Escapist News Network: XBox Platinum

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
XBox Platinum

Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.

Watch Video
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
Yo dog i heard you like ENN
So i put ENN in your ENN so you can stay informed about gaming whilst you stay informed about gaming

Hehe memes
 

Amarsir

New member
Jul 7, 2009
93
0
0
You forgot "Koreans love Starcraft".

See, there will still be more perpetual jokes after Duke Nukem.
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
Amarsir said:
You forgot "Koreans love Starcraft".

See, there will still be more perpetual jokes after Duke Nukem.
Well the "No PC can run Crysis" thing is kinda out too. I mean i can run Crysis with 4XAA and AF without getting framerate dips and my PC didn't exactly bankrupt me. Crysis 2 might step things up a bit but being also on consoles i expect the scale to be cut back somewhat.
 

Jared

The British Paladin
Jul 14, 2009
5,630
0
0
Ohhh...burn on Gearbox there!

And a good chuckle from the main story! I want my own moderator! Be like a pet!
 

dex-dex

New member
Oct 20, 2009
2,531
0
0
indeed duke nukem forever will and will always be a joke.
and you can't go wrong with a meme!
i'm also loving the monocle attachment but it would be even more silly if i already wear glasses?
 
Jul 22, 2009
3,596
0
0
Ha that was brilliant.

'Personally tracks down people you don't like, drives to their house and punches them in the face'.

Oh hell I would pay for that.
 

Sonicron

Do the buttwalk!
Mar 11, 2009
5,134
0
0
That's a mighty big boxing glove. Will there be an option for Uber Platinum users to have the remaining space inside the glove filled with rusty bolts and shrapnel? I mean, if I'm going to pay for someone bringing the pain in my name I might as well make the most of it.
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
Watch out for the Omega Claw!
He forgot the classic "The Cake is a LIE!"
Sonicron said:
That's a mighty big boxing glove. Will there be an option for Uber Platinum users to have the remaining space inside the glove filled with rusty bolts and shrapnel? I mean, if I'm going to pay for someone bringing the pain in my name I might as well make the most of it.
I think that's the Uber Platinum Deluxe package
 

therandombear

New member
Sep 28, 2009
1,649
0
0
My own headset with a monocle attached to it, and if I upgrade to uber platinum I get a guy to track down people and punch them in the face?

ahh..if only. I would seriously pay for that.
 

TheEnglishman

New member
Jun 13, 2009
546
0
0
A monocol you say? I'm interested.

Also, could someone briefly explain that meme for me? What's up with that one?
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
therandombear said:
My own headset with a monocle attached to it, and if I upgrade to uber platinum I get a guy to track down people and punch them in the face?

ahh..if only. I would seriously pay for that.
The way you say that makes think of this image of you on on Uber Platinum
 

ciancon

Waiting patiently.....
Nov 27, 2009
612
0
0
I know that it's because Arkham Asylum has failed and all the prisoners has escaped to the city. But not calling it Batman: Gotham City is just wrong.

PS Bring on Catwoman!!
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
TheEnglishman said:
A monocol you say? I'm interested.

Also, could someone briefly explain that meme for me? What's up with that one?
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/xzibit-yo-dawg
 

therandombear

New member
Sep 28, 2009
1,649
0
0
Blue-State said:
therandombear said:
My own headset with a monocle attached to it, and if I upgrade to uber platinum I get a guy to track down people and punch them in the face?

ahh..if only. I would seriously pay for that.
The way you say that makes think of this image of you on on Uber Platinum
I put in the spoilers so the picture doesn't take half a page ;)
Nice though, nothing more fancy than the Penguin himself xD
I am serious, monocles always make people look fancy.
 

Kapol

Watch the spinning tails...
May 2, 2010
1,431
0
0
I would likely pay a little extra if it meant having to deal with less little kids and annoying people online. I know it was a joke, but honestly, I think something like that would actually make Xbox Live worth something. But this is one of my favorite ENNs so far.
 

Dr. Awesome Face

New member
Jan 11, 2010
437
0
0
ciancon said:
I know that it's because Arkham Asylum has failed and all the prisoners has escaped to the city. But not calling it Batman: Gotham City is just wrong.

PS Bring on Catwoman!!
Actually, I believe the premise for Arkham city is that Arkham Asylum got over croweded so they made a walled off area which they called arkham city. It used to be Gotham's slums or something like that.

Anyway. Good episode. I would definitely buy the gold head set with the monocle, cos its just awesome. And Duke Nukem will ALWAYS be a joke. Even then we still have half-life 2 episode 3 as a substitute.
 

Razvex

Wtb>Good title
Apr 4, 2010
34
0
0
'Personally tracks down people you don't like, drives to their house and punches them in the face'.

Here's my credit card details.. Sign me up! lol

Also, don't forget to send me my monocle.
 

Jack and Calumon

Digimon are cool.
Dec 29, 2008
4,190
0
0
Amarsir said:
You forgot "Koreans love Starcraft".
That's actually not a joke. They have channels dedicated to it. They have the greatest players in the world there and people who live for it.

OT:
My PC still can't run Crysis on Maximum. System Requirements lab says go for it. My computer decides to do what it feels like. Usually make a clipshow about what's happening.

Calumon: Starting from zero? Doesn't everyone when making something new?
 

OceanRunner

New member
Mar 18, 2009
1,145
0
0
Blue-State said:
Watch out for the Omega Claw!
He forgot the classic "The Cake is a LIE!"
Sonicron said:
That's a mighty big boxing glove. Will there be an option for Uber Platinum users to have the remaining space inside the glove filled with rusty bolts and shrapnel? I mean, if I'm going to pay for someone bringing the pain in my name I might as well make the most of it.
I think that's the Uber Platinum Deluxe package
I'm saving up for the Super Uber Platinum Deluxe service where they whack the offender on the head with their own 360, then force them to watch Twilight.
 

Moriarty70

Canucklehead
Dec 24, 2008
498
0
0
DNF will never stop being funny since my best friend pre-ordered it at full price when it was FIRST announced. We were around 14 at the time, I found out 2-3 years later and just laughed. I've never stopped.
 

Kuliani

BEACUASE
Dec 14, 2004
795
0
0
Just FYI, the Big O computer from Origin PC STARTS at $7600 and goes to $17,000 at it's high end config.

http://www.originpc.com/thebigo-config.asp

I also LOLed at the Xibit joke. :)
 

Catalyst6

Dapper Fellow
Apr 21, 2010
1,362
0
0
KEM10 said:
kouriichi said:
Id get it just for the golden headset.
Hell, I'd get it for the headset with monocle and I don't even have an Xbox
And then you must raise your pinkie while gaming and wearing the headset as it will complete the ensemble.
 

Azure Knight-Zeo

New member
Jun 7, 2010
281
0
0
snowman6251 said:
Don't know if said already but they forgot "The cake is a lie".
I still don't get that joke. Yes I've played Portal, (three times through) but I never really found that joke that funny...
 

bakonslayer

New member
Apr 15, 2009
235
0
0
Nobody can repeat terribly silly memes quite as solemnly and wonderfully as Graham and Kathleen - I mean, you see the joke coming from a mile away, but it's just delivered so methodically and un-nuanced that you can't help but chortle to yourself through the entire line. It's like if David Ortiz was playing in a Women's softball league: Here's the underhanded pitch, right down the middle, no strings attached, Ortiz winds up, aaaaand HOME RUN! AGAIN!
 

ironlordthemad

New member
Sep 25, 2009
502
0
0
You know I'm starting to pre-emptively feel sorry for Gearbox, they aren't bad people but they are getting the duke nukem piled on them already. I mean sure they annoyed us with the claptrap, but now we are getting to blow them up in the new Borderlands DLC.
 

Kermi

New member
Nov 7, 2007
2,538
0
0
XBox Live Ultra-Platinum: Real-time real life consequences doled out to everyone who you deem to be playing the game improperly.
For your basic level cheaters, suspected hackers and foul mouthed tweens, a specially crafted subscriber-only controller (only $299.98 + shipping) has the guide button replaced by a deaths head, that instantly red-rings the console of anyone in the game with you when you ragequit to the dashboard.

For those truly dedicated members of Xbox Live, Microsoft will be unrolling Xbox Live Omega 2012. This invitation-only membership level will cost 4.8 million Microsoft Points per year, but comes with a range of benefits and matchmaking enhancements.
Someone getting a suspicious amount of one shot kills in Halo? Based on your pre-set voice command ("douchebag!"), that person will instantly have his controller explode, removing a guaranteed 80% of his or her hands.
Knife runners and akimbo 1887s in Modern Warfare 2? Simply by uttering "******!" into your Xbox Live headset, a professional hitman is dispatched to the players house, with guaranteed behavioural correction within 48 hours.
In addition, you are entitled to download TWO premium dashboard themes of your choice.
 
Mar 16, 2009
466
0
0
PS3 has no games is still a cornerstone. It's even more hilarious now, since fanboys will freak out given there is currently a plethora of games and they still can't shed the label.
 

warfjm

New member
Nov 14, 2007
164
0
0
I posted the "No computer can run Crysis" joke on incrysis.com. *Shameless Plug*

Most of our members would scoff at this joke as this was true 3 years ago but is becoming more and more not true.

Link to thread:

http://www.incrysis.com/forums/viewtopic.php?id=31375
 

WolfLordAndy

New member
Sep 19, 2008
776
0
0
Landslide said:
Don't worry. We'll always have Daikatana.
Ninja'd! Although its quite likely Duke Nuke may end up replacing the Daikatana jokes...

Oh and you forgot Ubisoft's PC DRM that needed always connected to play!
 

ANeM

New member
Aug 19, 2007
33
0
0
Anyone else having issues streaming the video? I can't seem to get ENN or ZP to play right now :(
This makes for a most disappointing Wednesday
 

JFSOCC

New member
Apr 5, 2010
40
0
0
Kuliani said:
Just FYI, the Big O computer from Origin PC STARTS at $7600 and goes to $17,000 at it's high end config.

http://www.originpc.com/thebigo-config.asp

I also LOLed at the Xibit joke. :)
Having bought an Alienware computer at 8300 Euro back in March 2008, I can safely say, it's not worth putting money in these high end Uber machines. they often don't function (properly), customer service is poor, and it's almost impossible to get your issue resolved, legally or otherwise.

After my problems with Alienware arose, I learned that I was not the only one by a long shot. What I've taken from that is that companies like Alienware, VooDoo PC and the like should be avoided like the plague. If you want "The Best of the Best of the Best" Find some whiz-kid locally and ask him to assemble a great machine for you. You're cheaper off, can still have a nice casemodded machine, And it's much more likely to work.
 

dmase

New member
Mar 12, 2009
2,117
0
0
.... and not even a credit for that end joke? I'm disappointed in you guys.
 

SFR

New member
Mar 26, 2009
322
0
0
Well, at least the cake is still a lie, but that'll change when Portal 2 comes out and the pie will be an actual, physical (well, metaphysical) object (thank God...)
 

Sodoff

New member
Oct 15, 2009
368
0
0
After at long hard day of school and work. It's very nice to come home and find this piece of gold waiting for you

Many thanks to all the people of LRR
 

wonkify

New member
Oct 2, 2009
143
0
0
"Duke Nukem Forever will still be a joke after it comes 'oot'."

So love the Canadian accent and the Canadian take on humor.

Love to all of you at LRR. Thanks for the laughs and look forward to more.

ENN is something I look forward to each week. In addition to all the contributions the LRR crew makes to The Escapist. Your various efforts are my favorite things each week on the site and brighten my day each time I find a new installment of your many excellent recurring bits.

It is seriously impressive that you all generate the quantity and quality of humor weekly through so many titles. That is a lot of funny and a credit to your talent.

Thank you!
 

Woem

New member
May 28, 2009
2,879
0
0
GrahamS said:
XBox Platinum

Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.

Watch Video
1/ Kathleen, you look amazing.
2/ Kathleen, I really, really miss (y)our hairflip. One more time?

 

ninja555

New member
Mar 21, 2009
780
0
0
Platinum sounds awesome. A gold headset with an attached monocle = AWESOMENESS!
 

ProfessorLayton

Brotha That Will Smotha Yo Motha
Nov 6, 2008
7,453
0
0
Microsoft doesn't understand how good of an idea this is. I would totally pay extra to have gentlemanly conversation on Xbox Live.
 

Naturality

New member
Feb 23, 2010
130
0
0
Yo dawg, we herd you like internet humour so we put a meme in yo' ENN so you can lol while you lol.
 

mjc0961

YOU'RE a pie chart.
Nov 30, 2009
3,847
0
0
That's okay, Half-Life 2 Episode 3 will take Duke Nukem Forever's place in the "never coming out" joke seat.

Also, say what you will about the behavior of some players on Xbox Live, but at least you also have options to avoid playing with those people. If you run into that kind of stuff on Playstation Network, your only option is to leave the match and hope the game doesn't put you back in with the same players again. Which it does. A LOT. Or maybe Red Dead Redemption on the PS3 just hates me.

Of course they could all just go the Wii route and not even offer in-game communication. Never hear anyone complaining about swearing and racial slurs on Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection do you? :p
 

Vohn_exel

Residential Idiot
Oct 24, 2008
1,357
0
0
ciancon said:
I know that it's because Arkham Asylum has failed and all the prisoners has escaped to the city. But not calling it Batman: Gotham City is just wrong.

PS Bring on Catwoman!!
Actually it's called Arkham City because the Warden has become Mayor of Gotham City, and has moved Arkham to what used to be a series of slums in Gotham. It develops it's own government and structure thanks to it being cut off and all the inmates being able to run free.


OT: That was pretty funny. Sounds like the Xbox guy agrees with Will Wheaton.
 

Yankeedoodles

New member
Sep 10, 2010
191
0
0
Really? I still don't like the name though. It seems to promise a Lovecraftian horror/superhero fusion game which I doubt they have any plans to deliver on.
 

twaddle

New member
Nov 17, 2009
1,327
0
0
Wow we really are going to loose that Duke Nukem forever joke.....NOOOOOOO!!! Maybe half-life episode 3 will become the new duke nukem forever.....that or kingdom hearts 3(not eve a bloody trailer or preview in bbs of kh3. What. the. fuck?!!)
 

Graham_LRR

Unskippable, LRR, Feed Dump
Nov 13, 2008
4,296
0
0
It's not that this isn't funny. But I really think the Loading Ready Run team gets too much exposure on this site. It might be three series of videos, but it's still the same team, and that team puts out three a week. It kind of upsets the balance of flavor on the site.
 

Boba Frag

New member
Dec 11, 2009
1,288
0
0
Blue-State said:
therandombear said:
My own headset with a monocle attached to it, and if I upgrade to uber platinum I get a guy to track down people and punch them in the face?

ahh..if only. I would seriously pay for that.
The way you say that makes think of this image of you on on Uber Platinum
You absolute legend.

I have to agree with the sentiment, though... was watching my friend play Gears of War 2 and the utter tripe and racism he had to put up with from these particular English guys.... (I only mention the nationality because that's all he'd say about them they seemed to piss him off so much)

Love the new ENN, guys!

Duke Nukem Forever is going to be interesting to say the least, loved Kathleen's stinger at the end! :D
 

Xelien

New member
Oct 22, 2008
132
0
0
Duke Nukem Forever seriously needs to have a release date on an April 1st, just to screw with everyones minds.
 

Tag Zero

New member
Sep 16, 2010
2
0
0
Paul Saunders,

Please quit, you can't act and your voice is awful.

Kathleen, cool. Graham, cool. Jeremy, cool.
You guys are awesome and do a great job, convince Paul to quit, he?s holding you back.
 

MadeinHell

New member
Jun 18, 2009
656
0
0
Really nice greenscreening in the interview part of the show ;).

Yes, I did notice it anyway ^_^.
 

Nickisimo

New member
Apr 14, 2009
239
0
0
Tag Zero said:
Paul Saunders,

Please quit, you can't act and your voice is awful.

Kathleen, cool. Graham, cool. Jeremy, cool.
You guys are awesome and do a great job, convince Paul to quit, he?s holding you back.
He has a deep voice kinda like mine, not much you can do about that. He's still funny as hell on Unskippable and I think he does fine on the show.

On topic: One of the better shows in a while, I thought. XBL is such a moral wasteland that I enabled virtually every privacy feature on it a long time ago(no voice, hide my online status, etc.). The monocle was amazing, should have included Dr. Evil-esque pinkie ring too. Even after DNF is done...it's still a joke, and unless the game is the best of all time(and probably even if it is) people will still laugh at it.

And I'll see your yo dawg and raise you...
 

Centrophy

New member
Dec 24, 2009
209
0
0
Oh, you forgot HL2: E3 will never come out... still Duke Nukem Forever did blend nicely with Did Not Finish...
 

Boba Frag

New member
Dec 11, 2009
1,288
0
0
Just noticed the scrolling text saying "Arkham County in development" hur hur hur...

Hey, MAW! There's some half burnt lookin' varmint shootin' up the cabbage patch!

Yes, this is my elseworld's vision where Gotham City is located in Hicksville, Alabama...

Or worse... West Cork (Ireland, where I'm from)... :p



To anyone from Alabama!

I arbitrarily selected your state as I only know a handful of US states. Nothing personal!
 

Boba Frag

New member
Dec 11, 2009
1,288
0
0
Nickisimo said:
Tag Zero said:
Paul Saunders,

Please quit, you can't act and your voice is awful.

Kathleen, cool. Graham, cool. Jeremy, cool.
You guys are awesome and do a great job, convince Paul to quit, he?s holding you back.
He has a deep voice kinda like mine, not much you can do about that. He's still funny as hell on Unskippable and I think he does fine on the show.

On topic: One of the better shows in a while, I thought. XBL is such a moral wasteland that I enabled virtually every privacy feature on it a long time ago(no voice, hide my online status, etc.). The monocle was amazing, should have included Dr. Evil-esque pinkie ring too. Even after DNF is done...it's still a joke, and unless the game is the best of all time(and probably even if it is) people will still laugh at it.

Paul Saunders is THE MAN.

It wouldn't be the same without him!
 

OZITOMAI

New member
Jul 8, 2009
216
0
0
man this is wasnt as good as your last one although it wasnt bad to say, i liked it just was hoping alittle bit more
 

kozmo

New member
Mar 1, 2009
121
0
0
what anout the cake being a lie? or is that joke so incredibly old it doesn't count anymore?
 

Xelien

New member
Oct 22, 2008
132
0
0
SandroTheMaster said:
I never understood why don't just call Arkhan Asylum 2 to be Gotham City. Why Arkhan City? Why?
Cause its not Gotham City. Arkham City is a sanctioned off place away from Gotham. They leave all the criminals and villains to live in there own quarantined city away from the people, since the original Arkham Asylum and jail where getting too crowded.
 

Ishadus

New member
Apr 3, 2010
160
0
0
Can't believe I'm going to actually bother to make a post about this, but at 0.52 in the video in the banner at the bottom, absolute zero is -273 degrees Celcius (0 degrees Kelvin), not -237. :p

...Sorry, I know no one cares, but it's like when you think of a terrible pun that you just have to say.
 

The Clinger

New member
Dec 30, 2009
16
0
0
I just threw together a computer on newegg with the best possible components, UPS, gaming headset, 3 mid range monitors, mouse and keyboard, 24 gigs of ram, (tri sli and unlocked cpu [I could go on]), and even with Washington sales tax, it was around 6k. I mean, you have to overclock the components by yourself, but still...

Full disclosure, I am not going to buy it (paying for college).

ETA: Admittedly I didn't add water cooling to it yet.
 

teknoarcanist

New member
Jun 9, 2008
916
0
0
Yknow, I could see a special 'platinum' tier of XBL that you have to get invited to by being civil, and that other members can easily boot you out of for being a dick.
 

actar411

New member
Apr 14, 2010
53
0
0
I refuse to believe that Duke Nukem: Forever is coming out. Until I have physically played the game I will insist that the game does not exist.