Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★★ review of Final Destination 5 (2011)

“I don’t make the rules. I just clean up after the game is over.” This film was greenlit not long after the 4th film. In June 2010, it was announced publicly that the film would be called 5nal Destination, but thankfully, that decision was reversed after a couple of months, and presumably...

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[Gordon_4]

SPiT - 10/10

Yes the title is written like that. The movie is a 20 year sequel to Australian film Gettin’ Square but focuses on that film’s side character Johnny Spit, played to dopey but kind-hearted perfection by David Wenham, slipping back into Johnny’s weathered thongs as if he never stopped wearing them.

I laughed, I cried a little and I smiled. It’s a great little film that nearly no one is going to see. But I saw it, and I loved it.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★½ review of Silent Hill (2006)

“They used to say this place was haunted. I think they were right.” This film first became a concept around 2001, when director Christophe Gans discussed the concept with producer Samuel Hadida while both were working on the film Brotherhood of the Wolf. Initially, Gans wanted to adapt Silent...

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[Johnny Novgorod]

Foxy Brown

Pam Grier's followup to Coffy, which might as well be a remake: Grier is an anti-dope vigilante taking on a smuggling ring because a loved one fucking gets it. Not only that but we go through the same beats: she infiltrates a stable of high-end whores and immediately rises to the top, she pulls out a weapon from her afro, she beats up a lesbian pimp, gets kidnapped and raped (I think Coffy's was merely attempted), castrates the big bad, is betrayed by a black man whose moral shakiness is telegraphed by the fact he's banging a white she-devil and then Sid Haig shows up at the end.

I did notice Foxy Brown is a little more coy around Grier's bodaciousness. Her tits are front and center in her very first scene, as if to get that out of the way, and then it's all about cleavage and sideboob for the rest of the movie. Conversely the story's also nastier this go around, because of a plot hiccup that has Foxy bound to a bed in a filthy hillbilly dope den, repeatedly drugged and raped. So it felt a little bit more exploitative than Coffy, and the action felt clumsier too, perhaps because there's so much more of it.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★ review of We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2018)

“Do you know what it’s like, to be poisoned and live?” “No.” “It’s terrible to lie here, waiting to die.” This film, an adaptation of a Shirley Jackson novel, was first reported to be in development in 2009. However, it doesn't seem that production actually began in earnest until 2016, though...

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[Johnny Novgorod]

Broken Rage

Takeshi Kitano has a new movie and it's on Prime Video. And it's only 67 minutes long! Neat.

This is of course one of those weird experimental things artist's Kitano's age/clout get to trot out when they're given carte blanche by a production studio or streaming service. See over at Netflix Wes Anderson's four Roald Dahl's shorts, and PTA's glorified music video, and David Lynch interrogating a monkey.

The movie tells the same story twice: first as a serious drama, then as a comedy (where my Melinda & Melinda homies at?). The first half hour is your standard yakuza plot: Kitano plays a hitman who gets roped in by the cops into infiltrating and taking down a drug ring. Then we get to do it all over again, beat by beat, as slapstick for the lulz.

The problem with this format is that I think Kitano's direction is always borderline farcical, and you really don't need to add slapstick and cartoon sound effects to make his direction funny. But the silliness won me over. You anticipate what's the "funny" version of beating up a bar patron to impress the mob boss at the booth, and when the movie delivers its version you laugh (the patron never shows up, Kitano waits at the bar for hours and then as the waiters are cleaning around and putting the chairs on the tables the mob boss shuffles next to him and offers him a job purely out of pity).

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★ review of The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

“Man, we’re missing one killer party.” Starting life as an unrelated movie called The Curse, the studio at some point realized "You know, this is sounding a lot like Carrie". Rather than simply accept that they were writing a story similar to Carrie, they then purchased the rights to Carrie and...

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[Bartholen]

Every Which Way But Loose, 3/10

This is a Clint Eastwood alleged comedy from 1978. Eastwood plays Philo, a tough guy trucker with a pet orangutan who ends up falling for a one-night stand and chases her around California. That's about the gist of the plot, because there's barely one, let alone a story. It feels like a movie made by someone who's read books about how to make films, but never actually watched one. It's full of half-baked ideas, awkward attempts at comedy, haphazard editing and a borderline nonexistent structure. This is about as "and then" as you can get. Most of the scenes could be rearrangaed in any order, and they happen mostly in isolation regardless of one another. There's zero flow or pacing, the film just awkwardly stumbles from scene to scene in an attempt to have some kind of point or throughline, but never gets even close.

It's an incredibly jumbled and confused experience. It's supposed to be a comedy, but most of the time I was laughing at it instead of with it. There are so many scenes where I went "I guess that could be a joke" and just scratched my head. I refuse to believe that sensibilities have changed so much in ~50 years that this movie is just completely inaccessible to modern audiences. Eastwood's character is a perfect encapsulation of this movie's confusion: he's presented as this tough but sensitive man's man who drives a truck, woos women effortlessly and beats up other tough guys in bareknuckle fist fights on the regular. But he's also broke and lives with his mom and brother. If the movie committed fully to either one, or did some subversive bit about this supposed macho alpha man being in actuality a total loser it could work, but it seemingly tries to do both, and fails completely. It's so meatheaded and dumb in its apparent worldview that I was thinking it might be some kind of satire, because some scenes legit felt like McBain bits from The Simpsons.

The result of this confusion and lack of momentum is that the movie's really boring to watch. I was kind of laughing at it for the first half, and in the second I couldn't wait it to be over. I guess there's some novelty to seeing grotty, everyday 70s California and the movie having an actual orangutan as a character, but boy fucking howdy those factors do not make this even remotely worth it.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Every Which Way But Loose, 3/10

This is a Clint Eastwood alleged comedy from 1978. Eastwood plays Philo, a tough guy trucker with a pet orangutan who ends up falling for a one-night stand and chases her around California. That's about the gist of the plot, because there's barely one, let alone a story. It feels like a movie made by someone who's read books about how to make films, but never actually watched one. It's full of half-baked ideas, awkward attempts at comedy, haphazard editing and a borderline nonexistent structure. This is about as "and then" as you can get. Most of the scenes could be rearrangaed in any order, and they happen mostly in isolation regardless of one another. There's zero flow or pacing, the film just awkwardly stumbles from scene to scene in an attempt to have some kind of point or throughline, but never gets even close.

It's an incredibly jumbled and confused experience. It's supposed to be a comedy, but most of the time I was laughing at it instead of with it. There are so many scenes where I went "I guess that could be a joke" and just scratched my head. I refuse to believe that sensibilities have changed so much in ~50 years that this movie is just completely inaccessible to modern audiences. Eastwood's character is a perfect encapsulation of this movie's confusion: he's presented as this tough but sensitive man's man who drives a truck, woos women effortlessly and beats up other tough guys in bareknuckle fist fights on the regular. But he's also broke and lives with his mom and brother. If the movie committed fully to either one, or did some subversive bit about this supposed macho alpha man being in actuality a total loser it could work, but it seemingly tries to do both, and fails completely. It's so meatheaded and dumb in its apparent worldview that I was thinking it might be some kind of satire, because some scenes legit felt like McBain bits from The Simpsons.

The result of this confusion and lack of momentum is that the movie's really boring to watch. I was kind of laughing at it for the first half, and in the second I couldn't wait it to be over. I guess there's some novelty to seeing grotty, everyday 70s California and the movie having an actual orangutan as a character, but boy fucking howdy those factors do not make this even remotely worth it.

Couldn't resist.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★★ review of My Cousin Vinny (1992)

“Everything that guy just said was bullshit. Thank you." This film was conceived by Dale Launer while he was in college, after hearing about someone passing the bar exam on their 13th attempt. However, it wasn't until he had a couple of successful movies under his belt that he developed the idea...

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[Bartholen]

Rewatched The Substance with a group of friends and got to enjoy their reactions big time. It's so fucking good, bumped to a 10/10. There's so much energy, creativity and purpose to the filmmaking. The soundscape, the cinematography, the performances, the music, they're all in perfect harmony. My cheeks were past a point seizing up because I was just smiling so hard. It's just laden with subtext, metaphor and themes, and most of them conveyed completely visually. It's a feast for the eyes, ears and soul. I genuinely can't think of a better version of this movie. I don't find it mean-spirited or nihilistic, it's too over the top, stylized and hysterical for that.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Rewatched The Substance with a group of friends and got to enjoy their reactions big time. It's so fucking good, bumped to a 10/10. There's so much energy, creativity and purpose to the filmmaking. The soundscape, the cinematography, the performances, the music, they're all in perfect harmony. My cheeks were past a point seizing up because I was just smiling so hard. It's just laden with subtext, metaphor and themes, and most of them conveyed completely visually. It's a feast for the eyes, ears and soul. I genuinely can't think of a better version of this movie. I don't find it mean-spirited or nihilistic, it's too over the top, stylized and hysterical for that.

I mean, it is mean-spirited and nihilistic, but it just depends on whether it's to your palette.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★½ review of Face/Off (1997)

“I never really enjoyed the Messiah, in fact, I think it's fucking boring. But your voice makes even a hack like Handel seem like a genius.” This film began as a spec script written in 1990 by Mike Werb and Michael Colleary after hearing about a man going through facial reconstruction after a...

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[BrawlMan]

A ★★★★½ review of Face/Off (1997)

“I never really enjoyed the Messiah, in fact, I think it's fucking boring. But your voice makes even a hack like Handel seem like a genius.” This film began as a spec script written in 1990 by Mike Werb and Michael Colleary after hearing about a man going through facial reconstruction after a...

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Yes! Woo's best American Heroic Bloodshed film. Face/Off and Hard Target are peak American Woo films.

 

[BrawlMan]

I saw Yugioh: Dark Side of the Dimensions. A nice grand finale, but it's actually a sequel to the original manga ending, and not the anime ending. There are some minor differences, but mostly the same thing happens in either ending. The English dubbing uses a broad strokes approach to this. It's a great and entertaining movie and I find the best out of all three movies. A nice grand finale where everybody moves on after Atem goes to the afterlife. Kaiba still once that run back though. The dubbing cast is on point and it's amazing they got everybody back to reprise their roles. And they got some awesome one liners, and zingers, too. The art and animations the best that has ever been in the CGI blends in well with the 2D animation. My only problem with the movie is that Joey doesn't really get to do much, and he has this minor sub plot that doesn't go anywhere. Great movie overall.

 

[thebobmaster]

A review of The Fantastic Four (1994)

“Pitiful. Truly pitiful. Half of the thrill is in the chase, but you have denied me even that. Ah, well.” As this movie was never technically finished, let alone released, I did not give it an official rating. Sloppy work is one thing, but it feels wrong to give even a subjective score to a...

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[thebobmaster]

A ★★ review of Carrie (2002)

“I can see your dirtypillows. Everyone will.” “They’re called breasts, mama. All the girls have them. They’re very fashionable these days.” This movie was commissioned by NBC in 2002, with a script written by Bryan Fuller and no involvement from Stephen King, who had unsurprisingly been...

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[Johnny Novgorod]

The Mechanic (1972)

Charles Bronson plays an ageing hitman, tired of lounging around his mansion listening to Beethoven's String Quartet Op.18 No.6 (2nd Movement), who takes on a young orphan under his wing. In 1972 Roger Ebert made the Bruce Wayne & Dick Grayson comparison and yeah, I think the dynamic is somewhere in that ballpark (never mind that Bronson himself orphans the kid). Apparently the original script was more explicitly gay but don't try and tell me the undercurrent isn't there.

They remade the movie with Statham in 2011, with nowhere near the same pathos or grunge.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Presence (2024)

Steven Soderbergh's version of a Blumhouse movie, shot entirely from the ghost's POV. All tension, no jump scares. The whole thing really builds up to this one moment at the end. Now I enjoyed it but can just imagine recommending this to someone and then maybe a week later getting a sternly voiced message from them.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★★ review of Good Will Hunting (1997)

“You don't owe it to yourself; you owe it to me. Because tomorrow I'm going to wake up, and I'll be fifty, and I'll still be doing this shit. That's all right, that's fine. I mean, you're sitting on a winning lottery ticket, but you're too much of a pussy to cash it in and that's bullshit...

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