Escape to the Movies: The Expendables
- Thread starter MovieBob
- Start date
Just wanted to jump on in before this breaks the 600 mark for a quick update:
I just came from "Piranha 3D."
"PIRANHA 3D" IS AMAZING.
I'm not even being ironic or silly about this. It's basically the perfect version of what a movie called "Piranha 3D" should be; right down to the insane, insane, INSANE level of gore and gratuitous nudity - I literally cannot believe they didn't get an NC-17 rating for this.
Three things everyone needs to know about this movie:
I just came from "Piranha 3D."
"PIRANHA 3D" IS AMAZING.
I'm not even being ironic or silly about this. It's basically the perfect version of what a movie called "Piranha 3D" should be; right down to the insane, insane, INSANE level of gore and gratuitous nudity - I literally cannot believe they didn't get an NC-17 rating for this.
Three things everyone needs to know about this movie:
1.) The big, long setpiece "Piranhas vs. Spring Break kids" scene is EPIC, and spills more blood more graphically than any other movie I could name in the last few years.
2.) Riley Steel and Kelly Brook "perform" a nude, girl/girl "romantic ballet" underwater, filmed in slow-motion and wide-shot. The sequence goes on for at least two or three full minutes. The movie is in 3D. Do the math.
3.) Ving Rhames fights Piranhas using an outboard motor like a chainsaw. This is NOT the most ridiculous or violent thing that happens involving an outboard motor in this movie.
2.) Riley Steel and Kelly Brook "perform" a nude, girl/girl "romantic ballet" underwater, filmed in slow-motion and wide-shot. The sequence goes on for at least two or three full minutes. The movie is in 3D. Do the math.
3.) Ving Rhames fights Piranhas using an outboard motor like a chainsaw. This is NOT the most ridiculous or violent thing that happens involving an outboard motor in this movie.
Whats sad is you Raged @ this....but somewhat praised "The Other Guys"....kinda sad losing some respect for MovieBob for that kind of behavior...
well, even if I have nothing remotely resembling a sex drive (so no finding women arousing for me) I can least get behind Ving Rhames making slurry out of pirahnas
Ppl don't get that Bob is hurt and worried. The Expendables made a grown Bob rage, cuz it lured him with 80's references and then betrayed him. And then he realized this movie's "success" meant more of them, and less of the good ones (as explained in "Why movies suck"). I expect nothing less than what we got from this review.
Having read only the first three pages of comments and knowing that this will end up at the bottom of page 17 makes me question its relevance ... so I'll just say I enjoyed the first three minutes - the rest made me want to leave and go watch The Rundown again, because at least that had Christopher Walken.
Swearing/Calling people idiots =/= passionate.theultimateend said:
and also, he's not saying hes unswayed... hes pointing out the large number of people who are saying they will now not see this movie just because Bob said so.
But Die Hard had next to nothing to do with Christ-(Inner Voice)FUCK OFF, ME, IT'S DIE HARD!WIUtomato said:
Look, you can't just start a slow clap at any old time. You've got to wait for the right moment.aeziir said:
Wow, a lot of people say a lot of weird things after hearing one man's opinion.
I'm not gonna tell you guys to shut up or anything, because it's important to let other people know what you think, I'm just surprised. I don't even mean that sarcastically.
So, here's my opinion.
Look, I want something like the Expendables to be good. I'm not the biggest action movie fan by any means, but if there's one mainstream action movie that you like, and you can recognize the stars from the others, then you probably want this movie to be good. And for all I know, Bob could be, in fact, completely wrong with this. If I chose to watch it I might enjoy it. In fact, for that reason alone, I'll probably watch it when it comes out for DVD.
Perhaps movie Bob was a little offensive, I get that, and he doesn't need someone like me to protect him (not like I'm trying to). The reality is, he's going to say whatever is on his mind, and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'd rather have someone tell me that I'm a jerk (especially if they tell me WHY I'm a jerk) then have them lie through their teeth and have me torture them with how much of a jerk I am to them. The world seems to try harder every day to bee a little bit less offensive to everyone, but I think people only become offended because they LET other people offend them.
I'd rather disagree with an honest person, then have someone change their opinions just because they wanted to please me. I like movie Bob because I feel like he's honest, and although I don't agree with him all the time, at least for the most part I can understand why he has the opinions he does.
I'm not gonna tell you guys to shut up or anything, because it's important to let other people know what you think, I'm just surprised. I don't even mean that sarcastically.
So, here's my opinion.
Look, I want something like the Expendables to be good. I'm not the biggest action movie fan by any means, but if there's one mainstream action movie that you like, and you can recognize the stars from the others, then you probably want this movie to be good. And for all I know, Bob could be, in fact, completely wrong with this. If I chose to watch it I might enjoy it. In fact, for that reason alone, I'll probably watch it when it comes out for DVD.
Perhaps movie Bob was a little offensive, I get that, and he doesn't need someone like me to protect him (not like I'm trying to). The reality is, he's going to say whatever is on his mind, and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'd rather have someone tell me that I'm a jerk (especially if they tell me WHY I'm a jerk) then have them lie through their teeth and have me torture them with how much of a jerk I am to them. The world seems to try harder every day to bee a little bit less offensive to everyone, but I think people only become offended because they LET other people offend them.
I'd rather disagree with an honest person, then have someone change their opinions just because they wanted to please me. I like movie Bob because I feel like he's honest, and although I don't agree with him all the time, at least for the most part I can understand why he has the opinions he does.
Yeah, I think I have a different opinion from everyone else. I don't think that MovieBob was saying that movies had to be about something, that movies had to deliver a message in order to be good. However, if a movie is going to be about mindless violence and manly explosions, then at least those things have to be artful and AT LEAST be coherent to the overall plot.
In The Expendables, all that manly tough guy toughness makes no sense as far as the plot is concerned. Some of that shit happens for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON and its THIS that makes it bad. There is a big scene at the end where there is a big ass gun battle, but there is so much back and forth that you can barely tell who is who (which is kinda important). The fight's no fun at that point. The Expendables tries to be a grindhouse tribute and not only does it fall WAAAAAAAAAAY short of achieving that goal, but the fact they had all the stuff there and STILL failed is what makes this film more than frustrating. Like if I gave you the best ingredients, a cookbook and a trained chef to help you make a cake and yet you STILL failed.
The sheep mentality thing is brought up because, let's face it, people are going to see this movie and like it and its going to make a lot of money, not for its plot, its direction, its cinematography, its music or anything of any real artistic value. People are going to like it because "OMG! EXPLOSIONS!" This is the mentality that allows Micheal Bay to make tons of money with Transformers. The plot is bad, the direction is bad and there are plot holes up the ass but people will watch these movies because there are a bunch of robots fighting each other, which is pathetic in every sense of the word.
A movie doesn't have to deliver a message in order to be artistic but there is a difference between making a lot of money and a movie being good. Sure, Shrek Forever After made more money than Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (made almost three times as much), however, you will see MUCH more positive reviews for Cloudy Witch a Chance of Meatballs than Shrek Forever After. And with all the positive reviews for the Matrix franchise, it has made LESS money than the Twilight Saga (which is just...sad). The Expendables hides behind a grindhouse facade in order to mask the crap. It doesn't do anything new. Its a bunch of (I'm sorry y'all) old guys running around with their sagging muscles and cringing dialogue.
In The Expendables, all that manly tough guy toughness makes no sense as far as the plot is concerned. Some of that shit happens for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON and its THIS that makes it bad. There is a big scene at the end where there is a big ass gun battle, but there is so much back and forth that you can barely tell who is who (which is kinda important). The fight's no fun at that point. The Expendables tries to be a grindhouse tribute and not only does it fall WAAAAAAAAAAY short of achieving that goal, but the fact they had all the stuff there and STILL failed is what makes this film more than frustrating. Like if I gave you the best ingredients, a cookbook and a trained chef to help you make a cake and yet you STILL failed.
The sheep mentality thing is brought up because, let's face it, people are going to see this movie and like it and its going to make a lot of money, not for its plot, its direction, its cinematography, its music or anything of any real artistic value. People are going to like it because "OMG! EXPLOSIONS!" This is the mentality that allows Micheal Bay to make tons of money with Transformers. The plot is bad, the direction is bad and there are plot holes up the ass but people will watch these movies because there are a bunch of robots fighting each other, which is pathetic in every sense of the word.
A movie doesn't have to deliver a message in order to be artistic but there is a difference between making a lot of money and a movie being good. Sure, Shrek Forever After made more money than Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (made almost three times as much), however, you will see MUCH more positive reviews for Cloudy Witch a Chance of Meatballs than Shrek Forever After. And with all the positive reviews for the Matrix franchise, it has made LESS money than the Twilight Saga (which is just...sad). The Expendables hides behind a grindhouse facade in order to mask the crap. It doesn't do anything new. Its a bunch of (I'm sorry y'all) old guys running around with their sagging muscles and cringing dialogue.
Woah, talk about a firestorm.
I think a few people need to go back and re-watch one of Bob's reviews: the A-Team before dismissing him as the kind of critic that just wants pretentious artsy films. He seemed to love that one, and it was nothing but a big "stuff blows up" style movie.
What differed? Well, the characters were more interesting and served a purpose beyond dragging in the fanboys. The action was big budget over the top stylized fun rather than generic explosions and gun / fist fights. The atmostphere was bright, not canstantly grey. Every character seemed to serve a purpose. It was even (god forbid) more fleshed otu plot wise as the A-Team had to deal with being screwed over while the Expendibles just dropped it.
I left the theatre feeling that this was just Stalone's Mary Sue fanfic where he could be the badass again at an age old enough to collect pension (we actualy have that movie about pension age badases coming up, "RED" and it looks a lot more entertaining). Forget the shamless Bruce willis cameo, or the unnecessary Arnold cameo, even the rest of the "good guy" cast served little to no purpose while Stalone played hero. All this might have been salvaged with decent action scenes, but I guess the cast took up the special effects budget. Nothing over the top. No "nudge nudge" moments of general poking of fun of something silly. Worst of all, in a movie called "the expendables," a term that implies high disposability, it's amazing how low the death count was.
I'm sorry but I really wish A-Team was still palying around here because I need good mindless action to wash out the bad mindless action of the Expendables. Maybe I should rent the Losers. Another similar plot that I enjoyed more than this crap.
I think a few people need to go back and re-watch one of Bob's reviews: the A-Team before dismissing him as the kind of critic that just wants pretentious artsy films. He seemed to love that one, and it was nothing but a big "stuff blows up" style movie.
What differed? Well, the characters were more interesting and served a purpose beyond dragging in the fanboys. The action was big budget over the top stylized fun rather than generic explosions and gun / fist fights. The atmostphere was bright, not canstantly grey. Every character seemed to serve a purpose. It was even (god forbid) more fleshed otu plot wise as the A-Team had to deal with being screwed over while the Expendibles just dropped it.
I left the theatre feeling that this was just Stalone's Mary Sue fanfic where he could be the badass again at an age old enough to collect pension (we actualy have that movie about pension age badases coming up, "RED" and it looks a lot more entertaining). Forget the shamless Bruce willis cameo, or the unnecessary Arnold cameo, even the rest of the "good guy" cast served little to no purpose while Stalone played hero. All this might have been salvaged with decent action scenes, but I guess the cast took up the special effects budget. Nothing over the top. No "nudge nudge" moments of general poking of fun of something silly. Worst of all, in a movie called "the expendables," a term that implies high disposability, it's amazing how low the death count was.
I'm sorry but I really wish A-Team was still palying around here because I need good mindless action to wash out the bad mindless action of the Expendables. Maybe I should rent the Losers. Another similar plot that I enjoyed more than this crap.
I agree completely. He is just a critic after all. So, that obviously means we won't agree on everything. I'll probably go see it whenever it comes out.FargoDog said: