Do You Have a Mental Disorder and How Much Does it Affect You?

[CrazyGirl17]

I was diagnosed with Asoerger's Syndrome (by a professional, thank you very much) when I was very young, back before anyone knew what it was. No everyone and their cousin "claims" to have it. Feh...

As for how it's affected me, well it's hard to say. I was in special classes for a few years before going mainstream, and that mostly turned out well. (Can't do complex math worth a damn, though). I used to be very shy, but I think I've gotten better at that... now all I need to do is to work on my attention and focus issues...

 

[the_duke_CC]

I suffer from depression, paranoid schizophrenia and an anxiety disorder.

Another paranoid schizophrenic! I'd say it's good to see one, but that whole "incurable mental miasma" thing tends to make it not as much.

I'm probably a bit better off than you in function, but boy does that constant "not really trusting anybody" thing get old.

Count me in the boat, I'm a paranoid schizophrenic too.

So far it pretty much ravaged a lot of things worthwhile in my life, studies and close relationship being the main one. Dropped out of college because of it and been trying to flirt without any success, probably because I can't speak like I use to.

Money is a big issue for me too, I can only afford public services which are quite good but my medication is really expensive. Even with insurance it's still expensive. But hey they help a lot so...

Beside sometimes fun hallucinations, being schizophrenic fucking sucks. If your family have an history of schizophrenia, please stay away from abusing drugs.

The S.S. paranoid schizophrenia is filling up, which doesn't help with the paranoid part of it but hey ho.

You're from the states I'm guessing being from the UK I don't pay for meds which is good because I would not be able to afford it.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

I have ADD, mild claustrophobia, panic attacks, and Anxiety issues. And I suspect(though this one hasn't been diagnosed yet) some variation of depression.

The ADD I have been off medication for for 15 years now. I still occasionally get slightly distracted. But for the most part, I've learned to control myself and my attention span.

The mild claustrophobia is mostly in crowds. Put too many people around me and it feels like there is no ecape and that the metaphorical walls are closing in on me(funny enough, I'm fine with small, cramped spaces).

The panic attacks tend to go with the mild claustrophobia as it will send me into a panic attack. My asthma can also be triggered from them.

The anxiety attacks/issues make it hard for me to be a productive member of society. I just got a new doctor who is actively trying to help so I haven't really been taking the medication long enough to say if it's fully working or not but I have been able to actually do things I need to do without forcing myself for the past week and a half or so that I've been on it. If I recall correctly (I'm not at home so I can't look at my prescription) he has me on Buproprin or something like that(I know it starts with a "B") and I have to take it twice a day. Sometimes the anxiety actually affects my asthma by dropping a metaphorical weight on my chest and making it hard for me to breathe causing me to be sent into asthma attacks easier.

The depression is mostly mood based. And has (very recently in fact) sunk me so low that I've contemplated suicide. Luckily (I guess?) I was also in the middle of a serious anxiety attack so in addition to general laziness I really couldn't move much so it didn't send me into actually attempting it but it was like that for me for 2 days in a row(which hasn't happened for 16 or so years).

Soon as I can get the money and a referral from my doctor though, I'm going to go and talk to a psychiatrist and see what they say. But I know I tend to exhibit a lot of the signs of it (which really means nothing other than I exhibit signs of it as it could be related to something else or could be something else). Though my doctor suspects I may be bipolar if I actually do have depression since apparently anxiety and depression are two different sides of the bipolar spectrum. So we'll see on that last point. Everything else though (minus the depression) is actually diagnosed and technically falls under mental health/disorders.

dyslexia

Dysgraphia, dyslexia, auditory processing disorder... a bunch of a fun, happy learning disabilities.

Learning disabilities aren't mental disorders.

By that logic, Tourette's isn't either.

The only logic I'm following is WebMD's.

I feel compelled to let you know that the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) got rid of the axial difference between Mental Disorders, Personality Disorders and Medical Disorders. What this basically means is that pretty much all diagnoses given by a psychiatrist (eating disorders, depression, sexual deviance, OCD etc.) is a mental disorder.

EDIT: Should've specified. That's the DSM 5 that's done that. This version only came out last year.

 

[Eamar]

Eamar for what its worth you have my respect for being able to live with it so long and I feel for you big time

Thank you, I appreciate it

snip

I clicked on your link and I didnt realise you studied at oxford. Thats genuinely impressive. I find it strange (sorry if im a little ignorant) that someone as intelligent and successful (yes oxford is successful) as yourself could have such thoughts. I also dont mean to sound creepy here but you are a good looking girl too. You clearly have a lot of positives in your life yet you still suffer from serious depression. I know you probably cant control it and its not related to your environment but I would expect this type of illness to affect people who doesnt have much going for them (again I apologise if I seem ignorant)

Thank you for the kind words, but as others have already pointed out, mental health conditions often aren't "about" anything.

First off, conditions like bipolar (it's important to remember my depression is just one part of a bigger condition) and schizophrenia are chronic conditions that you're born predisposed to, kind of like asthma or type 1 diabetes.

Second, while depression can sometimes be triggered by something it often isn't. Things would be much easier if I was depressed about something specific, as I'd probably have a better idea of how to deal with it. But contrary to popular belief, depression isn't just "feeling really sad", it's a much deeper problem than that. You don't always feel "sad" when you're depressed, it can be more like feeling completely numb, for example.

Also, a lot of very successful people have/had depression or other mood disorders, from heads of state to comedians and everything in between. It's also incredibly common here at Oxford, for what it's worth.

Do you have someone who keeps an eye on your finances when you go into a manic phase?

Fortunately, I'm very open about everything I'm doing when I'm manic (as opposed to when I'm depressed, when I'm incredibly secretive), so my friends are able to keep an eye on my spending and such. When I was living with my ex I was able to hand control over to him if necessary, but since then my best friend's been my rock - he comes to all my psychiatric appointments and everything and just generally looks out for me.

I've seen and read lots of your posts and you seem to be an awesome, intelligent, empathetic and educated person and it at least seems like you're coping very well (as far as I can tell from the point of view or someone knowing jack about you ). Also, I hope you don't have much of the side effects of lithium. I've seen a lot of that and damn, those would drive me up the wall.

Awww thanks! I seem to tolerate lithium well (unlike a lot of the antipsychotics I used to be on...). I have a pretty bad tremor in my hands, but no other side effects that I've noticed.

Yeah, I'm fortunate enough to have never been a victim of eating disorders, but my sister had - and is slowly recovering from - anorexia. While I know that "only" effects your body, it can really screw with your head, too. She has to go to a therapist and take meds and do mental positivity exercises (Or... whatever they're called). She's gotten a lot better since she started getting treatment, but it was pretty rough for a while there. I'd say that probably fits in a discussion on mental disorders.

I really hope your sister's recovery continues to go well. From what I understand, anorexia is one of the most draining conditions to deal with for everyone involved - family and loved ones as well as the sufferer. Good luck to you all.

 

[Cyan.]

Im a high functioning, Narcissistic sociopath, with dissocial personality disorder.


Its fucking great.

 

[Raggedstar]

Take what I say with a grain of salt as I have never been formally diagnosed with anything. I'm not comfortable talking to such professionals and I don't have the funds or will to pursue it. Though at the same time I'm not a hypochondriac or "seeing Dr. Google". I also don't wave around my not-formally-diagnosed conditions either or take special classes, so whatever.

I MIGHT have Asperger's or some kind of anxiety-related disorder. Again, not a "Dr. Google" sort of thing as there are a few external reasons. Firstly, my sister is mid-functioning autistic (as in moderately functioning and communicative for someone with autism, but nowhere near as functioning as someone with Asperger's), with diagnosed Asperger's, ADHD/ADD, and learning disabilities dotted around my extended family as well. Secondly (and I found this out only maybe 4 years ago when eavesdropping), my parents assumed I may have Asperger's by looking at my behaviour but chose not to because "a diagnosis means nothing. It's not like you can cure it". Thirdly, a lot of teachers, nurses, and counselors assumed it and recommended I see someone. I do harbor a lot of symptoms associated with it, like general troubles with social behaviour, narrow and obsessive interests, trouble speaking, and physical clumsiness.

But regardless of diagnosis or labels, I would consider myself to have problems with anxiety in general. I find it hard to talk up to people sometimes, I'll mentally freeze when confronted with certain choices or criticisms (especially if yelled or forceful), will lay in bed for hours worrying about even the stupidest things, I tremor when faced with some stressful situations, occasionally I would struggle to breathe for a few seconds when in periods of stress, and will often drop and cry if faced with frustration. I still have social issues, but I would consider myself to be improved in some ways (for example, up to about Gr. 8 I would be terrified of ordering my own fast food. It's A-OK for me right now). To cope I do things like playing video games to distract myself from the feelings that keep me up at night. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

I don't have any and I have been tested, that's what you get for being bored out of your mind in class when you are young.

 

[JasonKaotic]

Well after the first few posts I feel like this may not really be worth posting about, but I have a very minor case of Tourettes. The verbal kind.
Used to be quite a bit worse when I was a kid, I'd keep hitting my leg with my wrist, jerking my elbow, slamming my teeth together (which did some permanent damage to my teeth.. whoops) and stuff. It's nowhere near as bad now though for some reason, I just tense my muscles a lot and make weird movements with my jaw and cheeks, and sort of make quiet humming/grunting noises that no-one else seems to have noticed. So it doesn't really affect me much at all anymore, apart from having like a quarter left of one of my molars. Slamming my teeth together for years cracked it, then after eating some overcooked garlic bread a few months ago I noticed half my tooth was missing. That wasn't very fun.

I've also suspected for a while now that I probably have a pretty bad case of ADD, I should probably get that checked out by a doctor or something soon. I can't really talk about it as though I have it until I get that confirmed though.

 

[RoonMian]

Im a high functioning, Narcissistic sociopath, with dissocial personality disorder.


Its fucking great.

You should go into politics or investment banking.

 

[shootthebandit]

snip

I clicked on your link and I didnt realise you studied at oxford. Thats genuinely impressive. I find it strange (sorry if im a little ignorant) that someone as intelligent and successful (yes oxford is successful) as yourself could have such thoughts. I also dont mean to sound creepy here but you are a good looking girl too. You clearly have a lot of positives in your life yet you still suffer from serious depression. I know you probably cant control it and its not related to your environment but I would expect this type of illness to affect people who doesnt have much going for them (again I apologise if I seem ignorant)

Thank you for the kind words, but as others have already pointed out, mental health conditions often aren't "about" anything.

First off, conditions like bipolar (it's important to remember my depression is just one part of a bigger condition) and schizophrenia are chronic conditions that you're born predisposed to, kind of like asthma or type 1 diabetes.

Second, while depression can sometimes be triggered by something it often isn't. Things would be much easier if I was depressed about something specific, as I'd probably have a better idea of how to deal with it. But contrary to popular belief, depression isn't just "feeling really sad", it's a much deeper problem than that. You don't always feel "sad" when you're depressed, it can be more like feeling completely numb, for example.

Also, a lot of very successful people have/had depression or other mood disorders, from heads of state to comedians and everything in between. It's also incredibly common here at Oxford, for what it's worth.

Im genuinely apologetic for being ignorant. The reason why things like this are important is to remove the ignorance behind such conditions. Your blog (after I got round to reading it all) was very candid and informative and I respect that. You seem like a really nice person guaging from your comments on here and you seem like you can take a joke. Its good to have people like yourself say "ive got a mental illness, this doesnt make me a bad person" which is the stigma at the minute. Mental illness has the same stigma that HIV had in the 80s and 90s and hopefully that will change.

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you continue to cope with your condition and finish your studies

 

[ColonelHopper]

I have been diagnosed with Severe Major Depressive Disorder, (The highest tier of clinical depression under American diagnostic criteria.) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Both are results of genetic anomalies and have been undiagnosed but present in my family for at least three generations, as best as I can figure. I was the first member of my family to really get any kind of treatment.
It impacts my life every day, to some degree. Some days are much, much, worse than others, but even on my best days, I have to struggle to maintain any kind of satisfaction in what I do. In order to feel any kind of confidence or belief in myself, I have to hold myself to the highest possible standards, and exceed them, and these never last.
For example, when I took my SATs, I was already taking college courses with a 4.0 average that quarter. I scored in the 95 percentile on the test. Two days after the test, I hit the worst period of depressive symptoms in my life. I nearly took my own life, believing that I was worthless and had no possible future.
I have a need to sacrifice myself for others. I have to frame most of my goals in terms of how that particular accomplishment will help other people. I have next to no motivation to do anything for my own benefit. I have been nearly arrested during more than one public mental breakdown, and have been turned away from more than one opportunity that I spent years working towards, as direct result of my conditions. Technically, I only have my current job because of a loophole in the system. It's likely that if the supervising body for my line of work knew about the full extent of my mental status, I would no longer be able to work in my field. I have only one long-term close friend who I feel comfortable around, and I have extreme difficulty talking about my past and conditions in settings where I can be identified, or in anything other than general terms.
On the other hand, in my moments of clarity, I have been able to recognize that I'm damn good at two things. I am very, very, good at surviving and achieving things that I have absolutely no business being able to. I'm also a damn fine actor. When I put my mind to it, I can completely fool almost anyone into believing that I'm normal, okay. Sometimes it even works on me.

So, in conclusion, yes. I have mental disorders. They affect my life in very fundamental ways.

 

[DANEgerous]

dyslexia

Dysgraphia, dyslexia, auditory processing disorder... a bunch of a fun, happy learning disabilities.

Learning disabilities aren't mental disorders.

While I may say that about Dysgraphia as it effects only writing dyslexia (which is almost guaranteed to pair with it) I am less likely to accept. I have dyslexia to the point I have gone to my car's searing wheel and added 3 bumps with super glue on the left simply so I can remember what left is while watching the road. It is not a massive issue but it is a constantly present that is entirely menial and has to do with more than just "I can not learn to (X)" as if it was I would not say "Damn it is hot it must be Twenty nine out here!" when I mean ninety two.

 

[scorptatious]

I was diagnosed with autism when I was very young.

I think I could have depression too, but it hasn't been officially diagnosed. Still, there are times where I feel like absolute shit. Thankfully, I haven't tried to kill myself yet, but I have thought about it a few times.

 

[Arnoxthe1]

A combination of ADHD, which makes working minimum wage jobs (which is all I can get right now) a massive chore, and Asperger's here. Both are legitly diagnosed by a qualified psychologist. I find it hard to keep down the jobs I have either because they're so completely boring or because they're too fast-paced. If I'm not interested in what I'm doing, I find it REALLY hard to speed myself up and keep myself at that speed. On the other hand, I find myself almost obsessive about the things I like to do. Can be socially awkward but I've managed to take this down a couple notches over the years though. And that just comes with having Asperger's really.

Nevertheless, it looks like I don't have it nearly as bad some other people do here. I also notice that Asperger's and ADD/ADHD are both really common among us.

 

[Eamar]

Im genuinely apologetic for being ignorant. The reason why things like this are important is to remove the ignorance behind such conditions. Your blog (after I got round to reading it all) was very candid and informative and I respect that. You seem like a really nice person guaging from your comments on here and you seem like you can take a joke. Its good to have people like yourself say "ive got a mental illness, this doesnt make me a bad person" which is the stigma at the minute. Mental illness has the same stigma that HIV had in the 80s and 90s and hopefully that will change.

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you continue to cope with your condition and finish your studies

No worries, there's no reason for people to know about this stuff if it doesn't feature in their lives. I myself didn't know much about mental illness until I started having my own problems, and lots of my friends have learned everything they now know about the subject as a direct result of my illness. Certainly none of us really knew anything about bipolar until I was diagnosed. Thank you for being willing to listen to and take on board what people with knowledge and experience of these things have to say.

I completely agree with you - your post pretty much sums up why I talk about my condition so openly and frankly, and why I've written things like that blog post. I think it's really important for people who feel comfortable doing so to speak out about their mental health problems, particularly if they don't fit the standard mental patient stereotype. Personally I find that most people are ok hearing about depression, or at least don't freak out about it, even if they don't really understand it, but the minute I mention bipolar (one of the "big, scary" diagnoses) a lot of people become visibly shocked and even alarmed or scared. I can't imagine what it must be like for someone with schizophrenia, because the stigma and misunderstanding around that is just appalling.

 

[TallanKhan]

I have been diagnosed with depression but am fortunate in that it tends to occur as relatively infrequent bouts. Medication proved entirely ineffective so it is just something I get on with and I am generally able to function to a reasonable level until it passes. I always make sure I have a few days leave that I don't book at work in case I have a really severe episode but always resist taking time off as knowing I have to be somewhere is the only thing reason I drag myself out of bed at times like that.

It do also present with certain behaviour patterns consistent with OCD, such as a compulsion to order and organise (but only certain things, money for instance) but have never had a formal diagnosis. Moreover this has no substantial impact on how I function day to day and as such I tend to think of these more as just my idiosyncrasies rather than as symptoms of a disorder.

 

[CyberSinner]

I have aspergers as well and was diagnosed, I did not online diagnose myself.

Its basically my life this weird place to live. Because I am just so socially blegh. Its my worse aspect in life. To talk to people.

 

[MistressTegz]

I have severe depression as a result of a auto immune disease and abuse. I have had this for 14 years and it has ruined my life and likely will do for the rest of it. Fortunatly I am high functioning so to the outside world I appear fine, internally however I think about killing myself at least once per day, some days I try to kill myself and it doesn't work which feeds the depression. I'm now heavIly medicated and we are considering the possibility of ECT. The effects on my life have been that I have lost jobs, I have had to put my education on hold, I have isolated myself so well that I don't really have friends and crippling anxiety in public. My new meds are working but I am trying to figure out whether this is worth it, I am going to be heavily medicated for the rest of my life and I'm not sure if I can handle that.

 

[drnogood59]

I was falsely diagnosed with ADD. Turns out I'm just politically incorrect, impatient, and I really disagree with the education systems in the U.S. Sadly this would keep me out of military service which was my plan for the next 10 years or so. Join the Marines, be in the Infantry, switch to a POG position such as electrician or mechanic, join the Reserves and cash in on a free college degree. While I'm in I'd send money home to help with finances after my booze, stripper, and pizza funds are taken care of. After this I could join law enforcement, be a blue collar worker, or use the degree.

So now I'm stuck going to a college that I don't like, taking a major that bores the living crap out of me even though my mom says "no, this is perfect for you", and with people that make me bang my head against a table( mostly rich, snobby people from New York or New Jersey). On top of this my family is doing terrible financially and nobody is getting along with anyone.

 

[TheMiseryGamer]

Never been diagnosed with anything as I've never been to see anyone... I go through phases normally lasting a couple weeks or months where I don't want to do anything but stay in bed even though I can't sleep. During these phases I'll sleep maybe an hour or two a night. I'll think about suicide everyday and about how many people will turn up to my funeral then I tell myself that noone actually cares so there won't be anyone there. I'll eat maybe one meal a day during these phases, normally a sandwich or some chocolate and I'll still put on weight. I'm not fat at the moment but the way its been going I wouldn't be surprised if I longer fit my clothes soon. Everyday even when not in one these depressive insomniac phases I'll be smiley and happy to my friends and girlfriend but in my head I just want everyone to piss off and shut up. I hate meeting people at social events normally cancelling at the last minute even if its with my girlfriend. Its like I have two people in my head I have one person pretending to be normal and happy all the time then I have this other guy witnessing everything I do then at night he tells me everything I did wrong during the day and that I'm a failure and will never amount to anything. My girlfriend knows that I go through bad phases but I've never been truly honest with her and even now I'm lying to her... she thinks I'm getting better and for the most part it seems I am, I'm actually being truthfully happier and not self analyzing all the time but since this new found happiness has started I can barely sleep at all. I've missed lots of shifts at work and I haven't been to university for my bio-med degree for the entire second semester I keep telling myself its because I know that its not the course for me but I don't know if that's true or some destructive part of me just decided that I had to destroy my future.

Like I said at the top of this post I don't know if this constitutes as anything I may just be an attention whore who knows? It at least felt better (if only slightly) to write it out and share it with the world.