Ever Had That Feeling?
- Thread starter Blatherscythe
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*hug!*Julianking93 said:
I went through the mental part of that. It was the worst thing I've ever endured. I didn't even have a family to back me up or make me feel loved when I got home- just drunken swears about how I was nothing.
The hardest part of the abuse for me was that it stemmed from someone I loved with every fiber of my being and he betrayed me. He used me, lied to me, manipulated me, raped me, and told me that he loved me one day and hated me the next. I thought I wasn't worth being treated with compassion or respect.
Then he turned his friends and mine against me. For the longest time I had no one to turn to. Even my teachers would look at me and wonder if the things he said were true. I graduated with 2 people who would still call me a friend and those guys had been beaten and abandoned too.
No one should ever be made to feel that way. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I'm glad to know that there was at least some satisfaction at the end.
Nice triple post, OP. : /
OT: Sure, I've felt the desire to horribly maim a person with my bare hands, and by golly I've got the physical brawn to do it. However, I haven't, because I am a rational person. Jail is a bad, bad place.
OT: Sure, I've felt the desire to horribly maim a person with my bare hands, and by golly I've got the physical brawn to do it. However, I haven't, because I am a rational person. Jail is a bad, bad place.
My god. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like having someone you love treat you like that.mimssy said:
The mental anguish must have been horrible. I hope you've recovered from it at least a bit, though no one can ever blame you if you can't.
Just know that no matter what someone says, does or tells you, you always have someone to turn to. Someone will always be there for you. Be it at home or even here. That's actually how I got over my shit. The people I've met here have become my only friends and I trust and love them just like I would real life friends. I truly do.
I know it may be much to ask, but you need to move on. Don't focus on the past. I know it's hard to do and there will be days when you break down (trust me, I know) but know that what's done is done. It's over now and you're away from it. Live your life.
I hope you have indeed managed to come back a bit from that.
*hugs*
I was once friends with a guy for several years, and then one day, he thought it would be a good idea to steal my sister's laptop, several of my games, my old DS, and my PSP. Eventually police intervention helped me to retrieve my stolen goods, but I am still pissed off that they just wrote it off. I was never given the opportunity to press charges. I have no idea why, and now it's too goddamn late.
I really have no idea what kind of torture I'd put that prick through, but it would probably end with him locked inside a big metal room waiting out his death by starvation.
Other than him though, there's a decent sized list of notable morons I'd like to put through a taste of hell. Mostly for my own enjoyment.
I really have no idea what kind of torture I'd put that prick through, but it would probably end with him locked inside a big metal room waiting out his death by starvation.
Other than him though, there's a decent sized list of notable morons I'd like to put through a taste of hell. Mostly for my own enjoyment.
It's been 2 years and I've put a lot of it behind me (moving 450 miles away has certainly helped). Most days, it seems like a bad dream that happened a lifetime ago. It's a weird feeling to know that I've been through all of that and so few of the scars show through to the people who know me. I'm still very cautious about people I don't know and it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I still find befriending men easier than women (though to be honest, I'm a little afraid of men now), which seems weird to me all things considered.Julianking93 said:
I can convey the actions taken against me with ease and little emotion; however, discussing how I felt during that time and how truly fragile I can sometimes still be has been difficult at best. My biological family still doesn't know (and my folks and I no longer even speak). My friends that I have made into my family can never truly understand because they weren't there and few, if any, have ever been cast away like rotting trash (a fact that I am happy about for their sakes). It seems odd how optimistic I can be and am rarely seen without a smile (and an honest one, filled with true happiness).
While I can never forgive him, I have made peace with my past and those demons seem as harmless as a sleeping kitten. A new town, a new start, a new life. I don't regret it because I'm happy where I am today.
You can't trust teachers or anyone in the school to help you with your problems, because if they do they will get sued by the tormenters parents. The teachers you were stuck with sound like a bunch of selfish pricks with fucking mouths on them and the campus officer sounds like a fucking joke, not many people would go that far for attention. Punishments for bad behaviors in school are a god-damn insult, you should have contacted the police instead, but it's good that you stood up to those bastards. I can now see why you hold onto this.Julianking93 said:
Phelps and that bloke who runs Scientology.
Scientology is a joke, a scam and anyone who believes it is a fucking moron.
Scientology is a joke, a scam and anyone who believes it is a fucking moron.
It's great to hear you've overcome what has happened to you. You've moved away and gotten far from anything near those people which is actually a great thing to do. Get a fresh new start with new people, which is what you've done.mimssy said:
I'm glad to hear that you are indeed filled with true happiness rather than putting up a facade of joy and letting what once happened plague you on the inside. That's something you should never do.
It may be difficult, but it's good to confide in people. Let people know and they will be supportive. But if it's no longer something you have to deal with daily, that shows you're making great progress with moving on.
I can't expect you to forgive him. I wouldn't even encourage it, but it's good you've made peace with things now.
I liked your little bit about the kitten though
In all seriousness, it's great that you have moved on. It takes a lot of strength to do that, and I applaud you for it *hugs again*
I'm trying to let go, I truly am, but it's so fucking hard to.Blatherscythe said:
I wish I could just make peace with it. They got what they deserved. Broken teeth, broken ribs and nearly deformed faces after what I did to them but why is it that I can't let go? I feel as if I held back. That I should have done more to them.
I still see their goddamn faces and their stupid fucking grins on people out in the street and when I do, I want to tear their fucking head off.
I really need to let go of that anger. I know what it will do to me if I hold onto it for too long.
Just a various bunch of people who are ignorant/racist. People who are of absolutely of no worth to society.
Other then that there are some people who really annoy me. For example one of my "friends" who just follows me and my friends around is a real ignorant jackass. He thinks he's always right and he's incredibly smart, but he's really not.
The other night instead of playing alien swarm with him I told him that I'm too tired and I might just read or something.
The response I got:
"Pfft. READ!? AHAHAHAHAH YOU READ!?"
Enough said.
Also, I feel for you JulianKing93. Those years must have been awful, especially the fact that no teachers/campus officers didn't believe or support you.
My story sounds weak and tame compared to yours man. I hope you get over the trauma those jackass' inflicted on you!
Other then that there are some people who really annoy me. For example one of my "friends" who just follows me and my friends around is a real ignorant jackass. He thinks he's always right and he's incredibly smart, but he's really not.
The other night instead of playing alien swarm with him I told him that I'm too tired and I might just read or something.
The response I got:
"Pfft. READ!? AHAHAHAHAH YOU READ!?"
Enough said.
Also, I feel for you JulianKing93. Those years must have been awful, especially the fact that no teachers/campus officers didn't believe or support you.
My story sounds weak and tame compared to yours man. I hope you get over the trauma those jackass' inflicted on you!
Ok so, in fourth grade, I was madly in love with my only girl friend. I had recently become friends with this guy, and he was pretty cool. Rich, but he wasn't a prick. Every week his grandmother would bring in a huge pizza for our lunch table. Me, being lower middle class, envied him, and he'd give me games for free.
So me and this kid are pretty tight, when one day, the girl I love, comes crying to me, telling me he threatened to rape her. She had told the teacher that he stole from her desk, and after school he told her he was going to follow her home, stalk her, come in when she was asleep, beat her and rape her repeatedly. Mortified, I told my parents, and they told her mother. She called the police, and the police DIDN'T FUCKING CARE.
So I'm in school and I start ignoring him, and one day he asks me what's the deal, and I tell him I'm pissed at him for what he said to her. He tries to change the story like he thought rape meant take your money, but I knew full well he knew what it meant; his cousin was a well known rapist in the town. I start drifting apart from the kid.
Jump ahead to the next year. He's in my class again, and I hate it. After a while, I switch to a different class. Then I hear he's been talking shit about my parents, and that got me pissed off. I went off in a full blown rage in the middle of the hallway and had to get dragged to the guidance office, where I was locked for the rest of the day. I was later transferred back to the old class, and another kid who my "friend" had tortured came to me.. He says, "Chris, I have an idea. We make a website and tell people the truth about him. Then nobody will listen to him, and we'll be free from the hurt, man."
When I was younger, I used to give in to peer pressure easily, and then he says, "Man, I know what he did to you and Em. You can get back at him with this!" That sent me over and I agreed to it. We made the website, and put all the shit we knew about him, and then we swore to keep it quiet and let people find it. But the next day, the idiot talks about it to his cousin, and the kid hears about it. He comes over to me and asks me about it, and I deny it.
Weeks later, my parents find out, and I am in deep shit. Soon the school starts intervening, and starts calling me the worst shit to ever enter the building, when in fact they had told me before I was one of the place's top students ever.
People start punching me in the hallways, throwing stuff at me, stabbing me with pens and pencils. People start threatening me and telling me to go kill myself.
I transfer to a new school and get away...until I hear my friend got in a fight with the teacher. The teacher decided to tell the whole class about it, and my friend gets up and says that she has no right to tell them about it, and the teacher slaps him across the face. But it worked, people stopped talking...I still owe him, and he says I don't.
I come back the next year, and people start threatening me again. I was walking once when I got jumped. Stabbed, punched, kicked and cut all over. Nobody believed my side of the story, and the girl I loved was upset with me. I told her I had done it for her...she told me she loved me, kissed me, then walked away, and has never talked to me since.
I am emotionally and physically scarred because of that, and people still attack me over it, and that was almost 5 years ago. Whenever someone brings it up, I want to grab their throat and make them shut up.
So me and this kid are pretty tight, when one day, the girl I love, comes crying to me, telling me he threatened to rape her. She had told the teacher that he stole from her desk, and after school he told her he was going to follow her home, stalk her, come in when she was asleep, beat her and rape her repeatedly. Mortified, I told my parents, and they told her mother. She called the police, and the police DIDN'T FUCKING CARE.
So I'm in school and I start ignoring him, and one day he asks me what's the deal, and I tell him I'm pissed at him for what he said to her. He tries to change the story like he thought rape meant take your money, but I knew full well he knew what it meant; his cousin was a well known rapist in the town. I start drifting apart from the kid.
Jump ahead to the next year. He's in my class again, and I hate it. After a while, I switch to a different class. Then I hear he's been talking shit about my parents, and that got me pissed off. I went off in a full blown rage in the middle of the hallway and had to get dragged to the guidance office, where I was locked for the rest of the day. I was later transferred back to the old class, and another kid who my "friend" had tortured came to me.. He says, "Chris, I have an idea. We make a website and tell people the truth about him. Then nobody will listen to him, and we'll be free from the hurt, man."
When I was younger, I used to give in to peer pressure easily, and then he says, "Man, I know what he did to you and Em. You can get back at him with this!" That sent me over and I agreed to it. We made the website, and put all the shit we knew about him, and then we swore to keep it quiet and let people find it. But the next day, the idiot talks about it to his cousin, and the kid hears about it. He comes over to me and asks me about it, and I deny it.
Weeks later, my parents find out, and I am in deep shit. Soon the school starts intervening, and starts calling me the worst shit to ever enter the building, when in fact they had told me before I was one of the place's top students ever.
People start punching me in the hallways, throwing stuff at me, stabbing me with pens and pencils. People start threatening me and telling me to go kill myself.
I transfer to a new school and get away...until I hear my friend got in a fight with the teacher. The teacher decided to tell the whole class about it, and my friend gets up and says that she has no right to tell them about it, and the teacher slaps him across the face. But it worked, people stopped talking...I still owe him, and he says I don't.
I come back the next year, and people start threatening me again. I was walking once when I got jumped. Stabbed, punched, kicked and cut all over. Nobody believed my side of the story, and the girl I loved was upset with me. I told her I had done it for her...she told me she loved me, kissed me, then walked away, and has never talked to me since.
I am emotionally and physically scarred because of that, and people still attack me over it, and that was almost 5 years ago. Whenever someone brings it up, I want to grab their throat and make them shut up.
unlike most NORMAL people (i can assure you that i am not that) i have a katana on my wall, which can be very intimidating. when people make me angry, i can get by dreaming about going all law-abiding-citizen on their ass, except with a katana instead of a buzz saw. hehe.
EDIT: id have to say Robert Pattinson for doing "Twilight." that movie ruined vampires for me. i want to think about castlevania-style Dracula who burns to ashes in the sun, takes massive damage from holy water and is kick-ass all around.
EDIT: id have to say Robert Pattinson for doing "Twilight." that movie ruined vampires for me. i want to think about castlevania-style Dracula who burns to ashes in the sun, takes massive damage from holy water and is kick-ass all around.
[http://photobucket.com/images/cat%20hug]Julianking93 said:I liked your little bit about the kitten though
In all seriousness, it's great that you have moved on. It takes a lot of strength to do that, and I applaud you for it *hugs again*
Kitten hugfest!
You gotta let go of your anger. They aren't worth it and the longer you stay angry, the longer they are allowed to live in your mind and continue to hurt you. They don't deserve to be remembered by you. I do suggest leaving the area as soon as you are able; there's less reminders that way and it really helps to put it behind you.
I do this cheesy ritual every new year. I get a balloon and write all the things that have weighed heavily on my mind and heart, everything that has continued to bother me. I stop for a few minutes to remember all these things and how it has hindered me in the past year. Then, I think of all the laughter, all the good memories, and that I hope to accomplish in the next year and let the balloon go (or pop it if you don't mind loud noises). I don't know how much that really helps, but it at least symbolizes letting go.
College, and finding my passion there, has helped me to move on a lot. It's given a drive to make my dream future. (I want to be an bioarchaeologist, archaeology with an emphasis in human remains, so ya know, I'd know places that they'll never find the bones.... just sayin')
Thanks a lot, man. I'm still not out yet, D.C. was a temporary thing. 1 more year and I'm out of this literal shitbowl....then I can pursue my dream of....being an Actor!! You heard it here first! Tagball will become a famous and highly respected actor....until he is convicted of punching a midget.Blatherscythe said:
I think everyone in this thread has suffered some serious emotional harm and bullying. My New Jersey story doesn't even compare to Julianking's.
By the way, I wrote in this thread just because I love your avatar. Will that...thing....ever stop eating? We may never know.
Fred Phelps? Yeah, that wrinkled old sonofabitch needs to be euthanized. By Jesus.
Otherwise, though, not really. No one's really done anything bad enough to me to warrant a revenge fantasy.
Although it would be incredibly cathartic to punch Justin Bieber in the teeth.
Otherwise, though, not really. No one's really done anything bad enough to me to warrant a revenge fantasy.
Although it would be incredibly cathartic to punch Justin Bieber in the teeth.
Julianking93 said:
Being one with a few demons myself may i suggest seeing a psych? they're very helpful for when you need to move on with something like this. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you it sounds truly horrific and i pray you have someone to lean on when you need it you poor thing. I'm so sorry to hear what assholes were your classmates and teachers, nowadays teachers can't even be like that being one can threaten to sue over anything. I used to wish my old gym teacher would call me gay just so i could threaten him and watch him get all pathetic and defensive again, ahh it would have been funny. sorry that was a weird tangent but i hope you have help in your life when things get to you, the scars (physical and mental) must be awful. I know what you mean when you say somehow hurting them wasn't satisfying enough, and the truth is you can rarely fix this kind of thing with revenge, as delicious as it might be. you need to find a way to heal urself rather than wish you could have hurt them more. hey you wouldn't happen to remember they're full names and the towns they live in would you? if you do you could look them up in a phone book and maybe burn they're houses down or kill they're children, although i doubt those sick monsters could have any. revenge is more fun when you wait years and surprise them. I'm sorry that's a bad thought no revenge 'cause it's not worth going to jail even if you fuck 'em up good, instead try to get better. Also try to remember that they have a story too. they probably treated you badly because of deep problems in their lives and you probably have it easy in comparison. in that way hatred and abuse work like a cycle going from one person to their victim. anyway i wish i could hug all the scars out of you, you poor dear.
as for my bad but not as bad as the other posters' life: i've always been emotionally bullied at school and the ironic thing is after getting treated terribly, i make one little death threat and i'm the one who gets in trouble because the school thought i was future columbine killer material, but things got better from there. i got to start seeing someone to help with my problems and the other guys got in trouble too. and although i would love to go into gory detail about torturing and killing many people i don't want a repeat of that event at my school so i'll have to pass up this great opportunity. nowadays my main problem is being separated from the girl i love indefinitely and all that goes with that because her mom is overprotective. and otherwise everyday i struggle with my deep self hatred. ahh life is just grand! did i mention my dad's an alcoholic? woohoo!
at least it can't get much worse!! i love the gynx that comes with saying that.
