Does anyone else not have any friends IRL?

[Drathnoxis]

I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

 

[Jamcie Kerbizz]

I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

Bolded important part for you. You maybe meet 1-2 people in life, that are worth the name.
Ofcourse, you can also just go about and pretend like everyone else. Lower your standards and be a drone yourself. Then after next 30 years go to the shrink to reinforce that what you do is the way to be and these thoughts you are having is just your *BS excuse to not take critical views of life and take responsibility of the findings* not intelligent individual having a thoughtful assessment of surroundings

Either way don't let such things get you down mate. Start your own family maybe, if you have someone around to spend your life with?

 

[Phoenixmgs_v1legacy]

You're totally overthinking it and you're pretty pessimistic about humans. It's easy to be like such and such shitty movie makes a bazillion dollars so most people must be stupid. Or the fact that you're constantly inundated with bad news of people screwing over others so it seems like most people are bad. But that's really not the case, whether it has been working with people at work or school, most people really are pretty good and even trustworthy if you just get to know them past the 1st impressions. There's always some hassle or work dealing with anyone (same goes for your family on you too), but it's usually pretty low. Lastly, gamers are pretty welcoming as I've worked GenCon 3 years now due to joining a local board gaming group and everyone in the group are all really great. A friend left their cell phone somewhere once at GenCon and he was fully confident that a fellow gamer would do the right thing and turn it in to the front desk and that's exactly what happened. Have faith in people because the ones responsible for the current state of things are a very small minority.

 

[King of Asgaard]

It's scary how to a T you've just described me.

I have two friends who seem to like being around me, and the rest are ok with me being around, though with my reputation of being a massive shut-in they don't really endeavour to meet up, outside of the occasional event invite (which I respectfully decline obviously). Also good prediction on the feeling jealous point, it hits like a truck sometimes.

So I can't really give much in the way of advice as to why some people like us just don't make many friends, other than not really grokking the whole going out thing, which frankly is the nadir of social interaction anyway. All I can say is that it makes you appreciate those few who seemingly would feel it if we suddenly disappeared (I live with my brother and it's just the best so I know what you mean about family).

...Or maybe we're just huge assholes, who knows?

 

[Squilookle]

Are we talking about friends here? Or lifelong romantic partners? Having friends isn't even close to as much effort as you're making it out to be. Just go to a local group that likes something you like, sit down and chat with someone for a bit about that thing you both like, and go from there. Friendship grows out of enjoying each other's company, not a search to have X amount of friends.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Kinda?

While I have 2/ 3 close friends but they have their cons (I have a couple more by their are just small talks on FB or liking their comments)-

Spoiler: Friend 1

These days he has a back problem so we can't meet up in person. Even before that he didn't bother meeting up anyway since he's more of an shut in than me. Also he is an elitism when it come to pc (pc master race) or statergy game like Supreme Commander so you don't want to talked to him when it come to console games or other statergy games. Also it's impossible to try to get him into anime even with the stuff he does shows interest in like Ghost in the Shell.

Spoiler: Friend 2

I can only talked to her when it come to Nintendo games like Pokemon and recently Animal Crossing. However she currently she has a burned out period as in she just can't played any fantasy games (perticually magic like mages and dragons) what so ever. Also she's now a converted Christians meaning there are certain stuff I can't really get to talked to her about like Halloween or this certain pliot cartoon all cos the main character look Satanic (ironically that the pliot has NOTHING to do with that). Also while she is into anime but she is selective about it so again, I can't talked a wide range about it.
Still despite having these cons, I still value her the most. Compared to the other two, she has made the most effort to see me in person cos she has moved to a town nearer to me (before it was far away) so I have seen her in person a couple of times this year!

Spoiler: Friend 3?

I used to consider him as my best friend during our time in Uni. He's into comicbook, cartoon, films and videogames so we had alot in common. Heck we even met up lot of times after uni was over, mainly to meet up to watched a Marvel Movie cos we were into Marvel comics back then. That change when he got a full time job a couple of years ago. He keep blowing me off whenever I asked we should meet up especially toward a hyped film! I eventually stop and gave up on him especially when I'm annoyed I always the one that has to start a conversation.
Ok these days he doesn't worked there anymore but I still annoyed that I have to the one that has to asked that we should meet up. Even then I just fear we just got nothing in common anymore as the couple of small talked we do on FB is that he just doesn't watch many cartoon as I do.
Still, despite how much frustraction I have against him, I don't hate him, that is only reserved to my former friends in High School! I'm just more annoyed/ dissapointed in him.

While I still cherish my friends mention above (it better to have them and tolarant their flaws than to have no friends at all) than to have no friends at all, I just annoyed that I have to go to certain friends for certain discussions. I would loved to have a singular friend that I can talked to anything about

If we were to talked about friends in the actual area we lived in, then yeah no friends what so ever.

By all means I get along with my co workers but we got little in common since they are older than me and have different lifestyle (not into gaming or pc like me). At best is the assisting managers that likes Dr Who and disaster and horror movies (I'm not into Dr Who anymore or disaster movies but I let him know if any movie is up that relates to his interests).

Granted there was two co workers that did share my interest mainly gaming, anime and Youtube that I got along well with the most! I was way more chatty with them than any of my current co workers! Sadly there were there temporary and I wish we were friends outside of work. I still kinda keep in touch with them (one is my reference and the other on Steam) but yeah the friendship are lost.

By all means I'm not whining or blaming others on my lack of friends as I know full well my antisocial is the cause of it since I'm not the typed who would go to a bar or a social gathering aiming to make friends from it. I'm perfectly fine the way I am as I simply liked being indoor than out during the night unless it is to watched a film at night.

 

[Th3Ch33s3Cak3_v1legacy]

You're on a internet forum.

I do not intend to offend the inhabitants of this wonderful forum, but it would be incredulous to deny that such locations attract particular groups of people. While I won't go into depth as to what these people are like, they have a tendency to not be very gregarious or have a lot of friends.

I should not that I have no objective data or backing for my above statements; all I have is ancedotal observations.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I think you've seen me mention it a couple of times in relevant places. I have absolutely no IRL friends at all.
Or even close acquaintances. Or anyone I meet regularly at all that would fill a social role.
Nor any internet friends either.
It's been this way for about 10 years now I think.

I had a best friend from 1st class to 4-5th class, until another "friend" moved in and poached on that.
The best friend moved away after 6th class, sadly.
That poacher remained until 9th class and made me do a lot of stupid things.
The group we were in then all chose different schools after 9th class, so I got out of that.
After 9th class I got closer to at least one person, but when we got out of school a few years later we stopped hanging out.
We are still distant acquaintances, on good terms, but we have wildly differing tastes.
After school I started hanging out with a few years younger cousin of mine, but he too turned out to be untrustworthy.
Only interested in himself and doing things entirely his way and on his terms. A pure narcissist.
It was harder to break off and get away, but I finally managed to get out of that draining relationship.

I've always been a lone wolf and have absolutely no problems being on my own for extended periods of times though.
It can go months without me even seeing another person now, except for family due to living arrangements.

I've been let down by a lot of people so I have huge trust issues, but I can't deny that movies with solid, dependable friends (or a best friend) hit me right in the feels.
I feel like I could really devote myself to a true friend and be there for them in times of need, if I felt they would do the same for me.

And as you said, not seeking pity. Maybe empathy or understanding though. ,)

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

It may surprise people, but I actually do have friends. I'm part of a larger gaming club, I teach martial arts, I have tons of game-night friends for Arkham horror, betrayal at house on the hill, cards against humanity, etc...
I just started dating a lovely young woman, and my brother and I are reconnecting on Sundays over Borderlands 2 multiplayer.

It's harder to make new friends than to keep old ones, true, but parties and game nights are a great way of meeting people with similar interest. If you like being alone, then that's all well and good, as long as you're not lonely.

Do you play any games, like bored games or card games, something where you can be face-to-face with people? Is there a local hobby store you can go to on Friday night and see if anyone needs 1 more player for their game?

 

[Kenbo Slice]

Ah yes, I don't have any friends because I'm smarter than everyone else and I don't want to make any effort to be social.

I've been hanging out with the same guys since high school, we're a pretty close group of friends.

 

[BreakfastMan]

Man, y'all are depressing, god damn. I am not mr. super popular, but I do have friends, both offline and online. I am not an especially social person, but I do tend to get along well with people IRL most of the time, so making friends has never been super difficult. And I have definitely gotten better at socializing with age.

 

[Arnoxthe1]

Man, y'all are depressing, god damn. I am not mr. super popular, but I do have friends, both offline and online. I am not an especially social person, but I do tend to get along well with people IRL most of the time, so making friends has never been super difficult. And I have definitely gotten better at socializing with age.

^

Also, forums are actually the best form of social media that began to die out with the destruction of TOTSE.

 

[Cycloptomese]

I've got a reverse problem. Well maybe it's not really a problem. I've got friends that I've known since high school. Several guys... When I see that it's them calling, if I don't have at least 45 spare minutes I don't bother picking up the phone because we're going to have a lot to talk about. We don't see each other as much as we used to because we all grew up and now have lives but that in no way diminishes the friendship. We all got together last year to go watch Rogue One. I think we may be doing the same for The Last Jedi.

On the other hand, I have zero online friends. I just kind of chime in here every once in awhile.

 

[BarkBarker]

I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

 

[Marik2]

I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

 

[Chewster]

I'm pretty outgoing and brash (not in an edgelord, "look how unfiltered I am" sort of way, just in a "I don't care" sort of way) so yeah, I have friends. It can be hard as an expat though. I've seen many people come and go over the years, some of whom were unremarkable and just passing though but some of who I still talk with today, through social media. I also like to go out and get blotto sometimes though so it's never hard to make new friends, I find. That said, there are a couple of chumps I still hang out with from the old days whom I'd trust with my life, even if we don't see each other as much as we'd like. I'm also still close friends with a couple people from high school, though we don't talk too often.

It's strange though because I do sometimes find myself vacillating between wanting to be social and wanting to be left alone for a while and sometimes I have a strong desire to make new friends and others I'm content to not. Oddly, whenever I feel like staying in or just being left alone, if I force myself to go out to whatever I was invited to, I rarely regret having gone. It can be difficult though, and I've fallen out of touch with a good many people I've met over the years, which I always sort of feel a bit guilty about. One thing I've definitely learned over the years is to not run my mouth when I'm angry or annoyed with someone. If I'm pissed about something, I'm best left alone for a while lest I say something I'll regret. It's better if I just keep my mouth shut until I get over it.

I say, you do you. If you wanna make friends, go do it because they aren't gonna come to you but if you're happy on your own then just be on your own. Not that big a deal.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

I went through a period without friends for awhile. Rather low point in my life, eventually leading to thoughts and acts of self-harm. Took a year and a bit to pull me out of that, and even during my 'recovering' period, I treated people like shit and didn't really get what I deserved for it. It was until much later that I realized what an ass I had been to people who cared about me, including family, and a girl I had dated at the time. I was pretty young though (15-16 or so) but a drastic change of scenery fixed that (boarding school in a different country).

I won't tell you what was the magical turn around with my outlook on people because honestly I don't know. But in my years of experience (I'm 35), I realized that there are a lot of people out there not worth your time, unless you are networking for work, which I honestly cannot bring myself to do, because that's the ultimate in fakeness. And I have to do that enough in my day job as it is. But the few that are worth the trouble, ARE worth the trouble. They're the ones who won't judge you, always have your back, are always happy to see you, never pissed when you cancel, and most importantly don't ask for anything in return. Find the right people, and you'll find that you won't be worried about the relationship because they aren't, and you are just on the same level, regardless of common interests and so on. Like giving gifts, you should give them because you want the person to have it, not because you are expecting something in return. If you like the person enough to put effort into it, then that's all you should be concerned with. If they aren't reciprocating, then fine! If that bothers you though, then that's obviously not the kind of person you are into, and you shouldn't be wasting precious time and effort.

I have about 4 REALLY good friends, plus 1 best friend (it would be plus 2, but one passed away 10 years ago in an accident). I don't get along with people too easily and I hate social gatherings, especially with family. But my close group of friends are so much fun, there's not much else I look forward to in life than hanging out with them, cruising around, watching movies, playing games, drinking beer and just talking shit.

 

[gsilver]

---

 

[Drathnoxis]

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

Outside companionship? What do you mean by that?