Escape to the Movies: Transformers Revenge

[scarab7]

Once again a very nice rant about how much the movie sucked. I really hoped that this one would be better and I wouldn't have to couple together Linkin Park's new saw with it, but sadly I have. I've sadly seen this movie before watching this review and I feel robbed. Once again too many humans, army is filler for explosions and screaming humans, all they need to do was add more product placement and kill the black robot again. Now whenever I hear New Divide, or see transformer movie trailers, I wish Link Park didn't paste their song on the movie, or think about the money wasted on a crap movie.

On a completely unrelated note, Movie Bob, go direct a movie, I'm sure many people here would support you, I'd donate a couple of bucks or even write, not type, a couple letters asking you to placed somewhere high up in a movie production. Seriously, all my favorite shows, comics, and genres are getting slaughtered here. Fantastic 4, X-Men, Transformers, Superman (arguable I know), horror movies in general, the body count is just piling up here. Who's next? I'd like to see someone who cares about the basis of good story telling and the concept in a movie.

And for those of you who disagree with Movie Bobs opinions and wouldn't support him in a movie project, wouldn't you still watch it to bust his chops? Case in point, Movie Bob having a important role in the making of a movie would be interesting.

 

[MovieBob]

Though I still take exception to Puzo being lumped with Transformers and Batman. (Even though my youth conditioned me to love Transformers and Batman.

Eh, I think he fits in alright... hell, one of his best screenwriting efforts was the first "Superman" film, after all. (incidentally, is that Tracer Bullet in your icon? Awesome!)

I meant no disrespect to the "pulp" genre, which as you adequately demonstrated is a genre to be reckoned with. Regarding "Godfather" the book, my contention is that overall the FILM is a more nuanced, intelligent, superior work of fiction; and that the book's shortcomings are related to it's style - a style which at the time was usually (mis)-labeled as "pulp" or "new pulp" generally in reference to lurid, overlong potboilers (see: Jackie Collins, or Dan Brown today.) It's not a BAD book (though I wouldn't call it Puzo's best) but it doesn't have nearly the place among books that it's film-adaptation has among movies - imo, anyway.

I will note that "material improved by movie" seems to happen slightly more often with pulp (pulp crime-stories, particularly) than with other book genres. See: "Kiss Me Deadly."

 

[Another]

The robot designs are ugly? Oh, here's an argument for you: IT'S NOT G1!

This isnt really the point of why people are complaining tho...

Ever seen Gundam. Thats good mecha design. G1 wouldnt go so hot in CGI, but it wouldnt have to because the problem with Bay's Transformer designs is they are busyier (spelling?) then all shit. It wasn't so bad when a single transformer was in a shot, but most of the decepticons are gun-metal gray and each transformer is made of so many ill-fitting moving part that it makes all the fight scenes confusing. I spent more time figuring out who was who then I did enjoying the action.

Spoiler

My main problem tho is with the end. The point was that The Fallen is returning. He's powerful. He's awesomely bad ass. He has a sun destructo ray which is sweet.

By all assumptions we should see a 15-20 minute fight scene of Autobots getting their asses kicked until they finally defeat the enemy in a last epic stand.

Insted they give Optimus a pair of jets and shoulder mounted rocket launchers...and hes suddenly all powerful, ending the movie's build up in just 3-4 minutes...what the hell...

 

[SargeantGunlock]

yup totally fucked up pearl Harbor

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

I like Michael Bay movies, but that's because I just like to see shit explode. I haven't seen this but it looked kinda shitty.
Kind of off topic, Whoa,whoa,whoa... the thing you used to present an example of a childhood memory you hope they don't fuck up is He-man? How could anyone possibly worsen the fagfest man on man all dude action show (now featuring 100% more dudage) that was He-man? I remember when i was 5 and didn't even know the meaning of the word "gay" and I thought he man was a little to eager to tear off his clothes and get another guy in a leglock.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Damn straight. Movie blew goats, like only a Michael Bay film can.

 

[Srkkl]

So basically the movie Transformers isn't about the transformers. In that case, I'm definately not going to see this.

You really should have known that already.

 

[Snyder-Man]

MovieBob sucks my ass on this one. To HELL with the Michael Bay rants, how the hell else is he going to put Soundwave in the damn film?? As an outdated CASSETTE RECORDER?!?!?!?

To hell with this shitty review, I thought the first Transformers movie was cool! "Based on a toy comercial"???? EVERYTHING in the '80's was based on a damn toy commercial, you dipshit!

I could understand if this review was for the Wii version of the Transformers game, but damnit man, MovieSpongBob's raping of the first TF flick makes me want to see the second one even MORE now.

MovieBob is a douchebag with a face.

 

[Srkkl]

The robot designs are ugly? Oh, here's an argument for you: IT'S NOT G1!

This isnt really the point of why people are complaining tho...

Ever seen Gundam. Thats good mecha design. G1 wouldnt go so hot in CGI, but it wouldnt have to because the problem with Bay's Transformer designs is they are busyier (spelling?) then all shit. It wasn't so bad when a single transformer was in a shot, but most of the decepticons are gun-metal gray and each transformer is made of so many ill-fitting moving part that it makes all the fight scenes confusing. I spent more time figuring out who was who then I did enjoying the action.

Spoiler

My main problem tho is with the end. The point was that The Fallen is returning. He's powerful. He's awesomely bad ass. He has a sun destructo ray which is sweet.

By all assumptions we should see a 15-20 minute fight scene of Autobots getting their asses kicked until they finally defeat the enemy in a last epic stand.

Insted they give Optimus a pair of jets and shoulder mounted rocket launchers...and hes suddenly all powerful, ending the movie's build up in just 3-4 minutes...what the hell...

Spoiler

Dude your spoiler was my main complaint too. I was like "fuck yeah Optimus has some kick-ass new armor but this battle is still going to be ep....wait did he just blow up the machine already? when did megatron start sucking.......it's over? WTF."

 

[sneakypenguin]

I have to side with Bob here.

I'm finding it kind of interesting that people listing movies they think are on par with the Transformers in stupidity and then go on to list movies like The Transporter, where the stupidity comes from beating up shit in copious amounts. If Transformers was like the Transporter, where we spent most of the movie watching the Autobots and the Decepticons beating each other, nobody would have a problem.

But no, instead we're treated to a whole load of college/relationship claptrap that really has nothing to do with the subject matter at hand. I came here to watch stupid, implausible action, not stupid school drama. I had enough of the latter when I was in school.

Twilight? Even Twilight knows who its audience is. Can't really say the same about this movie.

Did we not spend a good hour and a half getting eardrums shattered gorgeous CGI (iMax)and one liners while bots fought? I think the college stuff, small as it was, was a welcome break from the mindnumbing violence that was half the movie.

 

[qecman]

OMG none of you got the worst part it stole material from two games! COMPLETELY! there was the SAS troopers with the logo on there vest and at the end of the the movie they stole stuff from... MGS4 yah they had the rail gun the same name and the same design c'mon.

PS for that reason i hate the movie.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Same, I don't know why these people can't be entertained by visually impressive and awesome sounding robots and explosions.

I used to be, but then I learned to walk.

You certainly are a consistently cynical bastard prone to irrational opinions.

I'll take that as a compliment

I prefer to enjoy life, it's better for your health if nothing else.

I do enjoy life. I also enjoy memories, and when licenses are used to benefit the franchise.

EDIT: By irrational opinion I meant you're statement about how you would be happy if it was all nostalgia, not simply disliking the movie (that's understandable).

My irrational opinion is understandable? Doesn't that make it rational?

Let's put it this way, if the film can be renamed "Attack Of The Killer Robots" and have exactly the same premise, effects etc. why bother using a licence that has it's own backstory? Main reason: To bring in the fans of the franchise.
Then...why are they the one group that you then slap round the face?

If you go to see Pride and Prejudice, you want to see Elizabeth capture the heart of Mr. D'arcy; if she walks out on him and shacks up with Miss Lucas (even if it brings in far more viewers) wouldn't you feel just a little betrayed?

Especially if all the cast were wearing jeans and t-shirts?

If you're projecting towards a target audience, as they claim, then you don't stick some woman falling out of her top in, do you?

 

[MovieBob]

Whoa,whoa,whoa... the thing you used to present an example of a childhood memory you hope they don't fuck up is He-man?

Key word there: Memory.

That's the tricky thing with adapting ANY material original made for young children into a feature film: Most children's entertainment, "legitimate" or otherwise, is VERY thin and often trivial. Thus, the goal is usually not merely to film the material "straight" but rather to recreate the "rose-colored" recollection of what that story once conjured for it's audience... to make it "as good as we REMEMBER" instead of "as good as it WAS."

For example, "Where The Wild Things Are" is a BELOVED children's book, something that is a massive cultural touchstone for people of a certain age. The book itself, however, is a fairly thin, minimalist story primarily driven by AND for-the-purpose-of it's magnificient illustrations. Now, in it's own right, it's PERFECT at being exactly what it sets out to be. Adaptated "straight," thought, it'd be a five-minute short-subject at best and would not really remind any now-older person of the feeling that reading it (or having it read to them) gave them back in the day.

Now, here's the trailer for Spike Jonze's upcoming movie based on the book: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY-dXsR_ZFg&feature=related

Every time I've seen that in a theatre, the over-20s in the audience have often GASPED when they realize what it is. IMO, it would appear that Jonze has "nailed" putting the "remembered feeling" version of the material on film. To an extent, THAT I think is roughly what a lot of people are looking for from these 80s toy/toon movies. Transformers WAS a clunky infomercial for Hasbro, but in our minds-eye memories it was a pulp-scifi epic about robot wars. For my part, I think that a non-jokey, robot-centered Transformers movie pitched at about the level of a Sam Raimi Spider-Man flick is wholly do-able and could be rather awesome.

As to He-Man... yeah, I think there's a good movie in there. It's goofy as HELL as a toon, but "film the memory," remember? Think about it objectively: A big scifi/fantasy action pic where the lead guy is soooo "badass" that he - despite existing on a planet where intergalactic travel, cybernetics and laser-based projectile weapons are all in common use - goes into battle wearing barbarian-briefs and carrying medieval hand-held weapons? And his #1 foe is a skeleton? Yeah, I think you can get 90 minutes worth of good movie out of that.

 

[1337mokro]

very long post cut out

Don't act elitist, like you're the only one that is entitled to "suffer". I grew up with Transformers as a child too and that is the reason I have taken the time to go see both the first and second films by Bay. As far as I'm concerned, they weren't flawless, but I went to see them to embrace that part of my childhood again. Bay has changed the robots, I can accept that though, it adds a more emersive aspect to the film when you can relate it to things in everyday life. I don't see why people have got to leave the cinema with faces like smacked arses feeling like they've had their money ripped from them and have been personally insulted by Michael Bay, if you don't like it, fine, I don't give a shit and I'll quite gladly bet that Bay couldn't care either. Personally it WAS Transformers for me, in another guise like the many Television adaptations and Magazine off-shoots there have been before it, but that's probably because I didn't enter the cinema with my arse clenched tight and a notepad ready to note every last insignificant problem I could comprehend like an absolute pissant...

Well I did go into the movies smiling and came out sad and tired. How could I not smile, just having passed my exams, both driving and school on the same day, being accepted into uni the day after. I just felt like I was on a cloud.

Thus I decided to go see Transformers in all it's possible shittyness, I never go see a movie without the hope of it being good, but I was disappointed. That is my opinion and i merely state why I, that is me not you, hates this movie and why I believe others do to.

You can like it I never forbade anyone not to like it, but for me it was horrible, just bad having bad acting, bad story, bad script. It doesn't even have to be a Michael Bay movie, if Copola had made this movie I would have still hated it because I hate the movie for what it is, shallow and uninteresting.

I am glad it was Transformers for you and I was glad it was enough to satisfy you but sadly I have some higher standards of nostalgia. We have 26 years of character making, story plot and characters to choose out yet Bay decides to go and make some mashup of story lines which is fine, decided to add more humans than necessary which is good, decides to redesign robots to make em look spindly and complex fine, makes all of that into a horrible 200 million dollar action flick, NOT FINE.

I already stated I do not care about whatever is done to a stories plot, characters or whatever if the results are fine the end justifies the means.

Here however it is not thus any change in plot, story, redesign of characters and actors just comes of as extra annoying because the plot and story are bad and the actors horrible.
(I didn't even like Peter Parker in his second Spiderman movie because he was to much whine to little acting) Now if the results of acting are good a story can be saved but Transformers plot is about the relation of Sam and his girl and how it is messed up by Huge interplanetary Robot war??!

What? Did I come to watch that and the Robots dick around in the background constantly? No I came to see Transformers not some C rated War Drama. This is what I saw Sam, his ***** and the military playing a front role and the Transformers, the reason for there being on earth, their war, the whole conflict in characters they possessed being pushed into the background.

That is why TRANSFORMERS is a failure, I said if this had been another movie with another title like: The Steelyard. About a boy and his girl and family being torn apart by inter planetary conflict I would have rated if OK or good for a rainy day but the reason for making this film was the Transformers and as a Transformers movie it FAILS> of course you are free to like it, but I won't.

 

[Legion]

This review was awful. I was disappointed by parts of the film but this review pissed me off enough to stop watching half way through.

It's basically a rant in Yahtzee-style:

- Half the points are not about the actual thing you are reviewing.
- Those that are, are subjective in the wrong way, you make assumptions we like the same things you do, which is not the purpose of a review. It's to give an overall review of the thing in question.
- You clearly didn't like the first, so watching the 2nd is just an excuse to rant.
- You clearly don't like Michael Bay, so reviewing a a sequel to a film of his that you didn't like is just another excuse to rant.
- You didn't like any of the characters in the first films so you knew you wouldn't like them in the 2nd so yet another excuse to rant.

Overall, this review was a lot worse than the film.

What's even worse is all the sheep saying "Wow, thanks! Now I won't watch it" make your own fucking minds up on whether you like it, not basing your view on some elitist hater.

 

[DJ Lord Destructocon]

While we're on the topic Michael "can we make an explosion explode" Bay , I think that you all need to see this :
http://hijinksensue.com/2009/06/24/explomance/

 

[Eric the Orange]

MovieBob sucks my ass on this one. To HELL with the Michael Bay rants, how the hell else is he going to put Soundwave in the damn film?? As an outdated CASSETTE RECORDER?!?!?!?

To hell with this shitty review, I thought the first Transformers movie was cool! "Based on a toy comercial"???? EVERYTHING in the '80's was based on a damn toy commercial, you dipshit!

I could understand if this review was for the Wii version of the Transformers game, but damnit man, MovieSpongBob's raping of the first TF flick makes me want to see the second one even MORE now.

MovieBob is a douchebag with a face.

Keep your opinions constructive, we don't appriciate flaming here.

 

[Silva]

MovieBob's anger was completely justified. It is a tragedy and a waste for 20 million dollars to be wasted on this pap.

Think of what that money could have done for charity. I mean sure, it made a huge profit, but where will that go? Into making more terrible movies just like this, possibly with the same director. This could easily turn into a long chain outwards, with more squandered at each step up.

I understand that the first Transformers movie was visually impressive, for a few minutes at some point halfway through the film, on a big HD screen played on Blu-Ray. I myself sat in a comfy chair for five minutes in a Wow store to watch it without sound for free, and I could tell that I wasn't missing anything. This is, after all, a movie series based on a franchise that was always aimed at children.

The sequel was always going to be much worse.

 

[Chipperz]

Why is it that when people start fanboy rants on most things, they're blown away for being fanboys, while when MovieBob makes a fanboy rant that he doesn't like the fact that Transformers has been remade for a new audience, he's given his own slot on the Escapist?

Sorry Bob, I liked your Up review and that other one, but you aint Yahtzee, and if you don't like something, it just comes across as a fanboy rant. Because of this, I'm even more sure I'll enjoy Transformers, just because I'm capable of rational thought.

Also, on the subject of the human characters, I know the original series didn't have anything like that [http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/3/31/Danielwitwickytftm.jpg], or force you to sit through an absolute monkey of a father [http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/manwood/484/TF/HM-Series/Spike.jpg], and that certainly didn't have his own assigned protector Autobot [http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/H/hotrodimusprime/1080979919_ktopHotRod.jpg], but I guess the new generation has to have something different, right?