Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[MondoMousse]

I've watched these videos for a while now (in addition to Zero Punctuation and Jimquisition), and this is my first time commenting. All I can say is, I saw it coming just from the names involved that this was going to be awful (not just Bay's name on it, but the director of Battle: Los Angeles as well).

Still, what really bother's me is how lazy they were with the material itself. I agree with what you said about it being made for younger audiences, but they could have gone a route that was making fun of what is big in comic book movies currently similar to how the original comic was making fun of what was big in comics at the time (I never read the comics, so if anyone wants to correct me, let me know). I could have seen a sort of fun poke at stuff like origin stories or movies like 'The Dark Knight's' tone as they have been pretty popular. Of course, that would require better writing and not treating audiences like idiots from the filmmakers.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.

 

[Machine Man 1992]

The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!

Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.

I would pay ten thousand dollars to see a SWAT Kats reboot.

That show was so awesome, it's a crime against cartoons it only lasted two seasons.

 

[Elijah Newton]

Wow.

Based purely on the backstory related herein I'm going to back gingerly away from my cautious optimism ( http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.857360-Watch-the-Beginning-of-the-New-TMNTs-Final-Fight-With-Shredder?page=2#21247682 ). If I hadn't been completely simpatico with MovieBob on the Lego movie I might try playing Devil's Advocate but I think if I saw this flick I'd wind up being on the same page and so will try, as graciously as possible, to avoid a rage-generating event and thank MB for his troubles.

Also, I'd like to be the umpty-million-th person to applaud the real theme of this review, not trashing this interpretation of TMNT but the insistance that Kids Deserve Better than This.

That's a great focus to have.

 

[Amir Kondori]

judging by the critical slaughter that's happening to the movie, you're not alone in ripping it to shreds. Seriously, there is no point in trying to be nice to this movie. Shit is shit. I just hope this film bombs if for no other reason than to have Fox's smug, petulant tantrum thrown back in her face. Furthermore, I'm left wondering if this is a worse role for Fichtner than his turn in The Lone Ranger.

Also, with The Expendables III next week I think we may be in for more Angry Bob. Which admittedly are some of his more amusing reviews because he can just tear into them guilt-free.

Unfortunately this movie was number 1 this weekend.

 

[Amir Kondori]

I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.

Also, the fact that so many times it's the same people coming back to ***** about the same things...it means you're still watching his reviews and on some sort of level you actually like them. Maybe for reasons not associated to agree with them, but you may like them if only to have something to complain about. No such thing as bad publicity, even if it means people are talking smack about your articles...means their talking about it and that's the important part.

Sorry for the OT...I enjoy your review immensely Bob as you confirmed many of the fears I had about this reboot. It's the formula of a Bay reboot. I always looked to the TMNT as pillars with which to see a morality. Leonardo showed the virtue's of leadership, Donatello showed the paragons of having a curious mind, Michaelangelo instilled the sense to have a little fun once in a while, and Ralph proved that rushing into things usually doesn't end well. The fact that this has been taken away and what they primarily stand for is to promote stereotypes is pathetic, but not surprising for a FOX movie.

I always feel like the operators at FOX are a bunch of fraternity dudes that sit around deciding the fate of great television and movies by playing beer pong while wearing diapers on their heads. It's truly saddening. I'll still probably watch the movie when it comes out on DVD...if only for a rental, because I won't give them all the money they want for branded garbage.

Thanks Bob

People are totally aware that reviews of movies, and games for that matter, come down to personal taste and opinion. They just conveniently forget that fact when the reviewer trashes something they like. Grown up, mature people don't do this, in fact I like readying well written reviews that cover negative aspects of media I like, but immature and insecure people feel like a negative review of a product they like is an indictment of their own taste and intelligence. So they lash out with accusations of "bias" and "clickbait" and anything else they can think of to try and discredit the reviewer. It is really pathetic to see.

 

[Lizmichi]

Snip

Thank you, someone else sees that reviews are in fact personal opinion based on how the thing being reviewed makes the reviewer feel; in other words, take it as you will when it comes to forming your own feelings, and opinions on the matter.

To the main point, I was 99% sure that this movie was going to be terrible, but sadly Megan Fox still gets to stand by her bitchy statement. If she is a fan of TMNT as she clams to be this project should piss her off, or make her have some doubts about how good it will be. Frankly I don't trust anything she says, and I find her lack of acting talent tiring. I thought the world was done with her anyway. Oh well, last time she opened her mouth like this she was fired from Transformers 3.

 

[KazeAizen]

The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!

Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.

I would pay ten thousand dollars to see a SWAT Kats reboot.

That show was so awesome, it's a crime against cartoons it only lasted two seasons.

Be mad at the parents groups that went after shows like that. Why do you think something like Captain Planet got 6 seasons and stuff like SWAT Kats got shut down after 2? Thank God they didn't get Power Rangers as well. Who knows where my life would be without the greatest kids superhero team to ever live.

 

[ace_of_something]

]"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.

Lemme help ya here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hyperbole

My oldest son is 12. I think that is the only age for which this movie works. Old enough to get a lot of it. Young enough to enjoy the groan inducing parts. Young enough to not know better.

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

]"This is the worst thing to happen to turtles in a movie since Cannibal Holocaust."

That's... a bold statement. You're basically saying that a bad movie about turtle ninjas is worst than an actual turtle being butchered onscreen.

Everything I heard about this movie is that it's not as bad as you'll think it'll be, but not good, either.

Lemme help ya here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hyperbole

My oldest son is 12. I think that is the only age for which this movie works. Old enough to get a lot of it. Young enough to enjoy the groan inducing parts. Young enough to not know better.

I know it's an exaggerated reaction, but still, comparing a bad movie to actual animal butchering kinda bothers me.

 

[Dragonlayer]

Not interested in the slightest in this movie, but I'm really digging the 300's Persian-Immortals-meets-modern-day Western-terrorist look those Foot clan paramilitaries are sporting.

 

[lightsentry]

Honestly, not that bad. Go see it, maybe you'll be surprised.

 

[Alcaste]

Transformers (apart from ROTF) isn't even that bad. People are just blinded by nostalgia.

I hate when people say things like this. No, I wasn't blinded by nostalgia when watching the Transformers movies. Why? Because I never experienced the Transformers as a kid, so I didn't have any recollection of them.

The movies sucked because they suck.

 

[Lilikins]

With all honesty, I was really going to give it a chance, even though they look...horrifying to say the least. I was hoping for either

1:It surprised me and its good
-or-
2:This is crap...but good enough to have a beer or two with friends and laugh at it the whole time.

From the premises alone though, and them looking like something that should be a mob in fallout 4 or the next Metro game.....yep, looks like this one is a pass.

 

[Diddy_Mao]

Beating a dead horse by now I know.

Michael Bay's the producer, not the director. While the producer role might have some say in the final product they're usually not the one making the creative decisions for the film itself.

To put that in a perspective. Steven Spielberg produced the Transformers movies and I rarely hear anyone accusing him of childhood diddling.




Anyway, on to the movie itself.

It's not terrible and I didn't hate it.
To be fair, I was pretty much expecting it to take a big shit on my kitchen floor and all it really did was fart and blame it on the dog.

The overall story beats are pretty much identical to the first film. Foot Clan crime wave, News Reporter works on story at the detriment to her career, uncovers Turtles, accidentally gets them attacked by The Foot and taken hostage, remaining turtles have to mount a rescue and then rooftop battle for no good reason.

The really unfortunate thing about this flick is that there's only a hand full of really small tweaks it would have to make to the story to pull off a much better final product.

Needing the Mutagen to make an army of Mutant soldiers, or to enhance the Shredder's own powers would have been fine.
The poison mist and antidote plot doesn't really work or make any kind of sense.

Keeping Sachs as Shredder's pupil is fine, have Splinter learn his Ninja skills through a combination of the Mutagen and observing Shredder and the Foot would have worked just as well. There was no need to involve April in their origin story at all. (Plus it avoids the awkward exposition dumps from Splinter revealing plot critical points he had no way of knowing.)

 

[Ickabod]

Being that rotten tomatoes gives this a 19%, I don't think anyone should be on Bob's case for any of the fanboyisms that he gets accused of. The worst thing about a movie like this is that it made enough money to get a sequel.

 

[spoonybard.hahs]

Honestly, not that bad. Go see it, maybe you'll be surprised.

I saw it. It really is that bad.

 

[NortherWolf]

Saw it yesterday, was one of the few movies I felt like just leaving but decided that's a childish thing to do.
It's...Really bad, like awful. I didn't mind the look of the Turtles that much, as I sort of like that they made them tall. But the action was terrible except the Splinter/Shredder fight, Megan Fox as April was worse than she was in Transformers, Splinter looked like an abomination that serial killers dream nightmares off...The Shredder was awful and his suit was utterly fucking awful, especially his "Two long blades...*snkkkt*Four long blades*snkkkkt*EIGHT long blades*SNKKKKT!!*I'm the fucking Swizz army knife bitches!"
I had hopes it'd been like the Transformers movies, something I could enjoy but that is greatly flawed...It wasn't, and I think that's because Bay did NOT direct this, as it even lacked his sort of semi-fun "Things Really Blow UP"-attitude.

I liked Vernon though...Which is a sentence I never would have expected myself to say.

 

[DeimosMasque]

I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.

I take this as a reference to him questioning the intelligence of those who disagreed with his ASM1&2 reviews?

That had more to do with his behavior on his blog and less to do with his reviews themselves. Anyone who follows Bob on his blog, twitter, etc knew what he was going to think about the Amazing Spider-Man. Why? Because he was utterly trashing it since the moment the first movie was announced to be a thing. Every casting choice, every costume design, every production shot and even every trailer was completely lambasted by Bob every chance he got to do it.

In short, he had decided to hate it on principle rather than on merit. And while I think Amazing Spider-Man 2 is far, far, from perfect Bob treating it like it's a travesty of film is a bit of an over reaction and does make some of us question his professionalism.

He can be biased all he wants, hell the best critics ever are always going to be biased. Siskel and Ebert hated some of the best horror or action movies around and loved other movies that were clearly crap. The problem is that he seems to feel it's necessary to continue attack a series of movies that in the long term will be just considered some average pop-corn flicks and also insult those who do like it and feel that Bob didn't give it a fair shake.

 

[Tim Chuma]

Takashi Miike also made a kids movie called Great Yokai War, this is how it turned out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qy1ITOpC9Jc

It can be done, just not with that director/producer.

Failing that, they could just get NINJA from Ghana to produce the movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SEBmy-M4RQ