Yeah it did. Odd Ill have to go back and watch the directors cut
Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched
- Thread starter Th3Ch33s3Cak3
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I watched Willow the other day and...no wonder it didn't catch on like Star Wars. It was a good adventure with great special effects for the time; but the establishment of how magic works is flimsy at best, the villains are paper-thin enough that I got cuts just by watching, and the living McGuffin was the worst movie-baby to never pee on anyone. (As in, those that do are much worse.) No wonder we never got a sequel; and we definitely never will.
Poker Face - (NowTV)
Ok, cards on the table here, I went into this thinking it was the latest R.Johnson whodunit series due to misinformation from trusted source, alcohol and a general lack of motivation from depressive state: it took a good ten minutes before having to double check my own stupidity. So anyway, what this one is actually about is Russel Crowe as a "tech entrepreneur" who decides to low-key poison his dodgy tech friends to apparently teach them a lesson or something along those vague lines while at his super rich getaway home.
Buuuuuuuuuuuut that night just so happens to coincide with a robbery of his place by some robbers who look more like they fell out of a 90s kids action comedy. This is directed by Crowe himself, and yeah the direction ain't bad to be fair, it did well enough to hold my attention despite already learning it was merely the result of my moral failings that ushered my sporadic attention there. Lots of Aussies too, which is usually a bonus IMO. Though there doesn't seem much substance, and the last 10 minutes I admittedly quit out of cause Crowe's character started doing this "I am now a changed tech billionaire man and will now redistribute my vast wealth to all the poors and orphans" which it not only did not do much to earn, but also holy shit, on the 'things that'd never happen' dial that's so, like...come on now, come on! The fast and the furious going to space held a sturdier suspension of disbelief!
Ok, cards on the table here, I went into this thinking it was the latest R.Johnson whodunit series due to misinformation from trusted source, alcohol and a general lack of motivation from depressive state: it took a good ten minutes before having to double check my own stupidity. So anyway, what this one is actually about is Russel Crowe as a "tech entrepreneur" who decides to low-key poison his dodgy tech friends to apparently teach them a lesson or something along those vague lines while at his super rich getaway home.
Buuuuuuuuuuuut that night just so happens to coincide with a robbery of his place by some robbers who look more like they fell out of a 90s kids action comedy. This is directed by Crowe himself, and yeah the direction ain't bad to be fair, it did well enough to hold my attention despite already learning it was merely the result of my moral failings that ushered my sporadic attention there. Lots of Aussies too, which is usually a bonus IMO. Though there doesn't seem much substance, and the last 10 minutes I admittedly quit out of cause Crowe's character started doing this "I am now a changed tech billionaire man and will now redistribute my vast wealth to all the poors and orphans" which it not only did not do much to earn, but also holy shit, on the 'things that'd never happen' dial that's so, like...come on now, come on! The fast and the furious going to space held a sturdier suspension of disbelief!
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I buckled and watched M3GAN (2022)
This is gonna be another one of those alternate reality things because I thought it was as close as possible to being awful without being outright unwatchable. The biggest problem with the movie is that it's just dumb. Like the dialog and story seems like it was sketched out on a deadline while high. The premise kind of works and I think thats the films only real strength. The hook is that the films centered around the niece of a SMART TOY developer. Like furbies and shit. The niece is in her care because both her parents just died in a car accident at the start of the movie, she ends up with the smart M3GAN toy and so a lot of the movie hangs on this idea that this kid is seriously damaged and the robot is really helping her cope. That part actually works, you believe this kid is traumatized and would latch onto this caregiving robot. Theres two or three well written emotional beats.
The rest of the film is really idiotic. The first thing that jumped out at me is the court appointed therapist that shows up like the day the kid gets out of the hospital. The aunt has already signed on for custody, theres no sign the grand parents are even interested so this Therapist barging in out of no where makes no sense. Then she immediately gets into this bizarre argument with the Aunt because the aunt gives the kid one of her transformers to play with during their session refusing to let her explain to the kid how the transformer works and instead demands she rolls it back and forth like a ball. Its so weird and dumb. Thats not even how those sessions work. They would not immediately barge in the day after the kid gets out of the hospital and they're there is to validate the environment is safe and the kid has what they need, they would not pick a fight with you when they're there to observe. Theres literally a check list you can go get if you spent like 5 minutes researching, but instead they needed this crazy therapist to jump down her throat to create dumb tension.
The reason I bring that up is that movie is full of those inconsistencies. The kid gets bitten by a neighbors dog and they do this whole song and dance about her word versus her neighbors and the cops cant do anything. HORSESHIT. Any time anybody gets bitten by a dog its a huge deal, it was like literally kid was missing chunks. They would impound that dog in a heart beat and go straight to court. The cheap toy manufacturer gloms onto this killer robot as a new hit toy with zero realism. They immediately want the bot under lock and key for NDA and she immediately takes it out to birthday parties and shit, never mentioning once that its not to be discussed. Idk its hard to visualize if you havent seen the movie, all the dialog is bizarrely dumb. Admittedly once the action actually starts getting going about an hour and change into the movie it rolls along at an entertaining clip so If I were to call it 100% trash I'd be lying. It's ....fine.
Reading online I'm being told its supposed to be a horror comedy, but I can't think of a single funny scene. Its just kind of a bland subpar evil doll horror movie. I realize I'm spoiling some of it by talking about how dumb it is, but I swear to you, you aren't missing anything. This movie viral bullshit and raves reviews are financed. Its barely "ok"
5/10 Its not really even worth putting on in the background.
This is gonna be another one of those alternate reality things because I thought it was as close as possible to being awful without being outright unwatchable. The biggest problem with the movie is that it's just dumb. Like the dialog and story seems like it was sketched out on a deadline while high. The premise kind of works and I think thats the films only real strength. The hook is that the films centered around the niece of a SMART TOY developer. Like furbies and shit. The niece is in her care because both her parents just died in a car accident at the start of the movie, she ends up with the smart M3GAN toy and so a lot of the movie hangs on this idea that this kid is seriously damaged and the robot is really helping her cope. That part actually works, you believe this kid is traumatized and would latch onto this caregiving robot. Theres two or three well written emotional beats.
The rest of the film is really idiotic. The first thing that jumped out at me is the court appointed therapist that shows up like the day the kid gets out of the hospital. The aunt has already signed on for custody, theres no sign the grand parents are even interested so this Therapist barging in out of no where makes no sense. Then she immediately gets into this bizarre argument with the Aunt because the aunt gives the kid one of her transformers to play with during their session refusing to let her explain to the kid how the transformer works and instead demands she rolls it back and forth like a ball. Its so weird and dumb. Thats not even how those sessions work. They would not immediately barge in the day after the kid gets out of the hospital and they're there is to validate the environment is safe and the kid has what they need, they would not pick a fight with you when they're there to observe. Theres literally a check list you can go get if you spent like 5 minutes researching, but instead they needed this crazy therapist to jump down her throat to create dumb tension.
The reason I bring that up is that movie is full of those inconsistencies. The kid gets bitten by a neighbors dog and they do this whole song and dance about her word versus her neighbors and the cops cant do anything. HORSESHIT. Any time anybody gets bitten by a dog its a huge deal, it was like literally kid was missing chunks. They would impound that dog in a heart beat and go straight to court. The cheap toy manufacturer gloms onto this killer robot as a new hit toy with zero realism. They immediately want the bot under lock and key for NDA and she immediately takes it out to birthday parties and shit, never mentioning once that its not to be discussed. Idk its hard to visualize if you havent seen the movie, all the dialog is bizarrely dumb. Admittedly once the action actually starts getting going about an hour and change into the movie it rolls along at an entertaining clip so If I were to call it 100% trash I'd be lying. It's ....fine.
Reading online I'm being told its supposed to be a horror comedy, but I can't think of a single funny scene. Its just kind of a bland subpar evil doll horror movie. I realize I'm spoiling some of it by talking about how dumb it is, but I swear to you, you aren't missing anything. This movie viral bullshit and raves reviews are financed. Its barely "ok"
5/10 Its not really even worth putting on in the background.
Watched Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. It's a great movie. My favorite in Phase 4 of the MCU, and almost certainly in my top 5 MCU overall. The acting is solid throughout, the film has a lot of meat and plot to it without really ever seeming to drag or have stuff just for the sake of padding, and while it did admittedly tread some of the same ground as Civil War in addressing how dangerous the idea of vengeance can be, I felt this movie did much better with showing it through Namor and Shuri.
You People
Was fun if not somewhat formulaic. Like a racially charged Meet The Parents but with a cast that made it work. Eddie Murphy is a clear standout and it’s good to see him doing comedies again.
The Invitation
Did I say formulaic above? Well that goes double here for this by-the-numbers vampire flick. The lead does what she can with it and has some fun in the tail end, but it’s not enough to really redeem anything. Ultimately watchable at least if you can’t get enough of this kinda thing.
Was fun if not somewhat formulaic. Like a racially charged Meet The Parents but with a cast that made it work. Eddie Murphy is a clear standout and it’s good to see him doing comedies again.
The Invitation
Did I say formulaic above? Well that goes double here for this by-the-numbers vampire flick. The lead does what she can with it and has some fun in the tail end, but it’s not enough to really redeem anything. Ultimately watchable at least if you can’t get enough of this kinda thing.
Zoolander, 7/10
Having not seen this movie since I was 12, but seeing it pop up here and there in my youtube recommendations I was curious to see if it held up. Comedy usually doesn't age well, and the early 00s in particular were rife with a certain style of comedy that definitely wouldn't fly today. So I was positively surprised to find out that not only does it hold up, it feels well ahead of its time in a lot of respects. It's a perfect example of how to use comedy derived from stupidity: Derek Zoolander and all of his compatriots are dumb as bricks, and it leads to some outlandishly absurd scenes and jokes which I don't want to spoil, because they're so ludicrous. If I were any kind of anthropologist, I'd even venture a guess that this feels very in line with the chaos and absurdity of meme humor.
Considering this came out in 2001, the same year as Freddy Got Fingered, it's genuinely remarkable just how wholesome and progressive this film feels. A movie depicting male modeling could easily be rife with homophobic jokes, but they're completely absent. Matilda brings up her history with bulimia and it's both treated seriously as well as used to deliver a pretty caustic punchline at the fashion industry. There's a really wholesome scene between Derek and Hansel where they settle their differences, and it isn't one where the female lead has to talk them through it, she doesn't say a word. Outside of that it's just consistently funny: almost every scene has quotable lines and good jokes that are all derived from the characters and not just non-sequiturs. Almost a joke of its own is the just insane amount of cameos, among which are Donald Trump, Fred Durst, David Bowie, Billy Zane, Tom Ford, Cuba Gooding Jr, Natalie Portman, Patton Oswalt, Christian Slater and I don't think I've covered even half of it.
It's not anything too remarkable visually, though it does replicate that hectic 00s MTV style quite accurately in certain scenes. But beyond that it's pretty basic and kind of flat. Not that much to say about it to be honest. A good time and holds up.
Having not seen this movie since I was 12, but seeing it pop up here and there in my youtube recommendations I was curious to see if it held up. Comedy usually doesn't age well, and the early 00s in particular were rife with a certain style of comedy that definitely wouldn't fly today. So I was positively surprised to find out that not only does it hold up, it feels well ahead of its time in a lot of respects. It's a perfect example of how to use comedy derived from stupidity: Derek Zoolander and all of his compatriots are dumb as bricks, and it leads to some outlandishly absurd scenes and jokes which I don't want to spoil, because they're so ludicrous. If I were any kind of anthropologist, I'd even venture a guess that this feels very in line with the chaos and absurdity of meme humor.
Considering this came out in 2001, the same year as Freddy Got Fingered, it's genuinely remarkable just how wholesome and progressive this film feels. A movie depicting male modeling could easily be rife with homophobic jokes, but they're completely absent. Matilda brings up her history with bulimia and it's both treated seriously as well as used to deliver a pretty caustic punchline at the fashion industry. There's a really wholesome scene between Derek and Hansel where they settle their differences, and it isn't one where the female lead has to talk them through it, she doesn't say a word. Outside of that it's just consistently funny: almost every scene has quotable lines and good jokes that are all derived from the characters and not just non-sequiturs. Almost a joke of its own is the just insane amount of cameos, among which are Donald Trump, Fred Durst, David Bowie, Billy Zane, Tom Ford, Cuba Gooding Jr, Natalie Portman, Patton Oswalt, Christian Slater and I don't think I've covered even half of it.
It's not anything too remarkable visually, though it does replicate that hectic 00s MTV style quite accurately in certain scenes. But beyond that it's pretty basic and kind of flat. Not that much to say about it to be honest. A good time and holds up.
Battleground 1949
It's about the defence of Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge, though it has the disclaimer about being purely fictional at the beginning which is odd. This is because it's about a fictional unit in the 101st airborne. Very well regarded at the time, won a bunch of award, and the writer did actually serve during the battle, but not at Bastogne. Quite decent, I thought.
As an aside, though, because Bastogne was a nice place for war correspondents to hang out before the battle, a bunch of the were stuck there during it, and so that part of the fighting was much better known to the public than other areas, and so the films and TV shows tend to focus there more than perhaps they should.
It's about the defence of Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge, though it has the disclaimer about being purely fictional at the beginning which is odd. This is because it's about a fictional unit in the 101st airborne. Very well regarded at the time, won a bunch of award, and the writer did actually serve during the battle, but not at Bastogne. Quite decent, I thought.
As an aside, though, because Bastogne was a nice place for war correspondents to hang out before the battle, a bunch of the were stuck there during it, and so that part of the fighting was much better known to the public than other areas, and so the films and TV shows tend to focus there more than perhaps they should.
Fantastic Beasts 3
If ever there was a movie in desperate need of narrative thrust. It's not clear what the bad guy is trying to do, or what the good guys are trying to do to stop him. There's lot happening at once, often intercutting between three or four different sequences at the same time, but without bothering to establish why each is important or how they relate to one another.
If ever there was a movie in desperate need of narrative thrust. It's not clear what the bad guy is trying to do, or what the good guys are trying to do to stop him. There's lot happening at once, often intercutting between three or four different sequences at the same time, but without bothering to establish why each is important or how they relate to one another.
Skinamarink - (Shudder)
Experimental low budget Canadian horror type film about 2 kids waking trapped in their house with no doors or parents to cease their annoying bullshit. "Minimalist" would be an understatement. Most of my time was spent straining each one of my relevant senses desperately trying to claw any hint of information to piece together what exactly the threat is and what the hell is supposed to be going on. I think I patched a simple outline of what it's going for, but it's certainly no crowd pleaser. If I were to recommend this to any of the horror fans I personally know, it'd be highly likely they'd return with confusion, anger and the impression I was trying to insult them somehow.
It's filmed with a very Lo-fi look, whether it's filter or camera equipment I can't say. So when things get visually dark, which is most of the time, all you see is squiggly hyper bacteria shapes fuzzling up the screen. Meaning when the camera silently focuses in one dark spot for ages as it is want to do, the brain so desperate for any more information to work with starts trying to make shapes and sense out of the squiggle fuzz, which became more of a distraction than a source of fear. There isn't much dialogue and the camera does everything it can to never look at the children, especially their faces, instead choosing to look at walls and door corners or whatever. Which is a bold choice, though yet again not one I can imagine endearing itself to most people.
Looking up the production of this film says it is basically a crowdsourcing of various internet peoples' nightmares condensed into one film. Apparently a lot of ppl dream about being trapped in their childhood home with something evilish. Which, yeah I can definitely agree that is exactly what this feels like. And I sincerely respect the intent and craft. But I ain't ever had those nightmares, and I don't find this scary, it really isn't even if you come at it with "a vibes based mindset." Am sure there are far more interesting nightmares out there too. Like even my own are usually fucking iinsane: Though likely not budget friendly. The biggest fear I had was struggling to not keep checking my phone in case I missed a millisecond flash of important visual information. Ultimately it's a curiosity for those who seek such things, like myself, but it's a lot of visual/audio strain with minimal reward.
Experimental low budget Canadian horror type film about 2 kids waking trapped in their house with no doors or parents to cease their annoying bullshit. "Minimalist" would be an understatement. Most of my time was spent straining each one of my relevant senses desperately trying to claw any hint of information to piece together what exactly the threat is and what the hell is supposed to be going on. I think I patched a simple outline of what it's going for, but it's certainly no crowd pleaser. If I were to recommend this to any of the horror fans I personally know, it'd be highly likely they'd return with confusion, anger and the impression I was trying to insult them somehow.
It's filmed with a very Lo-fi look, whether it's filter or camera equipment I can't say. So when things get visually dark, which is most of the time, all you see is squiggly hyper bacteria shapes fuzzling up the screen. Meaning when the camera silently focuses in one dark spot for ages as it is want to do, the brain so desperate for any more information to work with starts trying to make shapes and sense out of the squiggle fuzz, which became more of a distraction than a source of fear. There isn't much dialogue and the camera does everything it can to never look at the children, especially their faces, instead choosing to look at walls and door corners or whatever. Which is a bold choice, though yet again not one I can imagine endearing itself to most people.
Looking up the production of this film says it is basically a crowdsourcing of various internet peoples' nightmares condensed into one film. Apparently a lot of ppl dream about being trapped in their childhood home with something evilish. Which, yeah I can definitely agree that is exactly what this feels like. And I sincerely respect the intent and craft. But I ain't ever had those nightmares, and I don't find this scary, it really isn't even if you come at it with "a vibes based mindset." Am sure there are far more interesting nightmares out there too. Like even my own are usually fucking iinsane: Though likely not budget friendly. The biggest fear I had was struggling to not keep checking my phone in case I missed a millisecond flash of important visual information. Ultimately it's a curiosity for those who seek such things, like myself, but it's a lot of visual/audio strain with minimal reward.
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- Feb 7, 2011
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RRR
A 3 hour India action epic about the British occupation of India. It has everything, ludicrously evil villains, completely over the top action and dance-offs.
One of the most earnest movies I've ever seen, a movie with absolutely no subtext that wears its heart on its sleeve.
Best (or at least most fun) movie of 2022.
A 3 hour India action epic about the British occupation of India. It has everything, ludicrously evil villains, completely over the top action and dance-offs.
One of the most earnest movies I've ever seen, a movie with absolutely no subtext that wears its heart on its sleeve.
Best (or at least most fun) movie of 2022.
Ultramarines
The CGI 40k movie from a few years back, written by Dan Abnett, seemingly at his most not uninteresting. By the numbers stuff we've all seen before, but 40k this time, except when it decides to conflict with the 40k setting for the sake of annoying hardcore fans, I guess, in the same way it conflicts with making sense to annoy everyone else, which is rather Dan Abnett, now that I think of it. Just so boring and pointless. But with some fairly big names as voice actors, including John Hurt.
Inquisitor
The live action 40k movie from a few decades back. Weird and all over the place, which is better than boring, so there's that. Still not good, but bad in a more intersting and memorable way than Ultramarines.
Also with that film came the trailers of some other live action films they were going to make but didn't. These look wonderfully bad, low budget over the top bad 80s movie style things. Showed some promise cause they looked weird and everyone seemed really into it.
The CGI 40k movie from a few years back, written by Dan Abnett, seemingly at his most not uninteresting. By the numbers stuff we've all seen before, but 40k this time, except when it decides to conflict with the 40k setting for the sake of annoying hardcore fans, I guess, in the same way it conflicts with making sense to annoy everyone else, which is rather Dan Abnett, now that I think of it. Just so boring and pointless. But with some fairly big names as voice actors, including John Hurt.
Inquisitor
The live action 40k movie from a few decades back. Weird and all over the place, which is better than boring, so there's that. Still not good, but bad in a more intersting and memorable way than Ultramarines.
Also with that film came the trailers of some other live action films they were going to make but didn't. These look wonderfully bad, low budget over the top bad 80s movie style things. Showed some promise cause they looked weird and everyone seemed really into it.
- Feb 7, 2011
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My friends and I started watching Wakanda Forever on Saturday night. 2 hours in and it was 12:15 in the morning and there was still an entire hour left to go. We looked at each other and asked "do any of us care about finishing this?" We did not.
Also, in the first half of the movie ever single action sequence takes place at night. I literally don't know what happened in any of the action moments because I COULDN'T FUCKING SEE ANYTHING. I don't know if this was on purpose because they were trying to hide bad CGI, or because whoever did the lighting on this movie is incompetent and has no idea how to light black people. There was one scene where Shuri and her mother are having a big dramatic conversation and the only thing that I could see on screen was the queen's white hair because it was the only thing not completely hidden by the darkness.
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Your experience was different than mine, then. I watched it with a friend, and we both felt like while the movie was long, it was meaty enough to justify the length, and we never felt ourselves feeling bored. I also didn't really have an issue with the lighting, but I'm not saying you are wrong about that, just that I didn't notice any major issues about it. Different strokes, different folks. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it as much as I did.
- Feb 7, 2011
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Here's an example of what I mean:
Whiskytree | The Whiskytree Southern Corporation
Whiskytree creates visual effects for film, streaming, and broadcast projects.
whiskytree.com
That's the website for one of the effects teams that worked on Wakanda Forever. They created the set for the scene with the campfire where Shuri and the queen meet Namor for the first time. If you scroll down the website you can click on the link for Wakanda Forever (I can't link to it directly because the site uses overlays rather than going to a different page because it was designed by idiots).
Look at the pictures they used to show off the environment that they created. You can barely see anything in those pictures. Now add a little motion blur because of camera movement and it literally just becomes a muddy mess of dark colors. That's what the entire first half of the movie feels like to me.
Bodies Bodies Bodies
Like X, it's another artsy slasher movie with a twist. What the movie is about might be a spoiler in of itself, but broadly speaking it's meant to be a satire of Gen Z self-victimization. I really liked the twist too. It made the movie immediately funnier and more poignant.
The Banshees of Inisherin
One of the best movies I've seen in a bit. It's about the abrupt dissolution of a friendship, meant to double for the civil war that's going on in the literal background of scenes, though the movie has little time for allegory. It's billed as a comedy and I guess the sheer absurdity of the situation makes it darkly funny but man it's mostly just sad. Great performances. I hope this wins everything at the Oscars.
Like X, it's another artsy slasher movie with a twist. What the movie is about might be a spoiler in of itself, but broadly speaking it's meant to be a satire of Gen Z self-victimization. I really liked the twist too. It made the movie immediately funnier and more poignant.
The Banshees of Inisherin
One of the best movies I've seen in a bit. It's about the abrupt dissolution of a friendship, meant to double for the civil war that's going on in the literal background of scenes, though the movie has little time for allegory. It's billed as a comedy and I guess the sheer absurdity of the situation makes it darkly funny but man it's mostly just sad. Great performances. I hope this wins everything at the Oscars.
OK, I can see what you mean. On my monitor, at least, the images came off as dark, but I could still make out Ramonda, Shuri, and Namor without too much issue. But there is the caveat that A) I'm looking at pictures on a monitor a few feet away from my face, not pictures on a TV screen across the room, and B) they are still photos, not motion. They definitely could have brightened it up a bit, but I guess that would be "unrealistic".Here's an example of what I mean:
Whiskytree | The Whiskytree Southern Corporation
Whiskytree creates visual effects for film, streaming, and broadcast projects.
That's the website for one of the effects teams that worked on Wakanda Forever. They created the set for the scene with the campfire where Shuri and the queen meet Namor for the first time. If you scroll down the website you can click on the link for Wakanda Forever (I can't link to it directly because the site uses overlays rather than going to a different page because it was designed by idiots).
Look at the pictures they used to show off the environment that they created. You can barely see anything in those pictures. Now add a little motion blur because of camera movement and it literally just becomes a muddy mess of dark colors. That's what the entire first half of the movie feels like to me.
- Feb 7, 2011
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- 3 children in a trench coat
It wouldn't be first time that something being "realistic" has ruined a movie for me.
It's just as bad when a movie is mixed poorly and you can't hear the actors talking over the background noise. Sure, it might be realistic that gunfire and explosions completely drown out speech, but I still want to hear the actors otherwise what's the point of them being there and talking?
The lighting doesn't need to be "realistic" and the audio doesn't need to be "realistic" if it's not serving the audience's ability to see and understand the movie. Some directors get completely up their own ass about that.