Chemical Alia said:
I am completely put off by the anime aesthetic. Like, it's actually actively unpleasant and irritates me.
I'm going to make a confession of sorts in this thread. Probably one that won't change anything or making anything better, but only make things worse like I've experienced in the past. It also goes completely contrary to making this thread, which is a tit for tat of sorts. If I don't stand my ground here, and I admit to such a thing, I'll never have another chance with this user on this site, at the very least.
I hate Western aesthetics. I think some of the old art and things are cool, but I hate mainstream cartoon aesthetics, and even worse, video game aesthetics. They literally annoy me. Even when going for realism they seem to annoy me, and the disciple of designing realistic CG seems to differ. There have of course been games I'll make an exception for, like skateboarding games, because I like skateboarding and the culture. Which happens, by the way, to be focused on skinny "emo looking" guys as the norm, not beefy bodybuilders.
But as a whole, I'm probably a fan of the anime aesthetic before I'm a fan of video games. Video games introduced me to it, and I've been a fan of it ever since. And I've had a "shallow" preference for it ever since. It's been comfort zone and I've always sought out communities and things centred around enjoying it.
But that's been surprisingly hard. I'm often being pressured within the gaming community in order to "get along" or avoid being banned or the like, to like certain games. Like when I admitted I wasn't particularly interested in playing a certain Western game, on many different occasions, I was told I had a "retarded prejudice against non-Japanese games", a "gigantic ass burger and bigot", "shallow and superficial", "liking stupid prejudiced crap that has nothing to do with gameplay", "you need your meaningless entertainment to have yaoi crap in it. Let go of that and just allow yourself to have fun instead of forcing yourself to not enjoy things." By moderators, who have banned me for letting out that I felt this way and I just happened to like Japanese aesthetics and games. At the worst of things, at the biggest anime forums on the internet, this happened. Not at some random gaming site or wRPG forum, but in the most successful anime forums on the internet. Moderators got rid of me as being shallow, bigoted chaff. I've lost the anime forums I most loved going to in the world and called my online home, because I tried telling people off for dogpiling me for saying I prefer Japanese style video games.
I didn't know what to do after that, but to just play more video games more often. Play a few video games I don't like and talk about them, as to not be out of the closet about my actual desires, and then treat myself to playing a game I like that's super Japanese. That way, I could get away with both playing and talking about games that I love without leading to be ostracized and banned. Because while I like what I like, I don't want to be alone about it. I want to talk about it with likeminded people.
And so I wanted to learn a lesson out of my loss. If I couldn't get away with what I liked, at least I could focus on gameplay and call others who wouldn't play games based upon manga designs, the same things they called me. I hadn't much done it until now, but that was the plan. But things aren't going according to plan and I'm having this pathetic confession instead of just trying to learn my lesson from people who said only gameplay matters and punished me thusly. Perhaps I'll have a chance to stay strong about it somewhere else, sometime else, where I don't have the reputation that I do.
I don't know what to say or what to do, but I'm starting to feel very bitter. I don't know what to say, and what to do. I'm tired of making myself play a bunch of games I don't like recently, just for appearances. I'm tired of being worried any community will turn on me if I start admitting I like Japanese games. And that I have no one to talk to about this sort of thing other than my real life friends. Because I've already lost every internet community I've ever had before. I feel like I want to take every criticism toward me and find a way to use it for what I've loved.
And it's getting worse, because as I try to buckle in like this, it feels like the industry is just raising the bar against what I love. Westerners are gathering around to say fixing gameplay won't fix things, fixing characterization won't fix things, adding variety won't fix things, you have to get rid of the anime. You have to get rid of the big eyes and small mouth characters, you have to get rid of the blue hair, you have to get rid of the skinny men, you have to get rid of all the things that make the games Japanese culturally in any way, because we Westerns think that's stupid and won't buy it.
It feels like so many people are adamant on taking down and destroying everything I've loved in media since I was 7 years old. I feel fairly helpless, and like all I can do is go down kicking and screaming. While the anime industry is getting poorer. While games are being dominated by a bunch of macho games. While people are clamoring for the death of everything I love in Japanese games. While people will call me shallow and ban me if I admit to liking what I like and not liking what I don't. People will attack the parts of things I do like, if I pretend to only care about a third party thing that includes both.
I don't know what to do. I only know that I don't want everything I love in media and live and everything, in any sector, sexuality, video games, movies, music, tv shows, sports, anything, to be more marginalized. And my only instinct is to try anything that's been directed at me and I've been punished for, and see what sticks.
I don't know why I wrote all this. This could be the last post I ever make on this site. Or at least that anyone ever thinks anything of me than a stupid, mentally insane bigot. I guess it's because I always have something to get off my chest. Even if it ends in "you need seek help. Because you write way to much stupid, offensive weeaboo crap that nobody will ever want to read".. and then delete it and ban me. But I have to get these things off my chest sometimes. No matter the consequences. I don't think that most Escapist users like Japanese games much anyway. So I probably wouldn't lose much if I were banned and ostracized here, too. I apologize to anyone who might have lost what little respect they had for me here. I suck, I'm a dumb, shallow weeaboo who's obsessed with cute things, autist bigot superficial assburger pile of shit. That's what I am. And everything I love will wither like it's supposed to... I should stop fighting it.. as will everyone who feels like me.
At least I have My Little Pony.. it looks like. That seems to be flourishing, well enough. I was so happy to see something I loved in love be loved by a lot of other people for once, and be able to safely talk about and like it. Not to be punished and banned and marginalized, but to grow. I must sound so insane right now. I'm gonna go lay down for a while, I'm feeling pretty depressed and saying embarrassing things online that'll get me in trouble again.