Ethical Dilemma - Sperm Donation

[viranimus]

I was once proposed this same thing for a darling little lesbian couple. I declined and in retrospect I am quite glad I did because within a year of being propositioned for this, the couple broke up.

Its just a mess no matter how you look at it.

 

[Blue Hero]

I'd donate. I have so much extra sperm laying around, I don't know what to do with all of it.

 

[WolfThomas]

The most important personal thing is are you prepared for the possibly for in 15 or more years the kid to come knocking on your door. Are you prepared to see that family with the kid and think "that's my child" everytime you see them.

Definitely find out the legal situation, as incredibly unlikely as it is you don't want to end up paying child support or something.

You said the husband is a cancer survivor, what're the odds of relapse; the essential question would be: what're the odds of the child growing up without a father?

Depends on the cancer but the likely one to make a person infertile would be testicular. It's also got some of the best long term surival odds of any cancer. Still good to find out.

 

[manic_depressive13]

No, don't do it. This is a stupid stupid stupid idea. Sperm donations are meant to be anonymous. They don't disclose who the donor was and there's a good reason for that. It's also sort of disturbing that your mother recommended your sperm, for several reasons. Tell them to go to a sperm bank or, better yet, tell them to deal with it. You don't always get what you want.

 

[Ris]

So many questions with this.

- You're all much too close socially. Even if you manage to keep your distance throughout this child's life, can you trust your mother to? The rest of your family?

- You don't know these people. If it turns out that they're terrible parents and make all the wrong decisions, are you going to be able to shrug your shoulders and let them carry on without interfering?

- If the guy dies of cancer, where does that leave the child emotionally? Don't you think it will go looking for a father figure?

- If the guy dies of cancer, where does that leave you financially? Don't allow them to do this unless there is some serious paperwork being carried out in your favour.

- What if you meet someone you want to start a family with? Do you think it could cause problems with your partner/children?

- Not to be rude, but what are your Mother's motivations for offering you up like this? Are you absolutely sure she isn't looking for a grandchild?



Honestly I think this sounds like a terrible idea. Even if you manage to get it all straight in your own head, there is no way of knowing how that child will feel when it finds out that its dad isn't really its dad. I'd also question just how dedicated this couple is if they don't want to stump up any cash to go through the proper channels. Why can't they go to a private agency and get their donation from someone who fully understands the process?

 

[ml66uk]

No, don't do it. This is a stupid stupid stupid idea. Sperm donations are meant to be anonymous. They don't disclose who the donor was and there's a good reason for that. It's also sort of disturbing that your mother recommended your sperm, for several reasons. Tell them to go to a sperm bank or, better yet, tell them to deal with it. You don't always get what you want.

Actually, sperm donor anonymity in the UK was ended in 2005 - everyone conceived using donor gametes in a UK clinic after then has the right to find out who their donor was, and there were good reasons for that. I believe passionately that donor-conceived people should have the right to know who their donor is. The more donor-conceived people you've met, the more likely you are to agree. The Donor Sibling Registry now has over 33,000 members, so it's not like the old anonymous model is working too well. (www.donorsiblingregistry.com)

Brownstudies has raised some interesting points, though I think the recipients might wish to "stump up the cash" to their child rather than to people in white coats.

If you do go ahead, then have everything agreed in writing (there are contracts on the internet), do it by AI*, and both you and your mother should be prepared to keep your emotional distance. It will be *their* child, not yours.

If you don't want to be their donor, you could point them in the direction of the many private donor sites eg www.freespermdonorregistry.com

It's just a few days ago, since we learnt that Ken Livingstone (former mayor of London) donated for two single friends, and that seems to have worked out fine. I also did this for a single friend over ten years ago, and our daughter is now nine and she's doing fine too.

* artificial insemination - all you need is a plastic cup and a syringe.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Actually, sperm donor anonymity in the UK was ended in 2005 - everyone conceived using donor gametes in a UK clinic after then has the right to find out who their donor was, and there were good reasons for that. I believe passionately that donor-conceived people should have the right to know who their donor is. The more donor-conceived people you've met, the more likely you are to agree. The Donor Sibling Registry now has over 33,000 members, so it's not like the old anonymous model is working too well. (www.donorsiblingregistry.com)

Really? That's awful. The last thing I would want, were I to hypothetically donate sperm, is for some psycho kid to come banging on my door wanting to meet their biological parent. Anyway, I believe that the proximity of this family, and the mother's questionable motivations in offering her son's sperm, causes all sorts of complications and awkwardness. If the OP is okay with it, then that's fine. I'm just saying that I would bail out of that situation with a bucket.

 

[ml66uk]

Actually, sperm donor anonymity in the UK was ended in 2005 - everyone conceived using donor gametes in a UK clinic after then has the right to find out who their donor was, and there were good reasons for that. I believe passionately that donor-conceived people should have the right to know who their donor is. The more donor-conceived people you've met, the more likely you are to agree. The Donor Sibling Registry now has over 33,000 members, so it's not like the old anonymous model is working too well. (www.donorsiblingregistry.com)

Really? That's awful. The last thing I would want, were I to hypothetically donate sperm, is for some psycho kid to come banging on my door wanting to meet their biological parent. Anyway, I believe that the proximity of this family, and the mother's questionable motivations in offering her son's sperm, causes all sorts of complications and awkwardness. If the OP is okay with it, then that's fine. I'm just saying that I would bail out of that situation with a bucket.

Probably best if you don't donate sperm then. There are other people who are happy to be id-release though, and many of them prefer it. As well as having a daughter as a private donor, I was also a clinic donor in the 80's, back when everything was anonymous. I was asked at the time if I'd be ok with my identity being released if that was ever made possible, and I said yes. Since then I've registered with these sites, so that if there is anyone out there conceived with my donations who wants to meet me, they can:

www.donorsiblingregistry.com
www.ukdonorlink.org.uk

I somehow doubt there are any psycho kids out there wanting to bang on my door, but if they want to know who I am, then I think they should have the right to do so. If they're not interested, that's fine too, but it should be their choice.

 

[bruggs]

To break it down to brass tacks;
I'm 24, perfectly healthy (haven't seen a doctor since childhood, no mental illness, however heart issues present on mother's side for males), intelligent (I'm a trainee actuary), looks wise: average to moderately attractive, 6' dead, well built and toned (weight not an issue in the direct family).

Screw ethical dilemmas. You're a bloody stud; the world's your oyster!

 

[Rin Little]

Other than the massive awkward turtle of a conversation that must have been to have with your mom, I'd say go for it. Just so long as you're sure you won't get pulled into any kind of stupid legal shit then why not?