Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched

[McElroy]

Mickey 17
Bong Joon-ho directs Robert Pattinson opposite his copy and Mark Ruffalo as a rich, egoistic, evangelical nutcase and a failed politician who reminds of someone real with Toni Collette as his saucy wife. Mickey is an expendable blue-collar workman on a colony spaceship who gets cloned anew anytime he dies a horrible death. There is a plot that happens, but we're mostly following the titular Mickey 17's journey through it with internal and even regular monologues. Pattinson is great, but it's not enough to make the movie very good in my opinion. The choice for ost is simply weird and I found it annoying multiple times. The satire is... I'd even call it anti-humor. 5/10

The most fantastical thing about the film isn't the creatures, human cloning, or the spaceship - it's that Mickey and the love of his life get together after meeting eyes accross the mess hall and going off to bang. Sure it's in a nonlinear flashback, but not much is given at any other point either.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★★ review of Final Destination 5 (2011)

“I don’t make the rules. I just clean up after the game is over.” This film was greenlit not long after the 4th film. In June 2010, it was announced publicly that the film would be called 5nal Destination, but thankfully, that decision was reversed after a couple of months, and presumably...

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[Gordon_4]

SPiT - 10/10

Yes the title is written like that. The movie is a 20 year sequel to Australian film Gettin’ Square but focuses on that film’s side character Johnny Spit, played to dopey but kind-hearted perfection by David Wenham, slipping back into Johnny’s weathered thongs as if he never stopped wearing them.

I laughed, I cried a little and I smiled. It’s a great little film that nearly no one is going to see. But I saw it, and I loved it.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★½ review of Silent Hill (2006)

“They used to say this place was haunted. I think they were right.” This film first became a concept around 2001, when director Christophe Gans discussed the concept with producer Samuel Hadida while both were working on the film Brotherhood of the Wolf. Initially, Gans wanted to adapt Silent...

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[Johnny Novgorod]

Foxy Brown

Pam Grier's followup to Coffy, which might as well be a remake: Grier is an anti-dope vigilante taking on a smuggling ring because a loved one fucking gets it. Not only that but we go through the same beats: she infiltrates a stable of high-end whores and immediately rises to the top, she pulls out a weapon from her afro, she beats up a lesbian pimp, gets kidnapped and raped (I think Coffy's was merely attempted), castrates the big bad, is betrayed by a black man whose moral shakiness is telegraphed by the fact he's banging a white she-devil and then Sid Haig shows up at the end.

I did notice Foxy Brown is a little more coy around Grier's bodaciousness. Her tits are front and center in her very first scene, as if to get that out of the way, and then it's all about cleavage and sideboob for the rest of the movie. Conversely the story's also nastier this go around, because of a plot hiccup that has Foxy bound to a bed in a filthy hillbilly dope den, repeatedly drugged and raped. So it felt a little bit more exploitative than Coffy, and the action felt clumsier too, perhaps because there's so much more of it.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★ review of We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2018)

“Do you know what it’s like, to be poisoned and live?” “No.” “It’s terrible to lie here, waiting to die.” This film, an adaptation of a Shirley Jackson novel, was first reported to be in development in 2009. However, it doesn't seem that production actually began in earnest until 2016, though...

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[Johnny Novgorod]

Broken Rage

Takeshi Kitano has a new movie and it's on Prime Video. And it's only 67 minutes long! Neat.

This is of course one of those weird experimental things artist's Kitano's age/clout get to trot out when they're given carte blanche by a production studio or streaming service. See over at Netflix Wes Anderson's four Roald Dahl's shorts, and PTA's glorified music video, and David Lynch interrogating a monkey.

The movie tells the same story twice: first as a serious drama, then as a comedy (where my Melinda & Melinda homies at?). The first half hour is your standard yakuza plot: Kitano plays a hitman who gets roped in by the cops into infiltrating and taking down a drug ring. Then we get to do it all over again, beat by beat, as slapstick for the lulz.

The problem with this format is that I think Kitano's direction is always borderline farcical, and you really don't need to add slapstick and cartoon sound effects to make his direction funny. But the silliness won me over. You anticipate what's the "funny" version of beating up a bar patron to impress the mob boss at the booth, and when the movie delivers its version you laugh (the patron never shows up, Kitano waits at the bar for hours and then as the waiters are cleaning around and putting the chairs on the tables the mob boss shuffles next to him and offers him a job purely out of pity).

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★ review of The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

“Man, we’re missing one killer party.” Starting life as an unrelated movie called The Curse, the studio at some point realized "You know, this is sounding a lot like Carrie". Rather than simply accept that they were writing a story similar to Carrie, they then purchased the rights to Carrie and...

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[Bartholen]

Every Which Way But Loose, 3/10

This is a Clint Eastwood alleged comedy from 1978. Eastwood plays Philo, a tough guy trucker with a pet orangutan who ends up falling for a one-night stand and chases her around California. That's about the gist of the plot, because there's barely one, let alone a story. It feels like a movie made by someone who's read books about how to make films, but never actually watched one. It's full of half-baked ideas, awkward attempts at comedy, haphazard editing and a borderline nonexistent structure. This is about as "and then" as you can get. Most of the scenes could be rearrangaed in any order, and they happen mostly in isolation regardless of one another. There's zero flow or pacing, the film just awkwardly stumbles from scene to scene in an attempt to have some kind of point or throughline, but never gets even close.

It's an incredibly jumbled and confused experience. It's supposed to be a comedy, but most of the time I was laughing at it instead of with it. There are so many scenes where I went "I guess that could be a joke" and just scratched my head. I refuse to believe that sensibilities have changed so much in ~50 years that this movie is just completely inaccessible to modern audiences. Eastwood's character is a perfect encapsulation of this movie's confusion: he's presented as this tough but sensitive man's man who drives a truck, woos women effortlessly and beats up other tough guys in bareknuckle fist fights on the regular. But he's also broke and lives with his mom and brother. If the movie committed fully to either one, or did some subversive bit about this supposed macho alpha man being in actuality a total loser it could work, but it seemingly tries to do both, and fails completely. It's so meatheaded and dumb in its apparent worldview that I was thinking it might be some kind of satire, because some scenes legit felt like McBain bits from The Simpsons.

The result of this confusion and lack of momentum is that the movie's really boring to watch. I was kind of laughing at it for the first half, and in the second I couldn't wait it to be over. I guess there's some novelty to seeing grotty, everyday 70s California and the movie having an actual orangutan as a character, but boy fucking howdy those factors do not make this even remotely worth it.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Every Which Way But Loose, 3/10

This is a Clint Eastwood alleged comedy from 1978. Eastwood plays Philo, a tough guy trucker with a pet orangutan who ends up falling for a one-night stand and chases her around California. That's about the gist of the plot, because there's barely one, let alone a story. It feels like a movie made by someone who's read books about how to make films, but never actually watched one. It's full of half-baked ideas, awkward attempts at comedy, haphazard editing and a borderline nonexistent structure. This is about as "and then" as you can get. Most of the scenes could be rearrangaed in any order, and they happen mostly in isolation regardless of one another. There's zero flow or pacing, the film just awkwardly stumbles from scene to scene in an attempt to have some kind of point or throughline, but never gets even close.

It's an incredibly jumbled and confused experience. It's supposed to be a comedy, but most of the time I was laughing at it instead of with it. There are so many scenes where I went "I guess that could be a joke" and just scratched my head. I refuse to believe that sensibilities have changed so much in ~50 years that this movie is just completely inaccessible to modern audiences. Eastwood's character is a perfect encapsulation of this movie's confusion: he's presented as this tough but sensitive man's man who drives a truck, woos women effortlessly and beats up other tough guys in bareknuckle fist fights on the regular. But he's also broke and lives with his mom and brother. If the movie committed fully to either one, or did some subversive bit about this supposed macho alpha man being in actuality a total loser it could work, but it seemingly tries to do both, and fails completely. It's so meatheaded and dumb in its apparent worldview that I was thinking it might be some kind of satire, because some scenes legit felt like McBain bits from The Simpsons.

The result of this confusion and lack of momentum is that the movie's really boring to watch. I was kind of laughing at it for the first half, and in the second I couldn't wait it to be over. I guess there's some novelty to seeing grotty, everyday 70s California and the movie having an actual orangutan as a character, but boy fucking howdy those factors do not make this even remotely worth it.

Couldn't resist.

 

[thebobmaster]

A ★★★★★ review of My Cousin Vinny (1992)

“Everything that guy just said was bullshit. Thank you." This film was conceived by Dale Launer while he was in college, after hearing about someone passing the bar exam on their 13th attempt. However, it wasn't until he had a couple of successful movies under his belt that he developed the idea...

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