Did you just call him gay?

[zen5887]

I use the word fag to describe a man doing really effeminate things (Not really used in a sexual sense). Example, I was watching the movie "Crank" with my friend and his mother and there is a scene where the protagonist's friend shows up in a skirt, heels, and a tight shirt. He gets shot at, throws his hands in the air, shakes them like jazz hands, and shrieks at a high pitched tone. My friend's mother says at that point "What a ******." And I agree. We didn't mind the whole cross-dressing ensemble. But the shrieking and running like a girl was, we considered, faggoty.

Wait I don't understand this. Is there something wrong with being effeminate? Is there something wrong with acting like a girl? What kind of things do you deem unacceptable effeminate behaviour? Why is it unacceptable? I'm curious because I haven't seen these ideas in someone your age group before. Are you new to college, like brand new?

I am perfectly ready to smack some sense into someone that I decide needs smacking. You are applying what you deem is right to me. I was raised where actions could have physical consequences and I seeing nothing wrong with that. You seem to. But that is not the issue here. I was taught that you don't talk to anyone in that manner if you're not ready to get beat up. This kid apparently wasn't. BUT NOW HE KNOWS!

I'm still blown away that you don't see an issue with an adult beating up a child. Regardless of what crazy world you live in where you think this is okay, it's awfully illegal and "he was talking shit" isn't an excuse.

 

[Bravo Company]

I use the word fag to describe a man doing really effeminate things (Not really used in a sexual sense). Example, I was watching the movie "Crank" with my friend and his mother and there is a scene where the protagonist's friend shows up in a skirt, heels, and a tight shirt. He gets shot at, throws his hands in the air, shakes them like jazz hands, and shrieks at a high pitched tone. My friend's mother says at that point "What a ******." And I agree. We didn't mind the whole cross-dressing ensemble. But the shrieking and running like a girl was, we considered, faggoty.

People are getting hung up on the whole 'gay' thing because you're pretty much doing what you were getting mad at this kid for. That's hypocritical at best, mate. And at worst, a whole lot of people are realizing that when you get to college, maybe you should, idk, give up that hidden hatred of things being girly and the association that girliness is bad? But either way, it might do to give up the same bad habit that you were ready to punch a kid over. Just a thought.

People are getting hung up on the whole 'gay' thing because this is the internet and people are being really dense. Sure his OP was really edgy, but the moral of the story was that his friend was getting bullied. The OP ignored it the first time dickbutt mcgee insulted his friend. However, after dickbutt mcgee insulted his friend again, the OP acknowledged that the insults weren't just playful banter between two friends he decided to step in and intervene.

People are getting hung up on the "what if the kid is actually gay and now you've pushed him into the closet more" aspect, but if you would've read the OP the kid showed signs that he wasn't comfortable with having homophobic slurs thrown at him. Either way, this was an older guy handling a situation with a bully.

For my response on the situation, I'm a very passive person so I probably wouldn't have approached the situation in the same manner as you. However, if the situation arises where you and dickbutt mcgee are sparring with each other, for whatever reason, I wouldn't be under handing his ass to him then giving a "think twice before bullying people" whisper.

All in all, I think you took a reasonable approach. Best case scenario, the bully leaves your friend alone at school and whatnot. Worst case scenario, the bully uses your sticking up for the kid as another insult. Either way, the bullied kid is going to have to learn how to handle situations for himself.

 

[michael87cn]

Ugh. These things, why do they have to happen? That's what I always ask myself whenever someone does something stupid like that to me. As its happening, horribly violent thoughts are coursing through my mind, and I want to act on them, but I never do. I just walk away. I regret walking away, but I know I would regret it more if I let out the angry monster that rages inside me sometimes... wow that sounds angsty as hell, but I assure you I am not an angsty teen or anything. Rage, though, REAL rage, is terrifying, uncontrollable. There are times I am so mad, I feel like I could literally tear a person apart. I'm not -normally- mad, just when seriously provoked, taunted, ridiculed, etc.

What we CHOOSE to do, that's what defines us, and I choose to keep my rage in check, for MY OWN GOOD, but I HATE when people have to tempt fate, sometimes, you don't know who you're fucking with... they just might not be able to stop themselves until you're a bloody pulp on the floor. Anyone reading this? Remember that next time you decide to run your mouth. Keep it shut.. not everyone can exercise restraint. The OP did, but next time? Who knows.

 

[Mykal Stype]

I could care less about the slurs. I call people fag and gay all the time. What bothered me was that my friend had no defensive mechanism on how to handle this type of situation so I decided to handle it for him.

Now you've made a new problem. Your friend feels like shit because he's being called a fag, and you defended him. But what do you think happens when you say someone else is a fag? You've just lost all of the trust your friend has in you, and in his eyes, you're just acting like the bully. Why would he want to be with you when you're just turning the little bully's insults onto someone else?

 

[Mykal Stype]

I wonder how one becomes super gay. I'm only moderately gay. Is there a program, or a serum I take? Do I have to be bitten by a radioactive homosexual? Cosmic gays?

It's cased by an accident with a gay conga line that goes out of control, smashing everyone into a wall in line formation so hard that they all combine into one super gay. Watch out if you go to do this intentionally though, as it's 50/50 chance that either the first or last person becomes the super gay. But if you do try, try to get one or two black guys into the mix. Even if you're white and inseminate a white person, your baby will automatically come out mixed race, and those are cuter than any other.

 

[Bravo Company]

-snip-

Unless you're using the words 'gay' and 'faggy' to describe things like a man making out/having sex with another man, you're using the word wrong, and as an LGBT man, I'd probably be offended by it's use.

Tell 8th grade bullies that. Additionally, I'll use the term 'gay' to describe non-gay things casually when hanging out with friends just as often as I call my friends 'niggers.' (read: Not very often, and usually less when in public. usage of 'gay' or '******' doesn't discriminate based on sexual orientation or colour. I have gay friends and straight friends of a variety of ethnicity. I'm white) Does this make me and my friends bad people? Probably. This doesn't mean I won't apologize to someone I've offended because of my vernacular.

I guess the point I'm poorly trying to make is that context and, to an extent social status, is important on the effect words have.

Edit: Also, I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone, please don't take it that way.

 

[Nathaniel Grey]

No one is being dense. People are trying to point out, though it increasingly seems like a waste of time, that the OP's behaviour is not significantly different to that of the guy he's complaining about. If anything, the OP is more harmful because he isn't deliberately trying to hurt anyone with an insult he doesn't himself actually believe in, he genuinely thinks effeminate men are 'faggy'.

I do not believe that at any time throughout the story I acted like a bully. Matter of fact most people have said that they agree with what I did. I said I use the word to others. But I have not given you an example of me doing it, solely an example of it being used and me agreeing. You are placing the moral, that there is never a time and place to use that word on me. I don't adhere to that moral. Most others I know don't adhere to that moral.

Wait I don't understand this. Is there something wrong with being effeminate? Is there something wrong with acting like a girl? What kind of things do you deem unacceptable effeminate behaviour? Why is it unacceptable? I'm curious because I haven't seen these ideas in someone your age group before. Are you new to college, like brand new?


I'm still blown away that you don't see an issue with an adult beating up a child. Regardless of what crazy world you live in where you think this is okay, it's awfully illegal and "he was talking shit" isn't an excuse.

Never said anything was wrong with being effeminate. But effeminate tendencies is call for the word fag.

And giving him an ass whoopin' is a far cry from beating him up. Like the kind of butt whoopin' you get as a kid when you do something wrong.

But what do you think happens when you say someone else is a fag? You've just lost all of the trust your friend has in you, and in his eyes, you're just acting like the bully. Why would he want to be with you when you're just turning the little bully's insults onto someone else?

He likes hanging out with me cause I'm a nice person. Think of it this way. Two people can tell the same joke. When one person says it it's funny while the other not so much. Same here. There is a certain charm, charisma, context, and speech that comes with using slurs. I don't use the word maliciously. It is an adjective to describe something.

 

[Mykal Stype]

But what do you think happens when you say someone else is a fag? You've just lost all of the trust your friend has in you, and in his eyes, you're just acting like the bully. Why would he want to be with you when you're just turning the little bully's insults onto someone else?

He likes hanging out with me cause I'm a nice person. Think of it this way. Two people can tell the same joke. When one person says it it's funny while the other not so much. Same here. There is a certain charm, charisma, context, and speech that comes with using slurs. I don't use the word maliciously. It is an adjective to describe something.

Usually when someone is getting bullied for being gay or different, "fag" is a term that always comes up. When a gay guy is getting beaten, "fag" is a term that always comes up. When a gay guy is killed, "fag" is a term that always comes up. That's why people don't find the word funny, or cute, or charming. Words associated with hate crimes will almost never be considered as such, which is the same reason why you don't throw about the word "******." It's a hateful word used in a hateful time by hateful people, and trying to be cute about it doesn't make it any better. If you want an analogy, it would be like if somebody stole from a store and you said they were "niggery."
That's not to say that there aren't times when you can use it, but it's very rare. You can use it in such an exaggerated way that you are making fun of people who use it seriously, but that's very difficult, because if you do it wrong you just sound like an extremely homophobic ass. The other times you can use it without too much of a problem is if you're pretty much known to everyone around you as pro gay. That's why Louis C.K. is able to use the word when talking about how he used it when he was a kid. I don't agree with him, but I'm not exactly offended by it. If some other comedian used it who has no known history of being pro gay, then it gets much worse.
So basically, there are times you can use it, but they're so specific and far between that it's best not to try. And you're failing at it.

 

[darkcalling]

I guess I'm the rare violent nerd cuz I probably would have knocked the kid out. But I also have a bit of a hair trigger and don't always think of consequences when my temper finally snaps. Also I'm in terrible shape so if I did think for a second i'd be a little more subtle about it. One guy that gave me problems in high school (mostly for generic nerd issues, I never got anything as specific as "fag") i and a friend performed some moderately expensive vandalism to his car. Less satisfying than what I thought of doing but that would have made me a killer. Only time I've ever really considered that. Hopefully never will again.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

I'd probably stop saying "yo" so much.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

There's an enormous amount of people crawling up the OP's arse about this, a lot of "I bet you feel real big bullying a child and bragging about it online" with all the classic ignoring the question and most of the story.

As far as I'm concerned, you made the right choice, didn't go too far and didn't do too little.

 

[elvor0]

3. I could care less about the slurs. I call people fag and gay all the time. What bothered me was that my friend had no defensive mechanism on how to handle this type of situation so I decided to handle it for him.

*5. What the heck would be wrong with laying a middle schooler out?

First up, how much less could you care? 99%, 1%, 0.000001^2%? 2% less than the amount you currently care but not enough for you to not care?

(Escapist I don't like your percentage sign. It's on the piss!)

Well, do you not see calling things "faggy" and "gay" as being massively hypocritical? Standing up for your friend is fine, who judging from the way you told it, was clearly bullied on a daily basis. Or he could actually be gay, which was the vibe I got from his response, but that's incidental, because I've obviously never met him and I wasn't there. Now, I know you intended to say you didn't care, but I don't think that's entirely sure, I have my own anger issues, but I don't think you would've gotten as worked up as you did. These insults are very personal and specific, they're very different from just calling someone a dick or whatever. Also...you're in college. I never used those insults when I was 14 to begin with, people certainly stopped using them by the time they were grown ass men.

Now, I am a subscriber of the notion of "if you're old enough to give shit, you're old enough to take it." and yeah, in the real world, being abusive can and will get your head kicked in. However! I don't think laying a 14 year old out when you're an adult is a very good idea either; the law tends to get involved. A cuff round the ear would be fine if you want to resort to violence, as it teaches him not to talk crap, but it doesn't come off as assault. Also, you're a grown man, would you really feel good about knocking a 14 year old out? Really? The fact is, you didn't, which is good, it's perhaps best to start with words, then move on to a cuff. I think he got the point without you needing to throttle him. The sheer fact that you're an adult making the point who isnt his parents is enough to give him some fear anyway.

I'd be pissed off in the same situation, but I still wouldn't actually /assault/ a 14 year old kid. In a situation like that, there are ways to assert your point rather than knocking him out. I mean...this seriously reads like you're bragging about how you could've beaten the snot out of him like it would be some kind of achievement. Fear may well stop him from doing it, but it doesn't actually change him like cutting him down for all to see would.

But then again, being in college, you should be able to outsmart, and cut down a 14 year old with superior wit without needing to resort to violence in the first place. You don't even need to be witty, just get really detailed about how you're both gay and what you get up to.

EDIT: paragraph before last.

I'd probably stop saying "yo" so much.

Oh god, now I'm reading all the OP's posts in Aaron Paul's dialect.

That...does make this quite awkward thread more entertaining. YO SCIENCE, *****!

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I get why you responded like that but a simple 'fuck right off mate' would have done it. Or, if you're menacing enough to pull it off, just throw him a death glare and then ignore him.

 

[DANEgerous]

Yeah I approve of this being I was a kid that was verbal abused every single say. If was in you position I would likely just stand up looked at him coldly and told him to fuck off. Granted if i was the kid he insulted I would ask if he was hitting on me because I know first hand the response is generally hilarious. A long pause and overly loud or quite no, one kid even said yes (and likely meant yes) then ran off.

 

[aba1]

I don't know I would have gone the same route but I probably would have just asked what is wrong with being gay? I would have just sorta shamed his point of view so he feels embarrassed of it. I dunno I guess Canada or the area I live in in Canada is very liberal but I honestly don't think you could get away with calling someone a ****** anymore publicly its just not appropriate