Diplomacy: Game Over

[Zemalac]

I say we decide this by playing tank polo.

All right, I'll give it to you. What is tank polo?

It's like elephant polo but with live rounds. And three balls.

Facinating.

On a totally different topic, only Saskwach has sent me his orders as of yet. That's kind of ironic, seeing as he's the guy in a hotel in Singapore or wherever. However, I don't think it would really be fair to put everyone besides him in civil unrest, so I'm going to give everyone another day to get orders in.

I'd apologize for the delay, but I'm thinking we can all agree it's better than the alternative, yeah? Except maybe for Saskwach. But I think he can handle it.

 

[Saskwach]

On a totally different topic, only Saskwach has sent me his orders as of yet. That's kind of ironic, seeing as he's the guy in a hotel in Singapore or wherever. However, I don't think it would really be fair to put everyone besides him in civil unrest, so I'm going to give everyone another day to get orders in.

I'd apologize for the delay, but I'm thinking we can all agree it's better than the alternative, yeah? Except maybe for Saskwach. But I think he can handle it.

Are you kidding? Bring civil unrest to all of those lazy bastards; put the fear of GoDM in them. If I can find the time to type out my orders on a frustratingly complex Italian keyboard then they can spew out their seminal strategic vomit on their comfortingly familiar keyboards at home. By god, these Swiss ones annoy me even more. The y and z are interchanged - and don't get me started on the trainwreck that is the right hand side of this monstrosity. Some of these keys have four different outputs. Four! And I'm growing more and more certain that the colon is missing in action. How do the Swiss find relief without a colon? (Oh, what a witty pun.)

 

[Zemalac]

All that aside, here are the results.

Spoiler: Orders

SPRING 1907

Turkey

A Tri-Vie
A Bud S A Tri-Vie
A Ser-Tri
F Adr S A Ser-Tri
F Ion-Tys
F Aeg-Ion
F Smy-Eas
A Ank-Arm
A Con-Rum
F Bla C A Con-Rum
A Mos-Ukr

France

Fleet Eng to Iri
Fleet Bre to Eng
Fleet Wes to Tun Bounced with tun (1 against 1)
Army Spa to Gas
A lon hold
A mar hold

Austria

Fleet Apu S Army Rom-Nap
Fleet Tun Hold
Army Vie-Bud Bounced with Bud (1 against 1); Dislodged from Tri (2 against 1)

Germany

rom to nap
mun to tyr
sil to gal
ber to sil
ven to tri Bounced with Ser (1 against 1)
war s sil to gal
lvn to stp Bounced with Stp (1 against 1)
swe to nwy
nth s swe to nwy
bal to bot
edi s lvp in hold
lvp s edi in hold

England

Civil Unrest

F Nwy dislodged from Swe (2 against 1)

Unfortunately, England is in civil unrest this turn. Sorry about that, 'Suke. If I didn't know that you'd been online and read my reminder, I'd give you a bit more time (seeing as you're in Greece and all). Alas, I'm going to bed now and don't want to wait any longer.

I need retreat orders for the units in Nwy and Vie.

See you all tomorrow.

 

[BoVinE]

Those minuscule spaces in the south are really getting annoying.

 

[Saskwach]

Those minuscule spaces in the south are really getting annoying.

You're telling me; I'm in the goddamn middle of this logjam. My units take a good year and a half to reach the front from my home base - and I haven't even technically left the East!
Welcome to the south. Take a seat, have a falafel, pull your hair out in frustration.

 

[BoVinE]

Those minuscule spaces in the south are really getting annoying.

You're telling me; I'm in the goddamn middle of this logjam. My units take a good year and a half to reach the front from my home base - and I haven't even technically left the East!
Welcome to the south. Take a seat, have a falafel, pull your hair out in frustration.

Yea, but the means It'd take me an unobstructed year and a half to get anywhere near your home points.

 

[Saskwach]

Those minuscule spaces in the south are really getting annoying.

You're telling me; I'm in the goddamn middle of this logjam. My units take a good year and a half to reach the front from my home base - and I haven't even technically left the East!
Welcome to the south. Take a seat, have a falafel, pull your hair out in frustration.

Yea, but the means It'd take me an unobstructed year and a half to get anywhere near your home points.

When the aim of the game is merely to survive in an impregnable fortress of death I'll be happy about that. But since the game is about expanding faster and better than anyone else, this eastern gridlock only means that I'm more likely to survive until the end of the game, but now win. On a purely statistical basis of course; it's still down to the players.

 

[Zemalac]

Sorry this took so long. I finally received the retreat orders, so here's the map.

The army in Vienna retreated to Boh, and the fleet in Nwy retreated to Ska.

It is now Fall 1907. Next orders are due on Friday. Unless you have a ridiculously good excuse. Which you don't, so don't bother asking.

Let's get moving again, shall we?

 

[Zemalac]

Apparently people do have ridiculously good excuses. Namely the holidays, not being connected to the internet, rioting mobs, etc. The results will be up once I have orders from everyone--i.e. tomorrow if you know what's good for you.

Kudos to Chomesuke and Shanks for getting their orders in on time. These kudos can be exchanged for a lovely variety of prizes later on (not really).

 

[chomesuke]

I want a pony for my kudos!

...

not really?

*sad*

 

[BoVinE]

God, I've got way to much sugar in my head to plot right now.

 

[Saskwach]

Aha! I've found his weakness at last. Now to airdrop sugary treats near his house for the next few weeks...

 

[BoVinE]

The one I built in Liverpool?

 

[Saskwach]

That's your holiday home isn't it? You're not on holiday in this time of all-out war, are you? Aha! Another weakness: incredible sloth.

 

[BoVinE]

What could be more enjoyable than invading countries from the convenience of your own home?
(Zem, how are the orders going?)

 

[Zemalac]

What could be more enjoyable than invading countries from the convenience of your own home?
(Zem, how are the orders going?)

I have everyone's orders but yours, actually.

 

[Zemalac]

Apparently there's something wrong with BoVinE's messaging system--he swears he sent me the orders last night. Nevertheless, we have the results now.

Spoiler: Orders

FALL 1907

England

F ska - Den Bounced with Nth (1 against 1)
A Stp - Mos Bounced with Lvn (2 against 2); Dislodged from Bot (2 against 1)

Austria

F Apu-Ion Bounced with Eas (1 against 1)
F Tun S Apu-Ion Dislodged from Wes (2 against 1)
A Boh S Tyr-Tri Order nor possible, hold order assigned

Turkey

A Vie S A Tri
A Tri S A Vie
A Bud S A Vie
F Adr-Ven Bounced with Ven (2 against 1)
F Tys S F Wes-Tun
F Ion-Alb
F Eas-Ion Bounced with Apu (1 against 1)
A Arm-Sev
A Ukr S A Stp-Mos
A Rum-Gal Bounced with Sil (1 against 1)
F Bla holds

France

Fleet Eng to Bel
Fleet Iri to Wal
Army Mar to Pic
Army Gas to Bur
Fleet Wes to Tun
No order for A Lon: hold order assigned



Germany

a edi hold
a lvp hold
f nth-den Bounced with Ska (1 against 1)
f bot-stp
a nwy s a bot-stp
a lvn-mos Bounced with Stp (2 against 2)
a war s a lvn-mos
a sil-gal Bounced with Rum (1 against 1)
a gal-rum Bounced with Rum (1 against 1)
a tyr s ven
a ven hold

As you can see, I need a retreat order for the fleet in Tunis. Once I have that we will move on to the Build phase.

Chomesuke, this marks your last turn in the game. I can't say much that won't sound campy, so...thanks for playing. You get a twenty-one gun salute and a tropical island exile of your choice.

 

[Saskwach]

So long chromes - you've been great. Hope to play you next time.

 

[BoVinE]

Yea, are you still on vacation? If you are, enjoy the rest of it scheming free.

 

[Zemalac]

This post is brought to you quite a bit later than I expected, due to parties, holidays, and me sleeping through January 1st.

Spoiler: Builds

Austria: disband 2
England: disband 1 England is no longer in the game.
France: build 2
Germany: build 1
Turkey: build 1

Send those build orders in soonish, if you would be so kind.