Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

[DracoSuave]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

*pops the neuralizer*

What you saw was swamp gass reflecting light from Venus.
I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

 

[Infernai]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

I'm Mr. Grey, just wanted you to know that..

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

Part of the reason people avoid referencing wikipedia is because quite simply anybody can edit it, meaning not all of the information is 100% perfect. It's good for a general outline, but if you want evidence go to the sources/links at the bottom of the wiki page.

 

[Tandtroll]

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

Spoiler: Reminds me of this

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Are you mister white or mister Black?

I'm Mr. Grey, just wanted you to know that..

I think this page [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse] would be informative to you.

Although I agree with everything you said, it amused me to realise that I'm so conditioned by university guidelines that as soon as I saw you'd cited wikipedia, I almost dismissed it out of hand.

Professors who think Wikipedia isn't a good source are idiots. Wikipedia is generally more informative than they could ever hope to be, most books as well. All the sources are even cited at the bottom. I'd love to see a Professor TRY to find some wrong information, because I bet they couldn't.

Part of the reason people avoid referencing wikipedia is because quite simply anybody can edit it, meaning not all of the information is 100% perfect. It's good for a general outline, but if you want evidence go to the sources/links at the bottom of the wiki page.

Agreed. Also, wikipedia with it's anonymity makes critically analyzing the source harder. Since no one is taking responsibility for the information, it's hard to see where they're "coming from" and how that could affect the information. So even when the information is correct, there is no guarantee that it is.
I love Wikipedia myself and do use it for personal things, but using it for true academic pursuits is tricky. I'm going to be a teacher and I won't allow that my students use Wikipedia unless they back all their information up with other sources too, but I will give them reasons why atleast.


As for craziness... It might be fun for a while, but like a teacher once said to me conserning (medical!) narcisists that I also think applies to other kinds of crazy; They might be awesome for a summer, but trying to have a real relationship with them is a pretty bad idea since they'll just drag you down with them.

 

[uncanny474]

@Lara Crigger

Are you cool with us emailing for dating advice as well as problems with relationships? I'm not in a relationship right now, because I'm in a situation that makes it difficult to find anyone who I theoretically could start a serious relationship with.

 

[Lara Crigger]

@Lara Crigger

Are you cool with us emailing for dating advice as well as problems with relationships? I'm not in a relationship right now, because I'm in a situation that makes it difficult to find anyone who I theoretically could start a serious relationship with.

Of course! Dating, sex, relationships, I cover all of it. Just send your question to advice(at)escapistmag(dot)com; don't post it here.

 

[Silva]

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

No, this is still abuse even before any further guilt tripping. If you suddenly are impregnated with the man's own son or daughter, that is the equivalent of shackling the man to you with any man of serious decency. The worst part is that it would only work on the man if he's decent, if he's not he'll run away. Then guess who defaults to a broken home? The child. And that is definitely abuse.

Don't get me wrong - I do think single mums deserve to be supported, even/especially if they choose to raise a child without a partner, but there is something very wrong about bringing a child up single because sex was used as a manipulation ploy. And how would it feel for the man if the offspring is estranged from him just because he had to deal with a woman who tried to do this to him?

EDIT: I see someone already addressed you on this point. But at least I spoke about a different topic (the pregnancy part of the abuse at hand).

 

[DjinnFor]

As further advice to the readers of this column from what you might call an 'amateur psychologist':

Here's some good reading [http://www.lostlibertycafe.com/index.php/2010/12/02/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers/] for people who suspect that they are in a psychologically abusive relationship. Spot any hint of the behaviors outlined and while you may not be facing a narcissist, you are running a serious risk of being abused by this person.

Keep in mind that extreme narcissists are masters of psychological abuse in all its forms, and always do so deliberately; many other types of abusers might not consciously understand the effects of their abuse and will only abuse in specific & minor ways (maybe just out of habit, or how they were raised, or due to a past psychological issue that has long since faded from memory and entered the subconscious); even if you only spot one of the behaviors or you believe the person has good intentions, it is still abuse and still destructive to you and your relationship with them, just to a lesser degree. With most kinds of 'accidental' abusers, having a heart-to-heart talk with them & calmly airing your problems with their behavior itself without blaming or shaming them as a person (and you may find that you are abusing them in minor ways as well!) can be an effective stepping stone towards a solution (the first step towards finding a solution is understanding the problem!), but there are many abusers to which the best response is a complete cut-off of the relationship.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I had a girlfriend who stabbed me twice in a row. I dealt with big time crazy. Oh well shiv and learn i guess. Forever alone

Whoa... (oh, n i c wut u did thar...(!))

... completely 'understandable' circumstances, but my ex-girlfriend (who has a veritable laundry list of mental conditions... as do I...) nearly broke my jaw and assaulted me on numerous occasions, and yet I'm still in love with her... (and I have a nagging feeling she's still in love with me...)

snip

Reading a couple of the stories here... I must've dated one of the mildest type of crazies...

 

[Silvianoshei]

My woman only goes crazy during football matches...

 

[RadientRin]

It's sounds like she had an obsession and in a non-healthy way. Inviting herself to her ex's family events? Maybe if they ended the relationship in good terms. In situations like this its best to get out of these relationships. I'd get a restraining order to keep her away though.

 

[oathblade]

Wow, way to take a topic that could be useful to male and female geeks and turn it into sexism by just the title. Just ugh.

 

[rembrandtqeinstein]

the first one was a brag letter "I'm so hot chicks obsess over me"

for the second one:

dude NEVER go to another dude's house and ball his chick, I can guarantee you that if he came home and found you and then killed you he would plea to involuntary manslaughter and be out on parole in 2

however nothing is wrong with meeting at motels or having her come to your place...her other relationship is her problem, not yours

if she wants play on the side while she "figures things out" there is no reason not to have some fun

 

[PrinceofPersia]

You know....maybe being single isn't really such a depressing prospect.

It can always be so much worse.

Agreed commander, AGREED! /brofist

 

[Avistew]

Wow, way to take a topic that could be useful to male and female geeks and turn it into sexism by just the title. Just ugh.

First, I too always give the advice "Don't dip your [censored] in crazy" and I don't think it's sexist. It IS a good advice for males, and there is nothing saying that "crazy" has to be female.

Secondly, while my saying might only apply to people who possess said [censored], Lara's could work for anyone. You can stick your tongue in someone, it's called kissing. And you can use toys, etc. "It" is broad enough to apply to a broad range of things.

And finally, if this advice is really targeted to men only (and the few females with penises), that doesn't mean we can't have an equivalent for females. Lara was responding to males and she gave a piece of advice that worked for the specific cases she was responding to. There is no rule that every piece of advice has to apply to everyone, we can easily extrapolate and take lessons from advices that were targeted to males even though we're females.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Ergh. I seem to get involved with women who sort themselves out mentally only after breaking up with me. Nothing as bad as this example, though.

 

[mtarzaim]

Bipolar, attracted by money, always wanting to change you into something else while claiming they love you for what you are, clingy, emotionnal, touchy, jealous, asking for fresh air then for more romance, uninterested in sex but craving for babies, etc.

I thought it was a normal pattern for a girl... Someone lied to me?

On the serious side, beware of that kind of letter. It's always one-sided, and the whole story would be quite different with others' point of view.

Don't think I've dated crazies, but a girl trying to give me what she thinks is what I want (sex, fidelity, presence) isn't what I call craziness. More misleaded proof of love. Talk about it with her first. Then decide what to do. Everyone is more clumsy than we think they are, especially in expressing their feelings.

On the guy side, it's more simple: eat, sleep, sex (and videogames of course). Anything outside this pattern is suspect. 8)