While I question that the quality of doobie a man like John Bender could afford would inspire much even activity, even in an athlete like Andy, I have seen far more sober people dance even worse.
Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched
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I tried to watch Netflix Pinocchio, but I had to opt out about half an hour in. I like the stop-motion, I like the Frankenstein angle with Gepetto making Pinocchio in a drunking stupor and not taking much accountability for his own creation, but its attempts at being a musical really killed it for me. It's just not good at being one. Can't say I like the voice actor for Pinocchio or Christoph Watz performance either.
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Same, Pinocchio was just pissing me off with his shitty attitude. Went to bed in a huff.
A ★★★ review of Hercules (1997)
This movie should have been much better than what we got. The plot follows Hercules, first as a teen (voiced by Josh Keaton, with singing dubbed in by Roger Bart) as he struggles to fit in, only finding out then that he is the son of the gods Zeus (Rip Torn) and Hera (Samantha Eggar)...
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I have a copy of a more, faithful, telling of the tale and uh, yeah. Pinnochio is a right little bastard. He's ungrateful, rude, selfish, oblivious and at times outright criminal. As protagonists usually are centuries old morality tales.
That movie is basically Superman 1 and 2 mashed together as envisioned by Disney. But I defy anyone not to just love Hades. James Woods fuckin' stole this movie and ran away with it every time he's on screen.A ★★★ review of Hercules (1997)
This movie should have been much better than what we got. The plot follows Hercules, first as a teen (voiced by Josh Keaton, with singing dubbed in by Roger Bart) as he struggles to fit in, only finding out then that he is the son of the gods Zeus (Rip Torn) and Hera (Samantha Eggar)...
For reference, also see it in IMAX 3D if at all possible for the best viewing experience-
What’s the best way to watch Avatar 2? IMAX, 3D & HFR explained - Dexerto
With Avatar 2 on the horizon, here's our breakdown on the best way to watch The Way of Water, with IMAX, 3D, HFR & PLF all explained.
www.dexerto.com
Going one better; we're seeing it in 3D and D-Box. C'mon, tomorrow!!For reference, also see it in IMAX 3D if at all possible for the best viewing experience-
What’s the best way to watch Avatar 2? IMAX, 3D & HFR explained - Dexerto
With Avatar 2 on the horizon, here's our breakdown on the best way to watch The Way of Water, with IMAX, 3D, HFR & PLF all explained.
Gamer is everything wrong with how filmmaking and gaming turned out in the late 2000s and early 2010s. Gunmetal gray or dog crap brown color filter. Shaky cam up the wazoo. Everything being so boring and generic by trying to be "serious and mature" in the worst and shallowest way possible. The Crank Duo pretty much lost it right there, and their sequel to said first movie wasn't much better. Aside from Spirit of Vengeance, I don't bother with their old films. There's a reason why Hollywood doesn't hire them anymore and they're stuck into the really cheap video market. The only one I care about is Spirit Of Vengeance.
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A ★★★★½ review of Mulan (1998)
Another one I really wanted to give 5 stars for, but had a couple of issues that knocked it down. The plot of the film follows Mulan (voiced by Ming-Na Wen, with singing dubbed in by Lea Solanga, who also dubbed in the singing voices of Princess Jasmine in Aladdin). After her father Fa Zhou...
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“Make a Man out of You” is a song that’s surface level super manly - it is about training to be a soldier in a time where that took being a right hard bastard - but is also a little ironic since Mulan is pretending to be a man, yet her colleagues - actual men - are failing as hard as she is. Still a baller song and the heavy metal cover by Dan Vasc is amazingA ★★★★½ review of Mulan (1998)
Another one I really wanted to give 5 stars for, but had a couple of issues that knocked it down. The plot of the film follows Mulan (voiced by Ming-Na Wen, with singing dubbed in by Lea Solanga, who also dubbed in the singing voices of Princess Jasmine in Aladdin). After her father Fa Zhou...
And “A Girl Worth Fighting For” is devilishly cleaver since it has the steady cadence of a marching song, and let’s be honest, girls or the girl back home is probably a popular subject for an army on the march.
Gotta go with best image quality over bouncy seat myself, but let me know how it was. It probably won’t have time until possibly next weekend.
YES! Someone else who is familiar with the Dan Vasc cover.
Smile (Prime - purchase)
Have to admit this and the next film been a little looking forward to for a while, with a bit of expectation tampering to try and minimise possible disappointment. Here, we have nice and simple elevator pitch: invisible demon posses human and make human kill self while smiling creepily at other human to transfer possession curse. I feel like this should be easy to recommend, as it hovers quite comfortably in the "above average" catagory of psychological horror (Tho don't check how low that bar is!) So consider this a hesitant recommend, with an asterisk or two.
However, something ain't right here and it's bugging the shit out of me, questioning the last few scraps of sanity I got left. The actors are all acting great, if I was on a casting table I'd be convinced by them too. It's just, never once did they fool me they weren't actors reading a script as they appeared on screen. Could it be the direction? A different camera angle could provide a more believable interpretation? The doctor seemed more natural at least. Plus, I don't think the main character was convincing as a crisis mental health worker, and I been bouncing around a lot of these professionals in my life due to mental health fuckery so I'd like to think I earned some meagre hint of useful experience in this very specific niché. She was acting like an actor would, yet came off as cold and detached at the start, before the evils began. And the rest of the film kinda carried on holding onto that ball. In the end I did come out disappointed from this, just because of the emotional detachment from not perceiving these characters on screen as real. Though I tell you what is a truly effective film at putting you in the mind of an isolated suffering woman losing her mind but may still be dangerous...St Maud. Learn from St Maud plz.
Barbarian - (Disney plus, wtf?)
Was wondering what streaming service would pick this surprise indie hit up first. Assumed Shudder would've been a likely culprit, but nooo, for some reason Disney sought to sink its' teeth into this innocent baby first. Am surprised how easy it was to avoid spoilers for this too, everyone been pretty great at mass coyness. All I knew before going in was 'woman go to place and meet dude who were penny-wise clown (who, btw, is infinitely more creepier here as a normal-ish human than any of that cliché clown shit),' and an interview with the director saying how he made it look like night at the end "Showdown" on "water tower"...which was so devoid of any other reference it meant nothing anyway.
So this is definitely a film that benefits with minimal knowledge going in, I can see why that was the case. And it was pleasant to see actors having their characters look like natural and believable humans after the previous film's awkwardness. The direction is fantastic. Only issue is a specific design of a thing was something I thought a bit trite and visually uninteresting, though contextually intriguing. There's some metaphorical shit to be found if you're the type to go looking, which can be jarring at a point near the end that I can see catching some people off guard. There's also this weird meta possibility to the narrative I'm wondering if is intentional: to do with a particular actor in this film who I've recently learnt of going through a scary, uncomfortable experience with a few unanswerable questions left in their past. Not sure if it's even a spoiler to attach any specifics to that mysterious sentence though, hah!
Have to admit this and the next film been a little looking forward to for a while, with a bit of expectation tampering to try and minimise possible disappointment. Here, we have nice and simple elevator pitch: invisible demon posses human and make human kill self while smiling creepily at other human to transfer possession curse. I feel like this should be easy to recommend, as it hovers quite comfortably in the "above average" catagory of psychological horror (Tho don't check how low that bar is!) So consider this a hesitant recommend, with an asterisk or two.
However, something ain't right here and it's bugging the shit out of me, questioning the last few scraps of sanity I got left. The actors are all acting great, if I was on a casting table I'd be convinced by them too. It's just, never once did they fool me they weren't actors reading a script as they appeared on screen. Could it be the direction? A different camera angle could provide a more believable interpretation? The doctor seemed more natural at least. Plus, I don't think the main character was convincing as a crisis mental health worker, and I been bouncing around a lot of these professionals in my life due to mental health fuckery so I'd like to think I earned some meagre hint of useful experience in this very specific niché. She was acting like an actor would, yet came off as cold and detached at the start, before the evils began. And the rest of the film kinda carried on holding onto that ball. In the end I did come out disappointed from this, just because of the emotional detachment from not perceiving these characters on screen as real. Though I tell you what is a truly effective film at putting you in the mind of an isolated suffering woman losing her mind but may still be dangerous...St Maud. Learn from St Maud plz.
Barbarian - (Disney plus, wtf?)
Was wondering what streaming service would pick this surprise indie hit up first. Assumed Shudder would've been a likely culprit, but nooo, for some reason Disney sought to sink its' teeth into this innocent baby first. Am surprised how easy it was to avoid spoilers for this too, everyone been pretty great at mass coyness. All I knew before going in was 'woman go to place and meet dude who were penny-wise clown (who, btw, is infinitely more creepier here as a normal-ish human than any of that cliché clown shit),' and an interview with the director saying how he made it look like night at the end "Showdown" on "water tower"...which was so devoid of any other reference it meant nothing anyway.
So this is definitely a film that benefits with minimal knowledge going in, I can see why that was the case. And it was pleasant to see actors having their characters look like natural and believable humans after the previous film's awkwardness. The direction is fantastic. Only issue is a specific design of a thing was something I thought a bit trite and visually uninteresting, though contextually intriguing. There's some metaphorical shit to be found if you're the type to go looking, which can be jarring at a point near the end that I can see catching some people off guard. There's also this weird meta possibility to the narrative I'm wondering if is intentional: to do with a particular actor in this film who I've recently learnt of going through a scary, uncomfortable experience with a few unanswerable questions left in their past. Not sure if it's even a spoiler to attach any specifics to that mysterious sentence though, hah!
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I loved Smile. It actually gave me nightmares which is a good thing as I don't scare easily.
Barbarian? Me no likey. Mostly because it's chock full of the old trope of purportedly rational people putting themselves in completely asinine and ludicrously dangerous situations. Who finds a hidden, pitch black tunnel under a house in the middle of a rundown neighborhood, and decides to explore by themselves??? Nothing good could be in there!!! That was the equivalent of the old young women, alone and in the dark, who hears an ominous noise, and decides to ask "hello?" into the ether. Once it crossed that bridge, I tuned out; people being stupid ain't scary or interesting.
The Phantom (1996) - 9/10
Fuck you, this movie rules. Billy Zane kills it as Kit Walker, Kristy Swanson is remarkably well suited to the well to do but tough 30s lady Diana Palmer and I defy anyone to tell me that Catherine Zeta Jones as an aviatrix pirate, James Remar as evil Indiana Jones and Treat Williams as the mad bastard are anything less than glorious. Oh and hey, Cary Tagawa as a regular pirate is here too.
The Phantom really is a movie that was like, twenty odd years too early. Its attention to detail with the costume - that Zane shaved himself bald and went all nuts at the gym to better wear - the settings and lore are amazing. Although the biggest retcon is that it moves the location of the Phantom to what appears to be South East Asia (it was filmed in Thailand) where the comic strips I read growing up was based firmly in Africa but I'm pretty happy to accept that as a matter of pragmatism since I imagine filming in and around Thailand was probably safer than Africa.
Fuck you, this movie rules. Billy Zane kills it as Kit Walker, Kristy Swanson is remarkably well suited to the well to do but tough 30s lady Diana Palmer and I defy anyone to tell me that Catherine Zeta Jones as an aviatrix pirate, James Remar as evil Indiana Jones and Treat Williams as the mad bastard are anything less than glorious. Oh and hey, Cary Tagawa as a regular pirate is here too.
The Phantom really is a movie that was like, twenty odd years too early. Its attention to detail with the costume - that Zane shaved himself bald and went all nuts at the gym to better wear - the settings and lore are amazing. Although the biggest retcon is that it moves the location of the Phantom to what appears to be South East Asia (it was filmed in Thailand) where the comic strips I read growing up was based firmly in Africa but I'm pretty happy to accept that as a matter of pragmatism since I imagine filming in and around Thailand was probably safer than Africa.
IMHO, this movie just misses. There's some weird choices, like having the female sky pirates basically disappear after they are introduced, and the tone is a bit all over the place. The bit with the skeleton in the beginning was pretty cheesy, but then later on the bit with the microscope was really dark. The main bad guy is just a little too OtT and doesn't quite get it right, IMHO.
Has some good bits, though, the bridge and the truck in the beginning, for example. And the bit with the microscope was done really well, and...gaaaah!
A ★★ review of Tarzan (1999)
Once again, swing and a miss. The film follows Tarzan, first as a kid (voiced by Alex D. Linz), then as an adult (Tony Goldwyn, with his yells dubbed in by BRIAN BLESSED). As an infant, his parents were killed by a leopard, but he was discovered by a gorilla named Kala (Glenn Close) who had just...
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A number of Edgar Rice Burroughs' serieses (is that a word?) are set in the same universe. Canonically, the Earth is hollow in Tarzan, and he even flies to the inside in a fancy dirigible and fights monsters there. Even on the outside, he's riding dinosaurs and rescuing furry princesses.A ★★ review of Tarzan (1999)
Once again, swing and a miss. The film follows Tarzan, first as a kid (voiced by Alex D. Linz), then as an adult (Tony Goldwyn, with his yells dubbed in by BRIAN BLESSED). As an infant, his parents were killed by a leopard, but he was discovered by a gorilla named Kala (Glenn Close) who had just...
But the adaptations tend to forget all that and go for something more "realistic", except he talks to animals and stuff. He's public domain (or at least the early stories are), c'mon, someone, put the naked guy on top of a triceratops with a scantily clad ape-woman princess.
(As long as he doesn't fancy her, because all ERB heroes have one true love and any other scantily clad beautiful woman they encounter will end up with some other hero he rescues from a dungeon, it's a rule)