll makes another film, Germany considers eliminating all filmmaker tax shelter benefits.
1. Michael Bay redoes Armegeddon only with a soundtrack by The Jonas Brothers and Shia LeBouef as the male lead (who screams "nononononononononononono" just before the USS Triangle does a header into a jagged rock), and the ship's bullets all have the american flag engraved on the side and are rendered in lovely slo-mo. Also the first half of the movie is spent on a montage about a United States in trouble yet despite taking place in the modern day is represented as an idyllic USA that looks more like the America from the 1950s. Oh, and the Spaceship is controlled by an XBox 360 joypad and fueled by Mountain Dew and Burger King Whoppers. It will make roughly 200 million dollars because the moviegoing public are idiots and will harp about the critics hating it going "it has rocks exploding in space what more do you want?"
2. Samuel L. Jackson and BRIAN BLESSED head up a multinational crew of an experimental ship to blow up aliens and the asteroid field they hide in. Possibly also inspired by The Last Starfighter in that the crew is selected from people who, 25 years prior, set high score records on the game. Is presented as pure parody and satire. Will not do well financially but gets a cult following because again, the theatergoing public are idiots.
3. Uwe Boll makes another film, Germany considers eliminating all filmmaker tax shelter benefits.
A small colony terraforming a barren planet are surrounded by asteroids. The story focuses on a man whose job involves clearing a path while supplies are shipped in. At the same time, he deals with his collapsing marriage. Then, his life goes wrong. His wife reveals she's having an affair with one of the guys on the shipment run. In a moment of weakness, he lets the next ship get hit. When he returns to the surface he's fired, and finds that his wife's lover had stayed behind. Furious, she leaves him. News gets around, and he's put in jail. However, his replacement sucks. With the colony on the verge of disaster, he is released on the condition he clears the path as a punishment. When the next shipment is safely on the ground, they call him back down, offering him a full pardon.
However, he's finished with the colony and, in an act of defiance, he flies off through the open path, resolving to leave that barren piece of rock in hopes of greener pastures.
In the original ending, he chooses suicide, and flies headlong into the asteroid field.
The main character is to be played by Bruce Willis.
However, he's finished with the colony and, in an act of defiance, he flies off through the open path, resolving to leave that barren piece of rock in hopes of greener pastures.
In the original ending, he chooses suicide, and flies headlong into the asteroid field.
The main character is to be played by Bruce Willis.