Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

MovieBob

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

The new Turtles reboot is actually worse than what you'd thought it'd be.

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Evonisia

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Jun 24, 2013
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A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult? Wow! Now if Yahtzee could do the same with the Wii U, PS4 or Xbox One this could be some kind of off-chance month.

But this is a shame, the TMNT movies don't have a good reputation anyway, they don't need one that's worse than The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in Bob's eyes (and by extension worse than Transformers 2... again, wow).
 

SlightlyEvil

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I've said for the past year that the ideal current TMNT movie would be like the original comics: a dark, gritty, and serious action film that seems unaware that its lead characters are FREAKING TURTLES, and becomes hilarious by its own seriousness, similar to Airplane!

Sadly, this appears to not be that movie.
 

Jman1236

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Deep down I was hoping this would be good, I didn't want to believe that just because Michael Bay was involved that this movie would be pure garbage. Bob..you've proven me wrong.
 

Sigmund Av Volsung

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Dec 11, 2009
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Oh my God!

The Warp Zone called this! We should've heeded their warning! D:


No surprise that this sucks though :/
 

Scarim Coral

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First thing, wow it's even worse than Amazing Spider-man 2???

Second thing, wait? There is a Jason in New York sort of movie (how did I missed finding that out)?

Third thing, we ain't all that suprised that the film was going to sucked so badly.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.
 

el_emmens

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I saw it during an advanced screening. I agree on a lot of points with bob, I didn't like how the human interests were more prominent than the turtles...though I did like what the characterisations of the turtles were..


I liked it on the first viewing.
 

shadowmagus

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Wow.

I mean, Wow.

Here I thought nothing could get more scathing then the Expendables review. Not that there was any doubts. I called this PoS back when they said Bay was heading it and everything has just fallen into place. I think the best way someone could sum up this movie was "Instead of seeing this, go see Guardians of the Galaxy a second time."

Edit: Big 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Michael Bay, stop touching things. Just...everything. Go drown in the #$%^ing ocean. please.
 

Fappy

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Rocksteady and Bebop are too cool for film. It will never be T^T
 

MovieBob

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But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

OT:
Good, I wont see it. I was already probably not gonna see it.
 

Burnouts3s3

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Okay, I saw this movie, and I'm not going to lie, though my opinion is most likely going to be in the minority here. Here it goes:

I didn't hate it. In fact, I even liked the new Turtle's personalities and whenever they were on screen. Each Turtle at least gets one moment during to show their personality (even though, yes, it does reduce Mikey to being a walking Pop Culture jokester and April admirer) Yeah, some of the CGI looks a bit... sketchy and Splinter looks really off (though I did like him using his tail in combat). I even liked some of stuff they give to Raph and Leo's relationship.

But everything else, from Kids deserving better and whole parts lifted from the Amazing Spider-man, I absolutely agree with. This movie's story is worthless. It's funny how there's this huge disconnect where April is actually much more interested in where the Turtles came from than the Turtles themselves. Unlike TASM, where 'it's connected' makes more sense since it concerns our main character of Peter Parker. Since April 'isn't' a giant anthropomorphic turtle with Ninjitsu, the movie has this huge disconnect, where April deals with the stuff that's actually related to the plot while the Turtles are there for brand management and to do ninja stuff.

It's almost a fascinating study on female protagonits and how to botch it up: April is the driving force in this movie in terms of story, but since she 'isn't' a gigantic turtle, she's left out of the marketing while the Turtles, who are essentially background characters, are at the forefront of marketing and action scenes.
 

Erttheking

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....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!
 

MovieBob

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Dear God... Bob... you actually thought this movie made Next Mutation look good? My god. Didn't think that was possible...
 

Ishal

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Shredder doesn't even have to be a Ninja?

Isn't Shredder supposed to be a Samurai? Looks like a Samurai to me. But then I have zero clue about anything Ninja Turtles.

But on the topic of the shredder, I still think the suit looks cool.

Too bad about the movie though.
 

Uriel_Hayabusa

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Great review. I hope that more of Bob's reviews will be as well made as this. More explaining about what doesn't work about the movies, less snarky potshots at only vaguely related things.

Oh, and I strongly agree that something being for kids should not be considered a license to phone it in.
 

Sosa Star

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I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
 

Sach

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I was actually planning on seeing this, on the premise that it would either

a) Actually surprise me and be a decent Turtles movie

or

b) Be so horrible that it's hilarious

...From the sounds of it though, I would get neither :(
 

marioandsonic

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I swear my jaw hit the floor while I heard your summary of the plot, Bob. Holy FUCK, that sounds awful.

I was not planning on seeing this movie unless it's on TV, and I have no plans on changing that now.

And you're right: Kids deserve better than this.

EDIT: And Mikey, my favorite turtle, is now nothing more than a horndog for April? Goddamn it...
 

LG Jargon

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Sigmund Av Volsung said:
Oh my God!

The Warp Zone called this! We should've heeded their warning! D:


No surprise that this sucks though :/
Oh, GOD, that was too good! I can't breathe! XD Thank you for that; I needed a good laugh.

OT: Gawd...DAMN, you hated the fuck out of this movie....Good, good; let the hate flow through you, my son. >:D

In all seriousness, were we really expecting anything different? It's just more schlock the American public is going to get on their knees for with gaping open mouths. Dollars to donuts says this is going to get millions, with shitty reviewers giving it undeserved attention and parents taking their mewling shit-heads just to get them to shut up for a few hours. Then come Christmas, they'll buy them the ugly action figures that came from the movie, as well as possibly buy an actual copy of said movie, just so their kids can enjoy the shit over and over again. And then Michael Bay will get to make more useless cock-ups he never cares about. And the world will continue to turn...

*sigh*.....Well, at least I didn't have the same emotional investment other nerds had for either Transformers or TMNT, so it's no big skin off my back...But I swear, if Bay goes anywhere near Swat Kats or Mighty Max... *shakes fist* Ah, who am I kidding: neither of those, I feel, were popular enough for Hollywood to let Bay fuck them up, so I'm sure they're mostly safe...Hopefully...

"RIP Being Nice to Michael Bay: 2014 - 2014" Priceless. Thank you, Bob.

Big Ol' EDIT:

Aiddon said:
judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.
shadowmagus said:
Wow.

I mean, Wow.

Here I thought nothing could get more scathing then the Expendables review. Not that there was any doubts. I called this PoS back when they said Bay was heading it and everything has just fallen into place. I think the best way someone could sum up this movie was "Instead of seeing this, go see Guardians of the Galaxy a second time."

Edit: Big 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Michael Bay, stop touching things. Just...everything. Go drown in the #$%^ing ocean. please.
Well, then. Glad my original posting might be proven wrong. I'm not sad about that at all, really.