Don?t Stick It in The Crazy

[DjinnFor]

As further advice to the readers of this column from what you might call an 'amateur psychologist':

Here's some good reading [http://www.lostlibertycafe.com/index.php/2010/12/02/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers/] for people who suspect that they are in a psychologically abusive relationship. Spot any hint of the behaviors outlined and while you may not be facing a narcissist, you are running a serious risk of being abused by this person.

Keep in mind that extreme narcissists are masters of psychological abuse in all its forms, and always do so deliberately; many other types of abusers might not consciously understand the effects of their abuse and will only abuse in specific & minor ways (maybe just out of habit, or how they were raised, or due to a past psychological issue that has long since faded from memory and entered the subconscious); even if you only spot one of the behaviors or you believe the person has good intentions, it is still abuse and still destructive to you and your relationship with them, just to a lesser degree. With most kinds of 'accidental' abusers, having a heart-to-heart talk with them & calmly airing your problems with their behavior itself without blaming or shaming them as a person (and you may find that you are abusing them in minor ways as well!) can be an effective stepping stone towards a solution (the first step towards finding a solution is understanding the problem!), but there are many abusers to which the best response is a complete cut-off of the relationship.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I had a girlfriend who stabbed me twice in a row. I dealt with big time crazy. Oh well shiv and learn i guess. Forever alone

Whoa... (oh, n i c wut u did thar...(!))

... completely 'understandable' circumstances, but my ex-girlfriend (who has a veritable laundry list of mental conditions... as do I...) nearly broke my jaw and assaulted me on numerous occasions, and yet I'm still in love with her... (and I have a nagging feeling she's still in love with me...)

snip

Reading a couple of the stories here... I must've dated one of the mildest type of crazies...

 

[Silvianoshei]

My woman only goes crazy during football matches...

 

[RadientRin]

It's sounds like she had an obsession and in a non-healthy way. Inviting herself to her ex's family events? Maybe if they ended the relationship in good terms. In situations like this its best to get out of these relationships. I'd get a restraining order to keep her away though.

 

[oathblade]

Wow, way to take a topic that could be useful to male and female geeks and turn it into sexism by just the title. Just ugh.

 

[rembrandtqeinstein]

the first one was a brag letter "I'm so hot chicks obsess over me"

for the second one:

dude NEVER go to another dude's house and ball his chick, I can guarantee you that if he came home and found you and then killed you he would plea to involuntary manslaughter and be out on parole in 2

however nothing is wrong with meeting at motels or having her come to your place...her other relationship is her problem, not yours

if she wants play on the side while she "figures things out" there is no reason not to have some fun

 

[PrinceofPersia]

You know....maybe being single isn't really such a depressing prospect.

It can always be so much worse.

Agreed commander, AGREED! /brofist

 

[Avistew]

Wow, way to take a topic that could be useful to male and female geeks and turn it into sexism by just the title. Just ugh.

First, I too always give the advice "Don't dip your [censored] in crazy" and I don't think it's sexist. It IS a good advice for males, and there is nothing saying that "crazy" has to be female.

Secondly, while my saying might only apply to people who possess said [censored], Lara's could work for anyone. You can stick your tongue in someone, it's called kissing. And you can use toys, etc. "It" is broad enough to apply to a broad range of things.

And finally, if this advice is really targeted to men only (and the few females with penises), that doesn't mean we can't have an equivalent for females. Lara was responding to males and she gave a piece of advice that worked for the specific cases she was responding to. There is no rule that every piece of advice has to apply to everyone, we can easily extrapolate and take lessons from advices that were targeted to males even though we're females.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Ergh. I seem to get involved with women who sort themselves out mentally only after breaking up with me. Nothing as bad as this example, though.

 

[mtarzaim]

Bipolar, attracted by money, always wanting to change you into something else while claiming they love you for what you are, clingy, emotionnal, touchy, jealous, asking for fresh air then for more romance, uninterested in sex but craving for babies, etc.

I thought it was a normal pattern for a girl... Someone lied to me?

On the serious side, beware of that kind of letter. It's always one-sided, and the whole story would be quite different with others' point of view.

Don't think I've dated crazies, but a girl trying to give me what she thinks is what I want (sex, fidelity, presence) isn't what I call craziness. More misleaded proof of love. Talk about it with her first. Then decide what to do. Everyone is more clumsy than we think they are, especially in expressing their feelings.

On the guy side, it's more simple: eat, sleep, sex (and videogames of course). Anything outside this pattern is suspect. 8)