Discuss and Rate the Last Film You Watched

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Bob_McMillan

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War Machine (2026)

Middle of the road Netflix potboiler. Jack Reacher and a ragtag team of NPCs are chased in the woods by the "20 seconds to comply" robot from RoboCop.
Is there a good reason why almost every soldier in the movie no longer seems to be wearing a helmet by the time the robot attacks?
 

Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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Shelby Oaks

Kickstarter horror from Chris Stuckmann. I'm only vaguely aware of Stuckmann as one of those YouTubers who recaps the plot of a movie and calls it a review, but I have to assume most of the good will for his movie comes from his subscribers and/or the 17,000 backers behind this. It starts out as found footage creepypasta about a group of YouTubers who went missing during a ghost-hunting ep, and it would've been cool enough if the movie kept that conceit up, or at least followed the documentary crew that was making a movie about them, but 20 minutes in we abandon the whole thing and the rest of the movie is shot traditionally and feels like an hour long afterthought to the info dump that was the opening act. Most of it follows the girl YouTuber's sister, who has spent 12 years obsessively looking into her disappearence but somehow never thought to check out her last known location, which is an hour's drive from home (and where she effectively finds her). I think the actress simply isn't very good or interesting enough to carry the whole movie herself, and for all its initial cataloguing of lore the plot boils down to a checklist of scary locations/jumpscares the movie keeps trying on for size. This isn't a horrible movie but feels weirdly limp and uninspired for something oft touted as a passion project.

Kevin James 3.jpg
 

Johnny Novgorod

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Is there a good reason why almost every soldier in the movie no longer seems to be wearing a helmet by the time the robot attacks?
So you can see the actors' faces. Even though it was easier for me to tell everybody apart by looking at the numbers on their helmets.
The one that kept his helmet on the longest just did so everybody else could confirm his death when it resurfaces dramatically in the river.
 

thebobmaster

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Bartholen

At age 6 I was born without a face
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Modest Heroes, 7/10

This is a 53-minute, three-film short anthology by Studio Ponoc, which was formed by Studio Ghibli alumni in the 2010s.

The first one, Kanini and Kanono, is about a family of miniature people (about pinkie-size) living at the bottom of a stream. The two siblings get separated from their father and go out in search of him. What makes it interesting is that there's basically no dialogue: the only thing the characters say are their names and a couple of other words, whose meaning you can infer from the context. It's quite beautiful-looking, the music is nice and there's some interesting playing with the scale of things: descending from the top of a medium-sized rock becomes a precarious drop, and a common stork becomes something akin to an eldritch horror. There's only so much you can ask from a 17-minute short, but it was pretty good. The thing I was left wanting was more playing with the scale: use of depth of field, common everyday objects being involved etc. It was mostly shot in a way where I felt it didn't really make the most of its potential, but otherwise pretty good stuff.

The second one, Life's Not Gonna Lose, is about a kid with a lethally dangerous egg allergy, and all the ways he and his mother have (had) to deal with it. It's a nice slice of life vignette, very beautifully animated in a style similar to Grave of the Fireflies where the outlines are drawn brown instead of black. It gives the story a warm, soft feeling suited for a story centering on a kid. There's not that much to say about it. It feels pretty true to life and it gives its subject matter its due seriousness. There are a couple of interestingly stylized bits of animation, like when the kid accidentally ingests ice cream with eggs in it, and the whole thing goes haywire.

The last one, Invisible, is about an invisible, and also seemingly incorporeal man. As in, he literally has no physical weight or presence: automated doors do not open to him, and he needs to lug around a canister of something to keep him from drifting away. It's quite clearly an allegory for loneliness, social anxiety and the dehumanizing nature of the modern world, and at that it succeeds pretty well in its brief runtime. You really feel for this guy, despite not even knowing his name or even his face. There's nice attention to detail, like how he has to ride his scooter all lopsided because of the canister he lugs around everywhere. It ends a bit abruptly, but makes the most of its premise in its runtime.
 
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Bartholen

At age 6 I was born without a face
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Cinema Paradiso, 8/10

This is an Italian classic from 1988. It's a story about Toto, a boy living in an unnamed Italian village in the post-war years, and how he grows up to love cinema when the village theater's projectionist starts acting as a father figure to him. It follows him through his life, him leaving the village, and his eventual return when the projectionist dies.

It's very good. You think at first that it's going to be a warm, life-affirming nostalgic tribute to the power of cinema, but it's very much not. In the end it's a very melancholic and contemplative look on life in general, and how people can get unwittingly trapped in their escapist passions so they miss life going past them. It's got a great score by Ennio Morricone, great acting, lots of character and charm, and is overall just a really engaging story. The thing to know about it is that there are three different versions of it, only two of which seem to be widely available: the edited-down 2-hour version, and the 3-hour long director's cut. The director's cut is basically an entirely different movie with entire plotlines and characters that aren't in the 2-hour version. The 2-hour version is about Toto's love for cinema and his relationship with the town, whereas the 3-hour version centers more around the romance of his youth.
 
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thebobmaster

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Old_Hunter_77

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Arco

This animated film came across my radar as one of the movies nominated for an Oscar. It's French but its alternate English cast is full of stars. It was promoted in the art theater I went to a few weeks ago to see all the nominated shorts.
It's very sweet and mostly low-key, a sci-fi fantasy about a child that flies through time. It's like "what if rainbows were time travelers saving the future world?" and if that kind of whimsey works on you then this movie is a lovely time. I can't say anything about it knocked my socks off but it made me forget about how horrible everyone and everything seems to be these days so, you know, there's that.
 
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BrawlMan

Lover of beat'em ups.
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I re-watched Super Mario Bros. (2023) after not seeing since it came out in theaters, and just before the film comes out in a few weeks. I still think this film is great, and I have 0 problems with this movie being slightly less than 90 minutes. Too many movies have gone for the unnecessary 2+ hour mark, and most of them don't work. Everything about this film works: the animation, action, pacing, characters, writing, and humor. This film pays tribute to the games excellently without being distracting. So even if you're not a Mario nor video game fan, you can follow what is going on easily. The films only weakeness are some of those pop culture songs that play. Some of them fit, while others are uneeded. At least this movie actually plays songs from most of the mainline Mario games, and few Donkey Kong songs too. Unlike most of the Sonic films that either do small snippets or not at all. "Live and Learn" being the awesome exception.

Welp, I am ready for Mario Galaxy (2026).
 

thebobmaster

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Johnny Novgorod

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Good Fortune

An angel (Keanu Reeves) swaps the life of a homeless man (Aziz Ansari) with that of a douchy tech bro (Seth Rogen) in the spirit of teaching him about how the grass ain't so green on the either side, but fails to do so because having fuck you loads of money is awesome, and now they're trapped living each others' lives until the two of them are willing to switch back. This is the sort of afterlife hijinks that was kinda popular in the 90s (Ghost, Defending Your Life, Hearts and Souls, Down to Earth) until 9/11 bummed everybody out. It's more cute than funny though. The plotting is scattershot as fuck - it takes forever to get to the switcheroo, and when it finally happens the movie can't really hold on to a pattern for more than 10 minutes. At first the Rogen character is oblivious to the switch, which is no fun; then all three characters essentially come to an agreement, which is no fun either; afterwards the movie keeps inventing ways of having the characters square off and compromise over and over in a way that's more tiresome than hilarious. Keanu with his labrador energy gets any and all laughs, especially when showing Aziz what a depressing life he has to look forward to.

Impressive.jpg
 

Gordon_4

The Big Engine
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Good Fortune

An angel (Keanu Reeves) swaps the life of a homeless man (Aziz Ansari) with that of a douchy tech bro (Seth Rogen) in the spirit of teaching him about how the grass ain't so green on the either side, but fails to do so because having fuck you loads of money is awesome, and now they're trapped living each others' lives until the two of them are willing to switch back. This is the sort of afterlife hijinks that was kinda popular in the 90s (Ghost, Defending Your Life, Hearts and Souls, Down to Earth) until 9/11 bummed everybody out. It's more cute than funny though. The plotting is scattershot as fuck - it takes forever to get to the switcheroo, and when it finally happens the movie can't really hold on to a pattern for more than 10 minutes. At first the Rogen character is oblivious to the switch, which is no fun; then all three characters essentially come to an agreement, which is no fun either; afterwards the movie keeps inventing ways of having the characters square off and compromise over and over in a way that's more tiresome than hilarious. Keanu with his labrador energy gets any and all laughs, especially when showing Aziz what a depressing life he has to look forward to.

View attachment 14372
I like your new rating scale image. It’s very amusing - even if I don’t recognise everyone on it to make the joke lad.
 

Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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I like your new rating scale image. It’s very amusing - even if I don’t recognise everyone on it to make the joke lad.
I put together the image using whatever stickers I already had saved to WhatsApp. Left to right: former British MP Ed Miliband, caught eating a sandwich in a snapshot so unappealing it cost him a general election; former Argentine President Alberto Fernández holding soda and cheap wine (photoshopped); Kevin James trying out... something for a promo shoot of King of Queens; Patrick Bateman curtly praising a colleague's business card; Richie Aprile from Sopranos gleefully touting the jackeeeeet; Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks giving an enthusiastic thumbs up and the Marty Scorsese "absolute cinema" meme.

It's hard to convey the essence of just how fucking lame Fernández is. He's got the limpdick, zero self-awareness energy of Seymour Skinner and is typically compared to a drunk uncle and/or a cab driver spouting horrible offensive opinions. He's basically a laughing stock and is mocked and disliked by the left and right alike.
 

Thaluikhain

Elite Member
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Hellboy: Crooked Man

The fourth installment in the franchise...though given that includes 2 reboots and this film doesn't have anything to do with the others, that's pushing it.

It's 1959 and Hellboy and a new character, young female agent who wants to experience stuff rather than just read about it, running around in the Appalachians (filmed in Bulgaria), and dealing with back country witches. $20M budget, looks like it flopped.

I thought it was ok.
 

thebobmaster

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Hellboy: Crooked Man

The fourth installment in the franchise...though given that includes 2 reboots and this film doesn't have anything to do with the others, that's pushing it.

It's 1959 and Hellboy and a new character, young female agent who wants to experience stuff rather than just read about it, running around in the Appalachians (filmed in Bulgaria), and dealing with back country witches. $20M budget, looks like it flopped.

I thought it was ok.
I thought that film had solid world-building, but nothing to really back it up, and some of the worst camera work I've seen in a film of that sort in a while. I'd like to see a sequel that continued with the worldbuilding and actually had someone who knew what they were doing making it.
 

Thaluikhain

Elite Member
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I thought that film had solid world-building, but nothing to really back it up, and some of the worst camera work I've seen in a film of that sort in a while. I'd like to see a sequel that continued with the worldbuilding and actually had someone who knew what they were doing making it.
Yeah, I'd agree with that. Ah well, looked like they tried.
 

thebobmaster

Elite Member
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Happy St. Paddy's Day, y'all.

 

BrawlMan

Lover of beat'em ups.
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Just saw Jurassic World: Rebirth

Were you expecting anything more?

I pretty much gave up on these films, after the reception of the fifth movie. I don't even like the force film anymore.Due to the wasted potential and getting rid of the Dino Crisis/RE elements for being "too silly or not scary enough". The cruel and bitter irony.