Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

[HentMas]

CIABR, you're "lucky" that she did something as noticeable as poking holes in your condoms. I've known women who impregnate themselves with used condoms while nobody's looking. Much more stealthy. They just need to take the condom to the bathroom right after the fact then do it there.
So I would say, guys, use your own condoms and get rid of them yourself, if you want to be sure.

Anyways, sounds pretty harsh. Good luck with getting rid of her, maybe you can get a restraining order on her if she won't leave you alone?

yuck!.... good thing i always flush my condoms after the fact... but that image will haunt my dreams forever!

 

[Red Albatross]

"Don't stick it in crazy" is really, really good advice. You should really make an aside column about how to detect the crazy ones, because it's hardly ever obvious until all of a sudden BAM. Like getting gutpunched with one of those boxing gloves on a spring that you see in the cartoons, only the boxing glove is made out of insanity and the gut is really your dignity.

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

I'm happy to see others sticking up for the crazy (and sticking up for those who love on the crazy). I was about to add the disclaimer that not all of us who are crazy are dangerous or even bad relationship fodder.

And yes, some of us are crazy, while others of us are crazy, but there's a wide threshold where it's really fuzzy what is crazy and what is crazy.

So let me offer a few thoughts regarding dating the mentally disturbed.

~ A mutual devotion to recovery makes for an awesome foundation for a relationship. Most relationships start with common hobbies, activities that are mutually enjoyed and so on. [footnote]This is the basis of the eternal coveting regarding gamer girls. Some partners will game with you because it's okay as hobbies go, but their drive to play is only because you like it. And that is, at least, a step up from those who resent your hobby. Female gamers, though, are just as much into the game as you are, sometimes more so. And they'll be searching out the secrets and Fun Bobby [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_303/8815-Glitching-the-Tank][/I]), but provides support toward that end, yet also a degree of empathy and understanding when it comes to relapses and bad decisions.

~ Crazies are generally forgiving when you have to express your crazy. We are more than aware of the that gray-zone between our true selves and identities, and the person we project to the universe. We are very aware that sometimes That was messed up for me to do that; I'm sorry. comes out as aphasic [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirty_Hungarian_Phrasebook] to express ourselves in a rational, well-adjusted manner.

~ Crazies can (and will) improve. My key to maintaining a relationship with a crazy is first getting her to own her crazy, which starts with clarifying that I'm not going to abandon her once I discover she's crazy.[footnote]e.g. No; it's transparent that you're a nutjob. The question is, are you going to let your crazy ruin this relationship, or are you going to deal with me straight?[/footnote]Contemporary psychological theory has a functional model that works remarkably well for most people (that is, those that are sane enough to stay in civilized society without being a threat to themselves or others), provided that someone is driven to change. It comes down to owning you bullshit, understanding your bullshit, and then changing your responses when your bullshit is triggered.

238U

 

[Zorak the Mantis]

It's stories like this that make me take the time to become good friends with a girl before dating her.

 

[TotalHobNob]

I had a girlfriend who stabbed me twice in a row. I dealt with big time crazy. Oh well shiv and learn i guess. Forever alone

 

[VondeVon]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

And as a word of warning to everyone else: These crazy stalkers exist for more than boyfriends or girlfriends. I know two girls who constantly latch on to a friend, drive them away with their nasty behaviour and then beg and guilt and stalk and abuse until they're 'friends again'.

I feel like there should be a public service announcement about them or something... :S

 

[Continuity]

Hilarious!

I don't know if this is serious advice or not but either way it a major win for humour.

 

[DracoSuave]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

 

[notimeforlulz]

So, I have masturbated thinking of you sounds crazy? I thought it was just creepy, down a pick up line now, kind of lucky to learn this before I got a good chance to use it too.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Love FAQ: Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

Read Full Article

I dated a girl back in highschool who ended up being bipolar and schizophrenic. While I was interested in psychology, and has done research on botho of those disorders, I was obviously not a professional in highschool.

Getting to my point, however, I had no problem with her, and hadn't known about her disorders (her parents knew she had somethng a little off in the head but never had her tested even though it was well within their means to do so) until after I had broken up with her about two or three months of dating, until the last three weeks or so of us dating.

She desperately wanted me to sleep with her because she said that she loved me and wanted me to be her first. But here's something that I found odd. The year before, she claimed to have been sexually assaulted by a close friend of mine, as did my gf before her and another friend of mine. My crazy gf's story was the only one that didn't match up, and every time she told it, it only got worse. So, in trying to get me to sleep with her, she wanted me to do the same things to her that my friend allegedly did to her.

Needless to say, this is when red flags started going up, and I broke up with her about a week later after my talk with her about how I liked her, but didn't think that I loved her, and that we shouldn't jump into things that quickly seemed to have a "Negative, negative, didn't go in, just impacted on the surface." effect.

I broke up with her, but I tried to remain civil to her. She caused so much trouble with my group of friends that we finally just had to ditch her in a group effort to maintain our sanity. She caught me some time later on facebook and told me that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorderand schizophrenia, as well as having been Baker Acted a few months before hand. I haven't spoken to her since, thank God.

Although I've gone through some extreme lengths to disappear when I ran into her at a clothing store one day with my mom, but that's a story for another time. XD

 

[kalt_13]

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

Best thing I have seen in a very long time.

 

[Kerob]

I dated a guy back in highschool who ended up being bipolar aswell. Everything seemed fine through the first month, he was kinda clingy, needy and dotey but it was okay. It started getting unhealthier and unhealthier though. By the end of the first month he was basically a zombie and just always wanted to talk about feelings and wrote poetry (really corny poetry). Though that isn't the worst.

The worst of it happened in the next four months. He would try and make me jealous, constantly telling me other girls were so beautiful and asking why I didn't look more like them or dye my hair and getting mad when I didn't react claiming I didn't even like him. It was ridiculous. Every week there would be a new problem with him and when something was wrong with me, he didn't care over time. Finally he broke up with me because I was 'crazy' apparently. Yep. Crazy. Totally.

Abusive relationships are horrible. Get out of them when you can.

 

[Mage of Doom]

It's reasons like this why I abstain from relationships, throughout my teenage years at least.

Edit: I got into a relationship with a person this past september who was crazy. Started out that she was fine with us dating, but didn't want anyone to know about it. This included her own parents, which should have been a red flag, but I've never been smart when it comes to women. Eventually devolved to the point where she admitted that she was leading me on and broke it off because she 'couldn't be in a relationship right now'. Which is fine, I got over it, but she remained incredibly needy and clingy, and when I told her so, she acted like I was the one abusing people and we haven't spoken since. Which is kind of awkward because she rooms with some of my friends. Anyway, she was a nutcase and pretty abusive, most of her friends have stopped hanging out with her, and she continues to deny that anything is wrong with her. Some people....

 

[Avistew]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

To take from it, for instance,

the widely used Conflict Tactics Scale measures roughly twenty distinct acts of "psychological aggression" in three different categories:

1) Verbal aggression (e.g., "Your partner has said something to upset/annoy you");
2) Dominant behaviours (e.g., "I have tried to prevent my partner from seeing/speaking to their family");
3) Jealous behaviors (e.g., "Your partner has accused you of maintaining other parallel relations").

Now, if you read the letter, you can see she was "needy" and "jealous". This corresponds with points 2 and 3:
- "neediness" is a form of dominant/controlling behaviour (forcing your partner to contact you at a rate that creates anxiety for them because the pace is hard to keep, for instance. Or telling them you'd be nothing without them, which is a way of forcing them to stay with you. Or trying to trap them in the relationship by having a kid they don't want and you presumably don't either, since you're only having that kid as a means to an end).
- you can also see she was jealous enough to remind him he was "hers" whenever he talked to a friend. This is also controlling behaviour, and it's also a subtle form of verbal put-down. By telling him he was hers, she was putting herself as an "owner" and him as a "possession".

Psychological abuse is a very sneaky form of abuse. Usually the abuser will find ways, if found out, to play the victim and blame the abused. It's not as clear as physical abuse, in which you get hit, and know you're being abused (and might have ways to prove it when it leaves marks). Psychological abuse is about a partner making you believe YOU are hurting THEM, when it's actually the other way around. Blaming the victim is a very common trick, and sadly it works very, very often, especially when the abuser is female and the abused is male. Some psychological abusers go as far as hurting themselves and blaming someone else.

Now, I'm not saying abusers are people who are doing perfectly fine and suddenly decide "hey, I'm going to abuse my partner/coworker/kid for the heck of it". No, they're people who suffer too, but that doesn't excuse their actions any more than it excuse the action of physical abusers. They might believe it's the only way they're ever going to keep someone because they have a low self-esteem. They might not know of other ways to relate to people because they've been abused themselves.

It doesn't really matter in the end though, because abuse is abuse, and with abusive relationships the best thing to do is to stay away and not put yourself in a situation where it might happen again. She needs help too, clearly, but not from him. Being around him only hurts her by making her more of an abuser, therefore feeling bad about herself and taking it out on him some more. It's a vicious circle.

 

[VondeVon]

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

 

[Eri]

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

 

[Lara Crigger]

@Lara Crigger THANK YOU SO MUCH, this was an eye opener, i´m going to stop this the next time she calls me, i have enough baggage in my back from my divorce to even consider adding a few more from that girl

Good, glad to help. She ain't worth it. Better instead to wait for someone who won't sleep with you and maybe steal your kidneys.