Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[Malbourne]

A plot for the Turtles is supposed to be fun, not a convoluted tangle of politics and intrigue. I couldn't even follow it when Bob summarized it. I didn't think so many negative predictions would bear out in the space of a five-minute review.

Phooey.

 

[marscentral]

Sadly I think everyone saw this coming. Unfortunately the "it's a kids movie so it's okay if it's crap" mentality has been way too prevalent in Hollywood for way too long. The nostalgia based franchises like Transformers and TMNT should be the best of films because they know they can appeal to kids and their parents and make a tonne of money from family viewing. Instead you have rubbish like this where the kid will walk out of the cinema and turn to his or her parents and ask, "You really liked this when you were my age?"

 

[Thunderous Cacophony]

Second thing, wait? There is a Jason in New York sort of movie (how did I missed find that out)?

Technically, yes. In reality, most of it takes place on a cruise ship. It's not worth the watching even if you enjoy dumb slasher movies. To make a topical reference, it's like the Transformers as an action movie; theoretically true, but in practise it's bad at what it's supposed to be and worse at everything else.

OT: Has Bob been playing nice? I remember a few potshots from early on in the production, but I can't recall anything recently. Anyways, it was a good review that managed to tear apart a movie without throwing in jabs at every other recent movie he disliked.

 

[synobal]

Oh god the backstory to tie april to the turtles, wow that is what they went with? Holy crap.

 

[Erttheking]

So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.

We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.

 

[Mr. Q]

I had my hesitations about this movie, but I wanted to give 2014's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a chance. Sadly, nobody working on this movie couldn't give 1/8 of a fuck about making a good movie.

Bob hit the nail on the head with this review and my feelings are the same as his. I truly despise passionless filmmaking; which is the sad fact/practice that no amount of effort is needed to make a movie, so long as it can make money on name recognition and/or the gullibility of moviegoers. That pisses me off to no fucking end. If this was a film made for kids, it should have been done a hell of a lot better than this soulless abomination. I can name off multiple movies that are aimed for kids that are not just good, but great. Toy Story. The Incredibles. The Secret of NIMH. The Goonies. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. The Lego Movie. All of those are better kids movies that are beautiful works of art while, at the same time, entertain both children and adults.

If you cannot be bothered to put any passion in making a film, especially a kids film, then you shouldn't be making films at all. And this isn't just aimed at Michael Bay. There are too many no-talent hacks who are just slumming through the film industry all because of the almighty dollar. If there was ever a time for people to start making better decisions in regards to what they see at the movies, it needs to happen as of yesterday. Don't give the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles your time, money, or attention. I sure as hell won't.

 

[RJ Dalton]

"Making a movie for kids is not an excuse to slack off." Every time I hear you say that, it makes me wish more people would say it.

 

[Ishal]

Yes, he's supposed to give the image of a Sengoku-era warlord in contrast to the Turtles. And like a warlord against ninjas, there's a reason he wipes the floor with the four of them in the first movie. I find it funny how the guy in the movie, armed with nothing but a spear and a bitchin' helmet, is more intimidating and exudes more presence than the damned Ginsu slicer monstrosity that Bay's posse made.

Ah, I can see why that might frustrate some people. I have no clue about who the Shredder is or the lore behind how he has his skills/powers.

But I guess that's the problem nowadays. Everything has to be some sort of power armour/suit to give the CGI team something to do. That and to go nicely with the annoying fog horns in the trailers. But... at the same time, I still find myself liking the way the suit looks. It has it's drawbacks with the lore and story. But the guy is called The Shredder. To me, while the guy with the spear and bitchin' helmet probably was cool, it doesn't really live up to the name. This suit at least does.

Too bad it's just so convoluted and out of place.

 

[nightazday]

Worst part about this is that it didn't really need a reboot. Unlike a lot of 80s franchises people loved and grew up with several other continuities of ninja turtles. They liked the 80s cartoon, they liked the 00s cartoon, they liked the original comics, the archie comics, the live action movie, the CGI movie, and I'm pretty sure people even love the current series that's currently airing. If they just made a movie that follows the current series liked the TMNT movie did with the 07 series people would hate it less.

Ninja turtles were in all ends of the spectrum, comics were dark and gritty, 80s cartoon was silly and fun, and everything after was in between and almost all of them worked, which beg the question: how can you fuck up ninja turtles?

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

I had a feeling that after watching your Big Picture on Michael Bay, I thought to myself "Bob, you say we shouldn't be so harsh on Bay now, but will you be saying the same thing when the Turtles movie comes out?" I guess I was right


OT: All in all, very good review, one of your best in awhile. I knew the film would be a piece of shit so it was fun to see Bob tear it apart and there is a bright side, at least we won't have to hear Bob complaining about the ASM now, well for the most part anyway.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

 

[i4njw]

I swear my jaw hit the floor while I heard your summary of the plot, Bob. Holy FUCK, that sounds awful.

Same. My mouth was wide open. I think the writers had to be actively trying in order to distance themselves that absurdly far from the simple basic premise of the Turtles. It's like they didn't want anyone to see it or something.

 

[AkatsukiLeader13]

So who was this made for?

Seeing the level of violence and the turtles characterisation it seems to crass and adult for them. Hard-core fans of the 1980's version is not going to like them for the changes. This seems to leave the fans of the 2003 cartoon version (which is never mentioned when talking about TMNT).

But lets be honest this was made for the same audience that the transformers movie was made for.

We don't talk about the 2003 version? Why not? It was a pretty good series. It's how I got into TMNT.

Yeah, I watched the original cartoon first and while I liked it and all honestly I find the 2003 version holds up better. They both have their flaws but as a whole I think the 2003 version is a better story with better characters.

 

[KazeAizen]

I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

 

[shadowmagus]

But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.

What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?

For what it's worth, people will call him names and defend this movie.

These are horrible people.

 

[GamemasterAnthony]

Here I was hoping it would be somewhat good since I thought Bey at least got the personalities of the Turtles somewhat right. Then Mikey turns out to be a horndog...

....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!

This guy said it best. Epic fail, Bey. You are no longer allowed to do film based on known franchises ever again.

 

[AkatsukiLeader13]

Worst part about this is that it didn't really need a reboot. Unlike a lot of 80s franchises people loved and grew up with several other continuities of ninja turtles. They liked the 80s cartoon, they liked the 00s cartoon, they liked the original comics, the archie comics, the live action movie, the CGI movie, and I'm pretty sure people even love the current series that's currently airing. If they just made a movie that follows the current series liked the TMNT movie did with the 07 series people would hate it less.

Ninja turtles were in all ends of the spectrum, comics were dark and gritty, 80s cartoon was silly and fun, and everything after was in between and almost all of them worked, which beg the question: how can you fuck up ninja turtles?

Give it to who either don't care about the material beyond the brand name, know nothing about the material and have no interest in trying to understand the material, are just lazy filmmakers and think they can get away with anything, or some combination of the above.

My money's on the latter.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

*Clicks play on video; footage from Amazing Spider-man*

"I'm not bias... and everyone who disagrees is a fanboy."

*Immediately stops video; shakes head vigorously*

.....

*Resigned sigh; clicks on comment section*

 

[V TheSystem V]

This sounds awful, and I'm someone who only fleetingly watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show (in the days of Phil Avery's Shredder). I also liked the 2007 TMNT film, sue me.

 

[Guffe]

I thought I would give this a chance when I catch on TV sometimes many years down the road.
Seems like I must be drunk at the same time as watching this, not that that's a bad thing...