Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

MovieBob

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

The new Turtles reboot is actually worse than what you'd thought it'd be.

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Evonisia

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A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult? Wow! Now if Yahtzee could do the same with the Wii U, PS4 or Xbox One this could be some kind of off-chance month.

But this is a shame, the TMNT movies don't have a good reputation anyway, they don't need one that's worse than The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in Bob's eyes (and by extension worse than Transformers 2... again, wow).
 

SlightlyEvil

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I've said for the past year that the ideal current TMNT movie would be like the original comics: a dark, gritty, and serious action film that seems unaware that its lead characters are FREAKING TURTLES, and becomes hilarious by its own seriousness, similar to Airplane!

Sadly, this appears to not be that movie.
 

Jman1236

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Deep down I was hoping this would be good, I didn't want to believe that just because Michael Bay was involved that this movie would be pure garbage. Bob..you've proven me wrong.
 

Sigmund Av Volsung

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Oh my God!

The Warp Zone called this! We should've heeded their warning! D:


No surprise that this sucks though :/
 

Scarim Coral

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First thing, wow it's even worse than Amazing Spider-man 2???

Second thing, wait? There is a Jason in New York sort of movie (how did I missed finding that out)?

Third thing, we ain't all that suprised that the film was going to sucked so badly.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.
 

el_emmens

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I saw it during an advanced screening. I agree on a lot of points with bob, I didn't like how the human interests were more prominent than the turtles...though I did like what the characterisations of the turtles were..


I liked it on the first viewing.
 

shadowmagus

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Wow.

I mean, Wow.

Here I thought nothing could get more scathing then the Expendables review. Not that there was any doubts. I called this PoS back when they said Bay was heading it and everything has just fallen into place. I think the best way someone could sum up this movie was "Instead of seeing this, go see Guardians of the Galaxy a second time."

Edit: Big 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Michael Bay, stop touching things. Just...everything. Go drown in the #$%^ing ocean. please.
 

Fappy

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Rocksteady and Bebop are too cool for film. It will never be T^T
 

MovieBob

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But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

OT:
Good, I wont see it. I was already probably not gonna see it.
 

Burnouts3s3

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Okay, I saw this movie, and I'm not going to lie, though my opinion is most likely going to be in the minority here. Here it goes:

I didn't hate it. In fact, I even liked the new Turtle's personalities and whenever they were on screen. Each Turtle at least gets one moment during to show their personality (even though, yes, it does reduce Mikey to being a walking Pop Culture jokester and April admirer) Yeah, some of the CGI looks a bit... sketchy and Splinter looks really off (though I did like him using his tail in combat). I even liked some of stuff they give to Raph and Leo's relationship.

But everything else, from Kids deserving better and whole parts lifted from the Amazing Spider-man, I absolutely agree with. This movie's story is worthless. It's funny how there's this huge disconnect where April is actually much more interested in where the Turtles came from than the Turtles themselves. Unlike TASM, where 'it's connected' makes more sense since it concerns our main character of Peter Parker. Since April 'isn't' a giant anthropomorphic turtle with Ninjitsu, the movie has this huge disconnect, where April deals with the stuff that's actually related to the plot while the Turtles are there for brand management and to do ninja stuff.

It's almost a fascinating study on female protagonits and how to botch it up: April is the driving force in this movie in terms of story, but since she 'isn't' a gigantic turtle, she's left out of the marketing while the Turtles, who are essentially background characters, are at the forefront of marketing and action scenes.
 

Erttheking

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....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!
 

MovieBob

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Dear God... Bob... you actually thought this movie made Next Mutation look good? My god. Didn't think that was possible...
 

Ishal

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Shredder doesn't even have to be a Ninja?

Isn't Shredder supposed to be a Samurai? Looks like a Samurai to me. But then I have zero clue about anything Ninja Turtles.

But on the topic of the shredder, I still think the suit looks cool.

Too bad about the movie though.
 

Uriel_Hayabusa

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Great review. I hope that more of Bob's reviews will be as well made as this. More explaining about what doesn't work about the movies, less snarky potshots at only vaguely related things.

Oh, and I strongly agree that something being for kids should not be considered a license to phone it in.
 

Sosa Star

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I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
 

Sach

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I was actually planning on seeing this, on the premise that it would either

a) Actually surprise me and be a decent Turtles movie

or

b) Be so horrible that it's hilarious

...From the sounds of it though, I would get neither :(
 

marioandsonic

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I swear my jaw hit the floor while I heard your summary of the plot, Bob. Holy FUCK, that sounds awful.

I was not planning on seeing this movie unless it's on TV, and I have no plans on changing that now.

And you're right: Kids deserve better than this.

EDIT: And Mikey, my favorite turtle, is now nothing more than a horndog for April? Goddamn it...
 

LG Jargon

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Sigmund Av Volsung said:
Oh my God!

The Warp Zone called this! We should've heeded their warning! D:


No surprise that this sucks though :/
Oh, GOD, that was too good! I can't breathe! XD Thank you for that; I needed a good laugh.

OT: Gawd...DAMN, you hated the fuck out of this movie....Good, good; let the hate flow through you, my son. >:D

In all seriousness, were we really expecting anything different? It's just more schlock the American public is going to get on their knees for with gaping open mouths. Dollars to donuts says this is going to get millions, with shitty reviewers giving it undeserved attention and parents taking their mewling shit-heads just to get them to shut up for a few hours. Then come Christmas, they'll buy them the ugly action figures that came from the movie, as well as possibly buy an actual copy of said movie, just so their kids can enjoy the shit over and over again. And then Michael Bay will get to make more useless cock-ups he never cares about. And the world will continue to turn...

*sigh*.....Well, at least I didn't have the same emotional investment other nerds had for either Transformers or TMNT, so it's no big skin off my back...But I swear, if Bay goes anywhere near Swat Kats or Mighty Max... *shakes fist* Ah, who am I kidding: neither of those, I feel, were popular enough for Hollywood to let Bay fuck them up, so I'm sure they're mostly safe...Hopefully...

"RIP Being Nice to Michael Bay: 2014 - 2014" Priceless. Thank you, Bob.

Big Ol' EDIT:

Aiddon said:
judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.
shadowmagus said:
Wow.

I mean, Wow.

Here I thought nothing could get more scathing then the Expendables review. Not that there was any doubts. I called this PoS back when they said Bay was heading it and everything has just fallen into place. I think the best way someone could sum up this movie was "Instead of seeing this, go see Guardians of the Galaxy a second time."

Edit: Big 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Michael Bay, stop touching things. Just...everything. Go drown in the #$%^ing ocean. please.
Well, then. Glad my original posting might be proven wrong. I'm not sad about that at all, really.
 

exobook

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So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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Ishal said:
Shredder doesn't even have to be a Ninja?

Isn't Shredder supposed to be a Samurai? Looks like a Samurai to me. But then I have zero clue about anything Ninja Turtles.

But on the topic of the shredder, I still think the suit looks cool.

Too bad about the movie though.
Yes, he's supposed to give the image of a Sengoku-era warlord in contrast to the Turtles. And like a warlord against ninjas, there's a reason he wipes the floor with the four of them in the first movie. I find it funny how the guy in the movie, armed with nothing but a spear and a bitchin' helmet, is more intimidating and exudes more presence than the damned Ginsu slicer monstrosity that Bay's posse made.
 

Malbourne

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A plot for the Turtles is supposed to be fun, not a convoluted tangle of politics and intrigue. I couldn't even follow it when Bob summarized it. I didn't think so many negative predictions would bear out in the space of a five-minute review.

Phooey.
 

marscentral

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Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"
 
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Scarim Coral said:
Second thing, wait? There is a Jason in New York sort of movie (how did I missed find that out)?
Technically, yes. In reality, most of it takes place on a cruise ship. It's not worth the watching even if you enjoy dumb slasher movies. To make a topical reference, it's like the Transformers as an action movie; theoretically true, but in practise it's bad at what it's supposed to be and worse at everything else.

OT: Has Bob been playing nice? I remember a few potshots from early on in the production, but I can't recall anything recently. Anyways, it was a good review that managed to tear apart a movie without throwing in jabs at every other recent movie he disliked.
 

synobal

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Oh god the backstory to tie april to the turtles, wow that is what they went with? Holy crap.
 

Erttheking

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exobook said:
So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.
We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.
 

Mr. Q

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I had my hesitations about this movie, but I wanted to give 2014's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a chance. Sadly, nobody working on this movie couldn't give 1/8 of a fuck about making a good movie.

Bob hit the nail on the head with this review and my feelings are the same as his. I truly despise passionless filmmaking; which is the sad fact/practice that no amount of effort is needed to make a movie, so long as it can make money on name recognition and/or the gullibility of moviegoers. That pisses me off to no fucking end. If this was a film made for kids, it should have been done a hell of a lot better than this soulless abomination. I can name off multiple movies that are aimed for kids that are not just good, but great. Toy Story. The Incredibles. The Secret of NIMH. The Goonies. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. The Lego Movie. All of those are better kids movies that are beautiful works of art while, at the same time, entertain both children and adults.

If you cannot be bothered to put any passion in making a film, especially a kids film, then you shouldn't be making films at all. And this isn't just aimed at Michael Bay. There are too many no-talent hacks who are just slumming through the film industry all because of the almighty dollar. If there was ever a time for people to start making better decisions in regards to what they see at the movies, it needs to happen as of yesterday. Don't give the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles your time, money, or attention. I sure as hell won't.
 

RJ Dalton

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"Making a movie for kids is not an excuse to slack off." Every time I hear you say that, it makes me wish more people would say it.
 

Ishal

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Aiddon said:
Yes, he's supposed to give the image of a Sengoku-era warlord in contrast to the Turtles. And like a warlord against ninjas, there's a reason he wipes the floor with the four of them in the first movie. I find it funny how the guy in the movie, armed with nothing but a spear and a bitchin' helmet, is more intimidating and exudes more presence than the damned Ginsu slicer monstrosity that Bay's posse made.
Ah, I can see why that might frustrate some people. I have no clue about who the Shredder is or the lore behind how he has his skills/powers.

But I guess that's the problem nowadays. Everything has to be some sort of power armour/suit to give the CGI team something to do. That and to go nicely with the annoying fog horns in the trailers. But... at the same time, I still find myself liking the way the suit looks. It has it's drawbacks with the lore and story. But the guy is called The Shredder. To me, while the guy with the spear and bitchin' helmet probably was cool, it doesn't really live up to the name. This suit at least does.

Too bad it's just so convoluted and out of place.
 

nightazday

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Worst part about this is that it didn't really need a reboot. Unlike a lot of 80s franchises people loved and grew up with several other continuities of ninja turtles. They liked the 80s cartoon, they liked the 00s cartoon, they liked the original comics, the archie comics, the live action movie, the CGI movie, and I'm pretty sure people even love the current series that's currently airing. If they just made a movie that follows the current series liked the TMNT movie did with the 07 series people would hate it less.

Ninja turtles were in all ends of the spectrum, comics were dark and gritty, 80s cartoon was silly and fun, and everything after was in between and almost all of them worked, which beg the question: how can you fuck up ninja turtles?
 

Kitsune Hunter

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I had a feeling that after watching your Big Picture on Michael Bay, I thought to myself "Bob, you say we shouldn't be so harsh on Bay now, but will you be saying the same thing when the Turtles movie comes out?" I guess I was right


OT: All in all, very good review, one of your best in awhile. I knew the film would be a piece of shit so it was fun to see Bob tear it apart and there is a bright side, at least we won't have to hear Bob complaining about the ASM now, well for the most part anyway.
 

Johnny Novgorod

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Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
 

i4njw

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marioandsonic said:
I swear my jaw hit the floor while I heard your summary of the plot, Bob. Holy FUCK, that sounds awful.
Same. My mouth was wide open. I think the writers had to be actively trying in order to distance themselves that absurdly far from the simple basic premise of the Turtles. It's like they didn't want anyone to see it or something.
 

MovieBob

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I'm all for not prejudging movies but even the way this looks in general, like most of Bay's movies, is ugly.

The basic look of even the still shots is terrible. It's gone beyond the "Orange and teal" we can all point out and the general "Expensively ugly" look of some lazily graded modern movies. He's elevated it to some kind of perverse art-from of eye offense. The combination of blurry CGI, two dozen different filters, lens-flare and lighting adds up to more than just the sum of it's parts to make his movies literally unwatchable for me. Not just in content but in look; it gives me a headache and makes me feel like there is something wrong with the screen. I can't look at his movies without my brain going "What's wrong with this? Why does it look so awful? Can we please look at something else? Goatse perhaps, anything!"

That alone is a deal-breaker for me. Who thought this looked good?! The fact that it's content is offensively bad is beside the point.
 

AkatsukiLeader13

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erttheking said:
exobook said:
So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.
We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.
Yeah, I watched the original cartoon first and while I liked it and all honestly I find the 2003 version holds up better. They both have their flaws but as a whole I think the 2003 version is a better story with better characters.
 

KazeAizen

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Sosa Star said:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.
 

shadowmagus

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Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
For what it's worth, people will call him names and defend this movie.

These are horrible people.
 

GamemasterAnthony

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Here I was hoping it would be somewhat good since I thought Bey at least got the personalities of the Turtles somewhat right. Then Mikey turns out to be a horndog...

erttheking said:
....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!
This guy said it best. Epic fail, Bey. You are no longer allowed to do film based on known franchises ever again.
 

AkatsukiLeader13

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nightazday said:
Worst part about this is that it didn't really need a reboot. Unlike a lot of 80s franchises people loved and grew up with several other continuities of ninja turtles. They liked the 80s cartoon, they liked the 00s cartoon, they liked the original comics, the archie comics, the live action movie, the CGI movie, and I'm pretty sure people even love the current series that's currently airing. If they just made a movie that follows the current series liked the TMNT movie did with the 07 series people would hate it less.

Ninja turtles were in all ends of the spectrum, comics were dark and gritty, 80s cartoon was silly and fun, and everything after was in between and almost all of them worked, which beg the question: how can you fuck up ninja turtles?
Give it to who either don't care about the material beyond the brand name, know nothing about the material and have no interest in trying to understand the material, are just lazy filmmakers and think they can get away with anything, or some combination of the above.

My money's on the latter.
 

TheDrunkNinja

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*Clicks play on video; footage from Amazing Spider-man*

"I'm not bias... and everyone who disagrees is a fanboy."

*Immediately stops video; shakes head vigorously*

.....

*Resigned sigh; clicks on comment section*
 

V TheSystem V

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This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.
 

Guffe

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I thought I would give this a chance when I catch on TV sometimes many years down the road.
Seems like I must be drunk at the same time as watching this, not that that's a bad thing...
 

Ace Morologist

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Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!
 

Erttheking

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V TheSystem V said:
This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.
It was a pretty fun movie to watch. It just could've benefited from being a little bit more focused and explaining things.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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Ishal said:
To me, while the guy with the spear and bitchin' helmet probably was cool, it doesn't really live up to the name. This suit at least does.
The moniker is not how he LOOKS, it's about what he DOES i.e. he can SHRED his enemies due to nothing more than his own skills as a warrior. He doesn't NEED power armor or superhuman powers. It's like how in a samurai movie or Ninja Scroll where you see someone be a human buzz saw despite having nothing to go on but sheer mastery of the blade.
 

Uriel_Hayabusa

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I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.


Besides, the idea of William Fichtner being Shredder just sounded so freaking cool.

Oh, and I don't want to be a wise-ass but isn't Goku an alien (extraterrestrial)? Not exactly "Japanese" in that regard :p
 

MovieBob

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Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"
 

xaszatm

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Ace Morologist said:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!
...because Guardians of the Galaxy was good? No, how the hell can you possibly say Guardians of the Galaxy and TMNT are on the same scale? Guardians of the Galaxy has a cameraman who knows what he's doing, have the main characters BE the characters we came to see, have action scenes that don't rely on a drunk camera to be cool, and doesn't insult my intelligence.

Actually, how exactly is Guardians laxy, plot-hole-riddled, or bland? I'll give you cliche and generic (mainly because they are the exact same thing), but that's only because that was kind of the point behind the film. It wasn't trying to do something new, but do the old really well.

Have you seen TMNT or are you someone just trying to start the troll cycle again?
 

tdylan

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Ace Morologist said:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!
I think it may be, in part, to Guardians going about things in a "respectful" manner. It was more of a homage to movies of the genre, without having a pedigree of its own to "remain true to." Guardians is a pretty obscure title, so you almost have to "ape" other movies in order to get it to work on the big screen. TMNT doesn't have the excuse of it, or its source material, being "niche" or "obscure," and as a result having to "draw influence from elsewhere." This is just a terrible interpretation of TMNT. As Bob said, this didn't even have to be "TMNT." You could have thrown the Street Sharks, or the Biker Mice from Mars in there without changing a damn thing but the name, and still have the same movie.
 

Johnny Novgorod

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Mcoffey said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"
Didn't he make the same exact argument in this clip? "People who say I'm something I don't feel like I am are blithering idiots?", completely disregarding any kind of argumentation?
 

Redryhno

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Jul 25, 2011
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Uriel_Hayabusa said:
but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.
Oh, how wrong you are, being Japanese has been THE biggest thing about the Shredder and Splinter's master/owner/etc. when he was still just an everyday rat. The whole Shredder plot in the comics, first movie, and the cartoons has always come back to it being a big clan war more than anything. Comics, Splinter's master killed Shredder's older brother over a woman, which resulted in him dropping out of school(I forget the exact details, but this is basically what happens) and becoming a ninja to avenge his death. Movie, same thing happened, but Splinter ripped half his face off after killing his master, so he's got a score to settle with the rat. Cartoon, Splinter IS his master (in other incarnations) and Shredder doesn't much care for someone he screwed over still being alive.

His whole backstory is honestly very generic nowadays(though it's normally that of a protagonist), but him being Japanese and their somewhat fictional culture has been a driving force for him from the beginning. That's why fans were pissed off, he's a character that doesn't necessarily have to be Japanese to work, because we know there's a dozen other characters that are about the same, but if you're going to bring up The Shredder, it's probably best to keep him as a guy from that island country East of mainland Asia.
 

Uriel_Hayabusa

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Redryhno said:
Uriel_Hayabusa said:
but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.
Oh, how wrong you are, being Japanese has been THE biggest thing about the Shredder and Splinter's master/owner/etc. when he was still just an everyday rat. The whole Shredder plot in the comics, first movie, and the cartoons has always come back to it being a big clan war more than anything. Comics, Splinter's master killed Shredder's older brother over a woman, which resulted in him dropping out of school(I forget the exact details, but this is basically what happens) and becoming a ninja to avenge his death. Movie, same thing happened, but Splinter ripped half his face off after killing his master, so he's got a score to settle with the rat. Cartoon, Splinter IS his master (in other incarnations) and Shredder doesn't much care for someone he screwed over still being alive.

His whole backstory is honestly very generic nowadays(though it's normally that of a protagonist), but him being Japanese and their somewhat fictional culture has been a driving force for him from the beginning. That's why fans were pissed off, he's a character that doesn't necessarily have to be Japanese to work, because we know there's a dozen other characters that are about the same, but if you're going to bring up The Shredder, it's probably best to keep him as a guy from that island country East of mainland Asia.
I see, I stand corrected. That's what I get for posting presumptuously.
 

MovieBob

New member
Dec 31, 2008
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Johnny Novgorod said:
Mcoffey said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
I wouldn't call it intolerant when a person doesn't feel like coddling those who make sweeping generalizations and accusations just to satisfy their own bias. "He didn't like the movie I liked? Clearly I'm not the problem, he must be!"
Didn't he make the same exact argument in this clip? "People who say I'm something I don't feel like I am are blithering idiots?", completely disregarding any kind of argumentation?
I think Bob would probably know better than random people on the internet if his perspective was overly influenced by his own preconceptions. He's given his reasons for not liking the Amazing Spider-Man films several times in the past. If people choose to ignore those and latch on to "bias" instead, I can completely understand not bothering to indulge them.
 

Tarkand

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Dec 15, 2009
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Ace Morologist said:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

While I'm not saying Bob isn't biased, it's possible that GotG is a good movie while TMNT is a pile of steaming shit.
 

vagabondwillsmile

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Aug 20, 2013
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I love what you said about the designs. The identical (in shape and size), but color-coded designs of the animation made each character instantly recognizable on sight. In this movie though they are covered in so much shit and minutiae to make them different, that it's counter-productive and they all blend together (just like Jim Sterling's piece - "Batman is Everything Wrong with Square Enix" - exactly the same problem). Just like the Bayformers, it's just incoherent visual shit all over the screen assaulting the audience's eyes.

And Raph is STILL holding his sai WRONG! Holy-F)@*, NO-ONE that worked on this ever even took a karate class?! No-one knows how to use Youtube?

It's a movie for kids. And I've said it before - this is a movie FOR kids, specifically and NOT for everyone including kids. And yet it evidently has very uncomfortable, very adult subtext because Bay and his cronies can't channel their hormones like fully-developed and well-rounded human fucking beings.

Can someone please, for the of love what little good there might be in Hollywood, stop letting Michael Bay and any creator with whom he is connected make things with cameras?
 

Foolery

No.
Jun 5, 2013
1,714
0
0
KazeAizen said:
Sosa Star said:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.
So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.
 

marioandsonic

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Tarkand said:
erttheking said:
V TheSystem V said:
This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.
It was a pretty fun movie to watch. It just could've benefited from being a little bit more focused and explaining things.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

While I'm not saying Bob isn't biased, it's possible that GotG is a good movie while TMNT is a pile of steaming shit.
Er, I think you may have quoted the wrong post there.

And I just watched the review again. So the Turtles only know ninjutsu because Splinter found a book about it, and thought it would be a good parenting guide?

...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
 

Redryhno

New member
Jul 25, 2011
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Uriel_Hayabusa said:
What is wrong with you? You're supposed to reply by insulting my family members! Don't you know the rules of the internet?
 

tzimize

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Mar 1, 2010
2,391
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marscentral said:
Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"
Agreed. 100%.

And I'm also agreeing that much with Bob. Making a movie for kids should NOT be an excuse to slack off. It should be the opposite. The original Turtles movie was fantastic. It was people in turtlesuits for crying out loud, and it was probably a billion times more relatable than the new film. The description of Michaelangelo made me want to cry. Thats what kids need to see. A turtle-horndog. Ech.

Ace Morologist said:
Hm. Where was this outrage for the lazy, cliché, plot-hole-riddled, bland, generic Guardians of the Galaxy?

It's weird Mr. Chipman liked Guardians so much considering how much he seems to have positively hated this movie.

--Morology!
Er...I...what? Either this is a troll-post or you're talking about another movie.

A movie with a talking raccoon shooting guns and an animated tree is anything but bland and generic. Mr. Literal was also a barrel of laughs. The cast otherwise was also not in any way generic. No one was a typical hero, and there were tons of great writing, cool sci fi ideas (the spacecraft net for example, awesome) not to mention a stellar soundtrack and some very, very well designed shots.

The intro sequence with Starlord dancing into the ruins and the huge Guardians logo...brilliant, the scene in the prison with raccoon explaining his plans and Groot...doing stuff in the background, fantastic.

You might not have LIKED the movie, but in no way, shape or form was it a badly made film.
 

KazeAizen

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Dead Century said:
KazeAizen said:
Sosa Star said:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.
So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.
lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever :)
 

punipunipyo

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Yeah, that last frame, what if Michel Bay picked up the "Goonies" reboot for a laugh... some how... I had high hope as well... kinda thinking it wasn't going to be so bad... oh well... I can always go for another round of Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend.... at lease there are still good movies out!~
 

Atmos Duality

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I always like to expand "kids deserved better" to include "the public deserved better".
Great kids films are engrossing and entertaining enough to appeal to any age.

However, that's setting the bar high; too high for Hackywood. And why set the bar higher when leaving it on the ground can make megabucks?

From what Mr. Chipman described of the plot, it's the usual Hackywood slop. A stone-serious plot that seems intriguing as long as you don't actually think about it. (oh and surrounded by goofy antics, but that's Michael Bay for you)

And oh my the cosmic coincidences for April O'Neal. Normally when a Hackywood plot surrounds its main characters with extraordinary coincidental ties, it's planned redundancy to get more out of their existing actors/actresses, to avoid paying the SAG for more roles.

But here, I have a feeling based on the description, that Megan Fox wanted to be the absolute center of attention and THE star of the movie. I mean, damn near everything centers around April O'Neal. (which explains Fox's overly defensive unprofessional outburst this last week; TNMT is HER big movie, HER big chance to prove her worth to Hackywood beyond a walking softcore TNA display)
 

CelestDaer

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Mar 25, 2013
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Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait... Shredder is a guy in a power suit? So, he's the god damn Iron Man? Hey guys, look how bad that series would've been without Robert Downey Jr.
 

Foolery

No.
Jun 5, 2013
1,714
0
0
KazeAizen said:
Dead Century said:
KazeAizen said:
Sosa Star said:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.
So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.
lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever :)
Hah. Yeah it's a blend of the entire franchise, including Hun of the Purple Dragons from the 2003 cartoon as Casey Jones' father, Krang (He's intensely scary in this one, instead of a joke), Bebop and Rocksteady, even Hot Rodding Teenagers (Neutrinos) from Dimension X get a cameo, along with a new Technodrome.

And there's plenty of new characters, like Hobbes, who is a mutated cat, that starts a street gang trying to kill Splinter.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,760
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0
Evonisia said:
A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?
Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.

Apparently, a pre-emptive shot at people who thought this was insanely harsh (especially for a guy who said he'd been trying to play nice) takes priority.

The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.
 
Jan 27, 2011
3,741
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*sees video description*

It's WORSE than we thought it'd be?

Oh dis gun be good. *gets out popcorn*

*watches video*

*sighs and puts down the popcorn* Well that was kinda depressing.

So lemme get this straight...April knows almost everything that's going on, and has a bag full of information just sitting around...but she somehow forgot all of it? That's....Kinda dumb...

And they made Don an URKEL type nerd stereotype?! I...What...WHY?! That's just plain offensive to nerds everywhere at this point. Wasn't he always a crackpot inventor archetype instead? That's much more fun!

And...shredder is the villain's adopted father? I...Wha...*clutches head* That just sounds contrived and dumb.

The "they're only ninjas because splinter found a ninjistu manual in the sewer and thought it'd make a good parenting manual" is pretty hilarious, though. XD I actually like how stupid and funny that is.

Also, am I the only one who actually LIKED "the next mutation" TV show as a kid? I mean, it wasn't amazing, but it was still alright...I even liked the girl turtle quite a bit. XD
 

Evonisia

Your sinner, in secret
Jun 24, 2013
3,258
0
0
Zachary Amaranth said:
Evonisia said:
A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?
Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.
I think I'll still take that over every unnecessary jab at The Amazing Spider-Man 2, The Amazing Spider-Man, Man of Steel and The Dark Knight Rises in the previous videos.
 

vid87

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I watched the review twice and it occurs to me that the only possible explanation I can come up with for the whole "Douchebag Bro-Turtles" is that the writers were concentrating on the whole "teenaged" aspect. And that, I feel, is one of the most disturbing trends about modern screenwriting - they try to inject realism and believability and either botch it or make it clash with tone to the point where it's better to just not have it.

Also, I haven't seen either of the Amazing Spiderman films, but judging solely from how trailers for the first one and TMNT both include giant collapsing tower antennae, I was the least bit surprised to find out this copied the climax as well.
 

wswordsmen

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This seems to be Michale Bay's attempt to defend his title as worst other franchise to movie adaptation ever. If he didn't already hold that title.
 

Zombie Badger

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The magic blood MacGuffin is a cheap way to make the protagonist 'special'. Instead of actually putting effort into making them an exceptional human being, you just say that they are inherently special and have the rest of the world bow to that (The Incredibles took this to truly Objectivist extremes).

In some ways you could say that it's a product of a popular anti-elitist feeling of the same kind that causes uneducated morons to feel comfortable debunking climate change and who just want to be told they're fine and don't have to improve themselves.
 

Phil the Nervous

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Tarkand said:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

I literally cannot say how happy these numbers make me
 

Happiness Assassin

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Thanks a lot Bob. You just reminded me of two things I wish had stayed repressed: the time I watched Cannibal Holocaust and that time my friend sent me some *cough* explicit *cough* fan art involving the turtles. Well, time to break out the brain bleach again, though in honor of Will Arnett and his choice of roles, I best make it a "forget-me-now".
 

scorptatious

The Resident Team ICO Fanboy
May 14, 2009
7,405
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0
Yeah, not really surprised this didn't turn out well. Michael Bay's name was essentially a death sentence.

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?
 

endtherapture

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Nov 14, 2011
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Don't really get the big fuss about this. TMNT has never struck me as a special property with any features that make it stand out.

Captcha: Rodents of unusual size. I guess this is funny cos of the giant rat in it.
 

Triaed

Not Gone Gonzo
Jan 16, 2009
454
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0
Loved the in-memoriam dedication at the end!
I was preparing some scathing comments about having redeemed Michael "shakycam" Bay previously, but I was completely disarmed.
Well played, sir. Well played.
RIP indeed
 

Trooper924

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Ishal said:
Shredder doesn't even have to be a Ninja?

Isn't Shredder supposed to be a Samurai? Looks like a Samurai to me. But then I have zero clue about anything Ninja Turtles.

But on the topic of the shredder, I still think the suit looks cool.

Too bad about the movie though.
As someone who has a good working knowledge of the franchise I can say that, despite his appearance, The Shredder has been more or less treated as a ninja like the turtles. His backstory almost always involves him being trained as a ninja. He frequently employs ninja weapons and tactics when fighting. And he commands and trains an army of ninjas, the Foot Clan (who are not ninjas in this film for whatever reason).

OT: Well, this was completely expected. Ever since Michael Bay was attached to this project, it was one controversy and ensuing mass fan outrage after another. The whole "The turtles are going to be aliens" rumor, Megan Fox being cast as April, the other rumor about The Shredder being white (which if Bob is right, was actually true at one point), the reveal of the turtles' oversized and over-accessorized designs, and most recently Fox insulting the film's "haters". And who can blame them? We've been hearing nothing but bad news about it since the very beginning! Sure we occasionally got some small flicker of hope that it might possibly maybe be good, but--nope! April Fools! We got another Transformers movie this year, only with the giant, oversized robots swapped out with giant, oversized reptiles.
 

ace_of_something

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Sep 19, 2008
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What I'm getting out of this, is that my children would much prefer me to find some copies of the old 90's live action movies and project them on the side of the house.

Done.
 

KazeAizen

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Jul 17, 2013
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Dead Century said:
KazeAizen said:
Dead Century said:
KazeAizen said:
Sosa Star said:
I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.
Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.
So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.
lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever :)
Hah. Yeah it's a blend of the entire franchise, including Hun of the Purple Dragons from the 2003 cartoon as Casey Jones' father, Krang (He's intensely scary in this one, instead of a joke), Bebop and Rocksteady, even Hot Rodding Teenagers (Neutrinos) from Dimension X get a cameo, along with a new Technodrome.

And there's plenty of new characters, like Hobbes, who is a mutated cat, that starts a street gang trying to kill Splinter.
Sounds like the best iteration of the Turtles yet. Maybe I'll check it out. Though I think my favorite Turtles story and movie will be Turtles Forever. Best feature length movie they've ever been in period
 

nevarran

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Apr 6, 2010
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So, you didn't like the movie? :)

What a shame tho', the Turtles did not deserve such faith.
 

maxben

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That was a great Cannibal Holocaust reference Bob, and likely the only one I will probably hear for the rest of my life.
 

DTWolfwood

Better than Vash!
Oct 20, 2009
3,716
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yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen. I recant my statement.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
 

jmarquiso

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Nov 21, 2009
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SlightlyEvil said:
I've said for the past year that the ideal current TMNT movie would be like the original comics: a dark, gritty, and serious action film that seems unaware that its lead characters are FREAKING TURTLES, and becomes hilarious by its own seriousness, similar to Airplane!

Sadly, this appears to not be that movie.
Instead of the comic book versiojn - a parody of Daredevil wwith fricking Turtles, it'd be a parody of Batman with fricken Turtles.
 

jmarquiso

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DTWolfwood said:
yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.
 

lastjustice

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I looked bad from the word go. I wasn't all that emotionally invested in it being good, so I just shrugged and kept going about myself business. Yeah I could totally see how the let's make the humans drive the plot, and the CGI death machines just advance the action scenes disconnect as the Transformers movies have be annoying.(This aspect is really pushed to forefront in the 4th Transformers film.)
 

DTWolfwood

Better than Vash!
Oct 20, 2009
3,716
0
0
jmarquiso said:
DTWolfwood said:
yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.
Just found out the movie took about $120+million to make. which explains the dated CGI Bob was talking about. It'll break even and be profitable too (Smurfs made back their money 5 fold...) SO i take back everything. This is a terrible terrible kids movie.

Either way, why do they keep making movies where the title characters play second fiddle to everyone else?

You know what, Michael Bay just need to go back to making "original" titles and stop treading on old franchises. I hear Pain and Gain was actually kind of good, and I loved Armageddon when it came out who knows when ago.
 

daxterx2005

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Dec 19, 2009
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There is no way this movie can make Next Mutation look good, I don't believe it! It's impossible!
 

JimB

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Tsk, that's a shame. In the last few weeks, as more commercials came out, I started getting warily interested in what I was seeing just because Michelangelo would probably get off one line per commercial that I find genuinely funny (I still laugh at the "It's just a mask!" bit). I was hoping this would be...well, not a big surprise, but a movie that is surprising for being better than the skunky-smelling puddle of suck we all expected. Oh, well.

Oh, and add my voice to the choir about the RIP stinger. That's funny as hell.
 

MovieBob

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Dec 31, 2008
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Wait wait wait...wait....wait...

Are you telling me that a movie that looked every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get nowadays actually WAS every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get these days?

BWWWWWWWWWWWWHAAAAT?!?!?



Seriously, I was baffled by how many people were actually looking forward to this crap. Whether you're a TMNT fan or not (which I'm not), how anyone couldn't see this trainwreck coming from a mile away is beyond me.
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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I'm surprised, but only in as much as it was that bad. I was expecting "disposable bad", not "degrading the franchise and inspiring despair for the state of modern child-directed entertainment" bad.

I mean, TMNT hasn't exactly been swinging for the fences for some time, now...
 

darthdenim

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Jul 10, 2014
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So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?


Gotcha.
 

direkiller

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Dec 4, 2008
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wswordsmen said:
This seems to be Michale Bay's attempt to defend his title as worst other franchise to movie adaptation ever. If he didn't already hold that title.
Not while BloodRayne and Uwe Boll still exists.
 

AkatsukiLeader13

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Mar 12, 2012
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0
ace_of_something said:
What I'm getting out of this, is that my children would much prefer me to find some copies of the old 90's live action movies and project them on the side of the house.

Done.
You know what that still sounds more appealing this TMNT film.
 

2xDouble

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Mar 15, 2010
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I'm genuinely sorry this happened, Bob. Here, allow the Warp Zone to blind you to this with nostalgia: (don't worry, it's the good, non-parody version)


And for good measure,
Here's the Transformers too.
 

VonBrewskie

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Apr 9, 2009
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*waves smoke away from his monitor* Wow. That was a hardcore lashing Bob. I like what you said at the end about kids deserving better. I'm 33. We grew up with some great kids movies. Well written, characters that mattered and had great arcs, great scenery and practical effects that bled with creativity, all of that good stuff. That isn't to say it was all like that though. There were a ton of horrible movies I remember growing up. The turtles were a huge cash cow and I very much remember the original movies as not being that great. I still love them, don't get me wrong, but subsequent viewings have shown them to be what they are: not very good movies. The thing is, if what you're saying is true Bob, the new TMNT is missing the sole saving grace of the earlier films in that the earlier films were a blast to watch. (Yes even the 3rd one imo.) Fun seems to be running away from film and I for one am stoked that a movie like Guardians of the Galaxy exists because that movie, besides everything else that it is, is absolutely one of the most fun movies I've seen in recent memory. Kids do deserve better films than what they are currently getting. I'm worried that they are going to grow up thinking that sh** like this is the norm. Good review Bob. Thanks for the heads-up.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Apr 4, 2020
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Zachary Amaranth said:
The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.
You mean you haven't seen Transformers 2?

I stopped trying to measure Bay's vileness after that, but I can't imagine anything being worse. That movie literally inserted shit into my brain.
 

VonBrewskie

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The Dubya said:
Wait wait wait...wait....wait...

Are you telling me that a movie that looked every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get nowadays actually WAS every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get these days?
Seriously, I was baffled by how many people were actually looking forward to this crap. Whether you're a TMNT fan or not (which I'm not), how anyone couldn't see this trainwreck coming from a mile away is beyond me.
I don't think many were expecting the film to be good at all, fans or not. The group you're directing your snark at doesn't exist bro. I think at best most people were cautiously optimistic about something they hadn't seen yet even though their gut told them that pessimism was wholly justified. The group are people like my friends with kids who didn't care if the film sucked or not. They just wanted something to distract their kids with for a couple of hours.
 

walsfeo

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Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
Actually this is a great review. It explains not only that the movie is a big bottle of suck-o-la cola, but why.

Seriously, the world needs more reviews like this.
 

Master Taffer

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Aug 4, 2010
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I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
 

darthdenim

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Jul 10, 2014
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Why is hating on that awful Catwoman movie "smug and self righteous", but it's okay for you to constantly talk about how much you hate the Amazing Spiderman movies?

Those movies aren't even as bad as Catwoman.
 

lord canti

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May 30, 2009
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I actually enjoyed the movie. It was by no means a great movie at all, but it certainly wasn't bad. With the exception of a couple of Mikey's horndog lines all the turtles personalities were in tact. The lowest point of the film was Megan Fox as April shockingly enough. Although the plot was pretty stupid I feel that for the most part they were very true to the turtles personalities.
 

exobook

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Sep 28, 2011
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erttheking said:
exobook said:
So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.
We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.
I think its a couple of reason. Firstly the internet fan meta is dominated by 30 something's that grew up with the originally in the 1980's and 90's. TMNT 2003 is a bit beyond their time and nostalgia goggles kick in. The other problem is TMNT 2003 has never received a major DVD release (This seemed to have happened with a lot of stuff from the early 2000's. Too new for nostalgia, too old for current consumption), its hard to have a community around something when they can't watch it. The final issue is the series later series, that weird magic one half of which was never broadcasted in the UK, Fast Forward (more interesting if you look at it as cyberpunk for children), and finally 'Back to the Sewer'. What every you think about them they radically changed the show, 3 times which probably put off a lot of fans of the original format.

The series will probably be vindicated by history with the fan base especially if the franchise shifts to be around the movie-verse.



Actually now that I think about it the bay movie actually may be using the 2003 series as its primary inspiration over the rest of the adaptations. The idea of the foot clan as a military style operation is more in like the post-shredder purple dragons and the idea of the shredder operating under the guise of a legitimate businessman. The series also provides the idea of the turtles as large and bulky (though the film obviously goes much more taking stuff from the dark turtles). Hell even the visuals seem to have been stolen from this and the TMNT film of 2007.
 

lord canti

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Master Taffer said:
I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.
 

Darth_Payn

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Aug 5, 2009
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The hate is strong in you, Bob. My friends saw this last night (I couldn't go, I had work this morning) and said it's good, but now I'm not so sure. Listening to that plot synopsis made my eyes cross and my brain hurt, like it was trying to eject itself from my skull. So I guess if I see this (BIG if), I shouldn't go alone. Or sober.
 

JimB

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Apr 1, 2012
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darthdenim said:
So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?

Gotcha.
When a cinematic equivalent of Mickey Rooney's role in Breakfast at Tiffany's or the entire run of Amos n Andy puts a person of color in the role of a white person just for the sake of enforcing racial segregation in Hollywood, then you can claim all acts of racial inversion are equivalent. Until then, the context just isn't there.
 

LaughingAtlas

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"R.I.P.: Being Nice To Micheal Bay, 2014-2014"

No one can say you didn't try, Bob. I had hoped that with the Shredder looking kindof like he did post-ooze mutation at the end of TMNT 2, he might at least be a fun, intimidating villain, but this sounds more like just another mook with fancier pants. And more blades than would be remotely practical to wield.
 

KisaiTenshi

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marscentral said:
Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"
"It's a Kids Movie, it's okay to be crap" mentality is because we treat kids like they are idiots. Given a lot of "dumb" kids are easily entertained by TV shows like "SpongeBob Squarepants", it's no surprise that films that promise a nostalgia trip end up being horrible, because we only saw the older version through those "dumb" glasses.

The problem I find is that since "all kids are dumb" is what studios go into when they produce films and tv shows, we end up with this slippery slope of bad films that are closer to something produced by the Asylum.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_Forever , here's what a nostalgia trip gone wrong looks like. I watched this and went "wait, were the 80's turtles always this dumb?"

So when you think about it, it's fine to reboot a series, but it's not fine to make the characters worse than the last version [that made money.]
 

The Great JT

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Yeah, who saw this coming except everyone? And yet somehow they're going to make a sequel.

Maybe someday Bebop and Rocksteady will show up to put things right. They are the heroes we deserve, and the heroes we need.
 

otakon17

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Jun 21, 2010
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God.FUCKING.dammit.BAY YOU RAT BASTARD! I know he didn't direct but Goddammit everything he touches that he didn't make himself seems to turn to shit. Also, what the FUCK turning Michelangelo into a horndog? Please, give the R34 artists more bait like April's ludicrous bust from the 80's show wasn't enough(you know what I'm talking about dammit, you just didn't realize until puberty hit!). I was thinking of catching this along with Guardians of the Galaxy but I think I'll just catch GotG now and stay far away from this mess of a movie.
 

MovieBob

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R.I.P. Being Nice To Michael Bay
2014 - 2014
I can't stop laughing at that.

Good form, Bob. I'll take your word for it that its worse than even what we're expecting.
 

lord canti

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Master Taffer said:
lord canti said:
Master Taffer said:
I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.
I watch Doug on occasion, yeah. Problem is he doesn't review recent releases and his taste in movies is a bit skewed from mine.

In the past my two reviewers were Roger Ebert and Bob Chipman because the two of them were fairly close to my personal tastes in movies. I could rely on both of them on whether or not I should see a movie that weekend. If one of them was way off, I could usually rely on the other to inject a sense of sanity into the proceedings. Examples being when Roger completely lost his shit over Kick Ass (gave it one star and called it reprehensible) Bob tended to be a bit more sane in reaction. Meanwhile when Bob lost the plot with Amazing Spider-Man 1, Roger gave it 3.5/4 stars. There's no way in hell Bob could possibly be sane on the movie when Roger Ebert, a self professed Spider-Man fan, was giving the movie 3.5/4 stars.

Unfortunately Roger Ebert passed away, so I'm left with Bob Chipman. Also unfortunately Bob has turned into a juvenile and petty little troll who's chosen to veil his own insecurity and childish behavior behind a mask of intellectual superiority. At least with Ebert if a movie was bad he acted like a disappointed father rather than a petulant teenager and then moved on from it. I truly miss Ebert, who never submitted to cynicism and had a genuine love of his medium. Bob's just turned into a snide prick over the past few years.
He does do reviews with his brother on their show Sibling Rivalry, but like you said their taste in movie might not align with yours. That being said, Bob always has had a sort of prickish side to him, but it hasn't been until recently that it has become unbearable. I understand not liking a movie, but he acts like someone just spit in his mothers face when a movie is bad.
 

Sanunes

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lord canti said:
He does do reviews with his brother on their show Sibling Rivalry, but like you said their taste in movie might not align with yours. That being said, Bob always has had a sort of prickish side to him, but it hasn't been until recently that it has become unbearable. I understand not liking a movie, but he acts like someone just spit in his mothers face when a movie is bad.
I think it changed when people started to call him biased when he would voice concerns, for I started to notice a change to "I don't care what you say" when people started with the biased comments with Amazing Spider-Man 2 when he was saying he was concerned with the direction of the film and the comments started with "biased already" or "you hated the first one, so its natural you hate this already, you're biased".
 

C.S.Strowbridge

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darthdenim said:
So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?


Gotcha.
One increases diversity and the other decreases diversity. Of course you should treat the two instances differently.
 

TheDrunkNinja

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nima55 said:
TheDrunkNinja said:
*Clicks play on video; footage from Amazing Spider-man*

"I'm not bias... and everyone who disagrees is a fanboy."

*Immediately stops video; shakes head vigorously*

.....

*Resigned sigh; clicks on comment section*
*doesn't acctully comment in a meaningful way*
Truly, t'would be far more meaningful for me to affect Mr. Chipman's attitude of fervently continuing his vice grip upon the made-up reality where this obsession he spouts regularly could not possibly be considered bias or unreasonable.
 

darthdenim

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Jul 10, 2014
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Doug Walker has problems of his own.

Like how he likes to detract points from a movie if ANYTHING he considers "unoriginal" happens in it.
 

Arcane Azmadi

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Jan 23, 2009
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Oh wow, even worse that I expected. It's a good thing that, unlike Bob, I wasn't holding out hope that this film might be good or else I might be disappointed. Instead I just roll my eyes and sigh.
 

faefrost

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Jun 2, 2010
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Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
 

V4Viewtiful

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Feb 12, 2014
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BigTuk said:
Dear God... Bob... you actually thought this movie made Next Mutation look good? My god. Didn't think that was possible...
The Next Mutation was good before Venus and the Shredder was cool too.
 

faefrost

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Master Taffer said:
lord canti said:
Master Taffer said:
I walked out of the movie. I've never walked out of a movie before, but this was the time to do it. It was so bad.

I fully figured Bob would trash this after I walked out after the first half. He did, and rightfully so. But Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I am so fucking sick of hearing about how much Bob hates the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Sick to death. If he doesn't like it then whatever, but the fact he keeps having to validate it over and over again and then belittle people who notice his insecurity is just pathetic.

We get it, you don't like the movie! MOVE ON, because this schtick is what is causing people to level the bias accusations at you repeatedly. The desire for the movie to fail and calling people stupid who find this manic foaming at the mouth you've been doing for the past three months (nay, the past two years) bizarre is harming your image.

God, I miss Roger Ebert.
You should check out Doug Walkers reviews. Not only is he a better critic in my opinion, he also tears movies apart with out insulting the people who enjoy it.
I watch Doug on occasion, yeah. Problem is he doesn't review recent releases and his taste in movies is a bit skewed from mine.

In the past my two reviewers were Roger Ebert and Bob Chipman because the two of them were fairly close to my personal tastes in movies. I could rely on both of them on whether or not I should see a movie that weekend. If one of them was way off, I could usually rely on the other to inject a sense of sanity into the proceedings. Examples being when Roger completely lost his shit over Kick Ass (gave it one star and called it reprehensible) Bob tended to be a bit more sane in reaction. Meanwhile when Bob lost the plot with Amazing Spider-Man 1, Roger gave it 3.5/4 stars. There's no way in hell Bob could possibly be sane on the movie when Roger Ebert, a self professed Spider-Man fan, was giving the movie 3.5/4 stars.

Unfortunately Roger Ebert passed away, so I'm left with Bob Chipman. Also unfortunately Bob has turned into a juvenile and petty little troll who's chosen to veil his own insecurity and childish behavior behind a mask of intellectual superiority. At least with Ebert if a movie was bad he acted like a disappointed father rather than a petulant teenager and then moved on from it. I truly miss Ebert, who never submitted to cynicism and had a genuine love of his medium. Bob's just turned into a snide prick over the past few years.
I like Bob and Doug. I would also suggest Jeremy Jahn's who's opinions seem to match up pretty well with what we aging nerdlings seem to enjoy. I find the aggregate opinion among them is normally pretty close to how I will find a movie.
 

faefrost

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Jun 2, 2010
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scorptatious said:
Yeah, not really surprised this didn't turn out well. Michael Bay's name was essentially a death sentence.

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?

The current cartoon is pure unadulterated nerd porn. It gets pretty much everything right. Snappily written. Witty yet dark and a bit disturbing at times. A complete and total reboot, with massive changes, that works.
 

UberGott

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Feb 20, 2014
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The Cannibal Holocaust gag had me in stitches. Wonder how many people here got the joke?

Shame to hear the movie sucks as hard as it does, though... April's past mixed into the origins of everything? A rehash of MoS/ASM's DNA fetish? An abandoned New York being not-terrorized by generic para-military putties instead of bug-eyed ninjas? Why bother at that point? TMNT's had a number of interpretations, but this one sounds bland and convoluted at the same time.

I may not always agree with Bob, but I'm gonna' trust him on this one. Guess I'll spend the cash that would have gone to a ticket on more of the "deluxe" Eastman/Laird comic reprints.
 

KazeAizen

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Jul 17, 2013
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faefrost said:
Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
Apparently the best way this franchise that was derived from a comic book works is in serialized form. Gee who would've ever guessed that? In all seriousness though I have been curious about the new show. While I watched the old Turtles in the early 90s because I was born in 91 the ones I connected with and enjoyed the most were the 2k3 turtles. When I saw images for this new cartoon I didn't think the 3D looked all that impressive and was kind of disappointed that it looked the like the humor skewed way low. Should I give it a shot?
 

Buizel91

Autobot
Aug 25, 2008
5,265
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I hope people realise Bay is the producer, and not the Director like he was in Transformers...

TMNT Producers:

Michael Bay
Andrew Form
Bradley Fuller
Galen Walker
Scott Mednick
Ian Bryce

Transformers Producers:

Don Murphy
Tom DeSanto
Lorenzo di Bonaventura
Ian Bryce

Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia. And because of that they see Michael Bay has an Involvement and all of a sudden everything bad with the film is put on him. NO. Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Galen Walker, Scott Mednick and Ian Bryce are as much to blame as Bay this time around.

But the real blame should go to Jonathan Liebesman, Who directed TMNT. Just as Bay does with Transformers.


So by all means hate on Bay, just don't forget the others that managed to screw it up. I'll still be seeing this regardless. Many of the reviews Bob does and hates the film, i tend to get some sort of enjoyment from.
 

Ghadente

White Rabbit
Mar 21, 2009
537
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i'm not surprised at all.
easy to tell this movie would be horrible just from the trailers... or even before that when the M. Bay announced he was involved.
Movie Bob is 100% correct, the kids deserve better... hell the world deserves better than this garbage.

sigh... is there some way to give TMNT over to Marvel?
 

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
14,334
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Well thanks for the warning. I'll pass on it.

...well maybe I'll watch it on Netflix, just to see for myself how horrible it is, but I won't contribute to it's box office gross.
 

Screamarie

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Mar 16, 2008
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I've heard, though never seen an original source, that Michael Bay once said that he made movies for 13 year old boys, so sue me....or something to the effect....and I wish I could Michael. I really wish I could sue you. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with making movies for 13 year old boys. Big action scenes, awesome fights, badass heroes, explosions, even toilet humor, GREAT! Awesome, go do that Michael!...but why does that also mean there has to be racist fuckers in your movies? And bland, useless women? And what the FUCK is with making Mikey a horny asshole?

The thing that I adored about TMNT, between the movies and the cartoon (never got to read any of the comics), was how NICE these guys were. I wanted to hang out with the turtles! What made them so interesting was that it was so unfair that they had to live in the sewer because they were cool dudes, who gives a shit that they were reptiles? Yeah, Raphael was a dick at times, Leo was a bit up his own ass, so and so on, but these were GOOD people and Splinter made that so. Yeah this was a rat raising four turtles into ninjas, but he was also a dad raising his sons to be good pe....err...turtles. Splinter taught them, guided them, lectured, and even punished if necessary.

I grant that I haven't seen the movie yet, so what the hell do I know?, and I am working off a big dose of nostalgia here, but at least by what Bob says, these would not be the turtles that Splinter would raise. Splinter, in previous iterations, raised the boys to be smart and respectful....not horndog bros.

I don't mind seeing changes...rework it, make it awesome, it doesn't HAVE to stay true to the original. Hell Splinter doesn't even have to be a part of it, if you don't want! I wanted to go see this, I wanted it to be good!...but I don't HAVE to want to go see it, it doesn't have to cater to me, because this was made for kids and kids will see it. Boys and girls both and just like when I was a child, they're going to want to hang with the turtles....except now parents wouldn't want the turtles around their kids, and that's just sad.
 

faefrost

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Jun 2, 2010
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KazeAizen said:
faefrost said:
Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
Apparently the best way this franchise that was derived from a comic book works is in serialized form. Gee who would've ever guessed that? In all seriousness though I have been curious about the new show. While I watched the old Turtles in the early 90s because I was born in 91 the ones I connected with and enjoyed the most were the 2k3 turtles. When I saw images for this new cartoon I didn't think the 3D looked all that impressive and was kind of disappointed that it looked the like the humor skewed way low. Should I give it a shot?
The animation and art style takes few minutes to get used to. After that you don't notice it. The closest approximation is The Clone Wars show. The writing and humor is surprisingly subversive. With a darker and wittier edge than you will be expecting. Yeah there is some stupid, it is a kids show, but it doesn't dumb anything down. And has some real dark elements. (Pay attention to what happens to every human character that come in contact with the turtles.) it's one of those rare shows that you can enjoy with your kids. The voice acting is top notch. The main characters are perfectly presented and the overall chemistry in the cast is great.
 

Swarmcrow

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Dec 11, 2008
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hahahah aahh poor naive bob...you thought and hope this film could be anying else other than a headache .... and now you are mad at Michel bay for being Michel bay.. and doing the stuff Michel bay does ... what you are saying right now, i've been claiming it from day one after the first transformer film .... but the truth is ..we deserve Michel bay ...we deserve because even thought we know his films are big pile of degenerated horse sh17.. we go and pay see them

say all you want but..... by this point Michel bay has prove his point .... the masses have no taste or dignity about the crap they watch.. they are either too ignorant... too uncaring ... or they are simply hypocrites

it wont surprise me if this new tmnt becomes the next transformer franchise and we get to see 6 more of this things

buy hey... maybe if we teach or kid the difference between superficial art and deep cultural art ..we wont have to live in a future where this is still a thing
 

KazeAizen

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faefrost said:
KazeAizen said:
faefrost said:
Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
Apparently the best way this franchise that was derived from a comic book works is in serialized form. Gee who would've ever guessed that? In all seriousness though I have been curious about the new show. While I watched the old Turtles in the early 90s because I was born in 91 the ones I connected with and enjoyed the most were the 2k3 turtles. When I saw images for this new cartoon I didn't think the 3D looked all that impressive and was kind of disappointed that it looked the like the humor skewed way low. Should I give it a shot?
The animation and art style takes few minutes to get used to. After that you don't notice it. The closest approximation is The Clone Wars show. The writing and humor is surprisingly subversive. With a darker and wittier edge than you will be expecting. Yeah there is some stupid, it is a kids show, but it doesn't dumb anything down. And has some real dark elements. (Pay attention to what happens to every human character that come in contact with the turtles.) it's one of those rare shows that you can enjoy with your kids. The voice acting is top notch. The main characters are perfectly presented and the overall chemistry in the cast is great.
Good to hear that. I'll add it to my back log. The 2k3 Turtles had, to me, the perfect balance of mature meets kid friendly. While this new series seemed to skew way younger. I hear Beast Boy's voice actor so I know they got at least one quality voice. I'll check it out.
 

Logience

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Jeez, Bob sounded really reserved in this review. I'm guessing it's because of the "If I have emotions, then everyone will call me biased" train of thought.
 

Westonbirt

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To hell with those who say "BIAAAAAS".

This rag has 20% on RT.

Guardians has 90%.

He's not an outliar, he's in line with everyone else.
 

Westonbirt

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Logience said:
Jeez, Bob sounded really reserved in this review. I'm guessing it's because of the "If I have emotions, then everyone will call me biased" train of thought.
They call him biased already.
 

Dandres

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I can only hate a little bit on people who made these movies only because you can tell that they have no idea what they are doing/what the movie is about or care about how the movie will turn out.

I hate on all the people that pay to see these movies in theater. Using the excuse ?I just wanted to see how bad the movie is going to be.? is no excuse to see it in the theater. Your money is just going for the justification of a sequel of crap. But this is the world we live in and I now believe cartoons should not be made in to live action movies.

On side note for those who have not seen ?Turtles Forever? go see it now. That is my favorite from the franchise.

Also the in the trailers the new turtles looks like they are going to die any minute, crushed by the weight of their shells.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?
 

MCerberus

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I like that this round, Marvel studios has provided me the simplest response to Bay defenders. Everything made in the movie's defense can be refuted by saying "Guardians."

Hopefully this extends to countering the "they make a lot of money so someone likes them" play.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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faefrost said:
Honestly, if you are feeling Nostalgic, and want to experience a GOOD reboot and new take on the TMNT, take the price of 2 tickets to this movie in grab the DVD's from the first 2 seasons of Nikolodeon's current TMNT instead. Solid good funny writing that doesn't talk down to you. Logical connections between characters. An engrossing overarching story. Actual character growth and development, especially April. Bob says today's kids deserve better... But they have better... They have a better take on the Turtles than we ever could have imagined... It's just that it is on TV, not this Michael Bay licensed crapstorm. Here's hoping that this CGI shift fest doesn't damage or cancel the good television show.
Let's really consider this all for a moment.



HOW DID THEY SCREW UP THIS BADLY?
 

MCerberus

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Not G. Ivingname said:
We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?
This happens the same reason every bad reboot happens.
 

Johnny Novgorod

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walsfeo said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
Actually this is a great review. It explains not only that the movie is a big bottle of suck-o-la cola, but why.

Seriously, the world needs more reviews like this.
Juvenile retorts like that notwithstanding?
 

darthdenim

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Bob and Doug are both better than Confused Matthew.

Check out his review of Guardians of the Galaxy.

http://blip.tv/confused-matthew/gurdians-of-the-galaxy-general-review-7007021
 

Not G. Ivingname

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MCerberus said:
Not G. Ivingname said:
We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?
This happens the same reason every bad reboot happens.
Of course.

But considering excitement for this film wasn't particularly high to begin with, and negative word of mouth will be coming, I do not think the studio will get to have, moneey.
 

Vivi22

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arc1991 said:
Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia. And because of that they see Michael Bay has an Involvement and all of a sudden everything bad with the film is put on him. NO. Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Galen Walker, Scott Mednick and Ian Bryce are as much to blame as Bay this time around.
Firstly, all of the Transformers movies are bad (haven't seen the most recent one since it won't be on TV for a while, but I am capable of spotting a trend). The first was the least bad of them all, but it wasn't good. The second was an abomination, and the third managed to be at least as bad because the movie didn't even make sense and the action was as much shitty Michael Bay directing as we've generally come to expect from the man.

Second, just because there are more producers than Michael Bay does not mean you can say that they're all as much to blame as he is. It is simply extremely unlikely that you have the requisite knowledge of the films production required to say who had actual creative input, and who just opened up their wallet to fund the thing. But since Michael Bay is the only one of the Producers I ever remember talking about it in the media, safe to say he was probably pretty involved what with being a pretty major Hollywood figure, and the fact that the usual stink of shitty story, shitty CGI, shitty acting, and shitty directing permeates this movie that also permeates all of his other licensed stuff (and a lot of his unlicensed stuff honestly). If he really isn't the producer most responsible for this, I'd be shocked since it's got his particular brand of awful written all over it.
 

Ashley Blalock

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Transformers, GI Joe, Star Trek, Turtles the trend is pretty clear at this point that no one at Paramount Studios with an ounce of power or pull gives a damn about making a good update. Cash in on a pop culture name with bad films and hope people don't realize how bad the Paramount films have gotten.

If you want a good movie based on something you once enjoyed then you aren't going to get it from Paramount.
 

Aiddon_v1legacy

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Not G. Ivingname said:
MCerberus said:
Not G. Ivingname said:
We didn't even need this reboot. From all the reports I have heard, the new cartoon is FUN, it is filled with interesting characters and funny gags, and embodies everything good about the series.

Why did we need this? WHY?
This happens the same reason every bad reboot happens.
Of course.

But considering excitement for this film wasn't particularly high to begin with, and negative word of mouth will be coming, I do not think the studio will get to have, moneey.
Which indeed contradicts the whole idea of gaining money. If you want something to make money then make a quality product. A good movie has a better chance of gaining back your investment than a crappy movie. I wouldn't be surprised if the movie bombs but it makes back money due to merchandising and video sales. Still, it probably won't make the studio happy.
 

Buizel91

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Vivi22 said:
arc1991 said:
Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia. And because of that they see Michael Bay has an Involvement and all of a sudden everything bad with the film is put on him. NO. Andrew Form, Bradley Fuller, Galen Walker, Scott Mednick and Ian Bryce are as much to blame as Bay this time around.
Firstly, all of the Transformers movies are bad (haven't seen the most recent one since it won't be on TV for a while, but I am capable of spotting a trend). The first was the least bad of them all, but it wasn't good. The second was an abomination, and the third managed to be at least as bad because the movie didn't even make sense and the action was as much shitty Michael Bay directing as we've generally come to expect from the man.

Oooh goody! A TF Movie hater. My favourite kind of prey.

The TF films have done nothing different than the cartoons did 30 years ago. Cheesy dialogue, annoying humans and plots that make you raise an eyebrow and shout "WTF DID I JUST WATCH"!

The "the action scenes are all over the place" arguments are ridiculous. first of all, i have the attention span of a Goat surrounded by a bunch of moving Carrots, but i can follow them perfectly, i can see who does what and who died with no problem.


Shitty action you say? This is from ROTF. which yes is the worst film, but the fighting scenes are glorious. If you can't follow this and get confused, then i suggest sticking to the new Spongebob film when that comes out.

In the years that the TF movies have been out i have not seen any plausible reason for someone to hate these films. All the problems that have been thrown around are custom to the TF franchise. While i agree that ROTF is awful, it's by no unwatchable.
 

emeraldrafael

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Well at least now its a two horse race between hwats more terrible, The Amazing Spiderman or this.

And really, I don't understand megan fox as a choice at this point. Well, I do shes eye candy in the most bland way possible, but if youre trying to say you want the female to be empowering and above her sex appeal, I feel like you ould hvae done better than fox, since sex appeal is her only note.
 

ThunderCavalier

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*sigh* Well, let's be honest here... no one is really surprised here. New TMNT movie is horrible? Well, people seem to want to take things like TMNT or Transformers and say "What if we made them uber realistic?"

When the Japanese adaptation that turns the mutants to great super turtles that turn into a giant mecha is more believable and fun than this, we really need to take a long look back and ask ourselves where things went wrong.
 

Saltyk

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Sep 12, 2010
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Yeah, I can't get past the designs of the Turtles. They are overly complicated, ugly, and God awful. Whoever designed them should be fired.

You know, I've found that the original movie holds up pretty well. It's funny, the Turtles are fun, have good character, and the costumes look good. The fights are pretty good, especially considering those costumes have to be difficult to move in. And it's faithful to the source material, both the comic and the cartoon. All in all, a great adaption and a good movie.

Think I'll go watch that if the mood to watch a Turtles movie hits me.
 

scorptatious

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May 14, 2009
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faefrost said:
scorptatious said:
Yeah, not really surprised this didn't turn out well. Michael Bay's name was essentially a death sentence.

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?

The current cartoon is pure unadulterated nerd porn. It gets pretty much everything right. Snappily written. Witty yet dark and a bit disturbing at times. A complete and total reboot, with massive changes, that works.
Well that's good to hear. Might have to check it out sometime in the future.
 
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Atmos Duality said:
I always like to expand "kids deserved better" to include "the public deserved better".
Great kids films are engrossing and entertaining enough to appeal to any age.

However, that's setting the bar high; too high for Hackywood. And why set the bar higher when leaving it on the ground can make megabucks?

From what Mr. Chipman described of the plot, it's the usual Hackywood slop. A stone-serious plot that seems intriguing as long as you don't actually think about it. (oh and surrounded by goofy antics, but that's Michael Bay for you)

And oh my the cosmic coincidences for April O'Neal. Normally when a Hackywood plot surrounds its main characters with extraordinary coincidental ties, it's planned redundancy to get more out of their existing actors/actresses, to avoid paying the SAG for more roles.

But here, I have a feeling based on the description, that Megan Fox wanted to be the absolute center of attention and THE star of the movie. I mean, damn near everything centers around April O'Neal. (which explains Fox's overly defensive unprofessional outburst this last week; TNMT is HER big movie, HER big chance to prove her worth to Hackywood beyond a walking softcore TNA display)
This is why I loved the original tmnt as a kid, It actually made me think!!
 

Metalrocks

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not surprised that it sucks. saw the trailer of it when i watched galaxy and i just had to roll up my eyes several times during the trailer. think i would just rent it on dvd and thats it. im rather more exited for sin city.
 

EyeReaper

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So, I just got outta the theaters, so here's my opinion. (also, haven't seen Bob's opinion yet, just saying)

Pros:
I think they got the turtle's personalities down pretty well, besides Mikey being a major perv for some reason
Most of the fights without shakeycam looked kinda nice.

uhh.. that's about it.

Cons (watch out, this is gonna be the brunt)

A mad scientist, but not Baxter Stockman for some reason
They brought back Vernon, but not Irma.
Shredder looks like Lord Zedd's and a Predator's love child.
Shredder is literally coated in knifes, but would rather punch and kick the defenseless heroes
the foot clan are just thugs and gangsters with guns
Karai is completely useless
Splinter just found "How to be a ninja for Dummies" in the sewer, or something?
Having to forcibly connect April to the origin story
The turtles look like live action Shreks
Everything about Donnie's design, pretty much
Megan Fox didn't even wear a redhead wig.
Splinter grossed me out, and every other shot of him was a very extreme close up.
Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
How the hell do the turtles sliding down a hill on their shells consistently faster than the cars?
Ralph's character arc is literally the same every movie.
and finally No Casey Jones, Rocksteady, Bebob, Krang, Hun, Stockman, or Bishop

whew. that's about it. I'm sure there were others, but that's just off the top of my head.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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EyeReaper said:
Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
As far as I am aware (although my best source is second hand, so don't take what I say as absolute truth) but New Yorkers don't really prize pizza more than any other city.

TMNT included it because A. the ninjas always liked pizza and B. they had a big promotional deal with some pizza joint. I think it was Pizza Hut, but I zoned those commercials out whenever they came on.
 

Dandres

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EyeReaper said:
So, I just got outta the theaters, so here's my opinion.

Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
Yes New York Pizzas are really big, that is why they are able to sell them by the slice. Never by pizza in New York from a place that does not sell them by the slice.

And also "Yah" you helped fund the sequel. :(
 

JimB

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Vaguely related to the review: I just saw a commercial of a voice-over guy reading single-word snippets from reviews for the movie, and maybe I'm just projecting here, but I swear I can actually hear the guy's eyes rolling as he reads words he doesn't believe a word of. I'm exaggerating a bit, but seriously, the guy sounds like he doesn't believe any of it and is a little pissed off he's contractually obligated to perpetuate these lies.
 

darthdenim

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I thought the guy who played Mr.Trick in Buffy was cast as Baxter Stockman.

Did they cut him out of the movie or something?
 

Blood Brain Barrier

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Why is the movie so dark? I can't even see the turtles because every scene with them covered them with shadows and darkness. Actually, I know why they did that - they think it improves the 3D animation and makes the film more gritty. But kids like color and light, so they're essentially sacrificing what people like for 'production quality', which on its own means nothing. Except for Michael Bay, for whom it means everything.
 

Kuth

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You know, I was willing to let this TMMNT movie pass if it was at least better than TMNT 3. To say it sucks even more than Venus.... wow, man. I may have to see it anyway, just to know how bad this is.
 

Flunk

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Bob, there have NEVER been any good Ninja Turtles movies. Go back and watch them, I dare you. The first one is somewhat passable and the other two are terrible.

P.S. I'm going to avoid watching this, but we all knew how stupid these was going to be. Didn't we?
 

Laughingboy

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I would like to start with a couple of off topic questions and an answer. Does every know why movie critics exists and why people listen to them? Answer, because you either agree with their critique of the movie or you respect their opinion enough to allow it to help you decide if something is worth it. Never not once has Bob put out a review that after I've seen the movie haven't thought was justified. So every one can take any complaints they have and go find another reviewer please. Specially people that didn't even watch the review.

Now on to the movie. I have to wonder if Bay making them aliens wouldn't have actually made this movie better. I mean wow the origin story, what a turd of an idea. I mean "After rumors of a bio enhanced ninja army called the Foot Clan surface. April O'Neil discovers her fathers lost research and uses it to find her lost pet turtles her father created and she released as a child." Well already got a better front half of the movie."Discovers her 'pets' are not only humanoid but vigilante ninjas now, decides to use this as a chance to be taken more seriously as a reporter." They ripped that from the first movie though. They don't even need to touch on splinter and shredder being enemies previously. Just make Aprils boss the Shredder like they wanted and a bad guy that killed her father. Or if stuck on making splinter and shredder enemies. "Splinter raised the turtles ninjas because he was a lab tech exposed to the same ooze they were and already was a part time martial arts instructor focused on Ninjitsu, or a special forces operative that Eric Sacks experimented on." There solved the origin story. Now the rest of the movie. "After meeting April and finding out what Eric Sacks was doing they decide to stop him, and keep him from making any more bio enhanced soldiers." End with a Baxter Stockman reviving Eric Sacks and we have sequel fodder and a half way decent movie premise.

I don't understand why they couldn't do that instead of the pile that this movie is. I even give them and excuse to make April half the movie. I just don't get why they tried to reinvent the hero saves the world story with "Boom, off color joke, lewd joke, punch something".
 

EyeReaper

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Not G. Ivingname said:
EyeReaper said:
Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
As far as I am aware (although my best source is second hand, so don't take what I say as absolute truth) but New Yorkers don't really prize pizza more than any other city.

TMNT included it because A. the ninjas always liked pizza and B. they had a big promotional deal with some pizza joint. I think it was Pizza Hut, but I zoned those commercials out whenever they came on.
I uh, meant the size. the slices were wider than the turtles heads.

Dandres said:
I know, and I really didn't want to, but...
A: I try not to judge books by their covers, so to speak, and
B: All my friends I was with wanted to see it, even after I said I didn't want to. (If it was up to me, we would've seen Lucy) and, well, I'd rather watch a stinker with friends than be a killjoy alone, you know?
 

Not G. Ivingname

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EyeReaper said:
Not G. Ivingname said:
EyeReaper said:
Are Pizzas that fucking big in New York? (more of a nitpick, and if true, I'm jealous)
As far as I am aware (although my best source is second hand, so don't take what I say as absolute truth) but New Yorkers don't really prize pizza more than any other city.

TMNT included it because A. the ninjas always liked pizza and B. they had a big promotional deal with some pizza joint. I think it was Pizza Hut, but I zoned those commercials out whenever they came on.
I uh, meant the size. the slices were wider than the turtles heads.
...

OH.

X_X

I thought you meant in the figuritity sense... No idea if they offer the size that big, although I am sure someone in New York offers delivery of a pizza that size.
 

Logience

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Westonbirt said:
Logience said:
Jeez, Bob sounded really reserved in this review. I'm guessing it's because of the "If I have emotions, then everyone will call me biased" train of thought.
They call him biased already.
Implying I didn't already know that.
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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Casual Shinji said:
You mean you haven't seen Transformers 2?

I stopped trying to measure Bay's vileness after that, but I can't imagine anything being worse. That movie literally inserted shit into my brain.
TBH, I have only seen the first and a few minutes of 2 and 3.

I thought Bayformers would be just what I wanted. Big stompy robots, epic battles, and explosions. It seemed like a decent fit. I wouldn't trust Bay to do a serious movie (especially after Pearl Harbour), but I thought at least I could get a fun summer movie. And instead, I got...a nap.

So I just didn't bother with 2 or 3 or 4. I wish more of the people who hated the movies had done the same. I mean, I'm not knocking Bob, who has an actual reason to go see films he won't like (being, you know, a movie reviewer/critic), but God, it was amazing how many of the same voices chimed in to hate TF 3 and 4 on their respective opening nights.

I'm also a little bothered here because it looks like a lot of the same haters are the ones who saw this at opening and are giving it what's being reported as a "strong" mid-week opening. That's the sort of thing that guarantees sequels. Bob's calling for a reboot even as early indicators say this will be a hit. I'm kind of hoping those indicators are wrong, but....

Can't we go back to the 2007 version? It was flawed, but...I enjoyed it. Even if April was voiced by a robot and Casey was Captain America. And the whole thing was kind of a Gargoyles ripoff.

2xDouble said:
I'm genuinely sorry this happened, Bob. Here, allow the Warp Zone to blind you to this with nostalgia:
And it has Andre in it. Win/win.

darthdenim said:
Why is hating on that awful Catwoman movie "smug and self righteous", but it's okay for you to constantly talk about how much you hate the Amazing Spiderman movies?

Those movies aren't even as bad as Catwoman.
It's always different when we do it.
 

Dandres

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Agreed, I always tell my friends they can not complain about a sequel being made if they saw the first movie during opening weekend.
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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EyeReaper said:
I uh, meant the size. the slices were wider than the turtles heads.

Not G. Ivingname said:
I thought you meant in the figuritity sense... No idea if they offer the size that big, although I am sure someone in New York offers delivery of a pizza that size.
Authentic itallian-style (YMMV) pizza is often served in large slices, but given the size of these turtles, I'm skeptical that they make slices large enough. Though maybe. I just question the demand for 50" pizzas.
 

the.chad

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While I can't comment on the movie as I haven't seen it.
Fully agree with Bob saying that kids movies don't have to be bland & boring.
Take Pixar as the perfect example. Not only pointing at kids at there key demographic.
But making engaging characters and enjoyable films for adults as well.
(and make a butt tonne of cash as well!!)
 

80sboy

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Uriel_Hayabusa said:
I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.


Besides, the idea of William Fichtner being Shredder just sounded so freaking cool.
His name is Oroku Saki, he's from Japan, YES IT IS A BIG THING! You would have to really go purposely out of your way to whitewash a character like that. That's like creating a live action version of Aladdin, having it set in Arabia, and whitewashing all of them just because... just because! I mean Aladdin is a fictional tale too, so how would it hurt!


OT: As for the movie itself...? I saw it and... I remember how embarrassingly stupid the whole ninja rapping with Vanilla Ice part was as a kid. Now I don't see that as being so bad compared to the movie I saw today.

Also... once again. The coolest aspects of the cartoon: technodrome, dimension x. Were completely left out even though today the technology is there to make it with special effects. With the 1990 movie considering it's low production value even for the time... I can completely understand. Now? Not so much.
 

truckspond

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Michael Bay sees himself as a fine wine when really he's just McDonalds fries, Getting worse with age and should have quit after the first movie
 

IrisNetwork

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RIP Being Nice to Michael Bay 2014-2014
HOORAY!

Please let this movie bomb so we can have the reboot that takes everything from the cartoon Bob showed. Have Bebop, Rocksteady, Technodrome and Dimension X.

Besides, its not like there isn't a better looking talking antropomorphic animal (and plant) in a fresh, FUN, sci-fi adventure in the same multiplex.
 

Caostotale

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exobook said:
So who was this made for?
It was made for an audience of people who would never take the time to visit a site like Escapist, read a film review, or even watch a film review that panders to lazy folk by incorporating entertaining trailer footage and visual cues. The only filter that might exist for a lot of these people is some vague and passive nostalgia for brand of 'Ninja Turtles' (or Transformers, GI Joe, etc...). I honestly wish more of the people who are aware of this shit ahead of time would stop going to see these turkeys to 'see how terrible it turns out' since in today's world of artless entertainment, all that matters are asses in seats. In short, people need to grow up and become okay with cutting themselves loose from a mass culture they know is total shit. Otherwise, it just helps to maintain a situation as awful as the Final Fantasy situation Jim was complaining about recently (i.e. FFXIII looked ridiculous and a lot of gamers knew it would suck ahead of time, yet everybody still ignored the reviews and their own instincts and bought the fucking thing anyway, to a point where no amount of 20/20 hindsight could undo the fact that the game sold like crazy and, by that criterion, was a 'hit'. I predict the same will happen with the fifteenth game, which somehow looks even shittier than XIII)
 

Andrew Wagner

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Mar 12, 2010
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I've yelled at you before for bashing what I and many others thought were good movies but I actually agree with you 100%. This was the only movie I can remember thinking when I was in the middle of watching it "Wow this is actually terrible and I have to just sit here and watch it till it's over, this is kind of the worst". I refuse to leave a movie I paid to watch but I came very close to doing just that.
 

LazyAza

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May 28, 2008
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Not unexpected this turned out crap at all, but a real shame their isn't anything in it for kids.

Thankfully we had Guardians come out last week, now their is a movie EVERYONE even young kids can get tonnes out of.

Not to mention the latest cgi turtles cartoon isn't bad so at least current kids didn't miss out completely on getting a cool new version of the turtles. I honestly prefer the 2003 series myself despite being 17 when it was on tv.
 

FPLOON

Your #1 Source for the Dino Porn
Jul 10, 2013
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scorptatious said:
Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?
I'd say it's a Teen Titans-esque take on the Turtles lore in general[footnote]Which doesn't surprise me that some of the writers from the show worked on the Teen Titans animated series...[/footnote], balancing out the humor with the serious as well as making a pretty decent continuing plotline between the Turtles and their villain roster, Splinter and Shredder's overall past, and even teenager April O'Neil's connection to the Kraang... Overall, it's the second best show to come out of Nick, if you're counting the complete Avatar series, that manages to still throw in a few twist along the way to keep those already familiar with the source material interested...

OT: Yeah... I'll wait until Nick showcases this movie on their channel... or until I'm watching in off Netflix with my cousins so that we can laugh at how much we can't believe what's happening on screen...

Plus, if[footnote]*laughs* "If"... *continues laughing, which turns to exaggerated sobbing*[/footnote] there's going to be a sequel to this, does that mean they'll take a page out of ASM2 and have too many villains as well as having a case of the "Gwen Stacy Effect", maybe?
 

MovieBob

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Perhaps if we stopped trying to remake things that made sense in their own time period, and instead came up with new ideas...
 

putowtin

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Jul 7, 2010
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I have been waiting for this...
Not the movie review, as soon as it was announced I knew it would suck...
Not how much it sucked, it was Michael Bay destroying another franchise of course it would suck this bad
No I was waiting for Bob to see it, I'm sorry dude, I know how you feel, and you're right, the kids do deserve better.

Have a beer watch some vintage turtles and don't get too bitter.
 

webkilla

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Another critic I know is looking for some quotes from the movie, from Michelangelo's hitting on April - he wants to take screenshots of the old classic cartoon and add the new lewd dialogue to them - to highlight just how stupid a change in character that is
 

Batou667

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Uriel_Hayabusa said:
I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.
I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?
 

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
6,581
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Batou667 said:
Uriel_Hayabusa said:
I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.
I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?
I didn't feel like Bob was criticizing the whitewashing so much as their slapdash way of fixing it. He explains much of the movie was already shot with the idea of that one dude being Shredder and only later in production did they make the call to make them two separate people, and this change was apparently painfully obvious in the final product.
 

Gordon_4_v1legacy

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Batou667 said:
Uriel_Hayabusa said:
I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.
I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?
They do a bit more with it in the 1990 movie, sure he does the martial arts master thing but his philosophical leanings are more about encouraging the bonds between the turtles as brothers, as family. A tact he also takes with a wannabe Foot ninja who used his connection to April to get Splinter abducted and held hostage by the Shredder by reminding him that (ideally) all fathers care for their sons. And somehow, the idea that he mimics Hamato Yoshi is on the surface less stupid that the book of Ninjitsu.

As for Shredder having to be Japanese, in the Turtles universe it seems that the Foot Clan exist in place of the Yakuza and since we're using Nnjas as set dressing, it's a courtesy we should extend. Also, since Yoshi didn't bail because of a moral objection or a sudden attack of conscience: he left because the act of beating Oroku Nagi to death, regardless that he found him beating his wife (possibly after raping her), was an act like unto the unauthorised killing of a Made Man in La Cosa Nostra - he was happy to be an assassin/gangster until he ran afoul of the rules himself.

The idea that a line of indiscretions and fuck ups made by members of the Foot Clan over what is essentially high school bullshit led to the creation of the greatest force of good to fight against them is also very funny.
 

jobu59749

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I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.

Also, the fact that so many times it's the same people coming back to ***** about the same things...it means you're still watching his reviews and on some sort of level you actually like them. Maybe for reasons not associated to agree with them, but you may like them if only to have something to complain about. No such thing as bad publicity, even if it means people are talking smack about your articles...means their talking about it and that's the important part.

Sorry for the OT...I enjoy your review immensely Bob as you confirmed many of the fears I had about this reboot. It's the formula of a Bay reboot. I always looked to the TMNT as pillars with which to see a morality. Leonardo showed the virtue's of leadership, Donatello showed the paragons of having a curious mind, Michaelangelo instilled the sense to have a little fun once in a while, and Ralph proved that rushing into things usually doesn't end well. The fact that this has been taken away and what they primarily stand for is to promote stereotypes is pathetic, but not surprising for a FOX movie.

I always feel like the operators at FOX are a bunch of fraternity dudes that sit around deciding the fate of great television and movies by playing beer pong while wearing diapers on their heads. It's truly saddening. I'll still probably watch the movie when it comes out on DVD...if only for a rental, because I won't give them all the money they want for branded garbage.

Thanks Bob
 

wooty

Vi Britannia
Aug 1, 2009
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The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!
 

KazeAizen

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wooty said:
The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!
Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.
 

Shjade

Chaos in Jeans
Feb 2, 2010
838
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erttheking said:
....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!
Honestly, as goofy as he was, I think even making him more of a horndog could've still worked as long as he was a goofy horndog (as opposed to an abrasive one). Nothing inherently wrong with that, just a matter of how you handle it.

Clearly it wasn't handled well here.
 

GloatingSwine

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Coruptin said:
you know, the movie might suck but i actually like the new designs
Then you need to get your sense of style checked.

The new designs are amazingly visually busy, there's shit all over the place that does not add any value to the designs at all, there are no strong outlines or contrasts, just indistinct fiddly shit covered in more indistinct fiddly shit.

Exactly the same problem as the bayformers designs.
 

TerranV

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The movie sucked and sucked hard. I was considering leaving the theater I was so pissed off. To me it seems like no one involved knew what they were supposed to even be making. The movie constantly fluctuates between "gritty" and cartoonishly goofy. Its a PG-13 movie but it has the sensibilities of a kids toon (a bad one). I feel bad for the kids and parents who came to see this. The kids were probably wondering why the movie was so serious all the time and parents were probably worried about exposing their kids to the more "adult" elements.

And what was up with Raph's magic disappearing toothick?
 

MondoMousse

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I've watched these videos for a while now (in addition to Zero Punctuation and Jimquisition), and this is my first time commenting. All I can say is, I saw it coming just from the names involved that this was going to be awful (not just Bay's name on it, but the director of Battle: Los Angeles as well).

Still, what really bother's me is how lazy they were with the material itself. I agree with what you said about it being made for younger audiences, but they could have gone a route that was making fun of what is big in comic book movies currently similar to how the original comic was making fun of what was big in comics at the time (I never read the comics, so if anyone wants to correct me, let me know). I could have seen a sort of fun poke at stuff like origin stories or movies like 'The Dark Knight's' tone as they have been pretty popular. Of course, that would require better writing and not treating audiences like idiots from the filmmakers.
 

[Kira Must Die]

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Sep 30, 2009
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"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.
 

Machine Man 1992

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KazeAizen said:
wooty said:
The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!
Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.
I would pay ten thousand dollars to see a SWAT Kats reboot.

That show was so awesome, it's a crime against cartoons it only lasted two seasons.
 

Elijah Newton

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Sep 17, 2008
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Wow.

Based purely on the backstory related herein I'm going to back gingerly away from my cautious optimism ( http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.857360-Watch-the-Beginning-of-the-New-TMNTs-Final-Fight-With-Shredder?page=2#21247682 ). If I hadn't been completely simpatico with MovieBob on the Lego movie I might try playing Devil's Advocate but I think if I saw this flick I'd wind up being on the same page and so will try, as graciously as possible, to avoid a rage-generating event and thank MB for his troubles.

Also, I'd like to be the umpty-million-th person to applaud the real theme of this review, not trashing this interpretation of TMNT but the insistance that Kids Deserve Better than This.

That's a great focus to have.
 

Amir Kondori

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Aiddon said:
judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.
Unfortunately this movie was number 1 this weekend.
 

Amir Kondori

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jobu59749 said:
I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.

Also, the fact that so many times it's the same people coming back to ***** about the same things...it means you're still watching his reviews and on some sort of level you actually like them. Maybe for reasons not associated to agree with them, but you may like them if only to have something to complain about. No such thing as bad publicity, even if it means people are talking smack about your articles...means their talking about it and that's the important part.

Sorry for the OT...I enjoy your review immensely Bob as you confirmed many of the fears I had about this reboot. It's the formula of a Bay reboot. I always looked to the TMNT as pillars with which to see a morality. Leonardo showed the virtue's of leadership, Donatello showed the paragons of having a curious mind, Michaelangelo instilled the sense to have a little fun once in a while, and Ralph proved that rushing into things usually doesn't end well. The fact that this has been taken away and what they primarily stand for is to promote stereotypes is pathetic, but not surprising for a FOX movie.

I always feel like the operators at FOX are a bunch of fraternity dudes that sit around deciding the fate of great television and movies by playing beer pong while wearing diapers on their heads. It's truly saddening. I'll still probably watch the movie when it comes out on DVD...if only for a rental, because I won't give them all the money they want for branded garbage.

Thanks Bob
People are totally aware that reviews of movies, and games for that matter, come down to personal taste and opinion. They just conveniently forget that fact when the reviewer trashes something they like. Grown up, mature people don't do this, in fact I like readying well written reviews that cover negative aspects of media I like, but immature and insecure people feel like a negative review of a product they like is an indictment of their own taste and intelligence. So they lash out with accusations of "bias" and "clickbait" and anything else they can think of to try and discredit the reviewer. It is really pathetic to see.
 

Lizmichi

Detective Prince
Jul 2, 2009
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jobu59749 said:
Thank you, someone else sees that reviews are in fact personal opinion based on how the thing being reviewed makes the reviewer feel; in other words, take it as you will when it comes to forming your own feelings, and opinions on the matter.

To the main point, I was 99% sure that this movie was going to be terrible, but sadly Megan Fox still gets to stand by her bitchy statement. If she is a fan of TMNT as she clams to be this project should piss her off, or make her have some doubts about how good it will be. Frankly I don't trust anything she says, and I find her lack of acting talent tiring. I thought the world was done with her anyway. Oh well, last time she opened her mouth like this she was fired from Transformers 3.
 

KazeAizen

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Machine Man 1992 said:
KazeAizen said:
wooty said:
The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!
Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.
I would pay ten thousand dollars to see a SWAT Kats reboot.

That show was so awesome, it's a crime against cartoons it only lasted two seasons.
Be mad at the parents groups that went after shows like that. Why do you think something like Captain Planet got 6 seasons and stuff like SWAT Kats got shut down after 2? Thank God they didn't get Power Rangers as well. Who knows where my life would be without the greatest kids superhero team to ever live.
 

ace_of_something

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[Kira Must Die said:
]"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.
Lemme help ya here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hyperbole

My oldest son is 12. I think that is the only age for which this movie works. Old enough to get a lot of it. Young enough to enjoy the groan inducing parts. Young enough to not know better.
 

[Kira Must Die]

Incubator
Sep 30, 2009
2,537
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0
ace_of_something said:
[Kira Must Die said:
]"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.
Lemme help ya here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hyperbole

My oldest son is 12. I think that is the only age for which this movie works. Old enough to get a lot of it. Young enough to enjoy the groan inducing parts. Young enough to not know better.
I know it's an exaggerated reaction, but still, comparing a bad movie to actual animal butchering kinda bothers me.
 

Dragonlayer

Aka Corporal Yakob
Dec 5, 2013
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Not interested in the slightest in this movie, but I'm really digging the 300's Persian-Immortals-meets-modern-day Western-terrorist look those Foot clan paramilitaries are sporting.
 

Alcaste

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Mar 2, 2011
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arc1991 said:
Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia.
I hate when people say things like this. No, I wasn't blinded by nostalgia when watching the Transformers movies. Why? Because I never experienced the Transformers as a kid, so I didn't have any recollection of them.

The movies sucked because they suck.
 

Lilikins

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Jan 16, 2014
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With all honesty, I was really going to give it a chance, even though they look...horrifying to say the least. I was hoping for either

1:It surprised me and its good
-or-
2:This is crap...but good enough to have a beer or two with friends and laugh at it the whole time.

From the premises alone though, and them looking like something that should be a mob in fallout 4 or the next Metro game.....yep, looks like this one is a pass.
 

Diddy_Mao

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Jan 14, 2009
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Beating a dead horse by now I know.

Michael Bay's the producer, not the director. While the producer role might have some say in the final product they're usually not the one making the creative decisions for the film itself.

To put that in a perspective. Steven Spielberg produced the Transformers movies and I rarely hear anyone accusing him of childhood diddling.




Anyway, on to the movie itself.

It's not terrible and I didn't hate it.
To be fair, I was pretty much expecting it to take a big shit on my kitchen floor and all it really did was fart and blame it on the dog.

The overall story beats are pretty much identical to the first film. Foot Clan crime wave, News Reporter works on story at the detriment to her career, uncovers Turtles, accidentally gets them attacked by The Foot and taken hostage, remaining turtles have to mount a rescue and then rooftop battle for no good reason.

The really unfortunate thing about this flick is that there's only a hand full of really small tweaks it would have to make to the story to pull off a much better final product.

Needing the Mutagen to make an army of Mutant soldiers, or to enhance the Shredder's own powers would have been fine.
The poison mist and antidote plot doesn't really work or make any kind of sense.

Keeping Sachs as Shredder's pupil is fine, have Splinter learn his Ninja skills through a combination of the Mutagen and observing Shredder and the Foot would have worked just as well. There was no need to involve April in their origin story at all. (Plus it avoids the awkward exposition dumps from Splinter revealing plot critical points he had no way of knowing.)
 

Ickabod

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May 29, 2008
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Being that rotten tomatoes gives this a 19%, I don't think anyone should be on Bob's case for any of the fanboyisms that he gets accused of. The worst thing about a movie like this is that it made enough money to get a sequel.
 

NortherWolf

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Jun 26, 2008
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Saw it yesterday, was one of the few movies I felt like just leaving but decided that's a childish thing to do.
It's...Really bad, like awful. I didn't mind the look of the Turtles that much, as I sort of like that they made them tall. But the action was terrible except the Splinter/Shredder fight, Megan Fox as April was worse than she was in Transformers, Splinter looked like an abomination that serial killers dream nightmares off...The Shredder was awful and his suit was utterly fucking awful, especially his "Two long blades...*snkkkt*Four long blades*snkkkkt*EIGHT long blades*SNKKKKT!!*I'm the fucking Swizz army knife bitches!"
I had hopes it'd been like the Transformers movies, something I could enjoy but that is greatly flawed...It wasn't, and I think that's because Bay did NOT direct this, as it even lacked his sort of semi-fun "Things Really Blow UP"-attitude.

I liked Vernon though...Which is a sentence I never would have expected myself to say.
 

DeimosMasque

I'm just a Smeg Head
Jun 30, 2010
585
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0
jobu59749 said:
I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.
I take this as a reference to him questioning the intelligence of those who disagreed with his ASM1&2 reviews?

That had more to do with his behavior on his blog and less to do with his reviews themselves. Anyone who follows Bob on his blog, twitter, etc knew what he was going to think about the Amazing Spider-Man. Why? Because he was utterly trashing it since the moment the first movie was announced to be a thing. Every casting choice, every costume design, every production shot and even every trailer was completely lambasted by Bob every chance he got to do it.

In short, he had decided to hate it on principle rather than on merit. And while I think Amazing Spider-Man 2 is far, far, from perfect Bob treating it like it's a travesty of film is a bit of an over reaction and does make some of us question his professionalism.

He can be biased all he wants, hell the best critics ever are always going to be biased. Siskel and Ebert hated some of the best horror or action movies around and loved other movies that were clearly crap. The problem is that he seems to feel it's necessary to continue attack a series of movies that in the long term will be just considered some average pop-corn flicks and also insult those who do like it and feel that Bob didn't give it a fair shake.
 

Tim Chuma

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Jul 9, 2010
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Takashi Miike also made a kids movie called Great Yokai War, this is how it turned out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qy1ITOpC9Jc

It can be done, just not with that director/producer.

Failing that, they could just get NINJA from Ghana to produce the movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SEBmy-M4RQ
 

Shamanic Rhythm

New member
Dec 6, 2009
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Every review I've read of this has convinced me that it's far, FAR worse than I had ever expected it could be. Most of them point to it wanting to simultaneously be all Grim Dark Batman style and Cowabunga Dude Retro 90s, whilst having terrible acting, plot holes up the arse, generic action set pieces and worst of all product placement for Pizza Hut.

Just awful.
 

Lightknight

Mugwamp Supreme
Nov 26, 2008
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People complained that they were changing a Japanese character into a white guy? Guess racism only works one way. Otherwise flopping a white guy into anything else is cool?
 

lightsentry

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Mar 29, 2011
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spoonybard.hahs said:
lightsentry said:
Honestly, not that bad. Go see it, maybe you'll be surprised.
I saw it. It really is that bad.
I'll be honest, I had more fun at this movie, just laughing at it than I did with Guardians of the Galaxy. Although I see that GotG is the better movie, I just got more enjoyment out of TMNT.