Do homosexual gender types exist?

[TheMatsjo]

In gay couples, is it usual that there is a "girl" and a "guy"?

I was thinking about this because the thought gives me the feeling it might be heterosexual projection that finds it convenient to paste your own habits onto other peoples lives; thus making it likely for me to think that all couples need to have a "man" and a "woman". For the record I automatically gravitate towards the "manly" spectrum being a guy and the way I am in context with most girls, I'm heterosexual so far.

So fellow Escapists, can you enlighten me? Do all couples have a "girly one" and a "manly one" regardless of actual gender or sexual preference?

 

[b3nn3tt]

I don't even think it's true for all heterosexual couples that there is a 'girl' and a 'guy'. Everyone has varying degrees of masculinity and femininity. I think that people do imagine that homosexual couples are made up of one masculine and one feminine partner, but I don't know how often that is actually the case. Nor do I know how often it is truly the case in heterosexual couples

I think it may just be the case that people hold these views of what a couple 'should' be like, and that's where this line of thinking comes from. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but I don't know if it's even the norm

 

[Merkavar]

i would say no. cause in a hetro relation ship there isnt always a guy and a girl either. physically yes but emotionally and behaviour wise there might be 2 guys or 2 girls

 

[Keava]

Short answer: No.
Long answer: No they don't. It's always He and He or She and She. There is no 'Mommy and Daddy' even tho in some cases one of the parters in homosexual couple might be perceived as more feminine or passive, but that's not exclusive to homosexual couples.

Never heard of a marriage between a strong, almost tomboyish woman to a guy that was way closer to stereotypical 'housewife' rather than 'head of the family' ?

Gender and sexuality are pretty much different topics and gender studies are as much about gay people as they are about straight.

 

[Illesdan]

From the homosexual relationships I have observed, no. However, since I don't know EVERY homosexual couple on the planet, there could be exceptions.

I have noticed homosexual couples seem to have better/longer-lasting relationships than most heterosexual couples I've known. I admire that. Not enough to be lesbian or even bi, but it makes a little part of me happy to see others in a long-term relationship, no matter who they are or who they love.

 

[ten.to.ten]

My relationship and those of the other gay couples I know don't have a butch and a *****, just two people who love each other. I think the butch/***** (or seme/uke if you'd rather) relationship dynamic is something that both straight guys and girls seem to obsess over that's more or less absent from healthy gay relationships. Straight girls because for some reason that's just what they seem to love to fantasise about and straight guys because of their uncomfortable curiosity about what it would be like to fuck a dude.

 

[Griffolion]

Gender and sexuality are pretty much different topics and gender studies are as much about gay people as they are about straight.

Right on the money. Even the concept of sex and gender is a psychological one, not necessarily a biological one. Our biology defines physical traits and some base behavioural characteristics, everything else we learn about male and female is psychologically reinforced right from day one. Some philosophers and psychologists think that you shouldn't even have the concept of male and female today, just individuals who are on a scale of masculinity/femininity (or something that is worded better than that) that just happen to have either XY chromosomes or XX.

 

[TheMatsjo]

Thank you guys for your reactions, it's been interesting so far.

 

[Dags90]

Usual? Not that I've noticed. Does it happen? Probably, but I've never seen it. As an expectation I find it somewhat offensive, pretty much for the reason you posted. I may be biased, but I find it superior to the man/woman gender roles expected of heterosexuals.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I used to think that too but apparently it's not so.
One of my closest friends is gay and I asked him, granted I was a little drunk, and with him anyway, he's never gone specifically for a "typically masculine" or "typically feminine" type.

I think they're the same as heterosexual couples but obviously some might have the preference for a certain type.

 

[CrashBang]

One of my best friends is gay and he always claims to be the 'guy' in the relationship but he's got a lot of issues and likes to feel manly so I'm not so inclined to believe there is a guy and girl situation at all. They fact is, they're both men who have been raised in a society where there are still clear gender differences between men and women, regardless of sexuality. Then again, I've always been mocked by my friends for being the girl in all my relationships. I'm a bit of a pushover when it comes to women and almost all of my ex-girlfriends have been psychotic manipulative freaks. Seriously, all but one

 

[moretimethansense]

I'd guess no, there's prabably a few but I'm pretty sure that sexuality doesn't sort itself out in to such neat little catagories.

Men can be feminine women can be masculine and neither have to be gay for it to happen.

Spoiler: Also this thread made me think of this

 

[Sudenak]

This probably has a lot to do with the media doing whatever it can to classify gays so they can tell you how to feel about them, but pretty much the answer is a resounding no.

Of the gay men I've known, they all tend to be nigh-indistinguishable from your typical straight man. In the bedroom it all depends on the couple I suppose, but they tend to just switch it up. I've only ever known one ridiculously effeminate gay guy, and he had such a domineering personality that it wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if he wore the metaphorical pants despite the fact that he wore dresses and make up.

I tend to be on the butch side of bisexuality myself, but most of my female companionship has been decidedly less about the sex and more about companionship. An aside to that is that it also tends to be a bit more evened out than the straight relationships, which were more sex-oriented and certainly not about sharing the pants of the relationship. I had a very submissive female partner at one point, but I didn't feel particularly compatible simply because it felt like telling a hyperactive puppy to balance a 4,000 year old relic on their nose. On the other side of that I prefer men to be submissive simply because I just love taking gender roles and violently shaking them up.

So, to sum it up: gay relationships are basically like straight relationships that took the Photoshop blur tool to the gender role line.

 

[gazumped]

When people talk about the 'guy' and the 'girl' in relationships, they usually either mean that one's the dominant one who 'wears the trousers', or they mean that one's more emotional and 'a woman'... but even when talking about straight couples, it doesn't necessarily follow that the man 'wears the trousers' or that the woman's 'the emotional one'.

There are often these kinds of differences in a couple but this mechanic works a lot in friendships, because in any kind of relationship there's usually some kind of yin and yang. It means you both have something to offer the other. I'm quiet, my best friend is really talkative. I'm practical, my best friend is somewhat reckless. It means where one might fail in a given situation, the other can prop them up. It's not about couples having to have a 'man' and a 'woman', it's just about any given relationship between people being stronger when you can bounce off of each other like this.

People slap gender onto personality types because it makes people more comfortable to have an easy way to label people. It doesn't really mean much.

 

[Dags90]

*snip*

Next you're going to be telling me that the handicapped aren't all asexuals. Has everything my TV has taught me about people been a lie!?

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

I've found that most gay couples are typically a feminine-feminine combination, judging from personal experience. Not overly feminine, mind you, just more-so than typical manly standards.

Gender-roles wise, it seems man-man though, oddly enough.

I'd say no, but that's just from my outsider perspective.

 

[Xojins]

No they don't. If both are men or women, then they're both men or women.

 

[Zaik]

I see this a lot in lesbian couples, but I'm not so sure about gay guys.

I mean, there's a clear cut obvious difference between individual gay guys in how much like a woman they think, but to my knowledge it doesn't seem to be relevant in their pairing, for the most part.

Not to say it never happens, but it's nowhere near as prevalent as you see a usually overweight woman dressed in baggy masculine(to hide curves) clothing with a guy's haircut and/or a hat holding hands with a more feminine woman.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

In gay couples, is it usual that there is a "girl" and a "guy"?

In heterosexual couples, is there a "butch" and a "femme"? Same question really...

 

[GraveeKing]

From personal experience I can tell you it varies a hell of a lot. It depends on the person and the couple - there are some gay guys who actually want their partner to be dominant than them and i suppose you could call the more dominant one the 'man' if you so wish.
Then again some gay partnerships don't have that all. Heck I've even seen some situations where there's one of the partners acting as you'd put it the 'girly one' of the couple has a partner who's perfectly normal and not manly at all.

In short:
It varies - I can't honestly say I know every gay couple in the world (although I know a fair amount) sometimes it can happen, but yeah not always - and again sometimes it's more obvious than other times and the couple may keep that bit of their personal life to themselves so others don't notice.