Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched

[Hawki]

Legion of Super-Heroes (5/10)

Yep, another 5/10 film. AC got it because it tried, and failed. LoS gets it because it's bog standard average.

I barely even feel like reviewing this, but okay, fine. Supergirl arrives on Earth (yawn), gets sent to the 31st century (yawn) to train with the Legion of Super-Heroes (yawn), meets a bunch of characters who apart from Brainiac, have no real character at all (yawn), while in the present, some evil group does evil things that has reprecussions 1000 years later. That could have provided some interesting time travel shennanigans, but it's never really brought up.

Anyway, evil stuff happens, Brainiac and Kara have a "I hate you but I really like you" thing that's as cliche as you expect, Brainiac is framed, turns out the bad guy is Mon-El, whose philosophy is...fuck, I don't care, something about Kryptonian society being orderly, and Earth society not being conformist enough, so he's going to destroy the Legion, or something, fuck, I just don't care.

Anyway, they fight, they smash stuff, couple kiss, day is saved, Kara stays in the 31st century. Bam. That's it. The end. Animation's kinda nice, didn't really care about anything else.

 

[Bartholen]

Apocalypto (2006), 6/10

This is the film Mel Gibson directed after making a gazillion dollars with Passion of the Christ. It's a historical chase/action movie somewhat in the vein of Predator that takes place towards the end of the Mayan civilization in the 1400s. It follows a tribesman named Jaguar Paw whose tribe gets raided and he's taken to be a human sacrifice, but he escapes. That sentence actually covers about 2/3 of the movie, because it's so stripped down that a synopsis is almost pointless.

In a way you could say that this is Gibson's equivalent to Christopher Nolan's Inception, because it's a very unique, very singular movie that feels like it was made on no one but the director's terms. For one, the dialogue is spoken in a dead dialect. It's shot almost entirely practically and on location, which goes to great lengths to keep it from feeling dated. And it's uncompromisingly graphic and brutal, as Gibson's movies tend to be. It almost feels more current now than back on release, because prior to the John Wick/Fury Road era, these types of stripped down action movies weren't really in style. And in that sense I'd say it's aged really well: it looks great, the action and violence are properly grungy and brutal and it's shot really well. There's hardly any CG to be found, and considering the relatively meager $40 million budget estimate, there's tons of production value on screen: costumes, locations, sets, makeup all look fantastic.

Where this movie falters the most is that it's ultimately not really about much of anything. There is a blurb at the beginning about civilizational collapse happening first from within rather than without, but that feels like post hoc justification. There's basically zero thematic or cerebral engagement here, it's all surface and spectacle. Gorgeous surface and spectacular spectacle, mind you. But even compared to the aforementioned Predator this feels rather shallow, because Predator had the deconstructive element giving it weight. In that movie the almighty American war machine is being worn down and eliminated effortlessly by an unknown party in an unfamiliar environment. In Apocalypto it's just a bunch of guys chasing another guy through the jungle.

There is no single scene or element I could point to with this movie that I could say is its biggest filmmaking flaw, there's just constant small nitpicks that amount to a decent-sized whole by the end. Some scenes drag on a bit too long, sometimes it's too indulgent with its shock value, the ending is a bit weak and so on. In comparison to more modern "pure" action movies the action in this isn't really that impressive either. I guess it's impressive in that it's almost all practical and in camera, and there's a great sense of weight and physicality to it. But films like Fury Road and John Wick combine that with stylish lighting, creative scenarios and cool choreography. Here it's, again, mostly just guys running in the jungle. Apocalypto is in a weird spot between historical epic (which were in vogue at the time) and action movie. Which on one hand means that there's basically no other film quite like it, but it also means that you're getting neither a great historical epic nor a great action movie, but a hybrid of the two where the two elements are at best good.

So yeah, not a great movie, but I'm still really glad it exists.

 

[Gordon_4]

Legion of Super-Heroes (5/10)

Yep, another 5/10 film. AC got it because it tried, and failed. LoS gets it because it's bog standard average.

I barely even feel like reviewing this, but okay, fine. Supergirl arrives on Earth (yawn), gets sent to the 31st century (yawn) to train with the Legion of Super-Heroes (yawn), meets a bunch of characters who apart from Brainiac, have no real character at all (yawn), while in the present, some evil group does evil things that has reprecussions 1000 years later. That could have provided some interesting time travel shennanigans, but it's never really brought up.

Anyway, evil stuff happens, Brainiac and Kara have a "I hate you but I really like you" thing that's as cliche as you expect, Brainiac is framed, turns out the bad guy is Mon-El, whose philosophy is...fuck, I don't care, something about Kryptonian society being orderly, and Earth society not being conformist enough, so he's going to destroy the Legion, or something, fuck, I just don't care.

Anyway, they fight, they smash stuff, couple kiss, day is saved, Kara stays in the 31st century. Bam. That's it. The end. Animation's kinda nice, didn't really care about anything else.

I thought Mon-El was a Daxamite.

 

[Baffle]

Bullet Train. A fun and silly romp of hired killers.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I thought Mon-El was a Daxamite.

I'd assumed that might vary in different stories, but the DC wikia seems to say he's always from Daxam.

(I also like how he's weakened by lead. So driving a car past him back when he was first created would off him? Let alone using a gun.)

 

[Gordon_4]

I'd assumed that might vary in different stories, but the DC wikia seems to say he's always from Daxam.

(I also like how he's weakened by lead. So driving a car past him back when he was first created would off him? Let alone using a gun.)

Yes the weakness is hilariously on the nose.

 

[Old_Hunter_77]

Barbie

It's... fine. Kinda silly that it was this whole big stupid meme. It's just a branding exercise and silly meta-movie. Its socio-political commentary is as subtle and clever as farting on a mallet and hitting someone on the head with it. But it's very fun to look at as the production is glorious, Robbie and Gosling are truly the mega-stars of our day in terms of charisthma and likability, and the deluge of guest appearances by both the cast and the references to nostalgia keeps the audience entertained.
Personally I'm just less and less a fan of this whole ironic-but-genuine-but-meta-but-not-really kind vibe and this movie just pushes it to the max.
So I enjoyed it but I didn't love it and I'm going to laugh at anyone who has any political opinion attached to this movie.

 

[thebobmaster]

Tonight's movie was the 1981 slasher film Final Exam. Don't bother. Even if you like bad slasher movies, this one is just incompetent. I struggle to even recall a worse slasher movie that I've seen. There are 50 minutes between kills, and that time is spent "developing" the core cast into various degrees of unlikeable/nerdy/blandly likeable, with the final girl being a blatant Laurie Strode clone. And if you think things get better once the killing actually starts...it doesn't, because now there are only about 30 minutes left, so we have to rush between lazily stabbing someone, strangling someone on a weight bench, stabbing someone, stabbing someone...and why is this guy doing this? Who is this guy? Dunno, doesn't matter, stabbity stab. Bleh.

 

[Baffle]

I'd assumed that might vary in different stories, but the DC wikia seems to say he's always from Daxam.

(I also like how he's weakened by lead. So driving a car past him back when he was first created would off him? Let alone using a gun.)

A good chunk of the UK's water supply still comes through lead pipes, which seems kinda mad.

 

[Hawki]

I thought Mon-El was a Daxamite.

He is, he's just an admirer of kryptonian culture, and secretly despises Terran culture. Hence his plan to do...I dunno, something. Destroy the Legion, rule the world, don't remember, don't care.

I don't know how accurate it is (the only other Mon-El I've seen is in the Supergirl TV series), but this guy makes the CW look like Shakespeare.

 

[hanselthecaretaker2]

One or two cans a day or more seems like a lot. Now, not saying that there aren't people who drink that much, but surely you can enjoy drinking the stuff and not drink it nearly that much.

OTOH, my dentist recommends not drinking that sort of thing. I'm not actually sure, but at the time I assumed he meant that amounts much less than that were bad for your teeth.

Must not be from ‘round here, as that’s underestimating the raw stupidity and carelessness of the average American.

 

[BrawlMan]

This discussion is getting way off topic. Save it for the food and drinks thread. I will say for those looking for healthier drinks, I just start drinking flavored sparkling water (the majority of the brands have zero sugar), or just start having regular water with and lime mixed in. But also don't put any sugar in that either.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

A Haunting in Venice

Freely cribbing from Agatha Christie's "The Halloween Party", Kenneth Branagh's third go at directing and starring a Poirot movie looks very good but that's about it. It's set in Venice, and I'm reminded of Inferno, also set (partly) in Venice, also the third outing for a fictional sleuth (Robert Langdon), also the weakest in a series of diminishing returns. I had been back from Venice not one week when that movie came out and remember thinking I wouldn't fault anybody for making a shitty movie just for the hell of spending a couple of months in Venice/Florence. I wish!

In any case A Haunting takes place almost entirely within a decaying palazzo that looks like Venice's Gothic answer to Tyler Durden's shithole, lighting and all. Gorgeous. But everything looks slightly off. A lot of scenes are shot in singles, or in weird angles that leave tons of negative space and suggest the perspective of security cameras. Not sure why. The camera also showboats and turns the frame upside down at one point - also not sure why.

The mystery is entertaining enough but not very engaging. Right off the bat we're front-loaded with a tragic backstory for the house, and a different tragic backstory for the hostess, and you won't have time to care or feel involved in any of it before the murder actually happens. And once it does the movie halfheartedly moves into horror territory, attempting some dumb Blumhouse jump scares, half of which belong to the shrieking cockatoo from Citizen Kane.

I also think these movies have lost their luster in terms of star power by the third one. We started off with an A-list call sheet of Kenneth Branagh, Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Willem Dafoe, Judi Dench and Rey Palpatine for the under 25 quadrants. By now the only other A-lister joining Branagh is Michelle Yeoh, who was very good in that movie where she fights all those people.

 

[thebobmaster]

A Haunting in Venice

Freely cribbing from Agatha Christie's "The Halloween Party", Kenneth Branagh's third go at directing and starring a Poirot movie looks very good but that's about it. It's set in Venice, and I'm reminded of Inferno, also set (partly) in Venice, also the third outing for a fictional sleuth (Robert Langdon), also the weakest in a series of diminishing returns. I had been back from Venice not one week when that movie came out and remember thinking I wouldn't fault anybody people for making a shitty movie just for the hell of spending a couple of months in Venice/Florence. I wish!

In any case A Haunting takes place almost entirely within a decaying palazzo that looks like Venice's Gothic answer to Tyler Durden's shithole, lighting and all. Gorgeous. But everything looks slightly off. A lot of scenes are shot in singles, or in weird angles that leave tons of negative space and suggest the perspective of security cameras. Not sure why. The camera also showboats and turns the frame upside down at one point - also not sure why.

The mystery is entertaining enough but not very engaging. Right off the bat we're front-loaded with a tragic backstory for the house, and a different tragic backstory for the hostess, and you won't have time to care or feel involved in any of it before the murder actually happens. And once it does the movie halfheartedly moves into horror territory, attempting some dumb Blumhouse jump scares, half of which belong to the shrieking cockatoo from Citizen Kane.

I also think these movies have lost their luster in terms of star power by the third one. We started off with an A-list call sheet of Kenneth Branagh, Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Willem Dafoe, Judi Dench and Rey Palpatine for the under 25 quadrants. By now the only other A-lister joining Branagh is Michelle Yeoh, who was very good in that movie where she fights all those people.

Michelle Yeoh also literally just won an Oscar for a dramatic role, so she's actually a pretty big name to get.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Michelle Yeoh also literally just won an Oscar for a dramatic role, so she's actually a pretty big name to get.

My point being it's the only one they got.
Also she dies within like 5 minutes.

 

[thebobmaster]

Tonight's movie was The Funhouse Massacre, a comedic slasher from 2015. If you are a horror fan, especially a B-movie fan, you should know what you are in for when within 10 minutes, you have both Robert Englund and Clint Howard on screen, and this movie more than delivers on that promise. Great dark comedy, even if it gets a bit too broad at times, and it's just a lot of fun, with some surprisingly graphic kills. Easy recommend if you want a horror comedy, and it's free on Tubi.

 

[Baffle]

Scream 4. Not a bad film, though the meta-film element is a bit stale at this point, even if a key part of the franchise I guess. I'm mildly irritated that we're supposed to accept the killers in these film are average humans, given their unusually high strength, speed and resilience to multiple beatings. Expect them to unmask Liam Neeson or something.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Scream 4. Not a bad film, though the meta-film element is a bit stale at this point, even if a key part of the franchise I guess. I'm mildly irritated that we're supposed to accept the killers in these film are average humans, given their unusually high strength, speed and resilience to multiple beatings. Expect them to unmask Liam Neeson or something.

I think I may have watched the first Scream when it first came out, and was just underwhelmed enough that I had no interest in seeing any of the others. That said, as you've pointed out, a huge part of my disinterest is that there's ostensibly a normal human being being the iconic mask, terrorizing people with abandon in an age (particularly nowadays) where you're liable to catch a stray bullet from an angsty teen while grocery shopping. I kept asking myself how there were so many iterative films when someone could have long since pulled a gun out and ended the franchise in a digestible way... then one of the trailers shows a scene where a woman HAS fired shots at him through a closed door, and instead of backing up and taking a defensive position, stands right in front of the door for the requisite jump scare and masked-up guy busting through the door completely unharmed. My eyes rolled so hard, I almost swallowed them. No interest in this latest one.

That said, looks the "final" Saw is coming out soon, and from the looks of it, I won't be watching that one either. Body horror and torture make me extremely uncomfortable which is why I bowed out about halfway through Saw 3 and haven't seen one since. Starting to think I don't have the stomach for horror that hits too close to "something that could actually happen." Give me ghosts, aliens, monsters, etc. all day long, but the second you give me some average dude with resources and too much time on their hands, I'm out. I'll watch the news for that kind of horror.

 

[BrawlMan]

Scream 4. Not a bad film, though the meta-film element is a bit stale at this point, even if a key part of the franchise I guess. I'm mildly irritated that we're supposed to accept the killers in these film are average humans, given their unusually high strength, speed and resilience to multiple beatings. Expect them to unmask Liam Neeson or something.

I stopped caring for Scream after 2. Even then, I was never that enamored with the franchise to begin with. This, the TV series, and other later sequels being smug and up their own ass with the "meta", turned me off instantly. You're not ahead of the game, if you make commentary/lampshade hangings. Let the series die and rest in peace with Wes Craven. They're literally out of ideas for this whored out slasher franchise.

 

[thebobmaster]

For my new movie tonight, watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. I admire what it did for movies going forward, starting a lot of trends, but as a whole, it doesn't really hold up. It's not long, but it feels like it drags a bit to me, although that might also be because it's a silent movie, which makes it harder to hold my interest. It's also impossible to judge the acting for me for the same reason. It might be worth checking out as a matter of interest, but as a whole, it was all right.